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8 Uncommon Ways To Heal Your Marriage As The Wife ( Part 1)

I really feel that marriages have been so focused on the physical aspect (if that is an actual thing) especially in this time we are living in and it leaves a lot of people with misdirected expectations and disappointments.

We tend to think of marriage on the woman perspective as dressing well for your husband, having the best physique, receiving flowers, going on holiday all the time, taking social media pictures and videos.

Life is deeper than that and as much as those things I counted are a bonus however that is not the purpose of Marriage.

What is Marriage?

Ephesians 5:23-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c]
32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

It is these things that mislead us into concluding marriage to be one thing yet it is much bigger and requires so much growth from us than we realize. We live in seasons where all things happen so fast and we get to view peoples lives on social media and that drives us especially us women into thinking we need those things or experiences that other couples are having to build a marriage.

However we do not know their whole story, their purpose and where they intend to go as a couple.

There is one woman I admire so much and let me clearly state why.

I admire her so much because I believe as I look at her life from afar she embodies the idea I believe God had in mind for a wife to a husband.

She carries herself with so much peace, grace and joy ; together with her husband they keep on doing very well in their relationship and their careers together because that is the power each woman carries and that is being a helpmate, a supporter, a cheerleader, an influence r to the husband and to give him much respect as unto the Lord (as a king) that there is no other way or thing for him to do but to prosper.

So this wonderful woman makes a post that Life is much bigger than the physical aspect that most people see and if you do not like something about yourself then change it if it is possible but if it is not possible then accept it and embrace yourself(physical appearance) fully because you are much more valuable than the physical person that people see.

We need that kind of a word most days as women because we have focused so much on outer beauty forgetting inner strength as our souls prospers.

It is so easy to forget that as much as we need inner strength we are not men but nurturers, we receive love and we cannot receive love well when we are rigid and have hardened our hearts as society has often taught us to.

We cannot expect to have wonderful marriages while we try to toughen up like men, there may be a need to be tough and be full of strength but we cannot dethrone our husbands off their leadership role.

This is a seat given to them by God and if we try to do so it hinders the relationship between a husband and a wife. This leaves the home full of discord, lack of peace, strife, confusion and even if we may force the gifts and other physical aspects of marriage there are parts of the relationship that will always be lacking instead of wholeness in the home.

That is why you may find a woman who according to the world standards is not a standard beauty but has her husband adore her so much, she is literally her husband’s crown.

Her husband adores her and she is such a joyful wife and is always a happy wife for the husband because she has not shifted her position as a woman. She allows her husband to lead or at least is so smart about it she makes her husband thinks he is taking the lead by her softness, mannerisms and the way she respects her husband.

Esther 5:2-5
2 When he saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased with her and held out to her the gold scepter that was in his hand. So Esther approached and touched the tip of the scepter.

3 Then the king asked, “What is it, Queen Esther? What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given you.”

4 “If it pleases the king,” replied Esther, “let the king, together with Haman, come today to a banquet I have prepared for him.”
5 “Bring Haman at once,” the king said, “so that we may do what Esther asks.”

I know a lot of women are always complaining why we are always so focused on doing what men want and until you perceive the things God speaks of the roles of a husband and a wife you will continue to be miserable to moving yourself from the role that God Intended you to take.

I know very well how that space feels like because for many years women are losing their position because the world tells us what is contrary to the word of God and it may be really challenging to notice and be aware of the neglect we have accepted and become more masculine which is not what the husband desires from the woman he married.

What is a Woman? or rather who is a Woman? have you not asked yourself this question before? well I have, several times whenever I have felt disconnected from myself. Women are soft, gentle, loving, joyful, playful and not the overly competitive people we have become.

This is the era of boss babes and influencers, where we have embodied more masculinity because of the way we have been perceived as women. Of course it can be very depressing being taken only as an object or someone who is only good for the kitchen.

We are much bigger than that actually, we have a spirit and we are made in the image of God. Recently I watched Esther from the bible Movie and I learnt more about being a woman and a wife.

A wife is more than just her husband’s love but someone who prays for the husband, someone who carries the husband’s vision and brings it forth to life. A wife is a helpmate as the scripture emphasizes it and it is possible for one not to position herself accordingly to find her state of marriage not an enjoyable one.

I write not as a marriage counselor or as someone who has a better marriage than anyone however I desire to have a really good marriage so i research and pray for my marriage and other marriages.

It has been laid in my heart to search out such matters because a family is at the foundation of the marriage in a home. This blog desires homes that are full of love and peace.

So how can we bring healing into our homes? and not just read another 8 steps to healing your marriage. I desire that you understand your marriage is a journey and it will not take one night to make a change but its the consistent intention and action towards bringing healing.

Let us get to it, and these steps I talk about here are not the only ways and please do inquire of the Lord concerning your marriage and let God reveal to you what you need to change.

1. Pray For Your Marriage

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 
Luke 18:1

I cannot emphasize that enough, I remember praying about my marriage asking God to help me be the submissive wife that i should be. I knew this has been my area of struggle but with my efforts i often fell short. I remember listening to a sermon earlier before praying where I realized that i have not aligned my prayers with my decisions. I prayed but still decided not to live in submission.

No matter how beautiful the love you have for each other but if there is no submission on your part as his wife, you will not experience the wholeness and contentment in your marriage. God knows that your submission to your husband awakens something in a man which we may refer to as when a man cherishes his wife.

Prayer reveals to you areas of pride and puts to order that which was not in God’s order. So pray for your marriage, your husband, your family and not just once but whenever you can deliberately make the time.

I like to take prayer like my garden that my husband sows for me, as you sow there will be a harvest not overnight though or not on vacation but on consistently watering and weeding your garden.

The position you hold as a wife is a high position that I would like to refer to it as you as a Queen because you are the Queen in your home. You can either build your home or tear it down. It is important that your guidance cometh from the Lord because The spirit of God knows all things and will guide you in all truth. You will even be able to have a way to tame your tongue, know how to speak to your husband and when to speak to your husband and all that is still submission.

The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Proverbs 14:1

You and I can be that wise woman and God will help us to be.

Prayer reveals things you may not be aware of that are holding you back. Maybe it is submission or intimacy ( maybe you will not let your husband touch you) and with these issues God will reveal to you what is the cause and it is easier to repent knowing what is holding you back.

REVIVING AND STRENGTHENING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE 8 TIMES BETTER

2. Let Go Of Anger, bitterness, Unforgiveness and Rage

Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a desert
    than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.

King James Version (Proverbs 21:19)

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

It is so easy to live as an angry woman without even noticing or being aware that your personality has shifted. I know this especially as a working mom whose life is demanding because work is hectic and some days with the family can be hectic too and too much of a routine. However the word of God warns us about being angry and living in unforgiveness because it stirs up strife.

Proverbs 15: 1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.

One might wonder what you can be angry at your husband about. It is the simple things from taking out the trash, replacing toilet paper in the bathroom, when your husband watches the game instead of you catching up to a movie, something your in- laws said which was not his fault, or it could simply be the way your husband behaves in public like making silly jokes and it may annoy you.

This can linger on your heart and subconsciously you can be annoyed by your husband and stop enjoying his presence with ease. There is a lot and some maybe have more weight than others.

You may not realize that you are the angry woman your husband comes home to. Imagine if this has become normal how you used to smile at him even with little things earlier in marriage or before you got married but now it has become part of your personality to always be angry at your husband.

I am sure he misses his girl because you used to be soft, kind, joyful, playful and now you have become so hard and defensive.

There is also anger that builds up as you grow and deal with different people from work, church or even at home and other places of gatherings. As we work with people daily, there is a challenge that we may not see eye to eye with people we work with and sometimes people are careless with words or even ourselves sometimes.

When that bitterness grows within you it takes away the softness of a woman and that is the essence of who you are because instead you find a way to be hard to protect yourself.

If that kind of anger goes unnoticed and not intentionally healed through prayers and intentionally forgiving others and yourself it will spill out to the people closest to you especially your husband. This is because people can only experience from you what you are full of.

I understand that life may not get easier as we age, with many responsibility but all I am saying it is time to heal, it is time for a new life, a life of peace and utter joy. Do you not miss that?

Okay, now that we have got to talking about these uncomfortable emotions of rage, it is time to align yourself to your prayers. How can you pray for your marriage but you are still rude to your husband?

Simple intentional moments, teach yourself again to smile at him, laugh at his jokes, kiss him back and soon new habits will develop and overtime a whole new personality of the feminine woman he has always loved.

Make a simple decision, I will not be angry at my husband anymore and then walk the talk.

As I was looking at my own personality I realized that these issues are more deep rooted and spiritual than we always try to fix by going on vacations,date nights or trying hard to be intimate.

Do not get me wrong those are great things for a husband and wife to do but it will be in vain if there are lingering issues that are not confronted the Godly way. The ways of God are always peaceful.

A very easy way to look at this is to learn to stop making everything an issue. This creates a lot of unnecessary arguments that easily create a barrier or hard wall between you and your husband easily ruining the atmosphere of companionship.

I am pretty sure it makes it even harder to touch you and even for you to receive or touch him and be playful and loving with each other.

Maybe you may be angry at your husband because he is no longer able to provide financially for now. Let it go, stop being angry and appreciate him for being around. I am sure it is hard for a man not to be able to take care of you like he desires. Trust God to restore your finances.

See how removing anger from your heart revives the intimacy and this helps you to stop striving for intimacy but it will come naturally because you are at peace with your spouse

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3. Support Your Husband

Supporting him in His leadership position.

Ephesians 5:22-24
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

This comes to my mind and all I can think of is the word of God. Yes of course he will support you but as you receive from him you have the ability to carry things to life as you do when you are with child.

A woman has the ability to carry a child and so I believe as a woman receives the direction from the husband you have the ability to carry that direction and vision and bring things forth to life. Hence why it is important to support your husband.

Genesis 2:18
 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Support him by prayer and as a leader of your home he needs your prayers, by kind words that you are with him or if you happen to disagree with your husband I am sure there is a kind way to let him know without attacking his Headship (leadership role).

I like to find womanly ways to support my husband and think it is lovely for him not to worry about certain details like a home meal, a clean home, clean clothes and socks. Of course this is not a rules and regulations post of me telling you how to live your life, No Ways. Your life with your husband is sacred in your own way and God will reveal ways you can support your husband.

There are other ways, many actually to support your husband like sitting around while he tells you all about the soccer team he supports by listening and engaging instead of watering it down. Remember the olden days where you used to find everything he said so interesting.

I still hear my mom to this day whenever I ask her for her time and she says I will ask from your Father. Not that he will say no but He is her king and takes his leadership seriously. It is only now that I have dedicated my life to pursuing a deeper understanding of my marriage that I understand and respect that kind of honor and submission.

4. Cultivate Your Own Joy

Psalms 16:11
You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

I do not think it is your husband’s responsibility to keep you happy. I look at it as one’s salvation, it is truly a personal journey. If you do not know how to just Be as a woman, then you will complain a lot desiring for your husband to walk on egg shells.

I know I am talking to different cultures so I may not be aware of who approached another when it came to your courtship however my experience was that my husband pursued me until He awakened love in me and I agreed to date him. If we are not careful as women, this can be the way you expect your marriage to be.

You may expect him to settle the arguments, expect everything to be about you but now you are his girl, of course be as mysterious as you can be but with gentleness and not nagging and aggression taking a form of another male.

Cultivate the joy within you so that you continue to enjoy life together. I said earlier yes life does not get easier as we grow but there are a lot of responsibilities however I am sure there is a way to be joyful and so many things to be thankful for like being in a healthy body and let that joy grow in you and radiate to your husband and your children.

5. Being a Wife Is An Honorable Role

Do not look down on your role because as a wife you have the most important role in your husband’s life. If you do it will affect the way you perceive yourself and how you act towards your husband.

If you know that your role is great, you will know how critical your role is to your husband , to your marriage and enjoying it and to your children and others who look up

up to you.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds what is good
    and receives favor from the Lord.

How about you enjoy your role? with ease and grace and just rest!

It means your husband is favored because of you and For me that sounds like a very important role. It is time to enjoy being his woman and because you know of your position then live accordingly and carry your role with joy.

The world has only zoomed in on marriages as they are failing that is why that I have noticed how much being a wife has been watered down even during office talks where as a woman who loves marriage you can perceive your role as inadequate.

I am here today to remind you how powerful you are and I love to base things on God’s word so we have a strong and firm foundation.

Read the whole book of Esther in the bible and there is also a movie recommended by a woman I love so much and respect and you can follow her on you tube and Instagram, Dr Michelle Daf. The movie is One Night With The King.

6. Find Good Company

Surround yourself with women who adore their husbands! Whether it is people you follow on social media but create an environment for your marriage to thrive and such solidifies marriage as a wonderful thing in your subconscious because it is. A great mystery of Christ and the Church which you and your husband are partaking in.

proverbs 13:20
Walk with the wise and become wise,
    for a companion of fools suffers harm.

I have been so blessed to have women who have spoken truth to me through God’s word concerning marriage. God purposefully made me close to them because they are much older than me and I have learnt so much from them and still do to this day even just by observing their lives.

One of them hosts marriage seminars as she is a licensed marriage officer and counselor. She has a podcast you can listen to called Resilience on You Tube.

So please do not sit at the table during your lunch hours at work where they talk about husbands in a negative way, it will affect you. It will eventually affect how you view marriage and how you perceive your husband too.

Rather take a short walk when you are done eating.

8. Appreciate Him

I think this should have been on the top 3 list, a man loves to take care of his woman an when you complain he feels like you do not appreciate or even care to notice what he does in the home.

1 Peter 3:1-4
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

The word of God puts emphasis on cultivating your inner person being more important than adorning yourself outwardly. It does not say it is wrong but rather cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit.

Proverbs 31:12
She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

Simply acknowledging all that your husband does and refraining from shaming him with words of complaint. We can really do better as women to stop saying mean things but allow God to tame our tongue.

This is a journey that we acknowledge and then allow God’s word to cleanse our hearts so that out of the abundance of our hearts speak.

Matthew 12;34-40
For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. 35 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.

I pray that above the words the words that I speak may the word of God reveal to you as the wife to your husband what your marriage needs today (in this season). God is faithful to heal and restore your love because you know how it was before a lot of responsibilities took over.

I would love to add that there is no shame in loving your spouse or your husband cherishing you.

Enjoy being a wife, it is what God has given you.

Remember to smile at your husband, it will do something wonderful in his heart because He loves you!

Wrapped In Love

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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FAMILY FUN IDEAS FOR WEEKENDS

I have been really struggling keeping my family entertained during weekend nights or just nights in our home. We have been opting for the same movie night on Fridays and the children have been evidently bored. You know when you know that you have to change something, but you are not changing because you are so comfortable in doing the same easy thing. Yes, that has been my family and I for the past year except for vacation and stay cation days & nights.

It is pretty normal to find that you are operating on autopilot however it is necessary to change or be more creative so that you do not find yourself stuck in a rut.

One thing I have noticed is that the children do get fussy, complain a lot or throw tantrums and start misbehaving because they are quite bored. We all may have been bored too, but as the parents we are able to find a way to ignore how we feel when we are bored, however we are more patient than the children.

Today let us look at other ways to keep our children and ourselves entertained so that we revive our family nights, not only that but we create more wonderful memories together which is very important for families to do.

Food

Eating one and the same thing on a Family Night can be so boring. The fun family nights start to feel like a chore more than it can be fun. I remember just how our Friday nights became so basic because all we did was buy a few snacks like chips. Actually, that is all we did, and food is part of the entertainment that makes the fun complete.

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Try to plan your meals ahead, say you are having an indoor family fun night or day, it is important to change the meals.

Let us look at different fun family night meal ideas

Remember that if your desire is to cook, then preparing easy meals may be a good option, unless you have the time prior to prepare for the meal before the family night begins.

Home made Pizza ( you can buy the pizza without toppings and make the toppings you desire) or buy the one with toppings but needs to be put in the oven. This is really fun for young children who want to make some things for themselves.

Of Course they will need assistance from you, so they do not burn themselves or hurt each other and the whole idea may be preparing some meals together and they children can assist according to age appropriate chores.

Spaghetti Or Noodles

The whole point is to have a fun night and eat something light yet filling and you can top it up with dessert or fruit to be fuller. Well, I enjoy noodles and so do the children except my husband who loves a full meal, but He loves a sandwich so play around with the family indoor fun night menu according to your preferences in a way that accommodates everyone.

Hot Dogs

Children love hot dogs and so do adults once a while. This makes up for a simple meal and you can make as much as it can fill you. I love it because it is so easy to make and quite yum. Get yourself some Vienna or good Russians and make a sandwich. if one of you is a Vegan in the home as our son is, play around with the filling by making eggs, ham, polony and vegetables.

How Do Working Moms/ Busy Moms Make Meal Times A Reality Weekdays?

Burgers

Who does not love burgers, better yet you can add anything to your burgers and design your homemade burgers with the entire family. Now this is fun, make it fun. Google some ideas on the internet for burger recipes.

Fries(chips)

It is easy to make, you can fry or bake your chips and chances are your entire family will enjoy them.

The trick however is what works for you and your family when it comes to meals so do your planning and have yourself a great family night.

Movie Night

It is getting a bit old in my house because we have been doing the same thing every Friday and I am quite sure most of you can relate, this can be a bit boring. Movies are always fun if you are watching a movie that is fun for the entire family.

It is time to spice up the family movie night, you can actually go to the cinema, so you make your movie nights interesting. Since you have children and you do not want a scenario where they are sleepy while you are out. Choose an afternoon movie if possible!

My family tried this recently and it was so much fun. We went to an afternoon movie on the weekend, well we had to split up though because of movie choices. You know how children easily get bored with something that they do not enjoy at all. So, the girls and I watched the Little Mermaid and my husband, and our son watched Spider man.

Next time we will try to pick a movie that can make us all happy, so we are able to bond as a family. So go ahead and go have fun with your beautiful family. Please allow yourself to take a break go to the movies and buy some popcorn, Have fun!

Game Night

What kind of games you choose to play will be entirely up to you. However you might want to plan what games you will be playing so you are set with all you will need before the night.

I am already thinking of some games that will really be fun for the entire family especially the children. Games that my mom used to make for us that i only appreciate now that i have children. Let me make a short list that can be quite interesting.

Treasure Hunt

Gather all the information you can concerning children’s treasure hunt. I am already thinking about a Sweet Treasure Hunt which can really be fun for children. It is important to know the location of your hunt. Will you be having it Indoors or Outdoors in your yard or garden.

I am not a fan of giving children sweets all the time which is more reason the game can be something they can really look forward too.

There is so much children can learn from a treasure hunts like increasing their observational skills and improving their focus. There is so much more than just a sweet treasure hunt including but are not limited to round pebbles, yellow flower, decide what is your treasure, where you will hide it and how you will give out the clues as to make sure all the children are able to win by locating the treasure.

Learn more about treasure hunts by learning more about the kind of hunt you would love for your family. Do consider also if you will be playing in the afternoon or late at night so you decide between indoor and outdoor Hunting.

Physical Activities

Preferably before the sunsets while it is still not dark outside so no one hurts themselves. Physical activity is really good for children because they get to move, exercise and do something else other than watching TV all the time. Let us make it fun;

Create A Chalk Race Track: This gives your child the feel of a real race and gets your children moving in a fun way. This serves well as a game if they can be able to compete. If you can possibly go all out in a sac race or egg race even better.

See how being outdoors with your children will keep you focused and present.

Ball Games: playing ball is always fun for children and even more as they play with their parents and show off their ball handling skills.

Taking A Walk Around The Block

Walks are really fun and doing something quite novel to everyone is great for everyone’s well being. It takes you out of the house without using the car. Sitting at home and watching TV all the time can always put you on autopilot and removes the fascination from It.
Off Screen Time
I recently started training my children to have off screen hours from all electronics where they can focus on their toys and being creative with their time

Plan a Family Feast Supper

Let everyone throw in ideas of what kind of menu you are to prepare. Let the children help with what is age appropriate for them. Children always love to help and it gives them confidence knowing they accomplished something. I love family dinners because they bring you all together in a moment where you share a meal together.

I always emphasize that no matter how busy you are as a family, make time even if it is once a week or whenever you are together to share a meal with no distractions. You can either make a light meal or something much heavier but a meal you will enjoy preparing together and eating together.

We usually switch off and keep away all electronics when we are at the dinner table, however you can bend the rules a bit for a family day/ family night where you may choose to watch a movie while you eat together. The aim is to do something out of the norm.

Dinner Night Out

When was the last time you had a well planned date night, well one that includes the children too. Let us call it a family date night, would not that be fun?

Some days you are just so exhausted you do not really want to cook, or you just desire to eat out for a change. You can do it traditionally by dressing up, let the children who are above 3 years pick their clothes and probably dress themselves and book yourselves a table at a restaurant in town.

A Backyard Picnic

Make it more interesting having a burger barbecue and let the family do something fun and interesting. Not everyone finds the whole idea of picnics interesting but the boys can enjoy being outdoors watching daddy barbecue some burgers or sausages. The girls will most likely enjoy the picnic and setting up the picnic making it look nice and comfortable to hang out.

The back yard is always interesting to hang out for the family because it is not something you do all the time.

Plan A Stay Cation

Looking for something different to do, after a long exhausting week or season. Do yourself and your family a favor, go on a local holiday. I love stay cations because they do not need much of planning and much spending but everyone will enjoy a night stay or 2 nights at a local hotel, a lodge or game reserve.

Sometimes it is not easy to plan for that big holiday and that is why i will always encourage families to make use of what they can afford in the meantime. You can always plan for a bigger holiday in future.

Gardening

Get your hands dirty for a productive weekend and do some gardening. I love gardening with the children because they are learning to sow & later reap and they are having fun with plants, sand and water. You can even make the garden into parts then have each child plant their own vegetables. it will be fun as they see them grow, water them and eventually harvest them.

Get Baking

I guarantee this will be so much fun for the children. Children find baking to be very interesting especially when they bake with their parents. This makes children feel they have accomplished much, after baking you can all enjoy the scones or buy an already made pizza then add toppings and enjoy a great movie after that.

This works so well even on rainy days where the children cannot spend time outdoors

Tell Stories

I Recently learned just how much children love to tell stories. My son loves to tell bible stories and enjoys taking you through the story and the events. You can have an electronic free night, get to know each other more by telling each other stories.

This will teach your children to listen to others and as they see you listen to them as a parents other than being always on a rush helps reassure them that you are there for them and their trust grows.

Go Swimming

Who does not love to swim on a hot summer day. As much as summer is almost over, there are still some really hot days ahead. However i do emphasize you watch your children while they swim even if they already know how to swim.

Do Yoga Exercises and Stretch

Do some Yoga exercises and include the entire family including daddy. I have always chased my children out when i do yoga because i always had a target and i felt like they were disturbing me. It was not until i saw a You tube video with Prenatal exercises and i loved how the mom always involves her children and is able to involve them whether she is doing stretches, yoga or Pilates.

A child will get used to whatever way you train them to live by especially the life you model to them. I wished I had figured this out sooner. This becomes a fun session for you and the children, and it is no longer mommy yelling at the kids but its mommy and the kids having fun. How much more when you bring in daddy on the fun and see how they giggle on the yoga poses done wrong.

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Road Trip Anyone?

how would you like to take a road trip, this will definitely be so much fun. Do consider the stops because younger children easily get irritated if the trip is really too long. Pack up some supplies, get up early and take that drive as you go sight seeing with the children.

These are just a few among many things you can get up to with the family. For some they have been busy studying, working too hard at work or there have been too many commitments you have decided to take on. I can relate and maybe this year it is time to look at your priorities and reconstruct them again.

It does not have to be every weekend where you do something special for the children but once a while make memories worth remembering for your children. Sometimes it may just be as good a s sending their nanny away and just giving them the best of your time and doing something special with the children. The sooner you start the better because next year the children will be grown up than now and would have missed another year without even noticing the stages they have been through. These are the tings the children will always remember when they have become off age to always go home because of the great memories they hold of their parents.

The time to show them love and attention is now and not tomorrow. Always remember how amazing you are as a parent. We endure so much pressure sometimes but we still take care of our children, let it be worthwhile for your children and yourself.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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9 BENEFITS OF HAVING A LIVE-OUT NANNY AND THE LIVE-OUT NANNY GUIDE

Are you expecting mommy, getting a new nanny or maybe do you need more help around the house as a stay at home mom?

Whether you are working or you are staying at home we do need help. Ever heard the saying that it takes a community to raise a child, we need help more that we are able to admit it. It is however very critical on the kind of help we expose our children too.

Proverbs 22: 6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

I would like to take you through some of the advantages and some disadvantages of having a live-out nanny with the hope that the experience we have had as a family can help you adjust yourself to the kind of lifestyle you desire to create for yourself and your family. This comes after a lady I respect and admire so much asked me on how I make it possible to have a live-out nanny because she would like to make it a reality in her life too.

Although this comes long after due I trust it will help a lot of families as it has helped mine too.

What is a live-in nanny?

A live-in nanny stays with you and your family in your home on a full time basis.

What is a live-out nanny?

A live-out nanny will come to your home each day then go back to their own home after a workday. The similarity between the two is that both are paid a salary.

Our Focus on this post is a live-out nanny.

When my husband and I decided to have a nanny that lives-out we were actually looking to hire a new nanny because we did not have one at the time, previously we had a nanny that lived with us and we really desired a new reality. We heard one of our mentors who has raised children , she was relating how she and her late husband never had a live-in nanny while raising their children.

My husband and I were really amazed because we rarely heard of any family that we knew that adopted such a way of living. We desired to know more on how they handled running a family business full time and having a live-out nanny.

We were more excited than anything putting this into practice and some of the advantages we perceived outweighed the disadvantages for us. Let us look at them together and maybe they can tick some boxes in some of the things you desire as a way of life.

Advantages of having a live-out nanny

Strictly family time

You have the liberty of having the family all to yourself every day and if you have had a live-in nanny you truly appreciate such moments because you do need such moments to be alone even if it does not happen every day. These are the moments that we emphasize here on this blog that make as many happy memories together as a family because these moments pull you through in the tough seasons that we all experience in life

The children have a chance to be alone with Their Parents

This is so important to the children more than we can ever realize. I remember growing up wishing I had more time alone with my parents without our helper around sometimes( we used to call her our helper and a lot of people still use this name for our help at home).

Children desire so much to be themselves and to show off certain talents that they have yet you find sometimes they may restrict themselves around your nanny. It may happen not because the nanny is a bad person but children articulate their love language differently and they will only express themselves where they are free.

In a case where you find the nanny and child are more close than the parent is with the child, it gives the parent and child a chance to give each other attention without the need for any of them to try hard to get attention.

Bonding Time with your children

No matter how tired you are each day but when the nanny lives-out you have no other option but to do things for your children which allow you to bond more as you bath them, cook for them, pick up toys with them, as you give them chores, read them bible stories, attend to their insecurities and take them to bed.

As you give yourself time with your children daily there is some depth in your relationship that is created and lays a foundation for your relationship with your children once they are adults, as I have observed the patterns over the years relating with my parents and my parents relating with their own parents. As for me I am always looking for opportunities to be a better mother and sharing gives me so much joy as I know it is in the hearts of parents to be the best they can be for their children.

However i would like you to be careful not to be the angry mommy who gets overwhelmed, tired and angry. This can easily happen and you will no longer enjoy the journey because you will feel so guilty for yelling so much and the children will not enjoy you at all.

My advise would be to rest when you can and do not be under pressure to attend every event you are invited to until the children grow.

To learn to handle your children by yourself

Some moments will require that you are alone with your children, maybe You have three or four children and they can be a handful. You have to know their characters and understand their personalities so well that you are able to handle them. Did you know that it can be a struggle just to get your children to eat if your nanny is always the one feeding them? I have once been in this kind of a situation and you teach yourself out of it by unlearning not being hands on. Being consistent with your children helps a lot because children are comfortable with a routine. When you can master a routine where you are hands on and are consistent. Amazing!

If their daily routine is being taken care of by their nanny from morning until they go to bed then, it may be more likely that the children prefer their nanny more than you. When it comes to a day you have to spend with your children and without your nanny, it can be a nightmare. They may challenge your authority because their normal routine is that they listen to their nanny and understand her.

So whichever you choose, make days where you can be alone with your children or just bath them, feed them and take care of them so to just know your children intimately as a parent.

As I have said this is something I struggled with being used to a nanny always being around when I had my first baby. However I had to unlearn this when our second baby arrived and it can be quite the journey to reprogram yourself but it is so worth it.

What better way to teach yourself discipline around them because as they watch you, that is a lesson for your children too.

To have your private time as a couple or your time alone for some reflection

It is very challenging to find intimate moments with yourself or as a couple if there is always a nanny sometimes. Yet these are the most important things too nurture because they are what God put as a foundation for a family.

One of the moments we still enjoy after we put the children to bed is having our cups of tea and just catch up as a couple almost every day.

HOW TO PREPARE YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY FOR A LIVE-OUT NANNY

Time for arriving at work

Consider the time your nanny has to arrive at work daily (at your place) not only that but the distance it takes for your nanny to get to your house. As you search for a nanny if you do not have one already, is that you will discover that most people would actually like a job where they can always go home after work and still have a job.

So do consider the time your nanny gets to work and leaves work. This will help you assess whether the changes will be feasible for you at the moment.

The distance to and from work

It is very important to consider the distance it takes your nanny to and from work so that she can be a productive caretaker to your children and still get home and not feel like quitting her job.

If she stays a bit further from your house then consider transport plans. If you can plan around her transport and add to her salary then even better but if it becomes too expensive then it may help to get one that is closer. It is even better if the distance to and from your house is a walking distance.

The morning and evening routines

How will you manage the morning and evening routines of meal preparing, getting the family to eat on time, checking on schoolwork (on certain days) and taking the children to bed on time? how d your weekends look like? will she work on some Saturdays and what about the Saturdays you where you need to attend function without children or have a breakfast out with your spouse?

When will you prepare for work, if the children are still quite young? Will you manage to bath and get ready for work before their nanny arrives. This can help you to plan because morning and evening routines can be really challenging.

I am pretty sure by now you can already tell whether a live-out will work for you or not. If you already desired a live-out nanny but you feel like it is not possible for now. Do not despair you can work around it in ways that it can favor you one day.

I would like to highlight that you if your nanny commutes and there are younger children to take care of, clean the house, do the laundry, have meal times. Please kindly consider making things easier for her. Find out how you can make her life easier.

Let me make a quick example, for me I thought it would make a major difference if I made sure my nanny found all the meals ready; from breakfast, lunch, in between meals ready so she would not be overwhelmed.

When we started having a live-out nanny we had a newborn, a toddler and a preschooler.

This was a bit tough so I decided to cook once for twice. I cooked bigger meals once a day (for lunch and supper) I cooked an evening meal that I would refrigerate and still do for our nanny and the children for lunch.

I will share a post that really made motherhood less stressful that it was becoming.

Related Posts!

The Uncommon Route To Mom Sanity

A mom’s Perfect Morning Routine In 9 Simple Ways

A back up plan for your live-out nanny

I would like you to consider all the things that could really go wrong so we prepare ahead for it. So what if one day your nanny does not show up for work? What will you do?

For me, I honestly had no plan, and it could have back fired on us, however we found a reliable nanny. It is only later that we now have two nannies, one that is full time and one that help us on Saturdays and public holidays. It makes it easier as she is our back up plan and her pay rate is calculated per day.

If you have always considered switching to have a live-out nanny, all the best with the transition and remember to be kind and patient with yourself and your family. Change always comes with commitment, discipline and resilience.

Final Thoughts

If you still prefer the traditional way of doing things and that is having a live-in nanny then stick with that. Life is not one way but it depends on our preferences, purpose and also our home life circumstances. Some circumstances require that you have a live-in nanny and you can create the kind of world you desire even around that.

I know some people who have live-in nannies who give the nanny every weekend off for many reasons, I may not be aware of all their reasons but I do know that it gives you that intimate time alone as a family and to instill your values to your children.

This is a very exciting and yet nerve wrecking time because most of what our children are taught or what they observe now forms and shapes their projection of life and will mostly influence their decisions when they are adults. We have a chance of taking advantage of this as an opportunity and now is the time.

Next year your child will be a year older, and the year to follow so change starts in this moment now to change tomorrow.

Psalms 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.

GRATITUDE

Remember to appreciate all the people that are your support team in your lives like your nanny and all the people who are behind the scenes in taking care of your children. I remember recently I was on leave and because my children do homeschooling, I have a teacher that comes every day of the week to facilitate their online classes. Without her showing up I would be overwhelmed and burnt out.

In that moment I really felt the huge sense of gratitude also to our team that work for our family business because it is by grace that we are able to pay them well.

Being a child caretaker is not the easiest of jobs but those helpers who are resilient always show up. You can give back by just appreciating what they do well or even buy them a cake for their birthday so they can enjoy with their family.

This has been eye opening for me because as I write certain things that I may backslide on they are being revived within me. This is a place I truly hope reminds you how amazing you are, where you will find love, joy, peace, appreciation, kindness, gentleness and just the kind of life that is a seed for life in its fullness.

I really appreciate you and I pray;

May God protect you and your children as you are hidden in Him.

Father I thank you for each and every family because you love your people so much and your desire is that we may be our brother’s keepers. I pray that you sustain us all in tough seasons and may we not forget you in the joyful seasons. Reveal to us your desire for a family and how our children should be raised. Help us to let go of pride and be kind to one another as families. Father i thank you that we are more productive and into our roles in our homes now more than ever.

Amen!

God bless you and your family.

Wrapped In Love!

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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REVIVING AND STRENGTHENING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE 8 TIMES BETTER

On our last blog post we talked about building a strong relationship with our children, do check out the post as we revive our relationships and are in a season of teaching our blessings, modelling and most importantly sowing seeds that we would like to see grow. If you do not like the direction you are headed, you can still turn it around.

Today we are focusing on mommy and daddy, the foundational relationship that makes your family a family. This is the relationship when watered, thrives and feeds life to the entire family.

Children thrive in a peaceful, happy and warm home that is full of love which is life in itself. Prioritizing your relationship is not selfish at all but in fact when balanced well, you are making the right choices for your children. One thing for sure is that children notice and their reality is already being shaped about marriage now as they watch mom and dad. We have a chance to capture their hearts forever by being intentional about marriage.

That being said, Marriage has seasons, times, distractions like work, family members, finances, addictions that can really add weight and shift your focus from the main purpose why you are together and why you chose to love each other!

The other day as we talked with my husband, he emphasized that marriage is so spiritual and people are losing that aspect of how glorious marriage is. Marriage is about revealing Christ and the church and it is such a mystery that outside of God and not being aligned to His Word can cause much confusion and frustration.

Families need God, families need to lean on God like there is nothing else we see that we can lean on because there is no true leaning you can find anywhere else.

Let us pray for one another, pray for your family, your spouse for direction and clarity and I would like to begin right now and just pray for marriages to thrive, resurrect the fire of love, passion for each other.

Father, we thank you for this beautiful day that you have made for us to read such about marriage and see clearly the intentions you have for families through your Holy spirit.

We pray for your wisdom and understanding in our homes that reveal the truth about Christ and the Church and how you desire my marriage to manifest on this earth through us.

Rid us of pride and bring us into oneness with my spouse as my entire household serves you. May I be the vessel that brings out what you created my spouse to do on earth.

Help me to comprehend my position spiritually concerning my marriage and my family and use that to serve others as I bring hope to other marriages and speak life unto families.

Father heal and restore my marriage and let not the weight of the days cause any discord in my marriage but may we live above any weight and glorify your name with our marriage.

In Jesus Name, Amen!

I have started with prayer because sometimes families are so frustrated words are just never enough to bring healing and clarity. However prayer goes to the places and depths that the flesh may have not perceived but the spirit who knows all things bring you to a place of clarity, wisdom and understanding.

Let us have fun today!

Love in Marriage

Why not start here and revive your love together, I am sure you remember quite vividly when you dated and got ready to marry your spouse.

What a glorious journey it was and you could not even articulate the contentment and fulfillment you felt within you before it was clouded with many days, seasons, situations, misunderstandings and those things do happen to the best marriages.

Today let us go to that place and allow God to take us to that place where there is absolutely no fear but love.

Allow love to restore the intimacy in your marriage. (intimacy is more than just sex but let me use the dictionary form the internet)

in·ti·ma·cy –

close familiarity or friendship; closeness.

“the intimacy between a husband and wife”

1 Corinthians 13:1-7

⁴Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;^[b] ⁶it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸Love never ends

What more can I add here? Love is everything, it is God Himself made flesh.

If you feel your heart has been gone too deep in bitterness or anger, pray God to heal you and He shall. Ask and you shall receive.

Sometimes what feels our hearts are just petty issues that have piled up and we have not discerned that they are unimportant until they corroded our beautiful Love.

Do something wonderful for your spouse today like;

Make an awesome cup of coffee (made with love)
Watch soccer with your spouse or watch their favorite series or reality show
Cook his favorite meal
Show support in their career, dreams, visions and partake

These are just examples, you know your spouse better and what they like.

What I love about this is it puts you in a position of power knowing that you have the power to build something beautiful and stop blaming anyone but take responsibility and understand your position. Then build consistency in that, practicing this lifestyle of giving.

Touch Your Spouse

Sit next to each other and just appreciate that you are both alive and well.

Reach out for each other and learn to stop suppressing what you desire to do. I honestly love walking hand in hand with my husband whether at home or in public spaces, we enjoy that. It does not mean we never experience anger towards each other, we do and life can be like that but we learn to do better, be better , be kind and embrace each other.

“I strongly believe marriage is about the grace of God more than perfection. It shows the love of Christ for the Church and the grace we see through the love of Christ” that alone evokes a deep level of intimacy.

Of course I understand there are children in the house and maybe a nanny (if she stays with you). However, you are the leader in your home as a couple and sometimes it may mean everyone else goes to sleep earlier to give you some space to be alone together as husband and wife which is vital marriage.

As women, we tend to push the man away a lot because we are emotional beings, we deal with issues different than a man would. Even what frustrated you at work can cause you to push a touch from your spouse away (as it continues to play in your mind). Learn to notice when it happens and start practicing to just allow your husband to touch you and reciprocate. Intimacy is not shameful but beautifully intended for us to enjoy.

Proverbs 5:18-19

¹⁸Let your fountain be blessed,
    and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
¹⁹    a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
    be intoxicated^[d] always in her love.

Make the time

A relationship is a living thing that needs to be nurtured by the people in the relationship. It does take work but may not necessarily be hard work but being intentional about your marriage (doing things on purpose). I do believe that it will call both of you to set time aside for the purpose o building a strong relationship.

It may be a challenge creating time for each other without clear direction of activities that will bring you closer if you do not plan.

It may as well turn out be a time where both of you are browsing through your cell phones if you are not intentional about your time together and we do not want that.

There is a certain level of your presence that is needed for your growth together just as you take time for worship. You need your heart to be in it and not double minded.

Sometimes as a couple you connect through sharing your dreams, visions, circumstances as you sip tea after work. I personally enjoy talking to my husband about my day and his day as I cook in the kitchen and he prepares tea for us.

Ideas

Date Nights ( out or indoors)
Movie night ( purpose I to focus on one thing together)
Stay Cation ( holiday at home or your home country)
A walk around the block

Do pay attention to intimacy killers because a movie may not necessarily make you connect as much as just having supper without any TV or gadget that may steal your attention.

As you rebuild your relationship you are creating that sensitivity of empathy for one another and you get to desire to do good things for one another.

What do you wish you can do together with your spouse that you have not in a long time? (Share in the comments) we are all learning and being made awake in our walk.

Well for me I really would love the old traditional way of preparing for a date, getting my hair done, nails done and outfit ready and just go all out specifically for our date together out in a new restaurant we have not tried before.

Create healthy Boundaries

I have observed in the years that I have been married that creating healthy boundaries together as a husband and a wife is one of the most important expressions of love you can show towards each other.

If you do not plan on this circumstances, friends, relatives, work, children will drive you their own direction that may not have the best intention at heart for your marriage.

Be very clear about the kind of marriage you desire to build and follow through with the life you live by creating healthy boundaries for yourselves.

Marriage is sacred and it is shared between yourself, your husband and God.

No man shall come in between and separate.

Understand that it is not just boundaries that are physical concerning your space and time alone but about information sharing.

It can be normal to share intimate parts of your relationship but you really do not have to. Love can neither be proven nor dis-proven, no man can comprehend the love you have for each other with your spouse as you cannot comprehend with your natural mind the Love of God.

You need not to explain your relationship to anyone, it is sacred! There are parts of your marriage you can only share with God not because you are fearful but you are keeping this sacred place called marriage Holy and undefiled.

People can defile you with their opinions and thoughts on marriages in general affecting perception, values and beliefs thus your intimacy with your spouse.

I love making this example, growing up spiritually I knew I had watch where my feet take me! literally!

I do not just sit with anyone but you will not find me where they reduce marriage to nothing with their words, I remove myself from there because I desire God to use my marriage to be the best bringing out of it rivers of living waters spreading to other families and showing that God is for marriage.

Proverbs 4:26

Give careful thought to the^[c] paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.

Sometimes separating yourself for marriage may mean not attending very popular events because you have gold that is so precious to you! May the spirit of God reveal what I am saying to you.

I was hoping to make this post short and sweet however I still think it will be even sweeter.

Let not people call, show up anytime they feel like in your space, plan around inviting people and let them not change your plans to be alone other times because your marriage is important but so are people but use wisdom to guide you.

Water Your Marriage

The grass looks greener on the other side. This can be your story without even noticing that you are making it your story.

Grass is greener where it is watered, no doubt about that.

It is time to stop paying attention to your neighbor’s marriage but focus on building a beautiful one for you. Of course you will always learn something good from others, learn and take what works for you as a family.

Each marriage has its own lave language that may not look like the next family, right?

There are many ways we express love to one another and being different does not mean the other is less but it’s worth celebrating too.

I love to make this example, I cannot force my husband to cook for me because most people think its romantic, and yet he does not enjoy that. Allow him to do what he loves to do for you, of course you can throw in ideas but allowing your spouse to express himself in his own love language is growth and maturity in your marriage.

Build up on this daily, dress your marriage, pray for your marriage and watch your intimacy grow.

Intimacy In Friendship

John 15:15 (Christ and the Church)

¹⁵I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷This is my command: Love each other.

When the journey is long we tend to forget we are friends, we are one, and we play for the same team.

Remember that always in your journey, that you are one with your spouse no matter who is in the room with you or whatever you are facing. You are in it together!

Share your thoughts, fears, visions, dreams, and goals with your spouse and allow your spouse to share his with you. Grow in yearning to hear and desire for God to bring out the best in your spouse.

Be concerned about one another feeding your intimacy in your marriage.

Pray for Your Marriage

Some things will need you to speak over them honey.

Ephesians 6:12
 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [a]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

The spirit Of God goes to the depths of any circumstances and brings to life whatever has lost its fire.

It may happen that your spouse no longer expresses empathy towards you or you no longer even desire him around you. It may just be a heavy load from work or just spiritual blindness any of you may not be aware of. It is time to pray!

Pray for one another, pray together, you have the spiritual authority to pray over your spouse and to bring order in your house by speaking light and life.

It is time to rise above as families of God and let our spiritual lives be alive and stay connected to God. We will not leave it to chance but sow into our marriages. Sowing feeds the life into something that even generations to come eat the fruit thereof.

Marriage is a spiritual covenant, understand that so you can position yourself spiritually.

When you have been disconnected from God it can be a challenge even to pray, however set the time, read at least 5 verses a day (it may be more verses for you), meditate and ruminate on them and set the time to pray. Allow growth to come from that place of Power and be filled with power so you can just speak life upon certain circumstances.

Proverbs 4:18
18 The path of the righteous is like the morning sun,
    shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
God has is bringing restoration and healing in marriages now in this season, may you be restored.

Intimacy Through Love making ( sex)

Sex was meant for us to enjoy it in marriage.

There is nothing shameful about creating an environment that allows you to have a healthy sex life together. There is oneness that is shared through sex as a couple that makes you more than just roommates.

One says (from building a foundation for a Godly marriage),

“where there is anger in marriage a couple can do everything else together like shopping, attending church, catching a movie except for sex.”

So now be real with where you are so you can be able to correct where you are missing in intimacy. This can happen to anyone and what helps is to be honest with where you are.

Maybe all you need is to ask God to help you let go of anger, bitterness and rage.

Colossians 3:8
8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

Psalms 37:8-9
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
    but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land

Let us cultivate a life where we take care of our spiritual lives as much as our physical lives or much more the spirit who knows all things, even the deep things of God. Know God for yourself, and as my sister shared with me yesterday she said.

“take care of yourself individually more than anything else, take care of your heart and develop yourself spiritually and speak life to yourself and everything else around you will align itself”

Matthew 6:33
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you

God Bless You and your families!

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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TOP 7 THINGS WE NEED TO STOP DOING THIS YEAR!

We keep promising ourselves that our lives will change for the better when a new year comes but we end up accepting our normal habits and routines.

How long have we promised ourselves we will change in certain areas but we did not? How long have you promised yourself that you will grow spiritually, emotionally or mentally?

Change does not come by a miracle( it may but it still needs your commitment) but it comes by making a decision and sticking to that decision daily by your actions.

Welcome to 2023, where we will not let ourselves be mediocre, where we will not watch ourselves faint in our pursuits and especially in the ones for our families. You know what you desire for yourself and for your family in 6 months, a year, 5 years, 20 years, and 30 years from now.

So many things have dictated to the way we shape our lives and the way we lead our families without questioning such pressure from society if it really works for us.

If we do not consciously make decisions on how we desire to live our lives we will be driven where we do not know where our journey leads to. Let us be in control of our journey and know where we are leading our families to.

Next time we will look at more things we need to stop sabotaging ourselves on because the list is long.

HARBORING BITTERNESS

We have sabotaged ourselves for too long, we have kept bitterness in certain areas of our lives not knowing that our children notice everything and they accept what we model as truth.

It is time we did better, this may be in any area with a colleague, a relative or your spouse, even your boss at work.

I put this at the top of the list because your peace matters most in really living well and you will not live well carrying a heavy heart. We all go through this but what matters is to check ourselves and take our positions.

Decay makes a way into your thoughts, your actions, and your heart and corrodes every goodness that you are and you carry it even around your children because you are a spirit.

You deserve better, you deserve to choose yourself and sowing the right seeds into your children. Some people prefer approaching an individual whom they are angry against but what if that person is difficult at the moment? I have learnt to pray about something and the weight of it is removed from my shoulders leaving me with a song and gratitude toward my maker.

It is not for the world to applaud you but it is for your well being and that of your entire generation and more to come.

NEGLECTING YOUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH

You know so well just how much you have drifted from God. I do not mean that you have stopped going to church or participating in religious activities.

I mean the personal relationship you have with God knowing that you and Him are one and being conscious of that daily by walking in His presence and your identity in Him.

I mean by agreeing and being aware of who He says you are forsaking every identity you have been given on earth by yourself, your job title, your social life, your cliques, your accolades and much more.

You feel so dry apart from God but there is always an excuse like being tired or not having enough time.

I totally get it, I had the same excuses the past year but it is time to remember who you are and a human being needs God. All other ground you can establish yourself in is sinking sand!

One of my favorite ways to catch up with God is through His Word. You cannot have a relationship with someone you do not know.

Read a few verses or a chapter then allow yourself to meditate (ruminate) on them and do this consistently. Then soon enough even your prayers will flow much easier.

Teach the word to your children and nothing compels you to grow than teaching it and further modelling it to your children by living the life

NEGLECTING YOUR MARRIAGE

What do I know when I am not a senior? I have observed, I am observing and I listen to people whom God has blessed with wisdom in this area. There are patterns that they follow, habits they form that work for them, consistency and getting better at being individuals while they desire the best for their spouse.

We see the adverse reports on media and it seems the world thrives when marriages fail. We will not have that this year and going forward. Commit to your marriage, commit to being different, commit to Oneness and commit to winning together as a husband and wife.

We are not opponents but the same team!

We will remain humble and remind ourselves we are actually on the same team but not opponents. This sets a good foundation for your home, for how can a home be healthy without a firm foundation?

I love to refer to the word of God because it removes making my opinion paramount but places supremacy on God’s Word which is consistent and you can establish your life on this Rock.

Read Ephesians 5:22-33

NEGLECTING INTIMACY

You will notice that this point comes after the point on marriage. It means you can focus on marriage and totally miss some of the areas that make a marriage whole like intimacy. We have to nature it, protect it, feed it and watch it grow.

“In some seasons you may feel like you are working harder at it than your partner is and in some your partner may feel they are working harder at being intimate with you.” as Michelle Obama says recently in an interview urging young people not to give upon their relationships.

At the end you are in the same team and you both win together because this fuels the relationship to thrive too, making caring for one another so easy as breathing.

Let us not postpone on our marriages however let us start today and do what we can to nurture it, go away on holiday alone if you have to. It is that much important.

let no one ever make you to feel guilty to desire time alone with your spouse. sometimes we focus on pleasing friends and extended family members all the time, sometimes forget about them one weekend and focus on building intimacy between the two of you.

NEGLECTING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN

This sounds very strange even as I say it because we all desire to have the best relationships without children, however our desires may not meet our actions and we need to improve on that because our children are growing and will soon be adults too.

Your relationship with your children while they are toddlers, then young children, teenagers sets the tone of your relationship with your children even in their adulthood. So be mindful of what kind of relationship you are establishing with them now.

I really obsess about this, and I know this is at the heart of the majority of parents so we are on the same page. I do not just want to cook good food, feed them the Word of God, give them good education, or take them on holiday but I desire a good relationship with our children.

Let us work at it consistently with the way we relate to our children.

It may help to write down some of the obstacles you encounter where you end up living on autopilot just to survive each day.

Have a way to talk to the children
Choose words that build them up
Know when to discipline a child but not all the time
Be mindful of not speaking unkind words to your strong willed child
Set time aside for interaction with your children and choose what to do (bible reading, story time, drawing and coloring)

The journey may not be perfect, there may be meltdowns, sometimes tantrums, corrections, making mistakes but fix your eyes on the goal and that is establishing a good relationship with your children now while your children are young.

NEGLECTING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NANNY

I am talking about leave days, their pay rate, speaking kindly, delegation and autonomy in their job. What does it take to be a good employer?

Put yourself in their shoes.

It is time to create a healthy plan for them and let someone employed by you improve their life on every level and not feel oppressed.

If you feel your nanny is not good for your family, let her go but pay her! Then look for one that works well with you because you cannot allow strife to build in your home. Let your home be a peaceful haven for the entire family.

This is a topic we shall get into another day!

However now it is time to grow up and create a plan for your nanny to have leave days with full pay. I of the advises i took concerning finding a good nanny and keeping one is paying her above what the market offers each time. I took that and ran with it as my own value.

Taking care of children needs a lot of patience, so a nanny leave benefits not only your nanny but the entire family.

NOT GOING ON HOLIDAY

I am not talking about Valentine’s Day because this is seemingly the time most people desire to go on holiday and on outings but I am encouraging you to bond as a family outside of your home.

Why A Holiday?

This is something that excites the entire family and makes you create more wonderful memories together where you can go away and feel something different spiritually and emotionally, think different thoughts for a moment, get away from the predictable routine, see more the world has and be inspired.

I have noticed that our communities prefer big events and celebrations over holidays just as a sacred time with your immediate family alone. forgive me for being biased but just try something different not necessarily neglecting others events but fit family outings into your schedule.

Take time to practice that and see just how closer you become as a family and learn to maximize your time alone without the children sometimes.

Save up for a holiday or go local, drive to another region, book in a Lodge, B&B or a Hotel and you will realize it is not impossible but it just depends on where you place your priorities at each given moment.

We will continue next time on things we need to stop doing this year that sabotage us in every way. I trust this has been helpful and it will be an honor to have you join me next time.

Drop me a comment down below on things you will be stopping this year or even better things you will be starting.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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What No One Tells You about Living Free

As we live our lives from day to day, we hardly take time to gain clarity for our own lives and to receive wisdom from above. I have recently taken the time to observe the lives of old people and how their generation line looks like, how the choices they make affect their children, children’s children and more generations to come.

It is important that we look at our lives as a going and endless journey because it really never ends but continues to affect the children you bring, their children and more generations that come after that. Parenting is a journey that requires growth and one that requires you to look into what you are sowing and what you will reap even through the lives of our children.

Where we fail to keep track is actually looking at our lives, our values & beliefs and really track if we are living in alignment of our own goals, dreams and values. This life we track by the choices we make daily. Are all your goals in alignment of who you say you are? What we do every day tells us the direction we are taking in life. For Example; you cannot desire a toned body but include junk food every day in your diet. Surely you have to eat healthy meals more than you eat pizza.

Today, I would like us to look at some things we hardly pay attention to because these things we may not be aware. The world takes away focus on such things but places focus on the physical appearance, tangible things we can touch and smell yet there is a higher life that affects the soul and these are matters of the heart.

I really believe that as a leader it is important to be well in your soul and lead from a life filled well spring of life.

The Importance of Forgiveness
Living in an environment conducive for growth
Where you are Weak, pray for God’s guidance.
Do not withhold good from anyone, if it is in your power to act.
Learn To Process Your Emotions
20 Minutes of Your Passions
Practice Gratitude
Remember that your journey is unique and Embrace it
Learn As Much As You Can

The Importance of Forgiveness

You can be advised to dress well, have a consistent routine, eat well, exercise well but the matters of the heart that weigh heavy on your soul will always drag you down and even if we do not see them they will manifest in your own life because what is in our subconscious mind really becomes our truth that we see in our lives.

We hardly talk about forgiveness because we all struggle with it. We all desire to be respected and honored and when this does not happen we desire to punish whoever does not appreciate us. Yet it is not ours to worry about people’s choices but only our choices we need to take responsibility for.

Go back to the places where you lost your peace, the places that bring you to fear each time you think about them. Whether it is someone or many but take courage from doing right and know that you have the backing of God so you heal and better position yourself for a free life that carries no weight of other people’s doings.

When something is hard to do, learn to practice it daily and you will better know how to walk in forgiveness. So whether it is at work, at home or church you can practice forgiveness and learn whom you can keep close to you and whom you can keep far from you but living in forgiveness.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”

Living In an Environment Conducive For Growth

Living in an environment conducive for you to flourish. At times you will be exposed in an environment that is not good for your well being and emotions. However you can be able to limit whom you sit with and spend time with.

This is one of the biggest secrets to living a free and joyful life. It is actually minding where the soles of your feet thread. Watch the places you go to, where you sit, whom you sit with and the kind of impact that environment is in your life. Sometimes company seems to be harmless but overtime has the biggest impact on us because where you spend most of your time determines where you end up a year after spending everyday there and validating the truth you build up from there.

If you keep picking indirectly that you are a failure with the people you spend time with daily, then 6 months from then it means you are more than convinced you are a failure.

Places to Repel from;

Where you constantly have to explain yourself
Do not support each other
Do not learn anything good from each other
Always feel so small
Each day you are heavy weighed in your soul after spending time there
You always desire to go back to prove them wrong
You already know this is not the place for you

It is important we took the time to listen to ourselves and what really weighs us down from time to time. This is the biggest cause of burn out I tell you! Do not fear being by yourself sometimes. A good book is much great than bad company that does not serve you.

Spend 20 minutes doing what you love daily and say bye to burn out for real. This is self-love in action I tell you.

Where You Are Weak, Pray To God for Strength

There is something so calming about trusting God and asking him for assistance. There are moments that really make us so weak but when we ask God for guidance it takes the pressure off and helps us know we always have help.

There are moments that really make us so weak, and we need God’s guidance to pull through. There is strength that comes with putting your focus on God. It is easy to panic when you look at the circumstances to weigh you down or cause a lot of anxiety like learning a new job. However giving your worries to God puts the pressure off you and teaches you to trust God.

“I can do all things Through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13

Do not Withhold Good from Anyone

Do not withhold good from anyone if it is in your power to act. This can be easily ignored because it cannot be held, but depends on your values and how much in alignment and your level of awareness.

How can that be? Well paying your bills or paying your employees or your domestic helpers on time and the agreed salary. These things usually we miss because we hardly ever think it’s a problem.

One thing I know for sure about this is that it can easily become a habit that hinders your progress and opportunities. No one wants to deal with someone who does not follow through on commitments, payments and agreements.

Let our children learn good from us as parents.

Learn To Process Your Emotions

When raising children it is so important to walk this life so aware and how much our emotions affect us and the way we act around people. Children easily get affected by how we are within us. We may not be able to track how we feel from time to time until we sit still and process the way we feel at given moments.

If it is possible make the time for prayer, worship, silence, reflection time to really get a sense of what is going on within you.

Slow down and get to know yourself and in that way you will be more patient with your children, especially the one you do not understand.

Feel Your Heart With Much Good

You are responsible for filing your heart with much good. As we set out for each day we are faced with many circumstances that may build us, hurt us, or challenge us but we have to be able to process what those circumstances came to teach us, what opportunities they present to us and teach us so much about ourselves. It teaches us areas where we need to grow, areas where we need to be humble, areas of strength and areas of weakness.

We are able to model a life that is walked in awareness to our children as we live our lives intentionally and not just let life happen to us.

Making ourselves aware is very important because we are leading a household and how can we fully lead our families when we are not aware of ourselves. With that being said it is important to feel your heart with much good. Expose yourself where you feel capable, learn where you lack, let your feet take you where your environment is conducive for growth while you encourage others too and feel your heart with much good!

20 Minutes of Your passions

Spend much time doing what you love to do. It may be tricky knowing exactly what you like but look where you spend your time and money. This is a great guide on what you like and if you find yourself operating on auto pilot then you can give more time to projects that serve you and your family. Learn to find balance in your activities.

Practice Gratitude

Our lives are filled with so much we can be grateful for from a healthy body to provision. Other people often advise us to journal about what we are grateful for on a daily basis I guess because fear and distractions can creep in at any time.

Remind yourself and your children to be grateful for life. This is something you can teach your children daily and they can grow up knowing that nothing is missing in them. Sometimes doubt creeps in and children too and it may go unnoticed. Talk to your children about each of their uniqueness and learn to embrace them too as a parent.

As you know learn to embrace yourself as a parent so you are kinder to your children. Gratitude eliminates complaining and positions you for opportunities.

Embrace Your Unique Journey

No two lives are the same therefore your journey is unique and sacred. I understand that social media now drives direction of most of our lives and what is current and trendy. You can establish your own life and design it to suit the kind of family you desire. Our values and beliefs may be similar but they can never be exactly the same. Take your time to learn more about yourself and love yourself.

I remember wondering who exactly i was 5 years ago and i needed a firm foundation. I went back to my creator and read the word of God because we make up our identities on jobs we like or dislike, what people tell us, who we associate with and our families but i needed to know the essence of my soul.

Learn As Much As You Can

Observe people before you, there are patterns you will notice of life and the principles that were placed for us on this earth manifest through lives not just in one season but in their life as a whole. Let that be a guide on what you desire to sow in the lives of your children. Learn as much as you can from those ahead of you and sometimes it will happen that you will learn from those younger than you. Nurture the things that are closer to your heart like family amidst of where the world focuses at the moment.

The matters of your heart are what affects your soul the most, it may be time to stop chasing fantasies but come up with. a plan for a life lived truthfully. It is not everyday that rushing for events, a lucrative career that brings you the life you desire. Maybe all you need this season is to give your family time. Maybe it is even time you reconnected with your spouse because it really affects the entire generation line.

I love you and i have truly missed you!

Wrapped In Love!

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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11 Most Important And Uncommon Parenting Lessons You Need Today

You would think being a mother comes with all the instincts you will get it right away. There is a lot of learning to do, a lot of mistakes, a lot of trial and error but you stay committed to the journey because of the love you have for your children.

Sometimes you will realize that you keep learning the same things over and over again. Some of the major things you keep learning many times before grasping eventually is mastering what could be possibly making the baby cry. ( new baby)

You will find many times it is;

A nappy change
Hunger
Tiredness
Being sleepy
Discomforts whether tight clothes

As the children grow it is much easier to communicate with them, however much work still needs to be done. There are more lessons for the parent to keep learning and one thing I can say is you can never stop learning.

Now that you think you have mastered your routines, here are some lessons i keep learning over and over again ever since i became a parent. Please read on and take some lessons too that could benefit you in some areas.

Check On Your Children

It is easier said than done and I notice my self-doing this less often than I actually should. We always get caught up in the week or depending how busy you always are. However it is good to remember the things that are important to you and make time for them.

One thing I keep learning about over and over again is that when your time never seems enough it means you may have to remove something from your schedule and make time or prioritize the things that are most important like time with your children.

Things to Check From time To time

Internet Surfing; this is very important to check concerning your children and may be overlooked. We take time to teach our children what is good for them, good manners, the word of God and we know what they spend most of their time on really takes root in their lives. It is good to check on what your children are watching on the internet. Recently my daughters have been fighting a lot and without doing it intentionally I decided to spend time watching with my daughter what she was watching on the internet. I realized she was watching two sisters who dislike each other and are always competing with each other.

That explained a lot why my daughters were not getting along recently. It is important we protect our children from such exposure and other things that may make them vulnerable to unpleasant age inappropriate things. Sometimes it is simply things that go against your value, beliefs and teachings at home.

Well Being; how well are your children doing? Physically, emotionally and mentally. We can miss this when we are occupied with other things. If there can be moments of calm during the week then use them to allow yourself to sit with your children and have a conversation. This will help you connect with your children and you will be able to pick some things that may be of concern.

Learn to create time for your children, i am not talking about just sitting in front of the TV and be totally unaware of each other. I am talking about actually having meaningful conversations with each other.

Schedule it! Yes it is that important, make time for it.

Pick a day
Create the hour/ Put aside time
Have an engaging activity that requires each others presence.

I like meal times for families to utilize this every day or as often as possible as they are able with the TV, laptops and cellphones off and just come together, eat and talk to each other.

Related Post!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times

Nutrition; Plan for family meals, even during the day when you are at work planned healthy meals will ensure your children are eating healthy meals. Train them to eat real cooked food, fruits and vegetables. Let snacks and yogurt be just that, a snack but may they not be dependent on these snacks either.

Hydration; Water is healthy and on this blog we encourage families to drink plenty of water. It keeps the body hydrated and your appetite levels are kept normal. Train your nanny to give the children water during the day, remind her if necessary and let your children be used to drinking water more than juices which may reduce their appetite.

Sleep; Sleeping is good for the body and children who do not get enough sleep are always fussy because they are tired. Even as adults we are hardly able to listen to our body when it lacks enough sleep, how much more a child? So the best thing to do is to ensure they sleep well at night and if this is a challenge, training them may be important.

Nanny Diaries; let us make it a habit as children to check on our children and how they relate with their nanny. It affects their well being more than we realize. Sometimes children will openly tell you that their nanny shouts a lot, do not ignore but address it with the nanny and the children too so your children learn good manners too. However the nanny has no right to ill-treat the children either.

Sleep Well As a Parent

You know they say if you do not learn something it keeps coming back to your experience over and over again until you learn the lesson. I have learnt how important it is to sleep well but kept repeating the same mistakes of sleeping only 4 hours yet I have a full time job that needs all my concentration.

What keeps me up is actually running the blog and actually posting twice a week. For the longest time I could not look into the possibility of posting less like once a week to stay creative, be a happy wife and mom, and to be alert at work.

It is really great being consistent but consistency is not necessarily everyday but its following a scheduled time even if its once a week.

Taking care of yourself as a parent is really good for you for many reasons;

Improves your mood
Concentration
Eliminates unnecessary complaining
Improves the immune system
Improves relationships
Improves Intimacy at home

Learn to treat yourself well and know that your well being and peace matters for your entire wellness and the wellness of those around you.

Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes

You Are Not Perfect

You are not perfect and we have to grow to accept that so we do not keep living in guilt the better part of our parenthood. As a parent you may regret some decisions, yell unnecessarily but you keep learning and correcting the mistakes by not repeating them.

Ask for Help

Learn to ask for help.

In areas that you do not know or where someone has walked the path before you, simply learn to ask for advice or help. My husband and I wanted to learn to prioritize family time despite running a business. We approached someone we admire who has been running a successful family business for years and always made time for her family.

What we learnt from her we live by and apply it in our marriage and the way we make time for our children. Some of these lessons I write about on the blog like meal times, prayer times and time for each other as husband and wife.

Allow Yourself to Have Fun

Have as much fun as you possibly can in life. This is very important for your well being. This will assist you to bounce back in challenging seasons because you make the most of fun times.

Build up on fun moments with your spouse and with your children. When you are challenged you always have these good memories that trigger your subconscious’ knowing that when a different season comes, you will have the most fun. This makes the whole family living much easier and not hard work. We avoid hard work sometimes so let family life be fun and joyful.

Stop holding back on what you enjoy;

These may include;

Hobbies
Interests
Dreams, this is what you desire to fulfill within you. When in doubt look at what you enjoy doing effortlessly and live each day pursuing your dreams even if its 30 minutes a day.

Fill Your Cup

Do what you can to improve your mental health, to maintain a healthy spiritual life and to keep growing in your journey. There is a verse that says, “If you faint in the day of adversity, how small is your strength?”

It is important to fill your cup! Some call it self-care, self-love and you can decide to call it what you desire. Take good care of yourself especially now that there are little humans that you are raising.

Examples;

Reading the Word of God
Prayer
Being in nature
Meditating
Ruminating
Reading books
Spa day

Create Time for Family Time

I have heard the excuses several times how little time we have. Yes it depends on what you do with your time. Make time for the things that matter to you. Let us go back a bit and see where you spend your money and time. Does it really reflect what you value and prioritize?

Yes!

You do not have to attend every event, and every call. Sometimes you have to learn to switch off your cellphone when you get home to be better present for your family. Such habits seem less significant yet they build up overtime and create a united family further building good esteem in children or an unstructured family life.

Evaluate your value, beliefs on family and how you desire your family ti be structured. See what is no and if you are aligned with those values. Check on how you spend time daily and your money. this will guide you.

Reduce Tasks and Simplify Life

Some things are priceless to lose like time with your family. If you find yourself hardly coping from day to day with all the tasks you have it may be time to reduce your tasks and focus on the most crucial ones. If you have your own hobbies and dreams yet you work full time. You may consider allocating a day or two so you can focus on those dreams and let the other days be for other tasks or simply resting.

If social media drains you, have completely social media free days and allow yourself to unwind.

“Remember that burn out is real! If you have too much on your plate, reduce some things that are not important or give them time when important tasks are taken care of. However what I know is that you need to prioritize your rest time too. It is more important than we realize.“

If you work full time and desire to rest, consider taking your annual leave days. When you feel tired, stop pushing and listen to your body.

Worry not

We really bombard ourselves with so much worrying and distractions that are unnecessary.

Stop worrying about everything, this is what keeps us drained and lacking energy better part of our lives. All things will fall into place when you show up and God will bless the work of your hands.

Worry keeps you up at night, gives you false evident. Let us practice focusing on good outcomes and enjoying each moment.

Stop Rushing

This has been my biggest weakness. People who know me know that I am always rushing and it’s not healthy and it automatically trains your subconscious mind to always be on panic mode. Your body learns to panic all by itself without any triggers.

Stop rushing; do what you can and give it your all. Slow down and allow yourself to enjoy moments whether you are at work and even when you are at home. If you rush from waking up to bathing during the week, take it easy on some weekends and relax.
One task at a time; I know how cool it looks to multi task but focusing on one task and finishing helps you give a 100% focus on one task and then move on to the next.

Drink Water

I keep emphasizing about this because it is the best thing you really do for your body. There are certain discomforts you will feel in your body when you hardly ever drink water making you feel so uncomfortable.

When you drink water, your energy levels are controlled throughout the day and feeling sluggish is normally far from you.

I must add that it keeps your body and face really looking healthy. Who does not want to be a parent but still enjoy looking good?

Pay yourself first

What is that one thing that could totally make your month better when you plan for it? Maybe what is really draining you is you pay your bills last and you always find yourself in arrears with payments?

Learn to prioritize your bills and reduce many financial obligations so you can enjoy your earnings too and get your hair done, go on holiday, enjoy breakfast out. Stop suppressing the things that you naturally feel drawn to do like your hair and nails. Most importantly you know the needs of your household and how you budget for everything.

There are ways to have more cash flow by reducing financial obligations in a month.

Pay Cash (avoid hire purchase, credit cards)
Consider thrifting
Buy groceries at a wholesale shop

This post has been so much fun because these are important lessons that seem so small but contribute a whole lot more to our contentment and fulfillment in our parenting roles. More importantly i trust this has been so beneficial for you.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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Be A Glamorous Mom in 20 Ways

We all know that being a mom comes with a lot of responsibility that you hardly ever find time for yourself. What I always encourage on this blog is for moms to create time for the things you love to do. These are the things that remind you are a woman and you do not ignore the urges that feel natural to celebrate and make time for.

Your time may not look the same like it did before having children but I do believe after adjusting and adopting a good routine then you will be able to create the time for the things you enjoy, for self-care, for reading, for prayer, for exercise, cooking healthy meals, for self-development, for sleeping well and what you do need from time to time.

I have come up with a list of things that totally make me feel so womanly and do not strip away my role of being a wife and a mother amongst many roles.

I know a lot of moms will relate so well because as much as we are moms there comes a time when we are ready to find ourselves as the children grow. You will most definitely go through many phases in this journey especially if you are a new mom.

At first you may likely feel as though you do not need to look a certain way because you are totally consumed and content with the role of being a mom but as your child grows you may realize you miss your old self again. That is really okay, there is time for everything and when you desire your old self again you will know and pursue that.

These phases may differ from woman to woman. However if you really miss your old self and are ready for an easy guide, you came at the right place. Let us get right into it.

Exfoliate Everything

One of the things I have come to love after giving birth is exfoliating my body daily. It makes the biggest difference and I have seen my marked skin heal as well as I stay consistent. I believe healing comes so easily to the skin as there is blood circulation. There are different ways to exfoliate the skin and for the body I love using the body brush as I bath or bathing gloves and for my face I love using a face scrub which makes a big difference to the skin.

I try to exfoliate my face no more than 3 times a week though as we are advised. After exfoliating keeping your skin hydrated is really good for the skin to regain moisture and heal the skin tissue to see visible results of a beautiful well taken care of skin.

“I absolutely love the silk skin this gives me!“

Coconut Oil

I do not know if there is anything that beats coconut oil but I love it so much and I recommend it for moms to use it too and have it. It is one natural oil that moisturizes the skin. You can literally use it on your skin after a bath and stay moist the entire day.

What is even better is it gives you the kind of skin texture a woman should have. It keeps the skin smooth and lovely to look at.

I love using it on the body and face too. If you struggle with dark circles under the eyes, use this as eye cream and it works wonders. So keep coconut oil in your cosmetic bag and you will be one happy girl.

Body Scrub

The same way a face scrub works for the face, a body scrub gently exfoliates dead skin cells on the body. This leaves the body feeling fresh and deeply clean. What I love about it is what you use is rubbed into the skin.

You can also make one for yourself to avoid spending a lot on these products (search for DIY body scrub you can simply make at home) and once a while you can spoil yourself to one. These are the small things that make a difference when it comes to a woman’s body.

Hydration

I refer to drinking water especially! I cannot emphasize how important this is. I notice how much we drink tea or other sugary drinks. I am not saying do not take these, enjoy them but never forget to drink water and detoxify the sugars we take in. This cleans up your system and you retain less water in your system.

When you drink water the body releases water to leave your body and new water to hydrate you. This works so well for your skin too so try this for a week but have a plan. When you plan for something, you follow through. I would advise you to have a bottle where you can keep water so you are likely to drink it.

This supports you as you keep your skin clear, as you exercise, stay healthy and fight fatigue.

Eats Fruits and Vegetables

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” I am pretty sure they know the nutrients you get from one serving of an apple a day. You may not see any difference in a day or two but in a week or a month. The food you eat improve your well-being more than you can ever realize.

What you eat reflects in your energy and your sleeping patterns. This also reflects on your skin too.

Drink lemon Water

Lemon water detoxes your body and contains vitamin C which is good for your body. Not only that, but lemon water burns fat too. You can enjoy one bottle of lemon water a day and you can even stay hydrated. This will reflect on your entire skin.

Do Not Eat After 8 P.M.

I choose 8 because some moms commute to work and return home later than most of us. However if possible eat by 7 PM and drink water after that it is much healthier. This has really helped me to keep my mom belly smaller than it was getting.

In the past, i was exercising and eating well but really struggled with belly fat. It was not until I decided to eat light meals while having supper and then stop eating after that meal until breakfast the next morning. I have observed how much lighter I feel, I feel less fatigued and my belly is improving daily as I exercise.

Try this and you will love it, however I must say that it takes discipline. I must say that we often think we are hungry when we are actually thirsty, when an urge to eat comes you can drink water instead.

Exercise For 10 Minutes Consistently

Moving your body brings wellness to your body and improves your energy levels. Sometimes we aim to exercise 30 minutes to 40minutes a day yet sometimes with the time we have it may not be feasible or that. The best things to do is to create the time you are able to create, and work with that so you can be consistent. I have realized how beneficial it is to work out just for 10 minutes a day and stay consistent than to not work out at all.

You are able to tone your body and work the body you desire without making exercise so hard so you are likely to continue.

You will absolutely look great as your body moves and it rebuilds muscle for elasticity purposes too.

Sleeping Plan

Seriously though we all need a sleeping plan being sleep deprived can make your immune vulnerable to colds and flu. Set your timer for your sleep time if you have to and eliminate the things that keep you from actually going to bed earlier.

This improves your creativity, concentration and you are inspired to do things you love and actually have the energy for it. This brings life to your entire outlook in life and you beam with life.

Talk about an easy way to glam up!

Eat Well (No Skipping Meals)

Eating a well balanced diet helps in maintaining your energy levels and improves your overall health and well being. So if you desire a healthy lifestyle that will pay off on your skin and health in general, you may consider planning your meals and watch how much your skin improves.

The challenge with skipping meals is that when your body needs food, when it does not get it then your energy drops too much and it affects your entire body. You can even become sluggish and you find yourself taking less interest in even taking care of yourself. Health is everything!

I remember how i used to starve myself and i would be so moody. this affected me at work and at home too. So be mindful of any diet you decide to put yourself on. if it frustrates you, it is not worth it, well being is holistic.

Hair and Nails

Look! I get it, you may not afford to go to the salon all the time when it comes to money and your time. However you can try to can a fresh look once a month or once in two months. This will depend on how you are able to maintain a hairstyle. This seems like something so small but makes such a big difference. It will make getting ready in the morning much easier and this will really make you feel as special as a woman should.

Let no one make you feel guilty for spending on your hair and nails once a while, it will save you so much time in the mornings and you will be showering yourself with love as you take care of your hair and nails. It is not everyone who will love to do their nails but keeping them neat and clean does a lady so much good.

Wear Make Up

I have confessed just how much I love make up because it allows me to be creative and do whatever look I decide on as the mood arises. Some people are afraid of using make up because they have been told it will ruin their skin, I did my research before using it. I got mixed answers but what I found out is that if you take care of your skin, and remove makeup before you sleep your skin will do well.

Maintaining good natural skin is the best so you can enjoy make up free days too mommy.

Sometimes there is a controversy between being a natural and wearing makeup, the decision is yours to make by enhancing your natural features and having fun with what feels fun and lovely to do.

Laugh

How tense are we though? We assume things, make judgments about everything, worry about everything, wonder if we are loved enough and we focus on things that weigh us down. How about you spend 30 minutes to an hour on what brought you joy and continually doe. That could be as simple as baking, spending time with your children, making your spouse some tea or watching something that really makes you laugh.

The next time you catch yourself holding back to fit in, remember to let go and trust that you are exactly who you are being in this very moment.

“Happy girls are the prettiest” I agree and you become a magnet to good things. Laugh with your children and live moment to moment.

Believe In Yourself

Learn to believe in yourself! Sometimes we write down our dreams and things do not turn out the way we hoped they would, we make mistakes in our paths, we do not fit in in our environment and we pray for things thinking God has not answered yet He is all knowing and will always be at the right time. It is time to pick yourself up and start pursuing your dreams again.

Go back to the foundation that is God’s word and remind yourself what God says about you.

As moms we carry a lot on our shoulders, we try to be the best we can be and it can be overwhelming at times. Remember to trust that you are the right parent for your children and focus on improving where you can.

Dress for Your Body

This makes the biggest difference and it is the little things that make you feel absolutely gorgeous. Take a few minutes a day or a week and plan your wardrobe. This will make dressing up much simpler, there nothing as depressing as not knowing what to wear.

Add some jewellery to your closet, the simplest thing you can ever do. it transform an outfit.

Thrift collect and add some beautiful items to your wardrobe.

Create time and go through Pinterest which can give you a guide on the type of body you have and how to dress for it. Pay attention to how you feel as you make these changes, being a mom does not mean neglecting your style really. You can just be smart about your time.

Self-Care Days

Pick your self-care days and when the children are asleep give yourself some good pampering including a bubble bath, Skin care routine, read a book, read the bible, be offline and fulfill taking care of yourself holistically.

Enjoy Being a Woman

As moms we often forget ourselves or lose ourselves in our roles yet we are still women. Women love to look good, feel good and sexy without being apologetic about it. Get yourself those lovely under garments and whatever makes you feel womanly. I love showing some leg, well that is one of my best features that I love about myself and that is my legs.

I pick days where I can absolutely dress up since most days I rush through the mornings and for me I pick Fridays where I can go to work all dressed up and I love that, I am a woman.

Find what you enjoy as mom and create the time for it.

Receive Love

This is one big topic that I hope I articulate so well. We run around taking care of everyone as mothers and we find it hard to receive love I guess because we have toughened up to take care of our children and our families. We have felt the need to protect our children and now we hardly allow ourselves to enjoy and receive love from your spouse.

When you allow yourself to just be a woman, allow yourself to be sexy in your own way and are not apologetic about it, you will receive love from your spouse so easily and not push him away because you know you deserve love.

I would love you to read this post on how to grow in marriage.

It is time we learnt to enjoy being in love and embrace it as part of God’s creation.

Lift Others

Lifting others and celebrating their blessings opens your heart places you in a position of contentment. Be the voice that encourages people around them, you do not have to carry the weight of being savior! That is not what I mean, but speak kindly and celebrate with others when they celebrate. This does not make your own life small but you are sowing a seed for a healthy environment, it starts with you and you will be one happy girl as the power of intention unfolds the same way in your life.

You can offer knowledge to someone on raising children and simply improve their lives.

Summary

I hope you have found this absolutely helpful and i look forward to getting feedback from you as you relate to how this has made your life much simpler. I do believe we can have the best of all worlds, being a mom and enjoy other roles without feeling like we have to choose one over the other.

Wrapped In Love!

Futhi Mkhwanazi

Featured

5 Ways to Grow In Your Walk with God As Busy Parents

Too often we allow ourselves to grow and walk without God. It sounds harsh but it’s the reality of what truly happens as we become busier or adopt busy lifestyles. At times we just need to see how we can create the time for the most important things in life.

We are able to make time for everything else but growing in knowing God. There is no need to feel bad about neglecting your relationship with God but being aware of this helps you to create the time to read the word of God, pray and grow in knowing God.

Why is our relationship with God Important?

Everything else that we do depends on this very relationship. This sets the foundation for your marriage, your home, your relationship with your children, the relationship you have with your colleagues, friends and immediate family members.

Your beliefs are exactly what governs you on how you intend to live your life. If you are not growing spiritually then it means a large part of your walk with God will be a fantasy and you will not get to fully understand who you truly worship. It is easy to be tossed to and from when you are not rooted in the knowledge of the one you worship.

Do you know whom you worship?

Do you know whom you teach your children about?

What I know about children is they notice everything you do and say to them. They will know if you just go to church for the sake of attending but you do not really delight yourself in the things of the Lord. You can Have both worlds by fellowship with others and being intimate with God.

Psalms 37: 4
Delight yourself in The Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

It is important to notice when you grow cold and distant in the things of the Lord. It starts as really innocent because we are busy as parents and I believe God knows that and He knows if we truly desire to seek Him we will find the time to dedicate to Him.

I have noticed that it becomes a pattern whenever you become distant in knowing God and growing in knowing Him. It does not happen overnight but it becomes a number of consistent activities that move you further away from God’s word.

Things that can potentially push you away

Obsessing over your hobbies
Not reading the word Of God
Not practicing the Word (the heart is growing cold)
Holding grudges
Replacing your time with God and not creating time to replace time lost
Less time for prayer

A very recent post about teaching your children about God will help many families to neglect not teaching their children about the knowledge of God. Our children learn and see us model the life we live and whether we notice or not they are absorbing who we truly are. We have a chance to notice when we move away from The Godly way so we can sow the seeds we desire in our children even for future generations to come.

Related Post!

11 Ways To Help Your Children Know God

Let us look and see ways we can stay connected with God as busy parents;

5 Minute Breaks

I love this so much and as much as I have not been faithful in doing this it is one of the ways I grew in knowing God. This is similar to time blocking and I would use every 5 minute break I had to get to read the Word of God or communicate what I wanted to say to God. This I did whether I was at work or at home or driving where I would either read the word of God, listen to an audio bible or simply talk to God about my concerns, worries and thanksgiving.

This helped me grow and made it easy for me to meditate in the word of God. I recommend this for you today because I know most of the time you are occupied with your family. However you need your relationship with God as it is the sure foundation and hope you have no matter what circumstances come your way.

It is easy for our minds to easily focus on things that do not build our minds but this is another way we can manage what we consume daily. This that we consume daily has a direct impact on our lives and it becomes flesh.

So next time you take a minute break, learn to focus on the word of God or worship and give thanks to God for life. This will help you focus also on gratitude more and less on complaining which will completely transform your life and open your eyes to what God has already blessed you with in your life.

If we can exercise to tone our bodies, we can exercise the spirit man in us to cleanse our souls, heal, thank God and Worship God.

Psalms 23:3
He restores my soul, He leads me in the path of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Find a Community

Find a community that Finds pleasure in the things of God, People who are not ashamed of knowing God and people you can learn so from not because they are perfect but they exercise following and knowing God. When you become part of a community you are creating an environment for yourself that is conducive for growth in your pursuits.

Things become easier when you are actually surrounded by like minded people who make something so attractive and maybe you follow them on social media, blogs or hang out with them on your free time. You are challenged to grow in knowing God as you witness people who love God passionately.

The purpose however is not to imitate anyone but to get to know and pursue God for yourself. By knowing God on a personal level.

I would not like to make things more complicated for the busy parent by adding yourselves whats app groups or zoom meetings that will take your time and make you despise such meetings. However the point is to be liberated in such a way that you do not feel burdened to keep a certain time even when you are burnt out. Liberation should be praising and worshiping or reading a post or better yet time for God’s word when you are able and alert.

Platforms You Can Use!

Subscribe to a blog; a blog that mainly talks about the Word of God. Not because you may not do it by yourself but as you receive a notification you are reminded or made aware at that moment of whom you worship and just take 5- 10 minutes to read. Really some blog posts literally take a few minutes to read but leave you empowered.
Audio Bible; this is so favorable for the busy parent. Put it on as you drive to work or as you prepare supper or as you run errands.
Bible App: the powerful thing is that it will be on your cellphone and you can read the Word when you create a few minutes to read the word.
Journal; I love to journal on the verses I read which helps me to meditate on them, you will notice it helps you too as you do so.

Memory Verses

This is not just for the children but for the entire family. On our post on teaching children about God we looked at giving children memory verses. We further stated that the Word of God is not just words but it is life living through the Word and takes root in the heart of the child. This includes you as a parent, the word takes root in your heart as you memorize it and chew on it (ruminate)

Sometimes it will be a specific verse that encourages you whenever you feel down and you encourage yourself in the Lord by God’s Word.

Picking Memory verses!

Based On an area of weakness; There is nothing that is so discouraging than feeling completely powerless in a situation. However the word of God lets us know that His power is made perfect in our weakness. This is very comforting and liberating knowing we can trust God to help us be the parents we desire to be.
Prayer for Protection; as parents one of the things we spend most of our time doing is worrying about our children. There are verses you can memorize and meditate on and build your faith and trust in knowing God said great is the peace of your children. Is that not comforting?
Prayer for the Future; we may not know exactly our future but God does and he says all things work together for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28. We trust God To help us raise our children in the way they should go so they do not depart from it when they are old. We trust God to bless the works of our hands and help us to grow in every area as parents too.
Prayer for Your Marriage; A family starts from marriage and as much as we see a lot of marriages crumbling, it does not change God’s promises and intentional purpose for our marriages. There are verses for the husband, verses for the wife and meditating on these help build a Godly marriage as you practice living in your God given role.

Romans 8:28
all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

Practice the Word of God

This is a huge statement of faith and impacts your spirit man as you learn to practice the Word of God, you exercise your faith. Practicing God’s word is obeying God’s commandments. When God says do not be afraid, obeying Him means having the faith that He is protecting you from your fears. Teach yourself to Practice being bold and courageous.

When God teaches you to forgive through His word means you practice this even when it is so uncomfortable. This makes a huge statement in your walk of faith not just to people but to yourself as you grow knowing God.

Prepare For Bible Study

Nothing brings you closer to growth than becoming a teacher in that area. In this case becoming a teacher of God’s word helps you grow in knowing God. But who will I teach?

Your children.

Prepare A word for your family even if it is based on one verse so you go over it as a family during your bible study or prayer time as a family. Create the time for bible study and prayer as a family and allow yourself to prepare to share with your children and your spouse. You will notice just how you grow closer into knowing God personally than just being preached at only but you further seek for yourself and desire an intimate relationship with the Father.

As you share the word, children always have brilliant questions you can answer using the Word of God. This creates more reason to find out more and know more as you feed them too with The Word of God.

Summary!

Have you ever felt like you do not know who you worship? I have felt like this knowing I was raised in a Christian family but did not know God for myself until I decided to pursue knowing His Word that I learnt more about and loved Him as I pursued a relationship with God.

One of my favorite verses is the supremacy Of Christ because it really gave me the picture of whom I really worship. This is found in Colossians 1: 17, I would also recommend it for you.

Above everything I desire that you know that you are not alone. Experience on being a parent may be limited but the word of God is a sure foundation you can lean on any day and any moment. I desire that as we help each other as families in our experiences we do not forget to point people to God who is a solution to everything in life.

God Bless You and Your Families!

Wrapped In Love

Futhi Mkhwanazi

Featured

7 Ways to Plan For A Mini Vacation Without Children

It is okay to allow yourself some time away from the children to focus on building other relationships because we do need to connect with the ones we love from time to time.

I am one who loves families so much and encourage parents to take time to bond even if it’s for a few hours over a cup of tea.

I would not love to leave the single parent out because these are things we hardly talk about. We all deserve time to ourselves and this does not make you a bad parent.

A good foundation for any family is a peaceful home built only by love. You cannot therefore give what you do not have even a good relationship with yourself and God is just as important so you can establish your home from these values.

Allow yourself to miss your children so that you can return home with renewed strength. This way you are able to be more patient with your children and not just your children but everyone else around you.

Time away gives us a great chance to even reflect on who exactly we are, our values, our beliefs and our purpose and if we are still in alignment with our dreams.

You will even reflect on your parenting role of your everyday life choices are aligned with your dreams. By the end of this post I desire that you see;

You deserve time off
The possibility of allowing yourself time, care and love
Freeing yourself from the guilt of outing alone as parent or as a parent
And start planning for your outing today!

It is important that you take the most from this post and that it should not be a burden to you financially but use what you have and what you are able to do. You will consider everything including your lifestyle so you can enjoy an outing or time alone and still return home content about your financial position.

Consider your life plans as a whole, short term goals and long term goals. Not only that but how young your children are and who can be able to watch them briefly.

This will help you know what kind of outing can work for you at the moment. If you are currently building a home, you may need to save up for some time for a getaway and may consider a dinner date at the time being.

You know the needs of your marriage better and what you long for, considering also your goals as a family so we live a peaceful life as we do things as a team.

Consider the following;

Dinner date
Mini vacation/ Stay cation
Breakfast
Long vacation

Planning

Yup, you will need to plan for the outing. As much as it is fun to be spontaneous it might not work for you when you have children that are still young. It is good to alert whoever is watching your children ahead that you will be delayed or you will be away and alert he well ahead of time.

It may be less complicated if you have a stay in nanny, however it is always good to respect people enough to alert them on time.

Nothing will happen without planning for it, pick the day ahead!

Plan according to your needs now, if you need a mini vacation then plan and look at some of the things you need to consider on the points that follow.

Pay Nanny Overtime

Why go through all the trouble?

This is because families make communities and marriages make families so it is worth the effort. Basically find someone who can watch your children. Do consider how long it will take for you to be away and whether it is a couple of hours, a day or a couple of days.

If you have more than one child, consider that too. How much can your nanny handle? Consider how much work it takes to take care of your children. This will help you go over all necessary essentials before leaving.

Remember that this is more overtime and a little extra can encourage the nanny too. Let her know in time so she can change alter her plans too. I would advise this plan on a day’s date though without sleeping out.

Rope In Your Parents

If your parents are close by and up for the sleep over or your children may enjoy a visit at their grandparent’s home.

I know a lot of people feel really comfortable to leave their children with parents and this includes my husband and I. We know just how much they love and enjoy their grandchildren and most importantly they are so patient with them.

If you will be choosing to be away for the night or some days, rope in the grand parents. If you know it may be tough to handle your children if they are still younger then hire help but someone you know and trust to help your parents watch the children.

If Parents are far or you are not able to use grandparents for whatever reasons, someone who knows your children well and enjoys time with them may be a call away.

Prepare For the Children

Prepare for the children and what they will need. Of course we do not have all the time but we can create time. Knowing our children well makes life so much easier because we understand their needs pretty well.

Take into consideration the following list as you prepare for your children;

Food
Fruits and snacks
Water
Clothes
Entertainment
Bath essentials
Sleep

These are quite broad, let them guide you and be a mini check list for getting all they need for them. Under clothes for example includes pajamas, underwear, warm clothes, light clothes and changing clothes. Be afraid not to communicate your needs to whoever will be watching your children.

Prepare For Yourselves

Prepare for yourselves too, depending on what you had planned. I notice that it may help to take a day off or leave work earlier so you drop the children earlier. This puts less pressure on you to drop and prepare for your children on time before you get to your dinner date late or leave late for your mini staycation (vacation in your home country).

Give yourself time to prepare your wardrobe too because you do not want to be worrying about what to wear when you are already away. Plan each day if you will be there more than one day. This gives you more time to important things like your bonding and really catching up with your spouse. I mean when the last time you had quiet time to yourselves was before the children.

Let Go Of the Guilt

I know that feeling in your stomach when you have to leave the children behind. It’s definitely not easy, however you are not a bad parent and you will make time for them when you are well rested and full of energy to continue the journey in parenting. I mean it is a lifetime journey, a couple of hours and a day or two will not take much from you.

Your children will be happy knowing you are a much nicer parent when refreshed.

You have planned and have prepared well for your children to be safe, loved and taken care of.

It really does take a community to raise children.

Plan for the Children’s Outing

When your return! Unless you have a toddler (s) they will just be happy to see you home. Older children already know when you leave them for a fun mommy and daddy time.

So plan their outing too and keep things balanced so they are happy too. Little things impress children but know what your children love but what i know for sure is that time with you is priceless!

So whether you desire some time alone with your spouse, your own time as a single parent with friends. This post is for you. Whether you work full time, work from home, are a stay at home parent you really deserve time off from your normal.

Rekindle that fire in you, the one that brought you here on earth and see yourself being healed and look forward to joyful days.

Learn to be creative, if money is tight learn ways that are free and can feel like an outing. You can even use your home and send your children to your parents. Enjoy a dinner for two! Life is big and love is expressed in many ways than I can actually mention here.

Wrapped in love!

Futhi Mkhwanazi

Featured

8 Ways Busy Parents Can Stay Focused On Family

As we start the week there are so many things that demand our attention. Until we find balance we may not be able to enjoy best of both worlds being our career pursuits and our life at home.

But why does it matter so much?

It matters that you have the satisfaction that you were able to be there for your family while giving your best to your career too. If you are a stay at home parent, it is a bigger and more demanding role that you play because you are there for your children with no break. This post is for you too, i applaud the work you do!

When we have not been able to focus well on all our roles we get that feeling that something is missing or broken and it can really weigh us down.

However instead of allowing this feeling to go on unattended, let us face it head on and see what we can enjoy with our families despite our busy schedules.

You can either continue to feel overwhelmed or plan to handle your life better so you do not feel like you are really drowning between your roles when it should be an enjoying season.

You will not enjoy luxury time like one who does not have children yet. Understand that you will have to be wise with your time and some days put off some things to build a lifelong relationship with your family.

If we all have 24 hours, it means as a spouse, parent yours is shared with your family.

[ ] Make Your Family A Priority
It is very easy to lose sight of what is important in your life when you think you have all the time to correct things.

We see the things we value by where we spend our time and our money. This can be a great time to evaluate your priorities to see if you still give your family time.

Of course your schedule may be tight, but when you are at home learn to be at home. Give yourself time with the people that matter to you.

You can be home but if you spend so much time on your cellphone it means you are not present.
Practise leaving your cellphone in another room for some minutes so you fufil your role at home too.

[ ] Create Time ( deliberately)
Now that you have an idea of your priorities and if spending time with your family had taken a back seat it means you merely wish you could spend time with them but do not monitor how you spend your time.

Learn to align yourself consistently

Time lost can never be regained and most of the time we are not able to trace this time beause we numb ourselves with soap operas, social media or whatever we spend a lot of our time on.

Track your time
I love to keep track of time with digital wellbeing and parental controls on my smart phone which helps me know how much time i spend on each app and cuts me off when i exceed the time i have set for myself.

No matter how busy you are, you can afford 10 minutes of focusing on your spouse and children with no gadgets.

It may not be everyday but have your non negotiable days of focus on the family. This means anything that comes up besides family you have not planned can wait. Really, it can wait. Unless its an emergency.

[ ] Family Rituals (non negotiable)
Are you always a busy parent? No need to stress about it, create a time everyday or a day during the week that is special to you and your family.

Family Ritual Ideas
1. Meal times
2. Bible study
3. Prayer time
4. Tea time
What is that thing that you could all enjoy as a family that you all enjoy?

Schedule it after work and let be what brings you together as one.

Each family’s special fun family routine will differ.

Related Posts!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times!

11 Ways To Help Your Children Know God

[ ] Share A House Chore
A family that cooks together stays together.

Well thats me saying that and it is not necessarily cooking that keeps you together. It is the good memories that you create together that makes each and everyone of you look forward to spending time together.

So whether its preparing dinner or preparing to start the fire together or run water to prepare for bath time. Nothing says family than actually preparing things together.

When our children were much younger we would always look forward to bathing them after work. We would prepare for their bath time together with my husband and to the children it was so special because they are bathed by their parents.

This was the time we enjoyed the most everyday and we would relax after a long day feeling good.

Choose a chore you can enjoy together. Maybe it is gardening for your family but let the children join in.

[ ] Enjoy Their hobbies
Take an interest in each others hobbies especially the children’s hobbies. They are still getting to know who they are and enjoy that you validate their abilities and hobbies.

Be genuinely interested to watch that dance your girl child is showing you.

It can easily slip your mind to check on your children concerning such subject matters, however you can pick a day in a week for that.

Check on their homeworks, maybe they struggle with a subject and you would never know until you help tgem with their work. They may excel in a certain subject and what better way for you to support them by knowing and supporting what they are naturally good at.

[ ] Take An Interest in The Lonely Child
Children have different personalities and characters at home. If you are not aware a child may not be taken notice of for a very long time. They may be too quiet or the other children’s personalities are more free and can take up all your time and attention.

I tried to be diplomatic here. When your child is not the most attention catching one does not mean they do not need your attention.

My home is dominated by our girls and normally my son will just enjoy his worship music and hardly has alone time with mom or dad.
Call the child to join you when doing some gardening, ask them to hand you some vegetables shen you cook and better yet take an interest in their passions.

The eldest children normally are the ones who are given less attention. It happens and its part of growing however let it not build a wall on your relationship where they assume they are loved less.

[ ] Laugh together
Enjoy a good laugh with your children at home.
This takes us back to the previous points, find something you enjoy as a family and have a good laugh together.

Maybe movie nights are your thing, enjoy a good comedy together. This is spontaneous, showing that life does not have to be stiff but life is meant to be enjoyed together.

Maybe you are more adventourous and love hiking or mountain climbing. Then could be fun for you as you share fun stories on a picnic sight.

[ ] Relax and Be Content
Relax and enjoy being at home.

We carry the weight of our worries, our work or the pressures of life back at home.

This week i desire we learn to love ourselves well and we begin with being at peace with ourselves.
My children always tell me to calm down becauseci am not a nice mommy when i am grumpy

You got up, showed up and were productive but still beat yourself up for every mistake. Learn from the mistakes, do not obsess about them, accept where you are in life and know that tomorrow will always be better.
You will be at the right place and the right time for every opportunity. Life is big and cannot be summed in one season!

You will be okay and you are okay.

Proverbs 4:18
But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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13 Ways To Grow And Appreciate Your Spouse Daily

It is so easy to get used to each other when life really has its own demands from us. We tend to lose focus on the things that truly matter because we are preoccupied.

Our intution always has a way of communicating this to us but we find that we miss this voice and we get pre occupied in our daily activities.

Hardly do we take note that we are actually drifting apart in our marriage.

It can come once as a huge burden that weighs heavy on you to appreciate your spouse or it can be a lingering feeling or small voice to focus on your marriage.

Either way let us reset and remind ourselves the things that matter the most to us so that we work towards building our relationships to be strong by giving them attention consistently.

We do know happy parents make happy homes and a healthy envirinment.

Take Note Of These Loop Holes
1. Irritability; when you are easily irritated by your spouse is not something to be taken lightly.
2. Complaning a lot; nothing really satisfies you or makes either of you happy. However your toungue is filled with complaints. This is very draining for any relationship.
3. Lack of intimacy ; the closeness that we desire to have with our spouses may no longer be there. There is distance in between because of many things such as unforgiveness, not supportung one another or not spending time together.
4. No time for each other; time is created deliberately for important things so it may be time we re aligned ourselves daily with our values and goals.
5. Focus only on children; yes it is great and well, however it should not come at the expense of neglecting each other as husband and wife. This is the foundation of the home and it should do really well.

If you have been married for sometime and now it seems you are so busy you hardly can find the time. It happens in all relationships, even the best ones. It is how you tackle such matters and not ignoring the big elephant in the room that propels you to grow.

Let us look at some ways that can help us keep the most inportant relationship on track.

[ ] APRECIATE ONE ANOTHER
It sounds so obvious right? However it is not as obvious and appreciating each other in your marriage can really go a long way.

When you appreciate one another, it brings you closer to one another.

How can you appreciate your spouse?
• Acknowledge any good thing they do.
• Be thankful for their efforts even if its within their role.
• Appreciating their role in your family
There are different ways to appreciate each other consistently.

• Help them with their favourite beverag like preparing them tea or coffee.( hey i am not saying work hard but do these kind gestures out of love)
• Prepare their favourite meal once a while
• Watch favourite shows together
• Buy some chocolate for them
These are messages in action that say, i appreciate you!

[ ] KIND WORDS
Practise, practise, practise! Practise saying kind words to your spouse. You cannot desire a good healthy relationship with each other while most of your words are unkind to each other.

Example : ” did you remember milk this time”
“Honey, did you remember to buy milk?”

Which one sounds better?

These are the little things that build up overtime and become so big. Imagine what beauty that will be in the longrun when spoken well.

Its easy to talk and not notice how you say things until it becomes an issue and you become defensive about it making communication even harder.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.

[ ] DREAM TEAM
You are on the same team even when you disagree always remember you are on the same team.
How does a team excel?

We look at our values and beliefs; our short term and long term goals; our strengths and weaknesses, our expertise and we protect our bounderies and each other so we both win always.

Its time to win together!

[ ] DEAL WITH UNFORGIVENESS
Unforgiveness that lingers tarnishes any relationship because it wants to get even.

It can build up from anything and as long as you are living we all need to learn to forgive. We all fall short and we misunderstand each other, sometimes we feel vulnerable at our extended families like our in laws. We may feel unprotected by our spouse in such matters.

These things happen, however looking at what kind of a marriage you desire you can only choose to forgive.

Ofcourse i am not saying let all things slide, no at all. Do allow wisdom to fill your heart. Some things are not worth making an issue and where there is an issue gain insight and deal with it in a way that makes you all win.

[ ] BE THE RIGHT PERSON
We are always counting on just how much we want our spouse to be the perfect person. What i know is that what you sow, you shall reap.

What if you shifted your focus and concentrated on your own role to give it your best and make a joyful life for your spouse.
Whatever you appreciate in your life appreciates.

The bond between a husband and wife should just be effortless and expessing love and kindness should just come naturally.

What is your role in marriage?
Are you promoting and encouraging your spouse to be the best they can be?

[ ] LISTEN
Be a good listener! We always desire to be heard and that is okay. However what if you taught yourself to listen.

Being a good listener is not just about hearing what another says but its trying to put yourself in someone’s shoes.

When you are always brushing off what your spouse says, they will close up and avoid being vulnerable with you.

[ ] SPEND TIME!
there is no other simpler way but create the time for each other. You can be creative and see which times work for you but time where you can be able to just focus on eac other.

After the children go to bed, utilise that and switch off your cellphone or put it away. It is necessary for you to grow together in love.

Focusing on children is great and necessary but allow yourself to get away and miss them. Recharge and come home to them ready to spend time with them and play because you are well and refreshed.

Maybe a get away is now necessary even if its one night. Hey it need not be expensive but plan around what you can do and get someone you trust to watch your children.

Or simply dress up and have a date night.

The Most Fun Family Vacations Alternatives

[ ] LET GO OF CONTROL
Being in control makes you feel safe, well atleast it gives you the illusion of safety and predictability.

We all have an image of what we desire our marriages to be and we forget its a journey. As a tree is planted, it grows for several seasons and times.

A journey involves a lot of learning, gowth patience and love because nothing falls into place once but it does so over the journey you take as you grow.

Let the other be and learn to be too and i do believe this is a skill you learn with time and practise.

[ ] COMMUNICATE
You have heard it many times but i am repeating it today.

When tou decide to just shut down, you create walls that develop amd become harder to break through with time.

Let us learn to find effective ways to communicate.

[ ] SEEKING COUNSEL
It can be in the form of marriage seminars, couples retreat or someone you can trust to help breath life into your marriage so you can see the bigger picture than when every thing is narrow due to your focus.

Sometimes these seminars are so eye opening and healing because when we cannot see our way clear, A sound mind is necessary. We all need clarity from time to time and perspective.

I really love to hang out with other families as couples to just unwind and learn from others too.

[ ] LEARN FROM OTHERS
It is true we desire to develop in many areas and we read books, listen to pdcasts, subscribe to newsletter, read blogs, read the Word Of God, watch you tibe videos and attend seminars.

We can grow in loving and submission too. I have learnt so much from people i admire and continue till this day.

Seasons and times are different and some seasons may compel you to just focus on a certain area of your marriage but the point is the know and perceive what season you are currently in.

[ ] GOD’S WORD
It can be so worrying when you look at what marriages have been made to be in society, like they are failing. However it is so comforting to have a hope that is unshakeable and that is God’s word.

This is a foundation for marriage and love’s perfection.

It is indeed a mystery of Christ and The Church, the oneness that God makes marriage to such a splendor.

Genesis 2:24
A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

This verse alone just tells you how important and significant marriage is and setting bounderies. A spoken Word is life and breathes through all lifetimes.

There are other verses concerning our roles in marriage.
1. Ephesians 5:21-33
2. 1 Peter 3:7
3. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

[ ] PRAY FOR EACH OTHER
Pray for one another, pray for your union. There are things you may not be able to perceive with the flesh but the spirit who knows all things helps you live above those things.

Praying for one another strengthens your bond because you are deeply concerned about one another.

Prayer is timeless and it meets you years after your prayers where a seed was sown into your years for your well being and that of your family.

When i look at a woman or man who is really doing well in society. I know for sure there is a spouse that builds them up and i desire to be that spouse for my husband.

I trust this has been helpful for anyone feeling tired or in the rut?
Take a break, go out for a date with your spouse, build up the intimacy, do what they do, find interest in what sets them apart, be kind and celebrate that you are healthy and well.

It is a blessing!

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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11 Ways To Help Your Children Know God

Many parents feel church and Sunday school is enough to teach our children to know God. Yet as a parent you may also feel that you do not know much when it comes to the Word Of God.

Guess what?

None of us actually get to a place where we know Him so well but He just keeps revealing himself to us every day.

This is a relationship with God and relationships thrive when they are nurtured and nourished on a consistent basis.

Grow in knowing him as you teach your children about God Through His Word and bible study together with the children.

By the end of this post you should be able to:

Plan for bible study with your children
Trust that you can grow in knowing God as you teach your children about God
Establish a routine that will work consistently as a family prayer time.
Have memory verses that will be prepared and outlined by you to share with your children.
Make the most of colouring pages
Time block and get at least 10 minutes from your schedule to prepare for bible study for your children.

[ ] In The beginning
Take them to the beginning of The Word Of God.

Genesis 1:1
In the beginning God Created The heavens and the earth.

Continue and let them know where man began living and that is where we all come from. Show them that God’s love is timeless and eternal spreading through all generations and for all people who should be reconciled back to Him through His Word Jesus Christ.

This helps them understand where it all began and as they were born, the world began from God’s Word too.

They will follow and desire to know more, even if they are too young to perceive it now but they hear what you are saying and it is planted in their hearts.

[ ] God’s love
God’s love will heal you in times when you have no other point of reference. God will be the best friend you need when you feel lonely and feel as though no one understands your current situation.

Emphasise God’s love to your children. God is love and the book of John explains that love that God is. God is drescribed as Love.

There are verses that further emphasize What is Love? In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Let that be your standard in your home.

Yes, standard! We pick role models in society who seem to align with our values and beliefs. However when those people fall short, we drift and fall short too and find we now compromise our values.

When God’s Word is the standard, you learn to depend on your relationship with God than just being a religious person who follows a cult.

[ ] Knowing Jesus Christ The Son Of God
The Word of God tells us that anyone who has seen Jesus has seen the Father. So as we watch Jesus Christ we know Him because God’s fullness dwels in Him.

I love Colosians 1:17 where it explains to us who exactly Jesus is and that helps as you read the scripture to your children, the more you teach is the more you understand yourself.

Children are not afraid to ask honest questions and in that way you will desire to know more and your relationship with God grows as you serve as a teacher of the Word to your children.

[ ] Never Too Young To Understand
Start as early as possible even now. As much as they attend sunday school and go to church with you but it is sealed in them when they hear about Godly principles and love from you. Do not forget to emphasize the love, children understand love more than anything else.

They are pure, full of love and innocence. They thrive in a loving environment, they grow knowing who they truly are and its not easily tarnished as they grow.

Wear love yourself and be soaked with the Word of God so you teach your children.

We have allowed fear to rule our lives for too long, we need to be strong and courageous so our children learn to live by faith and not in fear.
Joshua 1:8

[ ] Allow the seed to germinate
We often look for results too soon and this makes us give up on the journey that we have started pursuing consistently. Yeah sure children will misbehave sometimes as much as you teach them the word, however the Word will surely take root.

Allow yourself to be consistent because children will pick when you are inconsistent with what you tell them and live contrary to what you say.
Actually they understand more and are more receptive to the word of God than older people. They are ready to receive what you tell them with their pure hearts.

Just as you would sow the seeds of a tree, you know the fruits will be enjoyed by the next generation but the harvest will surely be there and you will know you have done your part and have no regrets.

You may not see obedience now, however you will see it.

[ ] Prayer
Pray together as a family and it can be a daily habit that you do together. This will teach the children to pray too as they hear you pray everyday.

This is what i love about taking your children to bed because you can always pray together in their bedroom. Well just have a specific time you do so or else it will not happen.

However you can always use the living room before going to bed where you can have your daily prayers.

They will learn and know the importance of prayer by seeing you pray and knowing you trust God to answer your prayers.

[ ] Parents Pray For Your Children
Speak a Word over their lives, speak life unto their years to come, unto their families, unto their health, unto their peace, unto their blessings, pray for their protection and never take lightly the prayer you pray for them as a parent.

You are in a place of authority, God has trusted you with their lives.

Ofcourse there are certain areas you may focus on where you feel the need to like protection, education, wholeness, health, healthy environment, stong backbone, provision,love, the right friends, good influence and the list goes on.

[ ] Live The Godly Life
Live the life of Jesus Christ and pray that you show these children the way that one who follows Christ lives. Exalt the Word of God in your home above anything else. Let them trust God as young as they are.

If they desire to know more about God, tell them more about God and let the word take root.

Do not let yourself be too busy but have quality time with your children.

‘Train a child in the way He should go and when he is old he will not turn away from it

If you teach your children about forgiveness, practise it yourself with them in your home and practise forgiving them when they make mistakes so they will know what forgiveness is as you model the life that is lived.

[ ] Bible stories
Take advantage of bible stories from the bible that show man who lived before and walked with God. People are captivated by stories and they relate with their own life stories.

Children also relate as they watch their surroundings and the lives lived by their parents.

A few popular examples
• Adam And Eve In The Garden
• Jonah and the Fish
• Daniel and The Lion’s Den
• David and Goliath
• Jesus feeds 5000
• Queen Esther and Modercia (my girls favourite)
• Jesus Christ turns water into wine
• Jesus Christ took little children on his knee

[ ] Bible colouring story pages
Take it further with the bible story reading that you can repeat and ask your children questions.

Print or simply buy colouring bible pages for children that go with their bible stories. This makes the story to be rememebered and it is articulated in a way they will understand as they enjoy colouring.

It would help to have a set of crayons in your home so that when you need them or when they desire to colour it can come with a story to be read to them.

[ ] Memory verses
I started with memory verses as a sunday school teacher and i noted that even as a parent you remember these verses when you need them and i desired that we continue with memory verses even at home as a family so the children memorise them.

It can be really simple to teach them to establish a relationship with God as they recite the verses it becomes so meaningful to them and they develop curiosity on knowing and pleasing God.

You can make it a family affair, when you take the children to bed every night, recite memory verses.

You can use the bible and outline the verses for the week or the month may be more practical.

Read it to them and let them repeat after you until they have memorised and they can say it by themselves.

Fill their bedroom with colourful memory verses.

Another option is actually printing out the menory verses for that month and going over them as a family after supper or when taking the children to bed.

Let us be practical and practise what we are talking about here. Choose a bible study topic or story from the bible that you will prepare ahead for your children and as you grow tick all the boxes here and other boxes i did not mention too.

Feel free to give me feedback, i would love to know how you are doing.

Wrapped In Love

Futhi mkhwanazi

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6 Ways To Keeping The Good Nanny!

Years or months have passed since you hired your nanny. However after so many years, the relationship may have just become stale.

This does not mean the nanny is no longer good nor does it mean you are a bad employer. There are many things that go on in a relationship and one of the most ignored relationship is one with your nanny.

It may be time you revisited this relationship to see if its really working and if not taking the responsibility as a leader to fix it.

Blame

The silent killer of most relationships is the blame game. As much as you may feel justified in this, there will never be a real solution to blaming your nanny for everything going wrong in the household.

It is always easier to blame the nanny for everything that goes wrong yet it is not the best option.

It would help to look at all aspects and what you can do to help the situation because you are the leader. How a household is run depends on how you lead your home.

Issues Of Concern

She does not listen
She does what she wants
She is no longer good

People do get tired as i am a witness in my own life as a mom that works fulltime. Doing the same job can be tiring and when no one appreciates the work you do except complain can affect your moral and lower your productivity.

We desire change, spontaneity, novelty, creativity, acknowledgement,involvement, to be appreciated, to be cared for and to make our environment conducive for working.

A Conducive Environment & Equipment

Providing work gear
Working utensils and equipment like brooms, mops, vacuum, soaps, cleaning material, running water, buckets.
Food for the children and nanny
Salary
Leave days

These are the things that make the nanny’s job much easier and more manageable. Our responsibility as an employer is to make sure that all these are available so your nanny is in a worry free space to carry out all her duties.

Guess what?

We all get weary, we all complain at some point about our jobs but if you have a good nanny you most definitely want to retain the good nanny.

We all know that retaining a nanny is not so easy just as finding a good nanny is challenging.

We know there are things you cannot compromise like children’s safety, feeding children well consistently, attitudes and more. However there are those little things that you loosen up.

Its good to learn to treat people well and i have learnt that thanking people and acknowledging them in areas they excel in makes a big difference. If they are good, they appreciate that and want to do better in every area.

Next time when its your nanny’s birthday, get a cake so she enjoys with her family.

A token of appreciation does so much in areas where they feel they have been ill treated. It heals and opens room for communication, healing and the desire for them to improve areas they had neglected.

Putting Order And New life In Your Home

[ ] Take Resposinbility

The success of each home depends on the leaders, the parents on the home. You cannot place the success of your home in the hands of your nanny.

You are responsible for your household and the direction it takes. Putting blame strips you off the power to change any thing that may be disorder to you and even if you feel there is a lot of work to do. You can start the journey and see the fruits of of change in your home.

For example maybe you feel the children are losing so much weight, maybe its time you trained your nanny on how much they should feed the children and how often.

We do come from different homes amd we really need to acknowledge that each home does things differently. So your nanny may be used to giving her own children smaller or fewer meals per day.

Its possible to change things, take responsibillity and initiate the change. Complaining will not change the situation

[ ] Put Yourself In Her Shoes
Learn to be considerate and just teach yourself to care about other people who are not related to you.

Changing a nanny is tough on the whole family especially the children. So if you find a good one, retain the good nanny and consider her challenges and ways to make her life much better too. When people work for you, let their lives improve for the better.

Consider things like leave days, maternity leave and salary reviews too so that even when they compare themselves to the industry they have not reason to quit on you.

It is a good thing to allow your nanny time to rest and recharge so they are able to be productive and to enjoy their salary too.

Unless you have a nanny that really frustrates you and quite toxic then you may consider changing the nanny for the sake of the children to live in a happy and hostile free environment.

Relate Post!

Recruting A New Nanny! And Retaining The Good One

[ ] Communicate Well
Learn to speak well and observe your own body language too. Know when to speak and when to be quiet. You are building a home where your children remain with the nanny. Build with your tounge rather than destroying.

When you are angry it may mot be wise to correct but allow yourself to be in a calm state so you build a relationship with the one who looks after your children.

There is a way you say things as you express yourself. Even if there was a misunderstanding, you find yourself in a position to fix things.

What breaks down communication is assuming that she knows everything she is supposed to do. Many things yes, however somethings she may not view the way you do.

Sitting down and explaining will save you a lot of energy being frustrated and being noble towards your nanny and stating things well.

[ ] Recreate A Healthy Relationship
It is always easier to recreate a healthy relationship with your spouse, family members, children, friends, colleagues but just not one with your nanny.

This means you pay attention to how you treat her, what you say and be the boss that is genuinely concerned about her wellbeing. You cannot make it look as if you care, its either you care or do not.

There are certain practises that may help like offering off days, half days, cleaning material and generally providing things that makes her job easier.

[ ] Reward And Praise
Give honour where it is due. There are areas where she excels, by all means show your appreciation instead of complaining all the time about everything. If she is a good nanny, surely there is something she is doing well.

I realised that recently i was constantly complaining about my nanny yet i remember she is amoung the best nannies. However we get used to people and take them for granted, sometimes because we are too focused on other things we forget to appreciate.

No matter how much you complain about things but when you offer praise and reward where you can, anyone strives to
do better in all other areas.

[ ] Involvement
Have a way to involve her in her work. How can she improve other areas and how can you as an employer make her life easier in her job. Allow her to express that so you can have something to improve too as a leader.

[ ] Salary Review
I am suggesting that it may help to have a competitive salary. That is one advise i got as i was struggling with finding a nanny. Knowing the average salary and giving a competitive one.

I may be parting with a some good money but i have peaceful nights and stress free mornings. I also know that i have someone’s life that i am improving and contributing towards.

Things change though, so review the salary and benefits from time to time and when there are changes.
Changes like adding a new baby to the family or getting a bigger house may come with exoectations of a salary increase.

Talk about those things with each other as family then talk to your nanny if you know you are still strapped to increase the salary.

If You know your nanny is giving you challenges, makes excuses to be absent, does not feed the children well and other things you cannot compromise on. It may be time to have a conversation with her but know how to speak well then if it does not work. Make options to change her but pay her well and read a post on recruiting a new nanny.

Wrapped in Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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10 Life Changing Beauty Tips For Busy Moms

Any great routine starts with actually planning for it and preparing the night before. You think you will magically look as good as you did before having children by being casual about it.

Nah, let me tell you the difference. Before you had children it was really effortless, you prepared your clothes the night before, you had time to browse through magazines, through blogs, you took time shopping for clothes, choosing your hairstyles, your nails and lip color and had no problem spending the day at the salon.

Back then you really thought your look was so effortless but because you had far less responsibilities and the time so now you see it was well thought out but did not need much effort and planning.

Does that mean you have to neglect your look now that you are married with children or simply now that you have children and a home to take care of?

I do not think so, I had been so trapped into thinking earlier in my life I dressed up so effortlessly and things should still be the same. However I would wake up, start exercising, blog, prepare breakfast, bath and dressing time I realized each time I was not dressing up the way I really desired to look and know myself to look. It seemed like my style went out the window every time.

Note the difference, now you are pre-occupied with spending as much time with your family, cooking, chores, working and this part is pretty much neglected.

Since you do not have all the time you used to have while you were younger, however you still want to look as good if not better. So let us come up with a plan on how we can actually look the way we desire and still have happy spouses and happy children.

Skin Care Routine
Learn to give yourself 10 minutes every evening and morning for your skincare. It does not have to be a complicated process but as long as you have the right products for your skin type then it will be easier to get the products you desire.

Cleanser
Get yourself a cleanser that is best suitable for your skin. This makes a big difference so thst you do not waste time trying to correct the skin from the product you used that either left your skin too dry if you have dry skin or too oily if you have oily skin.

Toner
After cleansing use a toner daily so you get the most from your skin care. Likewise get one that is really good for your skin. Try researching for products before going to buy because at times when you purchase you may find a product still does not match your skin type.

Serum
I believe this is so important if you have a dry skin to keep your skin hydrated. This has been such a relief for my skin too. If this is not necessary for you simply skip this and go for a moisturiser.

Moisturiser
This step is so inportant, you need not skip it anyday. What i love aboit most moisurisers is that they now have an inbuilt sunscreen within. This simplifies the steps.

Practise this on a daily basis and if you feel you have an extra 3 minutes, add some oil that you can use daily to plump your skin especially overnight.

Hair
Make that hair appointment at the salon. A really great beauty shortcut is having gorgeous hair. It need not be expensive but doing your hair regularly and well even if its at home makes the biggest difference.

It is also a great time saving hack because when your hair is messy you spend so much time trying to get ready yet great hair does not even need to be complimented by makeup.

Nails
Keeping your nails clean and well taken care of are these small things we think go unnoticed. They make a big difference. After putting the children to bed, take some few minutes and trim your nails and file them.

If you are the glamarous mommy you can go to the salon and get your nails done. Once a month or twice, this instantly updates your look.

Go through pinterest to decide on the kind of nails you desire then just go for them, an hour or 2 once every 2 months does not take away quality time with your children.

Get Rid Of Frump
We have all been guilty of this especially when your children are still young. Yet planning for good clothes makes it possible to dress the way you really want whether you are at home or out of the house.

It comes with planning, for you to do anything it has to be intentional. Know the things you deserve and go after them. It will not happen by wishful thinking, take action. It will help to practise too.

Update Your Closet
The transition from being pregnant to giving birth are so clearly evident that most clothes may stretch even as you breasfeed or just as your body changes.

Now may be a great time to update your closet. You will most definitely have to plan for it. You need to prepare for change if that is what you desire.

Declutter
Clutter clouds your judgement and you may think you are not able to dress the way you used to yet you cannot be fully creative and express yourself well in a clutered space.

Organise
I can already tell that you are wondering where you will get all this time. Well on a free day, create the time deliberately. Organise your clothes well in a way that will inspire you and you can already see what you can add or give away.

Favourite mom tip
Do consider thrift collecting so you do not spend too much!

Accesories

Accesories take you outfit from simple to glam so never shy away from adding accesories. If your budget is really tight this is something so simple you can add that will make your look updated too.

Make Up
I love it, but if you do not its okay. Rock what makes you feel good and honors who you really are.

You can really keep it so simple with just a bold lipstick and mascara. Before i started using foundation, 2 years ago i would buy a new bold lipstick and a volumising mascara just to update my look.

If you decide to take it further you can either buy these items one or two at a time or purchase once off. The choice is yours.

The most basic make up list includes a

1. Foundation; it is important to find your shade! This can be a tough one but rewarding when you find one. Trust your instinct too, if its not right then its not.
2. Concealer; a shade lighter or two shades lighter than your skin tone. These are great for concealing those mommy eye bags when you have not been sleeping.
3. Beauty Blender; a sponge or brush. One that will work for you when blending your makeup.
4. Eyebrow pencil; to shape and define your brows. It immediately makes you look so well groomed.
5. Setting powder; to set your liquid foundation.

It does not have to take long. 5-10 minutes is enough for an everyday look. This is the time you can create for yourself and give some love to yourself.
Some you tube videos may help inspire you on make up application for busy moms.

Eat Well
It is very important to eat well and it radiates through your skin.
Combine eating well, excercising and sleeping well. Do not forget to drink water too.

It helps to carry a lunch box so you can consistently eat well. Eating well is not starving yourself and neither is it eating too much.

Create Your Enviroment.
Pinterest is a great platform to learn so much on what you see yourself as. Do fun things when you are able, it will inspire you and remind you of what you are drawn too.

Surround yourself with people that inspire you and love you, as you become that person too for others.

Slowly move away from an environment that weighs you down, you are so much more.
If you love dressing up and looking beautiful. There is no shame in that.

Choose A Role Model
There are so many moms you can learn from who are as busy or have busier lifestyles but create the time. Follow them and what you see and expose yourself to grows on you and soon manifests.
Be intetional about it because faith without works is dead.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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17 Activities To Appreciate Fathers On Fathers Day In 2022!

I will be quite honest with you, I hardly paid attention the previous years on certain distinguished days observed worldwide. However i am learning to use those days to give honor to whom it is due. We are often preoccupied with our own lives that we hardly appreciate the father figures in our lives be it our spouses, father, guardian, grand parents.

They contribute so much more than we acknowledge many times besides taking us tones of pictures for our Instagram and keep the children occupied while we take pictures or work late, they really do keep our emotions and fear in check.

I am pretty sure you are already thinking of the great things done by your spouse, father or guardian and grand father or this may be a person who is a father figure to you.

Those little things we often view as small or insignificant from advice, presence, support, master of the barbecue, compliments and so much more.

Those Things mean so much more and what we appreciate really appreciates as Ken Honda often says and it is time we learnt to say thank you for their lives.

Thank You Notes

It can be in thank you notes, thank you cards, a written text message or WhatsApp message or better yet tell them in person how much you appreciate them. Saying thank you to someone makes a really big difference.

I know just how much I really appreciate the way my husband just randomly says thank you to me just for taking care of them. This makes such a huge difference in my life and it fuels me to go on and become the best wife & mother I can be.

You can even personalize it and be specific

Thank You for being there for us all
Thank you for your teachings, I appreciate them so much.
Thank you for being so encouraging
Thank you for showing me love
Thank you for the love you show the children
Thank you for preparing the barbecue
Thank you for feeding the children
Thank you for being so patient
Thank you for loving mom

Whatever is personally done that you appreciate them for, this year let us go beyond Happy Fathers Day only, say a note of appreciation. It is really ok.

Cook Something Special For The Day

Make it a family affair and cook something special for the day. You know how I love meals as a family together. Food brings people together and how much more a family. You know your spouse or father better, cook their favorite meal for the day.

If they love an English breakfast, why not spoil them to it.

You might want to plan on this one, preparing ahead makes life much easier. You can gather all the ingredients you need for the day.

Relate Post!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times

Join Him On His Favorite Hobby

What is his favorite hobby?

It may be time you participated in it so that he feels the support and love from you. We all have things we love to do as our hobbies, interests and we love to be supported by people who are close to us.

Does Your Spouse or dad love watching soccer, gardening, reading, making crafts or making silly jokes?Join in and make it more fun because you are doing it with him.

Most of the time we do not pay attention to the needs of a father as long as the mother and everyone is ok then the father must be alright.

As much as their actions are not led by emotions but logic they do love attention and support from the people they love.

Get Him A Gift!

Get him a gift that can always be a reminder of the things you appreciate about him. Simply find out what he would loves by simply listening to him.

**My mom and dad. Dad loves reading, coffee and an English breakfast.**

He may be someone who reads a lot, get him a book along the ones he reads. If he is a coffee lover, a coffee plant might be something really special or if he is a fan of a certain soccer team get him the team gear.

Get hints from the things he spends time on like his hobbies and interests.

Try Something New

Life is so beautiful and it is meant to be lived sometimes by living out of the cocoon and box we have created for ourselves.

Try a new restaurant and maybe study their menu prior. This helps you order something you could actually enjoy.

Take a drive and try the restaurants out of town say the games reserves. You will be amazed at what hidden germs you will discover. You can even consider a mini vacation

Mini Vacation/ Staycation

For the longest time families have been on lock down and now that movement is normal it may be a great time to get away for some leisure outing. This will refresh daddy and if he is up for it, pack up and enjoy a time away from home.

Add To His Collection

What sort of things does he love to collect?

vintage items
mugs
watches
movies
books

Involve The Children On DIY cards

This could be so much fun! DIY cards from your children are literally the sweetest. these are quite simple to make and the children will love contributing to something special for daddy.

We can teach children how important it is to honor your mother and father while they are young.

What You Need!

Color Paper
Crayons
Pencils
Paint (optional)

Fold The color paper into half and let the children use their expressions of love in the form of art. From hearts to words , however do help the younger children to articulate what they want to say into words.

Enjoy.

Road Trip Baby

Pack up the entire family and take a road trip. Maybe he has been so occupied with work and he just needs to relax and enjoy the drive without being stuck in traffic or actually late for an appointment.

There are always lovely places to see locally and support the local community along your road trip so you feed daddy too.

Build A Camp Fire

Oh imagine as we in the the winter months right now. A camp fire will do just the trick and a roast of marshmallows if you have younger children.

What I know is that camp fires are so relaxing and they keep you warm and make it easier to share stories as families, stories we hardly tell on a normal day.

To make things a bit uncomplicated make one in your backyard and watch the younger children not to play with it.

Host A Family Barbecue

I guess this time you will be the one actually preparing the meat or burgers on the fire so that daddy has a relaxed day.

Barbecues allow you to eat something different as a family and that makes it quite special.

Desert, desert, desert!

We are sure a desert is one of those things daddy’s love and you will be surprised just how much he will appreciate it after a really good meal that he loves.

This can be as simple as a cake that he can enjoy. Get his favorite cake though.

Help Him With His Work

Be it chores or his projects he works on at home. Offer a helping hand and let him have a good relaxed day. If he always starts the fire in the house, maybe this time you can help him start the fire.

He may just like keeping his car clean, so help him wash the car and let it be a cool bonding session that he can appreciate.

Game Night

Think of some fun games you can play as a family whether its puzzles , cards or do you remember the snakes and ladders game? yeah bring that one back.

It will sure leave you in stiches of laughter.

The Fast and The Furious From 1 to 7 Marathon

It has fast cars, action surely this will be fun to watch however not with young children. Unless you start watching after you take them to bed. However there are plenty of movies he can enjoy as a family besides this one specifically.

If it is your dad, a think more like titanic or a good hit movie in the late 1900’s. Try something new too you may just be surprised.

Organise A Picnic

What is lovely about a picnic is that it is very intimate and can be personalised to daddy’s favourite food and scenery.

If you are not up for travelling or you would like to save, do backyard picnic and prepare ahead.

Remember it is the thought that counts.

Book A Massage

Some of the things a man enjoys are quite surprising and a massage is something great for their bodies to relax.

Another option is to have a home spa day and give your spouse a massage in appreciation of the dad he is.

Watch A Soccer Match Together

How fun are family themed days though! Nothing says family than doing things together. Do this with a soccer match

This will be epic for any daddy that loves soccer and for the family he loves to join in and participate is a blessing. Comment and celebrate when he celebrates too. Keep it fun!

Video Calls

Ok, now if your dad is far or you are in a blended family and other children may not be able to join you or maybe some are in boarding schools, how about doing a video call on zoom meetings or facetime!

This will most definitely make daddy be so happy to receive such warmth from his own seed.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV

Enjoy the planning

Connect with me

allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

Wrapped in love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

Featured

10 Ways To Deal With Low Income, Fund Projects and Cut Down Expenses

Here is a topic we hardly ever talk about yet sometimes it happens that you may be financially constraint or you are saving up for a project that may take up some time to complete.

It may happen that you are currently living on one salary trying to make ends meet with a family to feed may not be easy.

We found ourselves in a similar situation where we were funding our company after a partnership gone wrong. We had to live on one salary and that was a tough moment.

However we learnt so much on the use of our finances to make our lives as enjoyable as the abundant times by planning well and sticking to our plans and we still do sometimes when when we have a project to do or delayed payments.

This can teach you how to plan well for your money and allocate funds well for your household. It is so easy to get caught up in the lifestyle we see on our social media and Instagram but be realistic with your financial situation and work towards creating the kind of lifestyle that you desire.

No One Is Coming To Save You!

Many of us day dream and fantasize that someone from somewhere will just come and save us from our financial situation and give us the life we actually ‘deserve’.

Chances are just that no one is coming to save you and if you do not start looking at where you are right now and coming up with a plan on how to keep yourself above the water until the tide is over chances are you may become really overwhelmed with the situation.

However if you start coming up with a plan on how to deal with your finances right now, you know that 6 months from now and further on will be a much better place for you and the entire family.

Look at where you are, then stop blaming everyone else and put yourself in a position of power by taking charge of your situation and your life in general. What I learnt is that it is the changes that you make daily that really add up to the the progress you make. Taking a huge step can be overwhelming and damaging to your will power, however if you can formulate strategies that will help you become consistent on a daily basis.

You will be able to take one day at a time and in a month, then two, then three, four months you will see a major difference.

An example would be looking at your spending everyday! It is not every day you will buy doughnuts or peanuts just because someone is selling. Be wise! Support people but do not find yourself struggling until the next pay check.

Review Your Budget

Its time to look at your income and expenditures so that you can be able to put a plan in place to cut back on expenses looking at the current income you have. This will also give you a clear picture of what position you are currently in.

Is it sustainable for a family? Can you live above water in the next months, years to come? You may need a plan that will give you more income in the long term and those are things to consider too.

As you review your budget you may notice whether you need to look for a job or if you run a company cut back on expenses or invest more on marketing campaigns.

Pay Bills

One of the things that are overlooked is paying bills timeously. Of course this will sound really strange that how can I recommend this when I am already up to the neck with bills.

The challenge with letting bills accumulate is that they may overwhelm you as they pile up and reduce the cash you have available for meeting other needs that arise. This will also teach you how to let go of money and so you can easily receive it again by allowing money to flow freely.

Come up with a plan and communicate on how to pay your bills now that you are not able to settle the full amounts.

This will not only give you a peace of mind but it will give you the confidence in knowing you can settle them and work towards your dreams without the pressure to put food on the table from day to day. I mean you can focus on other things other than the most basic needs like food and shelter.

Come up with a plan, looking at your monthly bills, which ones can be cut off by suspending the services temporarily? can you be creative with entertainment by cutting costs and saving money for the most crucial bills to pay.

The water bill
Electricity bill
Your Helper
Rent

Is it possible to cut back on fuel and pay the water bill to avoid disconnection and penalties?

Avoid Bad Debt

I am sure you know now that there is bad debt and good debt! It is natural to want to get a loan when you feel under the water yet it is not always wise to create debt that will not make money back the way it does when invested.

Navigate your situation and if cutting back many unnecessary expenses temporarily can work while you live with what you have then let it be, knowing that after a certain period of time you will get to breath a bit.

The biggest challenge with a loan is paying it off yet you have not invested it anywhere and it means your buying power is still reduced even worse off than before. So if its possible to cut off certain expenditure then do so and avoid getting a loan which may quickly frustrate you.

Pay Cash

If possible, use cash whenever you can to avoid thinking you have money that you do not have. It is possible to take things on credit yet that also reduces your cash in the long run due to the burden of paying high bills of already consumed goods.

Taking things on credit may give you the impression that you afford so much when you actually do not at the moment. If its possible opt to pay things cash and buy what you can and put the other things on hold until you can pay for them in cash.

Get Creative

Allow this to give you an opportunity to be creative with spending money including saving and entertainment. There are many ways to enjoy life besides spending on restaurant bills and vacations. As much as that is necessary to reward yourselves and enjoy life but there is a time for everything.

For example now that you will be saving to liberate yourself in the future or to simply give yourself a peace of mind by cutting back on expenses then being creative will help you enjoy life even in such a season.

Instead of buying popcorn for a movie night you can actually make it yourself, buy a few ingredients for breakfast and make a great English breakfast at home, have fun picnics as a family, thrift collect for clothing, buy at a wholesale for monthly grocery and create more ways to liberate yourself.

Have Home Cooked Meals!

It is also the take away meals from every day spending that becomes so expensive in the long run. You can cook meals from home with larger pots so you can take some as lunch box to your work and avoid spending all the time.

A homemade sandwich will save you so much money overtime and gain the confidence that you are actually good with money too. This will also teach you good spending habits so you handle larger assignments later in life.

I once told myself that no matter what i would not spend on buying meals but i would rather spend it on the weekend with my family by choosing a different restaurant to entertain our home schooled children. The entire family enjoyed it and it showed me that when you plan to adjust and become consistent, you can do whatever you want in life.

Focus On Your Own Journey

We all know that it is easy to get caught up wishing your life was like your neighbor’s who seems to have life figured out well at least that is what we tend to think on the other side. It is important to focus on your own journey and building what you can at the moment and working towards making your life better.

Our journeys are really different, we have different areas of focus and losing focus because you saw something your neighbor is doing and you now desire to have that too, it will delay you leaving you blaming everyone for the financial position you are in.

One day you will save up for the vacations you desire, it may not be now as you are still trying to minimize bad debt and create the lifestyle you want. Of course we learn from others and it keeps us ambitious but there is a thin line because you are an individual too that needs to honor her own path by committing to improving your life and uniquely so.

Find People Who Can Inspire You

It is easier to turn things around when you have a community of people that inspire you with their content and advise. This really makes a big difference than we actually realize. The Internet has made it easier for us because we can get that community through social media and it can actually be physical people.

Running a business is not easy and one of the things to learn is cutting costs but not compromising quality and paying your salaries well without exploiting people. It needs one to learn to be disciplined when it comes to money and having someone to look up to makes one feel that its possible to walk through the journey.

Find a circle that will not rekindle your weaknesses but empower you to be a better person than yesterday.

Patience

You have come up with a plan, you are working on your financial situation and cutting back on costs or maybe you even got financial assistance from trusted acquaintances. Now be patient, be consistent in the changes you have made and find ways to pay back if you got financial assistance from friends and family so you can live a free life . It will not happen over night that what your sowing will be ready for harvest but wait and allow yourself to grow in stages too.

There will come a time when you will be able to afford what you could before and even better things with mastery knowledge and experience on creating the life you desire in adverse situations.

I trust this has been helpful and my desire is that as a parent you enjoy the peace of mind knowing your bills are taken care of, you can handle the financial obligations you have and you can enjoy a Friday night truly relaxed and not having racing thoughts on how you will make ends meet.

Wrapped in Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

Featured

10 Ways To The Perfect Weekends With Children

Tips To Being The Hands On Parent

We all desire to feel we are doing enough for our children even though we may not take time to understand the specific void but its always there!

Until we address it then it will keep lingering like an unfulfilled purpose. I know a lot will relate so well because we all want to be our best for our children and to be fully present but sometimes we do allow distractions to get in the way.

I chose weekends because i believe that most parents are working whether you run a business from home or you are employed, you still put in the hours that need your full attention. It may be different for stay at home parents because it is normal for them but they can benefit too by taking this as a reminder on things that just make life much simpler.

Decide What You Desire To Improve!

This will give you direction on what to focus on during weekends. Yes, we need to direct ourselves so that as we are consistent, six months later we can look at what we have improved and continue improving our lives.

Examples:

Cook More meals
Prepare for the following week
Organise your wadrobe
Plan meals for the week
Take the children for walks, hikes to the park, for hot chocolate, physical activities, camping!
Bath them yourself
Plan family nights
Wash their hair( i had been so bad at this one but i was always dissatisfied on ho my girls hair looked)

I have always wanted to take extra care of my girls hair by treating it and washing it during weekends. However i always convinced myself that i am always busy with cooking, bathing them and taking care of Company Invoices and quotations.

It was not until i was intentional about it to the point i decided to write it down. Now i just do their hair while bathing them then finish off when they are dressing up.

Create A Schedule

I know how this sounds to you especially knowing that its the weekend but now that we have children, we need a schedule so things run smooth in our homes.

We still need to prepare meals, keep them clean and hydrated, spend time with them and still run some errands.

The challenge with allowing this to just run wild is that eating times may be affected which will stress the entire family unless you plan on sandwiches for some meals but still they need to be prepared.

So i would say, know which times work for you when doing chores, running errands so that you can well relax knowing the most important tasks have been taken care of.

Involve Them In Your Schedule

It is not every weekend you will be able to be available 24/7 but you can plan around your children and the times you choose to be present and come home.

If you happen to attend an event that does not require you bring children along, including them in your schedule means you know what times you need to get home and be available for them.

This will most certainly pay off because you will not have guilt knowing as much as you spend the week in the office but you share and give time to your children too. Your children will be happy too knowing you give them time. It adds to their wellbeing and assurance.

As children grow you realise that time is something not easily recovered. However we have now to improve and to sow time and love into their lives.

Avoid Distracting Them With TV And Cellphones All The Time

As much as we live in times where technology may baby sit our children but we still have very important roles to play with our children and raising them.

I have learnt that this creates a habit where children self soothe themselves with gadgets whenever they have challenges in life and even avoid sleeping creating unhealthy sleeping patterns.

Children should have screen time ofcourse but sitting in front of the screen without using their creativity and imagination is not ideal i believe. The lovely part is we can still change this pattern as parents and allocate time for their activities.

It is okay for them to understand while they are young that there is time for everything!

Time To Do Chores
Time To Play
Time To Eat
Time To Drink
Time To Sleep
Time To wake Up

They are never too young to know that and the sooner they know this, the better!

Related Posts!

Children And Gadgets

11 Ways To entertain Children Offscreen!

Use Your Free Time To Nurture Their Gifts

As the children grow we notice their passions, strengths, interests and gifts. On this blog we love to encourage ourselves as parents and other parents to not turn a blind eye on the children’s natural gifts and talents. This is what makes children to be so creative and imaginative as beings.

Sometimes we limit children in areas that we fear so much as parents and allow those fears to limit their lives and we do not explore it.

Many of us are really guilty of limiting their experience to what we already know. I am challenging you to research on how you can support your child who is

More athletic
Gymnast
Musician
Fashion and art
Loves drawing
Adventurous one
Soccer player

The adventurous child stresses most parents because they are not afraid of anything until you plant a seed of fear enough for them to be afraid.

Sometimes supporting them may be buying them a soccer ball if they really love kicking a ball around and allowing them to involve themselves in extra activities as you see fit as a parent so they discover themselves more and their capabilities.

House Hold Chores!

You would be amazed i had written a post on this one but the chores were not really consistent until i realised my children woke up to just open up the TV first thing in the morning.

It is not easy to train someone to change over night so if i wanted them to learn to wake up, pick up their toys, tidy their room and help with some child friendly or age appropriate chores together with us as parents on weekends. It will help teach them to be organised earlier and create good habits.

As we mentioned earlier that there is time for everything and there comes a time when we have to work and time to rest.

Being the hands on as a parent means you are aware also that parenting comes with teaching certain values you desire for the children to grow up having and modelling that to the children too.

Plan To Be Productive Yourself

Sleeping in on weekends can be rewarding for the body however if this is the case all the time we may be creating an unpleasant pattern of procrastination in most areas of our lives.

What i know about being productive is how you start your day normally creates or establishes how your day will go.

In what i have seen in myself and others is that if your day starts with a movie first thing when you wake up or maybe for you its a TV game then your day will be lazy.

If you really plan on watching a movie then wake up and bath, plan meals, clean your home, run errands then watch a movie knowing the important things are taken care of.

We condition most behaviour in our children as we model the life to them whether we are aware of it or not. You will not be a hands on parent if all you do is lazy around and send the nanny to do everything for your children even when you are at home. Which leads us to the next point.

“You will not be a hands on parent if all you do is lazy around and send your nanny to do everything for your children even when you are at home”

Deliberately Allow Your Nanny Weekends off!

I know that to some extent some of us cannot cope without our nanny but we learn and face our fears. It will happen that you may grow fond of knowing your nanny is around but to grow as a parent and to notice things that need your attention, create time alone with your children.

Allow your nanny to have weekends off for her benefit too. All of us need that time to rest and use that time to do much and strengthen your relationship with your children.

I remember how tough it was adjusting to having more than one child, i depended on my nanny too much that i could not feed my kids because they would refuse to eat from me but my husband would feed them though. This became an underlying fear until i decided to face it.

I would cook breakfast as normal but i would feed them every morning before dressing up for work in the morning. Children get used to routines and patterns, so at times it may work against you or work for you.

Another thing is that i used to attend a lot of functions i got invited to not realising that now more people at home need my attention. I Got tired, dissatisfied, very unhappy and unfulfilled.

It was not until i wanted to correct the void that i found my happy place as a mother. I know how easy it can be to depend on the nanny so if you feel personally you do not even know how to correct this, allow me to help you through this season so we can work together on options that will work for you to find fulfilment in your role as a parent.

Connect with me here; allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

Have Themed Weekends

Families were meant to thrive and to create wonderful memories together. Create the fun life for yourself and your family making it being hands on so much fun and nourishing to you all. Themed weekends can help you focus on one thing each weekend at least so you can easily decide what to focus on one weekend at a time.

There are four weekends in one month so each weekend can have a theme. For example:

Week 1: visit at the park; Week 2: movie night; Week 3 : Restaurant outing; Week 4: Drive and sight seeing

Taking on the role of parenting is different from the time before the children. However fully embracing the role means learning to balance and find harmony in your roles by keeping your priorities in mind.

A great way to being the hands on parent is to create themed weekends and it can kick start you to focusing on being present with your children.

Practise Self Discipline And Keep Distractions Away

We know how real this is and it happens in most homes. Where our focus is on whatever keeps us distracted and we lose focus on being consistent with our children.

I would say come up with a plan on how to keep your favourite things to do to not interfere with your time at home or wherever you are with your children. If you know all you do is scroll through media feed on the cell phone or laptop, switch it off for an hour until it becomes second nature.

What i have written is a guideline parents can follow but create their own ways that go with their lifestyle.

It is important to note that it is not in the doing but in what treasure you have in your heart and pursue that. Pursuing being a hands on parent may be far off for some because we live with many distractions and sometimes its the demands of our work and businesses that make us put aside or neglect our roles.

I know you got to this post because you know there is something deeper you desire on your parenting role and being involved.

Jay Shetty says you know the things you value (treasure) where you spend your time and money. So look into that and if you see a lacking in your parenting role then its time you evaluated your priorities.

Related Post!

7 Ways To Evaluate And Set Priorities

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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13 Early Symptoms Of Pregnancy that No One talks About!

Each time I would notice that I am with child, I would google and look for posts that will just be on point, to validate what I already know looking at the symptoms I would be having. I must say this is a time where your body goes through major changes, and sometimes it is really tough to get by each day.

My desire is to continually create a community where you will relate with other parents, who have been through the most too as we lovingly learn from each other.

I know we cope better through harsher conditions, as we relate to each others stories. Of course this is an amazing time for parents, we are here to look at the changes the body goes through, not only that but the rush of emotions that we feel, and mostly cannot articulate or deal with them well, because we were not even prepared to feel a certain way.

The First time I fell pregnant was in 2012, a year after getting married. At that time being asthmatic I got so ill it was unbearable, what made things worse is that there was this huge emotional burden I felt. Whatever I felt about someone or something was immediately exaggerated. It was not until my grand mother asked my mom if i was not expecting.

So what are some of the symptoms of pregnancy that no one tells you about?

They are quite bizarre but they happen a lot, lets accept them normal and part of the process. When we know we are in a position to act accordingly.

The Emotional Turmoil

Oh!! but this has kicked my butt several times, I know a lot of moms relate to this one. There comes strong emotions that sometimes feel so unbearable, that they are exaggerate your feelings concerning a certain subject or someone are heightened.

For example if it irritated you that no one replaces the toilet in your toilets at home, this will be worth crying over all of a sudden, and if you know the perpetrator then those feelings may be directed to that person.

Change Of habits

I notice just how much your habits change as well, and ofcourse this will differ from many women in scale but most may experience such changes. More often as you pick up pregnancy’s many habits may begin, that you were not even aware you are capable of. Some changes I found to be common are the following;

Quick to become angry
Ignoring people, calls, messages
Change of sleep patterns
Drawing closer to your partner
Pulling away from your partner
More sensitive to comments concerning weight gains
More anxious leading to clumsiness

So the point is that it is not just the physical changes you may notice, but there are these changes we cannot really touch that occur, and when you are aware of them it becomes easier to process those changes because you are able to articulate them.

Suddenly New Interests

All of a sudden I felt like a serious chef, and wait I am most certainly not complaining about this change, but I loved it. I would cook so much that we would have many salads with our meals, because I felt the urge to cook the best meals. I tried to keep up after delivery, but I was no longer as enthusiastic as I was during my first trimester.

It differs as we are all different but there are several interests you may develop, including certain television programs, that you had no interest in prior to conception.

Some of these interests are so strange, because they are a total opposite to what you would choose on a normal basis. If you loved Watching HGTV for decorating homes, gardens or building homes and vacation homes, you may decide you are now into romantic comedy movies and spend your leisure time watching that.

Your family will be the first to adjust to your newly found interests.

Loss Of Interest In Things You absolutely Love

As much as you develop interests in other things, you may just become an avid reader spontaneously, and lose interest in being an extrovert if you loved going out and attending every function you are invited to.

Sometimes this feeling comes as a loss of value and significance in the things you totally love. I love and always loved looking good, since I was a child and I have often seen myself as a fashion mom. However I have lost interest in it many times during my pregnancies. That is why you find you lose your identity or who you thought you were or the things you defined yourself as.

In many cases you find women go through many phases as a child does, of self discovery and reassurance of their interests while others abandon them for good.

It has taken more effort for me to feel like the stylish mom again than my first two pregnancies, and because I relate so well with dressing up I still explore that a lot, as I have now started exploring that with my children as the daily pressure of focusing on them closely has lessened.

Feelings Of Loneliness

It is possible to isolate yourself a lot, when you are still trying to understand and articulate the emotional and body changes that you are going through. Sometimes we get the idea that when we are by ourselves we can figure out what we are feeling.

You may feel the need to suddenly isolate yourself from your friends, and to their surprise at times and your family only does not feel the extent of your need for space, and this is because you live in the same house.

So next time your pregnant friend grows distant do no be mad at them, support by giving them space lovingly then when they need you around welcome them back.

Depression

Maybe the word itself is an extreme case, but it can happen to some degree that a mom may end up feeling depressed. This can happen when they are not able to address or even understand how they feel.

We mentioned earlier that there is a tendency to exaggerate feelings and emotions. If they feel negative emotions, they may exaggerate these emotions, and if it continues for a couple of days they may feel it unbearable.

Symptoms of Depression

they complain a lot about everything
unsatisfied with life and
their life is a mess
unacceptance of where they are in life and the sudden urge to be better overnight.
everyone is to blame

Change is not easy for anyone, how much more when you find it hard to process the fatigue and weariness you feel.

If you know you are always the bubbly person, but all of a sudden there are mood swings that develop into depression, you might just be pregnant. Of course it is not always the case but a necessary urge to propel you to make certain changes in areas of an unsatisfactory life.

It is always good to have a place to communicate how you are feeling, so that one can help guide as a neutral person

Immune System Fallout

It happens a lot that some actually fall sick and are more prone to colds, flu and fevers during this time. It is quite common for women to have cold like symptoms when they early in pregnancy.

Contact your doctor who will medicate you accordingly. It may help to stay hydrated by drinking a lot of water.

Heat And Hunger

I do not know how this relates together, but the body is one amazing machine that acts up in different ways when you are expecting.

I had this symptom all the time with all pregnancies. So when you are feeling hungry it feels like you have not eaten for days, then this is followed by this major body heat where your temperature literally rises as if you are about to collapse. It often feels like the body heat source is from the belly, and it rises towards the entire body.

I trust I have articulated it well for other moms here, hunger cues no longer feel normal but they are severe.

It will be best to always have a snack around you. The healthier the snack, the better fruits are a very easy option during the early trimester.

Have you tried plain yoghurt, I fell in love with it and it goes so well with fruits. It is a bonus if you are committed to a lifestyle of eating healthy foods for cultivating a lifestyle of healthy eating.

Major Fatigue

I am not just referring to the normal fatigue you feel, but I am talking about a major weariness you go through and you find it hard to lift your head, and get out of bed in the morning. Actually this may feel so strong like something larger than you is pulling your body to remain still.

This feeling can get better in the day, as you gather the strength to get out of bed and bath. Bathing makes a big difference but if you listen to this, and stay in bed it can make you stay in bed the entire day.

Sometimes during weekends you just want to cave in and sleep in on your weekends, despite not expecting but this is heightened a lot when you are pregnant during the first days.

Create a focus and channel your mind, on something that will make you look forward to getting out of bed eventually. It may be taking a walk, leave the car and go on the other side of town may be good practise too until the body adapts to this habit.

Set a bath time routine that you can follow, especially on weekends so that you can bath and rest feeling refreshed afterwards.

The Annoying Metallic Taste In The Mouth

This one you can never really get used to! I have heard some women saying they never had such symptoms, but many actually go through such changes.

It feels like cold and flu like symptoms where you lose your sense of taste, and it may be accompanied by loss of appetite temporarily. This may be because you will desire something that has a very strong taste, like vinegar on french fries for example to calm the metallic taste while you eat.

Vegetables and fruits are really good when there is loss of appetite. Try foods that you can enjoy but watch not to over binge on those ginger biscuits leaving you feeling guilty.

Constipation

Even when I am just 2 weeks pregnant, I already feel like I am 2 months already. My belly starts bulging too soon and I walk around feeling uncomfortable already with constipation.

Some ladies have had the most adorable tiny bellies while pregnant, yet some of us get the biggest ones as if we are expecting twins. I noticed that constipation has an impact aswell as your belly will show even before you want people to notice.

Passing gas my become the new normal for sometime.

Keep yourself hydrated and watch our for foods that make you easily constipated.

Spotting and Cramping

The abdomen feels so tight and it can be felt as minor period pains, but the abdomen feels very tight.

One can easily ignore this as period pains until you realise that you are not getting your period at all, or you are actually spotting. Spotting is getting a pinkish discharge that is much lighter than a period.

Headaches, Dizziness And Back pains

These may go hand in hand with period like symptoms. Its possible to experience severe headaches many times although you do not need to ignore it and assume you are pregnant if you have not done a pregnancy test yet.

You may feel dizzy too but its heightened when you feel hungry and when your body starts overheating.

Back pains may be major and dominant too. They may take the entire first trimester for some ladies but like i said we are really different and each pregnancy is different. too.

Carry a snack with you, sit down when you feel dizzy as though you are about to fall and find a way to support your back too. If you sit down a lot because of the work you do, stand up and walk to the bathroom or drop some files in the building so your body moves a bit.

I trust you enjoyed this post as much as i enjoyed articulating some of the symptoms so you accept them and find ways to focus on better taking care of yourself now that you are expecting.

Connect With Me!

allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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13 Reasons Families Visit The Local Farmers Market!

I must admit I am one who has never deliberately planned on visiting the local farmers market. I never really had a reason but whenever I needed something fresh or unique I would visit the market stands that are always there!

My husband and I learnt about this local farmers market that takes place once a month on month ends near our house as we were walking on a Saturday morning. We not only enjoyed our visit there but we decided to walk home and return with our children so they could also enjoy the little outing we had.

We saw quite a number of beneficial products even as a homemaker really came in handy. Exposing yourself to such an environment increases your sphere of influence and allows you to grow within your daily confines.

Here is what I learnt about visiting the local farmers market which I trust will come in handy for you and your family. So whether you are big on homemaking, beauty & fashion, interior decor, a foodie, coffee or herb lover, baker, blogger, vlogger then this is for you!

Enjoy!

A Farmers Market usually consists of people buying and selling things like home grown fruits, vegetables and other assorted baked goods according to agrotopics.com

SUPPORT LOCAL!

I know this sounds so familiar that it feels so cliché but it really gives you an open mind on the local talent and to support your own community. Sometimes we are unaware of these products we find here and what better way to contribute to supporting your neighbor.

Once a while opt to buy from someone who grows vegetables or designs their own earrings than always visiting a shop. You will find products that you absolutely love that are quite unique too.

One of the things we do know is that covid 19 pandemic left many people jobless and you find that they are trying other means to make a living and not only are they just making a living but they do offer really good products.

So next time you pass by a farmers market, do not hesitate to stop because you never know what gem you will find.

One of the things I am learning to master is to actually share people’s products even on social media pages so that it can reach the people who may need those products and they support other people as they see the products.

GET ORGANIC PRODUCTS!

Do you love herbs, plants, fresh vegetables, pure essential oils, unrefined oils, shea butter, fresh coffee and so much more. You will absolutely love the fresh products you get from there including fresh coffee that has been harvested by those selling at the stalls.

There are other home made products like jam, honey and atchar. These products are freshly made and can be used as sugar replacement, bread spread and sauce. This is also a chance to get herb seedlings/ plants to grow in your own back yard.

As you do that your children learn so much and know that food grows and its not just bought from the shop only. If you have a small space for a garden there are other ways you can start a small herb or lettuce garden with their seedlings and plants.

ECZEMA SOLUTIONS FOR CHILDREN!

Okay now, maybe not only for children but for the entire family. Some of us struggle with dry skin especially in winter and visiting the local farmers market might offer the best solutions for your skin.

What I loved about these products is that they are natural products and some of them are unrefined oils that you can be used on your skin without many ingredients in them.

Being a mother of three I have had major skin struggles with my girls who still struggle with dry skin from time to time.

You Try to manage skin problems with natural products so that they do not use harsh products at a young age.

During my visit I found unrefined avocado oil which is so amazing on my skin but was no good for my children’s skin as it reacted but amazing for my husband and i. However I hit the jackpot on beauty products for skin care which i enjoy trying on my husband. too.

I do believe when mixed with shea butter can be a great option for children and i will try that solution as we begin winter.

A CHANCE TO THINK BEYOND!

Doing new things, participating in activities, traveling and touring other places and your own country never leaves you the same especially when there is something beneficial for your journey in life. It broadens your thinking and you see beyond the usual environment that you see every day.

It exposes you to a different way of life and you get creative just by exposing yourself to such an environment. This makes me realize that I can actually set up a stall myself and participate in selling my products as we are a business minded family. Already This has allowed me to think of more ways to market my business, which you can absolutely market too.

MAKE IT A FAMILY AFFAIR! PERFECT PLACE FOR FAMILY BONDING.

This is my favorite point! make it a family affair by going together as a family to attend or view products together. I am always looking for ways we can spend quality time with our families by creating memories. These farmers markets usually take place during the weekends whereby you desire to catch up with your spouse and children.

Then, go there together and just communicate how much you will spend prior because when children see what they love they just want to buy everything.

We have learnt that talking to children before and letting them know how many items they will each get and involving them in the shopping prepares them ahead and much drama is avoided.

If your children are younger and it may be a struggle just to be there a few minutes I totally understand, I have been there too. If your nanny comes to your house a few hours on Saturday then use those hours to attend the market with your spouse and have your bonding time.

Getting outside as a family together to get fresh air creates really good memories where you can even take great pictures for the best memories. Who knows maybe they can soon introduce coloring, painting and some other games while offering hot dogs that children will enjoy.

HAND CRAFTED ITEMS

Do you love hand craft items? this is a great place to find unique hand stitched bags, pot mats, earrings and more. These are unique products that you will not find anywhere else. I found several handmade bags that I had not seen anywhere else. this much made it more exciting.

There was also an African doll that has its own bag which our children loved so much with a mat and pillow inside. This is one rare item that even the children are proud to own.

CHILDREN WILL LOVE IT

Children love doing new things and seeing different places. How much more a colorful place with different items where they can find really affordable toys they can add to their collection. There are really great finds for children offered and good snacks too like home made cookies.

I noticed there were books sold too which come in really handy when you desire to have off screen moments with your children. Although there were no activities for children they enjoyed the little outing and shopping and that can give an idea to someone who can offer activities for children to enjoy.

Children will get to have to choose vegetables from fresh produce and can even decide to love the fresh vegetables they bought themselves. This is a great chance for them to change their mind if they do not like vegetables.

PERFECT PLACE FOR GIFT IDEAS

Ever had a tough time choosing a gift for someone you desire to spoil? I recently had a tough time choosing gifts that some of my friends would love. I know now that I would have had more to choose from had I attended the farmers market the previous month.

**Social.media handles for the above gorgeous creations**

This is a perfect place to find unique gifts for friends and families. Now that mothers day is coming up and if you love to spoil you mother it might be a great place to spot something unique.

If you know someone close to you that is a coffee lover, maybe a coffee tree would be a prefect gift for them.

You can pick gift ideas and good reading books for the children too.

GREAT AVENUES FOR VENDORS/GROWING BUSINESSES

This is a time when most of us are increasing our streams of income. As much as we do ads on social media there are still a lot of people that we hardly ever reach. The best way to get people to know your business and get your contact details is for people to see your products physically and love them.

I learnt that it is good for people to see your products and actually hear you talking about them and as they see the products physically people are drawn and desire to really try the products for themselves and also recommend them to their friends, colleagues, family and community.

FRESH PRODUCE

You will definitely note the difference when you get fresh produce. You will be lured by the the colorful flowers, vegetables, fruits and plants and you will be surprised just how much this opens your mind to new products you never knew you loved.

This can add variety to your dishes and meal planning for you as a mother and create meal plans that last the family for some weeks.

Related Post!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times!

GET CONTACT DETAILS FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

It may happen that some of the products at the farmers market are not really something that you need at the moment. So the best thing to do is to get contact details from the companies or growing businesses or vendors so that you are able to contact them when you need them in future.

I noticed beautiful African print material that i know for sure i will be purchasing from the market or the lady selling them in the future to create beautiful outfits for the family.

RESTAURANT AND CAFE

There is a restaurant too at our local farmers market area that operates during week days and also operates during the farmers market day which is the last Saturday of every month.

Enjoy sitting, sipping coffee or tea while you also enjoy a meal as you watch a community exchange products that you have bought yourself or will be buying after your meal. I refer to the Dish Cafe at Computronics In Mbabane along Somhlolo Road In Eswatini Mbabane.

OFF SCREEN TIME FOR THE FAMILY

I really cannot emphasize the importance of off screen time for the family. There have been many distractions causing families to focus on TV, social media and family time has been neglected so much.

What is worse is that we are actually defending our focus on other things like growing our pages and focussing less on the people we are responsible for raising by taking time to be present with them, travel with them, show and teach them the way we desire them to grow up and be. At least there should be a balance where our household get the attention deserved.

When it is month end and you desire an activity to do with your children, take them out of the house and spend time with them while you keep your phone only for pictures and not let the phone take your presence from enjoying the moments.

I must mention there are plenty of stalls at the farmers market that may spark interest in you that i may not have mentioned here. More reason to explore this farmers market for yourself.

Would you consider spending a few hours of your time at the local farmers market?

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

I **have been using avocado unrefined oil for a week now**

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13 Common Mistakes Parents Can Correct Today!

Having more than one baby really challenged us but not as much as having our third baby. If you follow this blog you know that we had a challenge adjusting to having 3 babies in the house. This one really change the parent game for me and it was good as the blog was laid in my heart after i struggled staying sane while working full time and running my household 24 hours a day with 3 children.

Anxiety became the norm as from day one when a new born arrives, you keep improving one parenting method until you get better at it and moving on to the next stage of growth. This is a journey that takes a lifetime so we might as well always handle the different seasons better each time.

In today’s post we look at the common mistakes we make as parents as we juggle our different roles that we hardly find time or are rarely made aware of these loop holes that we can change or correct while our children are still young and as we evolve as parents.It is not easy to correct mistakes you are not made aware of, until something is brought to light then one can notice such gaps and work around learning new and better ways of doing things.

“It is not easy to correct mistakes you are not made aware of, until something is brought to light then one can notice such gaps and work around learning new and better ways of doing things.”

Let us look at some of the mistakes we make as parents and how we can correct them.

Neglecting Your Spouse!

I understand it is only natural to focus more on the children and they do need a lot of attention from the both of you. When i say neglecting your spouse, i do not just mean that as a wife you neglect your husband but i mean both husband and wife can neglect each other all in the name of focusing on the children.

The children do take a lot of your attention however take note not to allow this to drive you apart where you start focusing less on yourselves. This may be the right time to review your priorities, find out what is taking your time and start focusing on what you value the most.

Sometimes your value for your spouse may be affected from time to time by how you feel. Remember this is a commitment and how you feel is affected by your decisions. It may just be time to decide that you want to work on your marriage by committing to a life that focuses on working on your relationship daily.

It means you mind your mannerism, there way you talk to each other, doing something special for each other, taking care of one another and if pressure with house chores and taking care of the children puts you in a bad mood. It may be the time to navigate how to be calm amidst all the chaos and finding balance while harmonizing your priorities, values and routines as a family.

It may help you to set boundaries as a team, know what times you can be available for your family and let no one disturb you.
Limit negative talk from your circles or that which you expose yourself to, be it media that does not speak well about marriage. Yes it matters like compound interest overtime it has major impact on how you view your own marriage. a point we shall look into.
Decide to stop ignoring your spouse today and if you know you want to have a great marriage it means you will work towards that by looking at your daily habits if they match your goals.

Neglecting Your Routines!

This may seem so petty to be an issue but its one of the major ones that bothers us and cause us to really feel like our homes are chaotic most days. I will admit myself that i have allowed myself to get to this bad space from time to time. It is one thing to miss your routines once a while but its another thing to miss your routines you have built overtime almost everyday.

This can happen as you come home tired and you tell yourself you are skipping making a meal that day. This is normal and giving yourself a break and exploring your options may be great for you however if this goes on for long it may develop into a new habit of procrastination. If that is the case it may help to look at your burn out and just how much it affects you, then establish the length of time it will take you to get back to normal. This helps place an awareness in your mind to restart your normal routines.

Related Post!

The Uncommon Route To Mom Sanity

Routines can feel boring from time to time but you realize when you have just had a baby or more than one baby that you need them. I would love you to check the above post if you have felt that routines are not really important and yet you find yourself drowning in the every day struggle of not being able to balance your life and bring harmony and peace in your home.

Lack Of Planning!

Planning your day to day lives helps reduce the stress of falling behind on everything to keep the family organized which helps create harmony and peace in the home environment.

One may be thinking what kind of planning do I really need because this is not a company but a home. Whether you run a business, work from home, work full time or you are a stay at home parent it is important to to plan your morning routine, day time and night time routines because it all contributes to how well your family will function.

From the time you wake up you will need to make such decisions; when you cook breakfast, when the family eats and when you leave the house. There are other things like organizing what comes first in your list so that you flow throughout the days.

Children have fears too and can be overwhelmed with changes. Creating well planned routines for them keeps them calm and less stressed. I trust by now you see just how much peace this can bring to your household. Imagine having to wake up with no planned routines and children throwing tantrums everyday because they are really stressed and overwhelmed with day to day changes. It will drive you insane and you will hardly ever enjoy your family and it may bring unnecessary tension in the whole family.

Planned Daily Routines Include;

Time to wake up and get ready (unless you do more then you may need to wake up an hour earlier)
bath times, meal times, school hours, screen times and nap times
House chores
Family times Including meal times and play times

Look at this short list and expand it the way your family operates. If you have a new born that wakes up as early as 5 Am your schedule may start around that time and it means your sleeping routines need to accommodate the fact that you wake up early, for example you may prepare to go to bed earlier daily.

Please make use of it and make it works for you!

Not Correcting Parenting Errors!

Look honey, we all make mistakes and the best thing is to learn from them. However repeating an error all the time no longer is a mistake and that is where the guilt really sets in for parents because when you have that lingering urge to correct something but you do not eats away at your conscience.

Let me make an example so that we are on the same page, if you have a challenge like me of shouting a lot at your children when you are under pressure. It may be time to look at just what puts you under pressure and to learn to be patient with yourself and with your children. I also have to make sure i do not allow many things that remain undone to pile up so i remain a happier mom.

It may happen that you notice a way of doing things that can make your family life better, do not ignore that call especially if it is strongly laid in your heart.

Lack Of Prioritizing!

We recently looked at evaluating our priorities and how to evaluate them. Setting your priorities straight will really assist to bring that flow in life so that you can work through your values by prioritizing them. I believe there is a reason we have ‘limited’ time so that we can use it well and put our values first by giving the preference according to the value it has in our lives.

When you have children you will realize that you may not be able to do everything and attend every event but you will need to pick the most important things that need your attention according to what you value.

Not allowing Your Spouse To Help!

It is normal to desire to be a super mom but it is not necessary because the children are growing and it means you and your spouse may be possibly growing apart as the children grow. As i mentioned earlier, a relationship is a growing thing and it needs to be fed and nurtured daily.

Allow and involve your spouse to help and it is only beautiful to do things together as a family. Sometimes we are affected by our environment and what we constantly hear. If a lot of people around you do not speak well about their spouse or about marriage it will most definitely affect you in the long run and it will show up in what you prioritize.

Learn to support each other and take care of each other by involving each other to raise a family and creating strong family bonds together. It is important to learn to be united, work together as a team such that even if you get on each others nerves remember you are playing for the same team.

Not Minding What Kind Of Influence You Expose Yourself to!

If you desire to be a mom that takes care of her household consistently then you cannot be consistently around people who do not really care about taking care of their families. This also goes for the people you follow on social media, learn to follow people that inspire you to be improve in your roles.

It may help to find people that speak your language and create an environment that is conducive for your values to thrive.

Not Setting Boundaries!

It may be challenging to set boundaries for yourself and your family especially when you run a business. However you can train yourself to set them and stay consistent, eventually people will know that after certain hours they will not be able to reach you.

I chose to reduce events i attend on weekends because i was tired of being guilty of leaving my children at home while i had been working all week. It did not make me feel good and i decided that until our children grow i would make it a point to dedicate weekends to them fully.

I am used to this and saying no comes easier now especially if i know the event will not serve me much.

Not Addressing Burn Out!

As you go through different seasons and times you may be burnt out from time to time. Sometimes we do not clearly know what is really burning us out and making us weary. However it may help to take time to yourself and figure out what may be draining you.

There are things you can check to see if they are not affecting you like

Lack of adequate sleep
Not eating well
You may be stuck in routines that no longer serve you
You may be emotionally drained
You are always in a rush and never slow down

All these can be addressed as you can work on healthier sleeping routines, track your routines and time yourself and see how you can master how long each activity takes. When it comes to your mental health i love to check with myself how i feel each time where i spend time or what i spend time on be it certain TV programmes or after scrolling on social media. When change comes it is not always easy to embrace it because it is easier to stick to a habit than doing something new and different.

“When change comes it is not always easy to embrace it because it is easier to stick to a habit than doing something new and different.”

It is important to take care of yourself instead of being in a rush all the time, slow down, put the cellphone down, take days off work, and rest.

Leaving Everything To Be Done By The Nanny!

I know many may frown at me for mentioning this but i mean well. This will serve you and your children. Every thing you decide to do can be changed and you can learn new ways of doing things.

Raising children means doing things for children, for as long as its possible doing things for your children like bathing them, feeding them, tucking them to bed, hugging them,checking on their homework and more. This may seem like too much work but it is possible to time block and allocate time and days when you can do these activities.

The nanny is not the parent, children need you to be present and to deliberately make time for them. It makes children so happy and even more so if you learn to get the a cup of water when they ask you to instead of calling the nanny to get them a cup of water they asked from you.

Different things may make you feel like you do not have enough time but looking at the list of your TV programmes each night and you may realize that you have plenty of time.

Put the cellphone down and just have off screen time, children need and appreciate that.
It is not every function that you really need to attend but choose wisely so you can be available for your family.
Learn to delegate only when necessary but most times cook for your children, play with them, teach them the word, skills and educate them, involve them in your life and enjoy them.

Procrastination

You allow housework and office work to pile up and you find yourself overwhelmed all the time because you do not do things at the time they have to be done. Taking time to rest is good however after resting let the routines continue and get things done.

When you procrastinate a lot you work under pressure all the time and that is unnecessary stress for you. I recently learnt that procrastination also has root causes and it may be time you tried to understand why you procrastinate the things that you do. It may be easier to address it that way and live a full life

Diets To lose Weight Fast!

Of course you will look good but will you be happy? I have tried diets and what i realized is that i was always hungry , tired and angry. I was angry because i was hungry and you ignore this because the goal is to quickly get into shape. You will lose weight eventually over time as you reduce your food intake bit by bit but monitor your hunger cues and if you are well nutritioned.

“I am learning that a healthy person needs good sleep, good nutrition, exercise, hydration and a positive outlook on life.“

As you take the time to exercise your body will eventually be toned and building muscle may help but take care of yourself holistically and not ignore your body when it complains of hunger and lack of enough sleep.

Allow your body to lose weight over a realistic period of time not to necessarily make you not take it seriously to get into shape but to be mindful not to harm your body. If you do no like the way you look when dressed up, find clothes that flatter your body and create a look that will make you feel confident and work especially on loving yourself where you are and allow change to come when the time is right.

Stopping Learning

You can never know enough, i am not suggesting that you tire yourself reading every mom blog or every parenting book but also know that information will flow to you when you need it. Make time to the bible, read articles, learn from those ahead of you and sometimes learn from younger people but be open to learning however as you learn remember your individuality and uniqueness.

As people grow in many areas, allow yourself to grow in parenting too, learn how to have self control, be patient and live your best even as you clean through the mess in your house made by your children.

As you learn and unlearn remember to hold fast to your values and beliefs because they are what makes you unique and you can serve others in those areas.

Let us all learn to look at the bigger picture of life as a whole, it is the whole journey of your life that matters and not just one moment, some may run fast others a bit slower for now but things may change and it becomes the other way round. Help others in their journey where God has blessed you with wisdom and knowledge and receive assistance from others too.

Which part of this list has been a meaningful lesson for you?

What looks easier to correct?

Wrapped In love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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Evaluate and Set Priorities 7 Ways In Mamaland

I always know when my priorities are out of track but just cannot clearly put a finger on what is missing. Often it is easy to just go on with your daily routines even when they are no longer working because our priorities are no longer being honored. we easily lose track of priorities because we maintain the ways of life we are used to, in what you can call habits.

So Why do we need to evaluate our priorities when we know what they are?

As people we usually say things we wish could happen but we do not follow through by being intentional and it ends up becoming wishful thinking that gets us nowhere where our priorities are concerned.

Sometimes we really do commit and see our priorities through but we lose track of our way and we get weary, we get distracted and they lose meaning to us.

Evaluating our priorities is not only that we have lost track of our way all the time but sometimes as we grow, as our children grow it requires that we change our way of doing things so we can best live our lives.

For Example! The birth of a new born brings about a major change in the family and the family priorities may need to be altered so the family can adjust well to the changes that come with a new born.

What I love about life is it has clear patterns that shows us what works for us and what does not work for us. I once mentioned that I had to choose between being a social butterfly and being a committed mom. I could not have it both with young children.

“I had to choose between being a social butterfly and being a committed mom, I could not have it both”

The Importance of evaluating your Priorities!

As moms we really have a lot on our plate, we have to take care of our families, nurture our children while they grow, teach, feed our families and so much more. If you do not decide what is most important to you and make those things a priority, you may feel

Like a failure in your roles
Burnt out
Barely coping with most or all your roles
a ticking bomb
Constantly feeling guilty

By the end of this post, you really should be able to define what your priorities are and how to put them into action. these will assist you in

Creating a well balanced life
A life that is focused on what you value
Measure your values with the way you spend your time and money
Leave /cut off things that are not serving you
Stop feeling guilty for making time for your priorities and saying no to the rest
Enjoy quality and quiet time with your family
You will feel at ease about motherhood because deep down you know you are giving it your best shot
You will evolve and grow, make mistakes but you will be better at your roles each day
A few years from now, you will reap what you are sowing today.
Your strength and energy will be renewed each day.

Okay I believe you get the picture if you have not already experienced this. Let us look at effective ways to evaluate our priorities as moms!

What do I need Right Now?
What are my values?
What season am I in?

After answering these questions then proceed to creating a purposeful life by prioritizing what matters most to you.

Set your Priorities and write them down
Create a plan and stick to it
Review Your priorities often
Identify your distractions and minimise them
Recognize areas where you need help
Identify urgent areas of growth
Set your boundaries

What Do I Need Right Now?

That is for you to answer mommy, Sometimes we walk through our lives unaware of what we need at this moment. You can make a list of things you need;

Do you need help more from your family or nanny?
Do you need to sleep more?
Do you need to create more time with your children?
Are the family schedules still working or they need to change?

What I realized today after a call with a life coach is that we miss so much of the shadows in us that may block us from actually being aware of what we need to focus on at the moment. Talking to someone may open your eyes in areas that are neglected or areas that are no longer a priority yet they should be.

What Are Your values and beliefs?

Have you ever lost track of your direction just a bit? I have countless times and now it is time to question what are your values? These will really guide you on setting your priorities as a wife, mom, as a business woman, as a stay at home mom and as a career woman.

How do we measure our values?

Someone once said you measure your values according to where you spend your time and money! Those things are valuable to you and you may need to check in with your values because you may be spending time and money somewhere you are not supposed to. However it happens when we are unaware of some of our habits.

Our values set the tone for our priorities in our lives. They help us determine what is important to us. Beliefs give us perspective in life, guiding us and determine how we respond to situations.

What Season Of Your Life Are You Experiencing?

Its true our priorities will vary according to what season and times we are in. When you have a new born baby your priorities may including Breast feeding and getting the baby to latch on well. However as the baby grows you may focus on introducing solids and having a family meal together as the children grow.

Set Priorities And Write Them Down

This will help you determine what are the most important things in your life right now and what takes top of the list and the bottom list.

I will make an example with myself; The most important things for me is My relationship with God, quality family time, physical fitness and wellness, business & blogging and ministry (couples ministry&families). Please go ahead and write down yours on your note pad or journal or you can record them as a voice note so you know what is important to you now!

Now that I have a list, it is much easier to break it down and now determine what practices, activities, circle of influence and diet that I need to follow to look exactly like my priorities.

Create A Plan And Stick To It?

I will continue to use my example from the above list. Now you have to determine your priorities and create measurable ways of keeping yourself on track. So if your list looks like mine it means I will be focused on reading scripture and doing what the scriptures says where my relationship with God is concerned.

So if you value family time you will make meal times so important for family, putting the children to bed, making time for your husband and bonding continuously, exercising more for a physically fit body.

Related Post!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times

As a blogger I know the importance of publishing posts continuously and consistently and consistent advertising for business.

Review Your Priorities Often!

This is because they change according to which times and seasons you are experiencing. It also happens that you lose track of your most important priorities because you got distracted along the way.

Check in with yourself from time to time.
From the time I started blogging my priorities have changed now and again. Some seasons I needed to sleep more for my well being so I would give myself a break from posting and focus more on restful sleep.

Identify Your Distractions And Minimise Them!

What distracts you the most? Do you desire to make your meal times with your family important but you lose track of time scrolling on your social media feed and hardly finish cooking on time?

My biggest distraction had been social media but i had set my intentions to be a present mom and wife. When you have made mistakes before you know wishful thinking will not get you the results. Being a present mom means i make use of the time my husband and children are awake by making the most of them. It means i can reply non urgent messages during my free time or i use a few minutes after they fall asleep. Its non negotiable for me.

I can also wake up earlier to reply to messages and emails.

Recognize Areas Where You Need Help

One of my biggest challenges right now is organizing my space and my home so for me i do need help when it comes organizing my home. If there is an area that you need help with or advise and yet it is a priority at the moment or in the future then get the help that you need to confidently fulfill your priorities. This can be as simple as learning to get a baby to latch well for breast feeding and that is a priority to a new mom.

Identify Areas Of Growth Especially Urgent Ones

When you have set your priorities it means those are areas of importance to you and growth is necessary from time to time. There are so many areas we can improve as moms leaving us feeling less guilty or not guilty at all and living fulfilled lives.

Set Boundaries!

You cannot make everything a priority because you will be burnt out. Some priorities may be seasonal but it may be overwhelming to take on many things to do and bring unnecessary guilt.

One thing i have been committed to is giving my weekends to my family and saying no to commitments that take me away from them during weekends.

There is a lot i still need to improve on when it comes to setting boundaries as i realised today when talking to a life coach today whom you can follow on instagram at sheleadscreatives and book your session.

Wrapped In love!

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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12 Ways To Enjoy The First Month With A New Born

Now that I can look back at all our experiences with our three children, there were really challenging moments that made us walk the path even more aware with our third baby Kairos (God’s Time). We truly desired to enjoy the moments of this journey since the first and second time we had so much to worry about well as we thought and could not relax through these seasons.

We have learnt so much from our wins and our mistakes including negative patterns we have tried to turn into positive patterns over time as we noticed the familiar trends. So if we happen to consider having our fourth and fifth baby we trust what we have learnt will help us to have a stress free journey with our new born.

Today we are all about you, if you have just had a new baby or someone close to you and maybe you are planning on having a baby soon, this post is dedicated to you and your beautiful baby or babies and we pray and trust you will enjoy this journey from the beginning by worrying less.

When our baby shalom (2nd baby) was two weeks old, she was hospitalized for two weeks and it was a rough time for my husband and I. I was in pain due to a caesarean section gone wrong so i took pain medication for relief yet my baby was breastfeeding so it affected her. We noticed just how much she would sleep and fed less, while also losing so much weight. So, Watch what you put in your mouth very much closely.

Not to mention I had a difficult time latching on properly to feed her well because she will not feed well when not latched well and the nipples will crack and be extremely sore.

See Related Post!

New Moms Guide To Breast Feeding!

However we were able to get her to pick up weight by feeding her every 2 hours day and night. Whatever it is you have gone through, are going through from conception, pregnancy, birthing options and the post partum journey know that you are not alone. We have all gone through moments of weakness and may you find hope and heal the worries, anxiety and fear you may feel. Parenting is a Journey and not a destination with a lot of learning, unlearning and correcting mistakes but love will guide and see you through this beautiful journey.

“Parenting is a journey and not a destination with a lot of learning, unlearning and correcting mistakes but love will see you through this beautiful journey.”

Baby’s Cry

The only way a baby communicates with you is by crying! Embrace that and know that you are also learning about your baby, and as you get to know your baby you will know what mostly triggers your baby to cry. You will understand her hunger cues, when she needs a diaper change and so on.

Of course there is much concern when your baby cries non stop and that is when you go through the most important things that could trigger a baby to cry like hunger, consistent burping, diaper change, feeling hot or cold, keeping the umbilical cord dry, tight uncomfortable clothing, feeling sleepy and that will help you to check all those things so you can soothe your baby.

Keep A Journal Close!

As you get to know your baby you may want to really keep track of what keeps the baby calm. When the baby sleeps more hours of the night, what kept or made her calm and write it down because you may forget yet that answer may be golden to you as parents. Of course it may have been that unique day, however write it and repeat what works so you can confirm if it really soothes your baby well.

It may be as simple as a comfortable breast feeding position that really worked and your back was free from pain, but its worth noting! Go through the list above of situations that can cause a baby to cry and write down as you discover what soothes your baby.

Sometimes it may just be heat rash and being able to deal with it that is worth journaling.

I remember when our son was born we were new parents and dressing the baby in layers of clothes and the baby developed really bad heat rash. We rushed to the hospital the following day and the doctor just reduced the baby’s clothes and told us to keep in mind the temperatures and not overwhelm the baby with too many clothes and blankets.

If it helps your baby to sleep by the belly if the baby has gas in his/her belly due to not burping well then its worth noting but just be very careful with this one. Make sure the baby’s nose is open for breathing.

“Do you find a journal far out of reach? Then record your voice notes and save them, they may come in handy.”

One Milestone At A Time

If you were never a patient person this is the perfect time to learn to be patient. When you learn each stage after the arrival of your new born, celebrate that milestone and not worry about the list of things you still have to learn.

Master holding a new born, breastfeeding well, burping the baby well, getting the baby to sleep well, sponge bathing the baby and each of these are a milestone on their own to be really grateful for.

Sometimes its a challenge to be calm when there is something major that challenges you. An example is when your nipples are cracked, red and sore from not latching well. It can really cause so much anxiety and uncertainty because the pain can be unbearable.

If that is the case, address it by committing to learning the perfect latch with each feed. Do not give up on learning until it becomes second nature. There are also nipple creams that could really help with the pain while you get better at breast feeding every day.

Do not Worry About A Messy House!

The house should be the least of your worries when nursing a baby. It is important to get it clean at least whenever you are able so you live in a healthy environment. So focus on more on the baby and your spouse may help with tidying the house while you focus on nursing the baby well and resting whenever you can.

Try tidying the house in the evenings when you are able to do so when the baby has just slept. You can take 10- 15 minutes just picking items on the floor, tidying and you will wake up to a cleaner house the next morning.

Mom’s Warm bath

There is something about getting into a nice warm bath that works for mom. After giving birth you bleed a lot and good hygiene does wonders for your body to relax. So if anyone is present to watch the baby or steal a few minutes while the baby sleeps to bath, then oil or simply moisturize your body so to keep it from drying out then get into comfortable clothes.

This makes the biggest difference I have noticed.

Even if fatigue had taken its toll on you but you feel more stronger after a good warm bath.

A great tip is to bring everything you will need to the bathroom. Your moisturizer, sanitary pads, clean under wear, your clean clothes so by the time you leave the bathroom you are done. This helps so when your baby wakes up with any noise as you leave the bathroom you are already done wit dressing up too. Some days i would keep all these ready in the bathroom so when my baby falls asleep i just go straight to the bathroom.

Ask For Help

Do not be afraid to ask for help in areas where you really need assistance. If you are having the second, third baby help with getting your other children to bed or attending to other household needs while the baby is with you.

It is also possible to desire to get a few things form the shop but you may not be able to do that with a new born so that is where help comes in handy especially if your spouse is at work during the day.

One of the main important things is a meal plan for the family and if there is nothing frozen that is prepared you might as well use as much help as you can.

Sometimes you may just ask for advise concerning a challenge you have with your new baby from other moms. It really goes a long way and something that could be stressing you can be easily addressed from one who has gone through it. It is okay to discern if the advise will work for you or not, some things you just trust your mom instincts.

This may be a great time to address many stressors or worries you may have like the baby’s weight fluctuations. There are many mommy blogs and some are only focused on new born babies and plenty of you tube videos on how to do certain things when you have a new born. We have help available as parents, do not be afraid to use it.

Cook Once For Many Meals

I cannot emphasize this enough, you cannot afford to stand for hours in the kitchen. On a day when you are feeling more energetic and the baby is sleeping more, there is your time to cook in the largest pots you have and freeze some for rainy days.

When our third born was an infant, i tried to master when she wants more attention and since it was in the evenings, i would wake up as early as possible in the mornings and cook once for the whole day including breakfast, lunch and supper.

If there is someone to help you with chopping some vegetables either your spouse or your nanny if you already have one so its easier and quicker to cook.

Related Post!

The Uncommon Route to Moms Sanity

Get Some Sun Or Fresh Air As Much As Possible

Staying in doors for long with a baby may make you feel lonely to a certain extent. If you can just go outside and enjoy the sun or the breeze it makes a big difference.

Taking a walk when you can also helps the body heal and get used to moving more. It does not have to be really long walks but even around your backyard can also do.

Satisfy Your Thirst!

If you are Breast feeding, you really need to pay attention to filling yourself up with liquids especially some water. I usually notice just how much i would be thirsty most of the time in the first month and sometimes i would not listen to that urge to drink water because all i want to do when the baby is sleeping is to rest too.

It would really help to keep bottled water next to where you spend most of your time with your baby so you can easily reach it.

Make Routines Much Easier To Handle!

At Night before going to bed, make your feedings, diaper change, hydration much easier by getting most things you will need right next to you.

Nappy Change!

Have two or three diapers within your reach, if you have a side table now you can get it into use. Have your wipes, bum cream or Vaseline to keep baby’s bum hydrated. If such things are far from reach like the baby’s bum cream, you may skip on applying it leaving the skin dry and cracked causing more discomfort you may not easily pick when baby cries.

Feedings!

Have all you need in your bedroom or the nursing room to easily feed your baby during the night or even during the day while you all nap. I made sure there is a small sofa i can use in the bedroom to nurse the baby when she wakes up. If you had your nursing pillow in the living room during the day, take it to the bedroom with you to make your lives so much simpler. Now when the baby wakes up to feed you save yourself a walk to the living room at night to fetch what you left before bed.

If you are bottle feeding, then make enough milk to last the baby for the night as you will know how much milk your baby takes in the night, For a new born it may be just one bottle.

Pumping For The nights!

I would try my best to pump milk during the day so that sometimes my husband would wake up and attend to the baby and i would have some bottled milk ready. Now depending on the temperatures you may need to warm it.

Bottled Water!

The concern for most moms is to have plenty of milk so keeping yourself hydrated is excellent and when you wake up having some water next to you goes along way.

Turn Off Notifications and Sleep As Much as You Can!

There is no need to feel pressured to check your notifications from messages, emails and social media. You need as much time to sleep as possible. You do not have to feel pressured to stay up an hour more just to attend to your phone, you need to save that energy for your nights and days with less sleep.

Have Skin To Skin And Whatever Works For You And Your Baby

Make use of your skin to skin time with your baby so it can soothe and calm the baby. Adopt what calms and soothes your baby as you get to know your baby day by day. Some days you will try something and the next it may not work, do not give up trying to see what is best.

You will eventually understand each other with your baby and know what your baby needs with each day. Let this list not restrict you but continue to discover more end enjoy your baby mommy!

12 Essential Moments For Parenting Success

I realize the parenting journey cannot be walked alone and some people say it takes a community to raise children, and there is truth there because you need all the good advice you can get from other moms, and grand mothers who have walked ahead of you.

There are always people willing to share information on how you can master some essential elements of parenting, that you may not easily be aware of as a new parent. This is just like learning to drive a manual car, you have to make sure you do not miss any step in between balancing and changing gears down or up. Yet when you have mastered driving it just becomes so natural to you.

As the years have gone by since I became a parent, I notice things that challenged us the most yet when mastered they made life such a beautiful harmonious flow in all your roles. However when the parenting role was affected, it then affected every other area of your life. There are important things that I desire to mention, that i hope will benefit you and your whole community, as you pass them on too to other moms or dads in your circle.

This makes life much more easier for the new parents, especially trying to find their feet in this. In the previous post we mentioned that the parenting journey is a personal one. This is true, you have things to discover for yourself because you are a unique being, and so is your child/ children. Learn as much as you can, however take that advice and fit it into your life when you see the patterns we talk about in your own life, however do it in a way that goes with the way of doing things in your family.

here are a few things you may want to look into when you start having children.

BREAST FEEDING/BOTTLE FEEDING

I mention both breast feeding and bottle-feeding because some are not able to breast feed for many reasons, including the fact that the baby may just refuse to take breast milk, and no woman should ever feel bad if they are not able to breast feed. It is just like giving birth naturally or through a Caesarean section, we all mothers and none better than the other.

Breast feeding can be so complicated, and you just never get used to the roller coaster of not being able to latch your baby well. If you are not familiar with the word latching you can read a previous post on breast feeding and all you need to know. Learn as much as you can about both of these and continue to learn even after giving birth, to avoid being frustrated with not being able to fill your baby.

Also Learn about the different positions of breast feeding, so you keep practicing until you can breast feed and not break your back.

Master this one thing and life becomes so sweet, you can enjoy your baby fully without having any conscious and sub conscious worries lingering on your mind! That is mom self care too.

Related Post!

New Mom’s Guide To Breastfeeding!

I believe for bottle feeding it is looking closely at which type of milk works really well for your baby without causing irritations.

BURPING!

Oh yes, it is a big deal with babies. It can be a bit stressful when you are really tired and sometimes it may take long for a baby to burp. Helping a baby burp is when the baby has been feeding then when the baby is done, you help the baby burp by holding the baby on your chest, with gentle strokes on the baby’s back allowing the baby to burp.

Burping is healthy for the baby because it prevents the baby form having unnecessary gas on the stomach, which cause major discomfort in the baby affecting bowel movements too.

Remember our in our intro we mentioned that having a new baby may be similar to learning to drive a manual car, and you may forget certain steps and be frustrated yet when you have mastered all the steps you just do things without having to think about it.

It can happen that a baby may be very fussy when they have not burped and these are things you watch out for, especially when you return to work and the nanny may forget several times to get the baby to burp.

These are one of the things you master, and you can enjoy a more stress free post partum days.

KEEPING FED AND HYDRATED!

This is very important for new moms and breast feeding moms in general. When you are not well fed, there is this depressing feeling you have that you may not be able to articulate well in words of how exactly you are feeling.

I remember moments I would lose my appetite a few weeks after the birth of my children. My husband noted this pattern and he would buy me the best foods, I really enjoy that are nutritious. I just became a happier mom as I was eating well and always had a bottle of water and once a while i would get those 100% juices.

Get yourself the foods that you like and supplement your snacking with fruits, as they are really excellent for both of you and the baby.

It is worth mentioning that it is so important to be as comfortable as possible, to avoid being stressed. Stressing a lot is not good for you and the baby stresses when you are stressed, and they act out by being fussy too. This is because they are very much attached to you and they feel it when you are not okay causing them to feel anxious.

Watch that you eat well and are full as your body produces milk, and it needs nutrients from food to do that. Eat the foods that make you happy and are nutritious for the baby too.

The people around you should care enough to want to help you as you nurse your baby, explain how you feel from time to time and your needs if they are not aware of such things, so they can support you and help get you the things that will make this journey much more joyful.

PUMPING MILK/PREPARING BOTTLE MILK!

My husband would always encourage me to pump milk, so I can be able to nap more while he takes care of the baby. Now I am able to encourage other moms because I know just how tired you can get as parents, and the need arises that resting may help you to stay sane.

So I have grown to love pumping milk because you can pump a bottle or two allowing you time to nap, while your spouse or whoever is helping you may take care of the baby while you rest. Allow your spouse to take over at times and get some sleep too. If you are bottle feeding you may just prepare the milk prior to your napping time. However if your spouse or your nanny knows how to measure and prepare the milk even better for you mommy.

As challenging as pumping is, it surely has benefits for you and your baby. It can put excess pressure on the nipple but as you get used to pumping more pores open, making it easier for the baby to get more milk and to be full since milk is expressed on three openings or more. Only watch that the milk dose not choke the baby if the pressure becomes too much.

However remember to feed and pump interchangeably, as the milk production is triggered by your baby when she breast feeds.

“prepare for returning to work by pumping one bottle or two a day which you can transfer to freezer bags and sore in the freezer for up to six months”

This can relieve you so much from the pressure when you return to work.

BABY’S SLEEPING PATTERNS!

When your baby is born their sleeping pattern may be different from yours, and they still maintain the sleep patterns they had in the womb.

Did you know even a new born baby can be trained to change their sleep routines to sleep more at night!? Of course it will not happen over night and it may take some time for your baby to adjust, but as long as you sow the seeds of change it will come.

Things to consider!

Your baby’s bath times, bathing babies soothes them to fall asleep because they are feeling fresh and warm water makes ones body relax. consider bathing your baby before your bedtime but look at the baby’s sleeping patterns already, do not bath her when she already wants to fall asleep, she will be crying all through his/her bath time.
Dim the Lights or switch them off and use a dimer light so that it can trigger a pattern of sleeping time to your baby to understand that overtime.
Wake the baby up If they Sleep too long during the day I know this is your time to be resting, but your natural sleeping time is the night and your baby will get used to sleeping at night too but need your help. If the baby sleeps longer than usual, wake the baby gentle by removing a few clothes then putting them back so you can feed the baby and she can enjoy the longer sleep patterns during the night.

Be mindful not to wake the baby too soon because they will be quite irritated. Let them sleep those two to three hours but not more during the day at a go.

STARTING SOLIDS!

This stage is very important too and what your baby eats may shape the relationship that the baby has with food.

Starting solids may be much easier in the beginning but if you are not watchful of the yoghurt that you sometimes give the baby, they may start refusing real food and this can easily turn into a nightmare. The baby has tried something different, and can now differentiate what they like more than other foods.

We have learnt that as your baby grows they learn so much from eating together as a family. This has more positive eating habits that influences the children as they grow up.

Children love to model what you do, as you sit down and eat with them as a family they love that and are more receptive to eating.

Related Post!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times!

EDUCATIONAL ENTERTAINMENT!

I have observed in this time I have become a parent that children develop their own patterns whether negative or positive towards certain things. As I became a homeschooling parent i really struggled getting my children to concentrate on their work, and it really created negative feelings towards class time at home.

I would push it so hard on them that they have to learn yet already because of my teaching style, they hated class times and it would be the worse times we had together.

Upon realizing the negative patterns I had created, I had to unlearn traditional ways I knew of helping my children learn but I had to learn to be a creative mom. Children do not want to be frustrated but desire to be creative and learn through a less stressful environment.

I know most of you can relate with homework time and these patterns develop, while we are still young that we despise any sort of school work. This is the time to learn to articulate things well to children by making education fun and creative. Children differ as well, one may enjoy expressing numbers in a song while another really loves drawing and making colorful numbers.

Math just became creative and fun, teaching and focusing on the goal is important but how you make them understand what you are teaching, or showing them on their homework is very important.

RECRUITING A NEW NANNY AND RETAINING ONE!

I addressed this one on a previous post that you may like to go through especially if you will be hiring one for the first time.

you learn interpersonal skills and you most importantly learn how to respond even when you have been disrespected, because of your concern for your children. Finding a good nanny is not always an easy process, learning about different personalities and what works for your family, makes it much easier to know what will work for you and what will not work for you.

This one is quite sensitive and it is always good to be vigilant and watch just how your children are when you leave the house and when you get home. You may have to understand how your child communicates with you, whether they cry hysterically when you leave the house and grab on your clothes or they are calm.

As you get ready to get back to work you may want to look for a nanny earlier, so you learn as much because still you have to go through the journey to know for yourself what you want, and what you do not want to happen when your baby is being taken care of. Working through those matters to see if it will work with one nanny or you need a different one.

When you first hire its easier to get anyone who just emphasizes how ‘good they are with children’ only to realize its not in the words only but body language, attitude and listening skills.

FOUNDATION IN GOD’S WORD!

Never assume children are too young for spiritual matters. Actually quite the contrary, they are more receptive to spiritual matters. Children are open to so much and their minds love things. However, us adults consider impossible because we have been initiated in our beliefs of what is possible and what is not.

“That is why you find children love superhero cartoons because they do not see fiction but they see a whole new world of possibilities”

Assuming children will learn when they are older might not be the best of ideas. What I know is that you reap what you shall sow.

Train up a child in the way he should go, 
[a]And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

CARVE OUT YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!

Have you noticed just how much dedication all our roles demand from us!

But he that knew not and committed things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required; and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.
Luke 12:48

In some roles we may excel more than our other roles, an easy example is the role of a mother and a wife.

It may be a challenge to really achieve harmony on all your roles, where the connection is God who connects them all harmoniously. It may be your career, your marriage, children, business and other appointments.

It can be challenging watching all these closely and being on point with all these roles, but when you are guided by God’s word information will flow to you naturally because of your spiritual position. I am not talking about simply attending church and not knowing what you really worship for yourself as an individual, but I am talking about an intimate relationship with God that you work on consistently for yourself.

A deeper understanding of God’s word for your life. God’s wisdom will guide you as you allow His wisdom to pour on you, gaining favor where you may not be the strongest in.

For example as a mother you may cook well, bath your children, be organized while you work full time but just miss that your child is being ill treated by the nanny! You may miss this but when you are so sensitive spiritually you can easily pick that up, yet it may require more effort naturally to discover something like this immediately.

REFLECTION TIME!

Spirit, body and mind

You desire to model to your children the life you want them to have.

How do you do that when you lose your way/direction sometimes? You make mistakes, I mean we all do and that makes us human but if you are unaware of certain imbalances in your life, you will keep walking on the wrong direction.

It is time to ask yourself from time to time.

what are your values?
what do i need to heal from within me to be whole?
what do i need to correct?

Allow God’s word to sift through and bring such things to the surface, as you find your path again from time to time.

LET GO AND TRUST!

Trust that you are okay and what you need to know will come to you. Allow yourself to grow in this journey and not allow criticism weigh you down as you are learn more about yourself as a parent. You are already doing okay, keep going and know you were born for such a time as this to raise your children to become what you desire them to be.

God bless you!

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

https://instagram.com/thelovedrenchedmom_godlypretty?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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Major Ways To Handle Social Media Influence On Your Parenting Choices!

Why Parenting Is A Personal Journey! It Is Unique To You

The truth is that parenting has its highs and lows but you learn to celebrate them all because that is what makes you a parent. Life is not as glamorous, as we would all desire it to be.

This is coming from a glam girl who has not been so glamorous, because being a hands on mommy to 3 young children means I have to sometimes choose between choosing my outfits so well, or spending that time preparing supper and getting food on the table on time so we have a family moment with no distractions.

Welcome to the real world of parenting!

I have often questioned myself too when I go through other posts from wonderful parents and realize that is not really how i feel throughout the day or at most throughout the week.

Engaging on social media becomes such a challenge, from day to day as I am a working, blogging and business mom. I hardly make time to take pictures for my blog because I do not want to rob my family of their privacy and their time with me.

Sometimes you can plan until the last detail of the day, when you are about to reach out the door someone screams “mom! you did not kiss me, ” and you only have 5 minutes to make it to work on the clock.

Today I desire that we put aside all the weight we carry around with us, the perfect family photos, perfect family, perfect lifestyle, perfect planning, everyday airbrushed photo ready mom, perfectly articulated posts on social media, or other platforms and just let go of things that keep making your mind racing and setting you up for failure, day in and day out.

The desire is to follow whom exactly we are and what we desire for ourselves and our families. Moving away from duplicating life from our peers, but just finding our own path that makes us at peace and calm. Let us bring back the diverse life god made in us and bring our uniqueness to the table unafraid.

Let us always remember that our lives are carved out differently. The lifestyle of one who stays spends their weekends in town on a farm with her family, is already different form a mom that stays in a suburb with a small yard. Their lives are different and each so beautiful in their unique ways.

Slowly we are losing our own paths and finding only photo shopped pictures yet we are not always feeling like getting a full face make-up, and for moms it is quite exhausting and unrealistic. I trust you will understand me well!? doing things that make you happy is a great part of showing love to yourself, but when we consider not our roles and focus on our pleasures only we miss out on important relationships, miss track our goals, forget about the dreams that we should pursue to sustain and give birth to the lifestyle we have and still continue to desire.

I hope we are still walking together. I have been so guilty of that this past year and it took so much quiet time alone with no distractions, journaling, asking God why I feel so empty, tired and angry. I had to stay and listen to uncomfortable shadows brought to light about myself and cry my eyes out as I recognize where I miss it.

What has created this pattern?

We go through social media and we are constantly bombarded with images we really love, that are attractive and desire it for ourselves. It is a good thing, however everyday life may not be realistic to live like that, because we have quite a number of roles we play in society and they need.

Social media is a great platform for us all but requires self awareness, self discipline and the mental capacity or will to articulate into words and expressions what is for you and what is not for you!

“Can you be able to hear the sound of your own being in a large crowd? scrolling through feed is like walking through a crowd”

ok Great! Now that we are on the same page maybe we can look into, HOW WE CAN DESIGN A HEALTHY REALATIONSHIP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA AS A PARENT!

HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS!

For new moms this may be really hard to comprehend but when the time comes to be a mom you will realize that time is luxury, and you spend the entire day taking care of your baby and taking naps yourself because you are highly likely to be tired.

Your leisure time will not look like that time before you had children and a family. Now you have been given much and much is expected of you especially your time. I do not want you to work so hard you end up despising motherhood. However I do want you to be vigilant and not lose years of time with your your children, because you could not perceive the season you are in right now.

Realistic expectations

Allow yourself to dream however consider your roles and lifestyle at the moment. If you are a working mom, it means your time is already limited.

Of course you can totally work through this by making adjustments but you do not want to exhaust yourself trying to fulfil more roles than you can handle.

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However stay at home moms are just as busy or busier than working moms especially if they do no have a nanny.

Action plan

Look at your life as a whole and define who you are, what your roles are, what you need to be the best in your roles and whom you desire to be in all your roles. What kind of a lifestyle works for you at the moment and if you are the glamorous mom, how can you find harmony in the mom role and the glamorous individual you are. You may not be able to go with the children to town in your high heals all the time so how can you make this work?

Wearing full face makeup daily may be a bit unrealistic for most of us, so you can pick days you can apply full glam makeup. The idea is to allow yourself to relax and understand that you will not leave the house like you have stepped out of the magazine daily. Allow those days and just relax, take a cup of tea and allow yourself to just be!

HAVE AN IN DEPTH UNDERSTANDING OF SOCIAL MEDIA!

Before you can compare yourself, know that every one of us wants to post the best pictures out of the blurry ones we take when our children refuse to be still, and just take some good pictures. We all have challenges and as I said when I started that there are most definitely highs and lows of parenting. Some days you are woken up by your toddler looking for her lip balm in the middle of the night.

You will probably be yelling as you look for this and not a good sight.

You may not be feeling your best everyday, that is okay embrace it and learn to live best with each moment. It means you are a being and have emotions that alert you there is something that is totally right or a bit out of alignment with who you are.

“live for yourself and not for social media but enjoy it when you are there”

Here are some of the things we compare ourselves against

Parenting choices
Baby shower photos
family Photos
family lifestyle
Post Partum body

Parenting choices

We all have reasons why we do all the things we do! Maybe for you its certain beliefs, or you heard stories or there are families you admire and desire a family with the same set up. I would like you to understand that your choices should be your own choosing. If there is a trend, navigate through the crowd and find things that resonate with who you are as an individual and as a parent.

for example: posting children on social media, we all have differing opinions on that but it is essential that you know your reasons, so you are not tossed to and from with every trend that comes and goes leaving you not knowing who you are.

Baby Shower Photos

It is lovely to see beautiful and well planned baby showers but what if that is out of reach for you at the moment. Should it cause added stress? certainly not but there are ways to express and celebrate the life defining moments of our lives. Consider that and allow your creativity and uniqueness to flow through.

Example: I had a very small baby shower with my third baby but My husband and I decided to enjoy an after birth convoy back home from the clinic with our baby girl.

These are just examples do not let them define how far you see yourself.

Family Photos

I am a mom blogger but in between work and home, I am always trying to prioritize putting supper on the table on time, and spending much time with my family. I hardly create the time to take tones of pictures and at one point it weighed me down on just how much i fall behind on content pictures. I look at other moms who are way ahead of me and think I am far from that.

However, I am learning to accept where I am lovingly towards myself and work on ways of nailing this without draining myself into a grumpy mommy.

Family lifestyle!

Our lifestyles differ because of many reasons and the most dominant one is we are really different. Of course there are those common things we want that we have admired from others, but even then copying and pasting is robbing yourself what kind of a family you are.

For example as a homeschooling family we organize trips as a family so we enjoy the outdoors and outing with our children.

What is your family lifestyle like?

Does it make you happy and is it because of intentional choices or by default?

The Post Partum Body!

We have looked at people snatch back into their body size or much skinnier after delivery. However for most of us it is a bit unrealistic, Right! It is very important to learn to love exactly where you are and to find peace with your body.

I am not saying wear frump around the house and allow yourself to feel unattractive, that is not love but be kind to yourself. Enjoy your baby while they are new born and then work towards realistic goals while dressing yourself in what works for your body.

Celebrate people who easily snatch back but never forget to celebrate yourselfand how amazing your body is for carrying a human being 9 months and delivering it, whether natural or Caesar but there is so much to be grateful for.

“Minimize the voices that keep reminding you that you are not at your best when you are doing your best”

Do this by limiting time with such people and making God’s word much louder turning it to your truth.

HOW TO ESTABLISH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES!

It is important to note that raising children is a personal journey more like salvation. You choose how you want your family to be,how you desire to raise your children and most of us are really trying the best we know how.

Take a look at these few points!

Create Time For Social Media And Enjoy Time Off

Learn to give yourself time off from scrolling social media, i noticed just how much this gives you time to think about the images and opinions in your mind. You are able to take time and quiet the crowd finding your own beliefs and values to compare your thoughts to.

For example:my personal journey is like this! When i am at home, i want to be present for my husband and children. I love to come home and cook for them.

Create Your Social media as You Do Your Friend Circles

You know i love the social media settings which have been made in a way we could all feel safe and create the kind of circles we desire to keep there.

Follow people that inspire you to be a better parent and who make you feel good and to whom you relate to with most real parenting stories.

Define family In your terms and The kind of Lifestyle you Desire!

This will save you a lot from being double minded and point you towards the clear path you want for your family.

“Parenting is a personal journey that you have to Figure out yourself, we may give advise but the choice is yours to make”

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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Marriage After Children And 10 Ways It Becomes Better!

Marriage After Children!

So Now There is a new baby in the family and this is a very joyful time for the entire family. this season actually brings you much closer together as you watch the miracle that has manifested into your lives as a couple. If this is not the first child you are just so excited about being parents to more than one child.

This is a joy that is incomparable to any other I have experienced in my lifetime. It is not just the two of you that welcome the baby but your family members including parents on both sides are just excited about the new addition to the growing family.

“If this is such a joyful time then what may seem to cause the distance between the two of you as a couple?”

This comes as a change to your life as a family and like any other changes of growth, it comes with an added responsibility.

Changes come all the time and we prepare for the changes of a newborn in many ways cornering a baby’s room (nursery), diapers, clothes, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, changing nappies, clinic visits, birth certificate, maternity leave and so much more that comes with your bundle of joy.

I have a question, have you prepared your relationship with your spouse after children?

Chances are you have not and many of us do not until we realize the disadvantages of not being prepared.

Do not get me wrong, we never planned how to handle the changes after our children especially with the times and finances but we Learnt so much from our first and 2nd child and we corrected parts of our lives that we neglected by looking at our mistakes and correcting those too.

As strange is this may sound for many who believe in happily ever after, however happily ever after is something you both commit to and work towards. It does not come just by wishing but by committing to work towards that goal of a happy family life.

I did not steal your dream of “happily ever after” I am just saying things do not accidentally happen but you become deliberate as you were before the children. You would spend time together but now it may require scheduling since you are now responsible for another human being who has to be taken care of while you spend time together.

Today, I will share what we have learnt as a couple and how to continue to serve each other as a couple after children. We have learnt so much from people ahead of us and the word of God over the years. These things ground us to remember our roles as husband and wife in the midst of our busy lives.

BE DELIBERATE

We all love a little bit of spontaneity right?

However with the addition of children to the family, now you have to plan just to be alone together. I believe every relationship thrives because of the intimacy that is formed whenever there are no distractions.

You know how you watch people you admire who are really good in a certain role of their lives? I have have had many encounters myself especially with couples that I really admire. Those people are deliberate about their relationship by creating the time to nurture the bond they have with each other.

Now that the baby is here, create the time to be by yourselves when the baby is sleeping even if it is just 10 minutes consistently over something you both really enjoy, even if its a cup of tea with no interruptions. Once you create this pattern you are more likely to repeat it but remember to be creative and change activities from time to time to keep it interesting and keep the fire burning in between the two of you.

Your children will reap the rewards too of their parents’ thriving relationship.

BE INTENTIONAL

“One act of kindness each moment!”

One act of kindness each moment in your day to day lives. So your lives are not going to stop because you desire to bond but you have to bond in the midst of the busy schedule that you have.

This phrase has been one I have been meditating on the past days. In as much as I have so much to do but if I can make time to just watch one soccer match with my husband even if I do not sit through the entire match but it will be our sacred time together.

If your spouse enjoys a cup of coffee, strive to make that cup whenever you remember and set an intention to do it consistently. The great news is that it does not have to take that long to do something good for your spouse a day. When you set an intention you are more likely to remember the intention. Write it down if you can and make it a priority and by doing this consistently you set yourself up for winning (you win together as a team)

This is because you have not piled up or withheld the good you desire to do and will not try to stack up all the good things to do on his birthday. Do random acts of expressing love and submission by doing these consistently.

DO NOT SETTLE FOR NORMS BUT MAINTAIN YOUR LOVE

The power of your mind!

Do not settle to be just like everyone else and that it is normal to grow apart when you start having children or after a certain number of years in marriage. Choose you own beliefs that have a strong foundation in the word of God.

Avoid getting lost in the crowd but recognize what your desires are for your family and seek God’s guidance to give you the desires of your heart. Navigate and sift through information you get in society. Ask yourself, does it really align with what you desire and where you see yourself in future?

DO NOT COMPARE!

One of the most important things to remember is to avoid comparing your relationship to other relationships. There are many ways of expressing love to each other as a couple but social media can influence us into thinking its just about flowers, events, holidays and gifts. It is lovely to receive such gifts but it is not the only way love is expressed.

Social media just shows a glimpse of the entire picture presented to us as it it with you when you post. I have taught myself over the years to acknowledge my own relationship as the best love story I love to hear over and over again.

Every relationship goes through changes and has its own challenges, it is time you embraced yours and thrive through your post partum journey with joy and ease as you love your own life too.

Celebrate your love story and keep adding the good times on its memory so stack up on the good times.

RESET YOUR PRIORITIES!

“As you get used to your spouse you may ignorantly make your priority scrolling through your feed and going to bed as soon as the children sleep”

And it is so funny how much we insist we do not have time but we have time to scroll through our feed. Even if you allocated some days to scroll and some for your spouse you would still get a good balance. I have had my fair share of time mismanagement and not prioritizing my own marriage and family at a certain time.

Your actions will always lead you to where your priorities are. This is a good measure to see where exactly your priorities are. As the family grows our priorities change because we also change and we are exposed to different voices that speak into our lives. Before we can even sift the information and find one that relates to our values we have already changed.

Sometimes we get caught up in day to day activities and forgot what our relationships meant to us and we gradually replace it with the joys of our new baby.

Remember to refocus yourselves to your priorities as you nurse a new baby, remember to nurse your relationship with your spouse.

WORK THROUGH THE CHANGES TOGETHER!

This is a point that my husband loves so much. Creating a growing bond together will come as you purposely create time to know each other even after marriage. One of the best ways to bond after the baby is taking care of the baby together and doing things for the baby together as a family.

One of the things we learnt is that you may not have as much time alone together like before, however you can be able to bath the baby together, prepare meals together, pick baby clothes or get the baby to sleep together. When the baby is older you can take walks around your block with your baby.

There are a lot of activities you can do while a new born is around. One of the simplest is watching a movie together in the house as the baby wakes up and falls asleep from time to time.

The are many changes you have to make when a new baby comes and this includes financial changes. Work through these changes together creating a harmonious flow between the two of you. This will include supporting each other financially as a team.

DO NO FORGET TO HAVE FUN!

Oh my! it is amazing how we forget to have fun in life and life just becomes such a routine and chore without the beauty it has. Our relationships are supposed to make us dream, aspire to be more, discover ourselves, our partners, our passions, interests and bring fulfilment in each other as we serve each other.

One trap to avoid is making a relationship a chore and it can easily become a chore when there are children. Most days you just want to get everything done and make it to bed so you sleep. You forget to enjoy time with your spouse and your children.

Pick out one thing you enjoy as a family and build up as you go through this year. Pick one thing you can do with your partner you really enjoy and make time to do this too consistently. It may be watching comedy a after the children go to bed. Now you know you have something to look forward to every night or twice a week whatever works for the both of you.

CREATE BOUNDERIES!

It is time to create boundaries! yes they are necessary for a healthy family. Your family is growing and your time together is valuable. You are both to decide whom you allow in your home and for how long now that your family members and friends want to see the baby. Some people can decide they want to move in with you, yet you still need your space and private times as a family.

The time you have alone as a couple and your children is very important!

Look into choosing a stay in nanny or a stay out because it affects the time you have to be alone in the house by yourselves. It changes most things when someone moves in with you even if its the nanny.

Create a plan to control that, if you have a stay in nanny consider giving her more weekends off. This may mean more for you to do but this takes us back to point number 6 where you work through the changes together. This gives you the privilege to take care of each other yet always having help may rob you of that at times unnecessarily.

when your baby is much younger like a new born it may really be a challenge to find some space by yourselves. I remember just how much I craved for time alone with my husband when we had just given birth to our first born. When we had our second baby we knew what did not work for us with our first experience and we had more control and took firm decisions concerning our boundaries as a family.

CONTINUE TO PURSUE EACH OTHER!

Spend time together, it will take some effort and scheduling here and there. This is not a fairy tale, you work towards the things you want in life. The world is now more clear that you need to work towards anything you desire to have. This is no different, become so deliberate over the years to spend as much time as you can with your spouse.

Sometimes we run errands together but what we love the most is that we are together and we are growing as we learn from others and as we look at what has works for us and creating positive patterns that grow us towards each other and not apart.

Ignite that passion you have for each other by pursuing each other. Do it deliberately so and set an intention, if it means the have to children sleep at a certain time for that to be possible then so be it. However gentle yourselves into it and the children too.

None of us have this really figured out so do not ever feel bad if you have allowed distance to grow in your relationship. It is never on purpose for any of us but so many times we realize we are missing it somewhere and we correct and continue to heal those areas and pray for wholeness.

Distance does not happen over night, but it takes gradual consistence that leads to a rift that is much more challenging to work through.

Imagine gradual consistence that works towards a healthy, abundant, peaceful relationship consistently that adds up to a beautiful journey built over the years intentionally by two people who desire such a life!

INVOLVE GOD

Sometimes we feel powerless from time to time with our desires but when you seek God’s guidance things fall into place because He s all Knowing and All Wisdom!

Ecclesiastes 4:12
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (NIV)

God bless you and your families, May you be made whole today and your future generations!

Wrapped in Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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10 Ways To Prepare Your Toddler For A New Baby

It seems like just yesterday when we were expecting our third baby and we already had a preschooler and toddler in the house. We most definitely needed a plan.

We adjusted the way we did things in our household while we were still expecting. This made the transition much easier with a gentle flow. It was not an easy one but we already trained ourselves to make changes before our baby arrived.

Some of the changes came when the a baby was already there because no matter how much you plan, things come up and you have to alter your plans in a way that propels you forward.

One of the major things we changed when the baby was 5 months old was choosing to have a stay out nanny. It means our nanny had to commute from home to work every day.

This is a decision we made because we were so inspired by a family that has been raised a way we admired so much.

Their children are grown ups now, working and at university. The way they have this bond as a family that is rare we loved it. So we decided no nanny would come between our bonding times with our children and ourselves as a married couple.

“The first thing we had to do was control how much time our nanny spent at work (our home)”

What is important to remember is that you only adopt advice that works for you as a family unit and whether it fits into your lifestyle, goals , dreams, beliefs and foundations.

I will get into details how such changes can be made to suite your unique family and gel into your family values and foundations.

PREPARE AHEAD FOR MEALS/ CREATE A PLAN

the arrival of a newborn while there is a toddler is not one of the easiest things to handle. you most definitely adjust but here we desire that you have a smooth adjustment to your role of being a parent to more than one child.

Have the entire plan from meal plans, cooking plans of how and when you will cook that and how often you will be making meals. It might help to consider cooking more and freezing the rest of the food so on days you really need the rest you can make use of those days.

We are all different and our demands are different. Some prefer their nanny to help with most of the cooking so that would be communicated with the nanny.

Forming a family schedule will help to keep emotions at bay especially for your toddlers because as long as their meals are ready on time they do not have a reason to throw a tantrum. Well sometimes you cannot avoid tantrums but when your children eat on time that is the very first way in winning more days on this forever journey.

The moment children eat late, it changes the temperament of your entire household. So avoid giving toddlers food later than usual by always being prepared for their meal times and knowing their hunger cues even for snacking and fruit times!

INVOLVE YOUR BABY!

Involving your children and acquainting them with the baby on the way makes them feel a part of the whole process. I know it may seem like a toddler does not perceive what is happening but they are more receptive and understand more than we realize. It may happen that your baby does not talk yet but involve the baby all the more.

I will explain later on how to help them articulate and understand what is going on in the family.

The way you and your husband bond together with the baby while pregnant, let the your toddler feel the kicks, look for baby things together and do things that they can interpret on their new sibling’s arrival.

BE CREATIVE!

This is something I realized recently which is that children are so visual. They are most especially visual and the more they use their senses is the more they understand what is happening in their lives.

Our children have been very inquisitive especially when they see their baby pictures and baby magazines. Their eyes light up when they see such pictures and it eases the tension around the topic. If your baby already talks she may express the view that she does not want a baby now.

Use creative images that express bonding between siblings and do it as consistently as possible so you do not ignore their feelings but address them as much as possible.

“Give them the assurance that their attention will not be neglected.”

They will get used to the idea of expecting their sibling’s arrival and note your baby may still feel jealous once the baby arrives. This will help you note just how much attention you give the other siblings when the baby arrives so you create a harmonious balance.

BE MINDFUL

When you are under a lot of pressure you may act out by yelling at older children. It hurts children because they still want to know if they are as special as you said they are.

My 5 year old pays a lot of attention how I relate with their sister, and because her younger sister still craves so much attention she notices how I speak with her, how often I kiss her and cuddle her in my arms. Watch not to get carried away because your toddler may notice every thing you do.

If it helps take note just how much you give each of them attention and it will not be the same as the new born demands more attention but as a parent you will know how to balance.

“The point is to be aware of such gaps that you will need to address as parents”

ADJUST YOUR SOCIAL LIFE!

Yes!

This is one of the most important things you can ever do as a parent. I believe it is easier to adjust that when your baby is a new born but as they grow up, you find more reasons to stay out of the house.

You often find that is why most parents hardly cope when they are not at work but home all day feeding, bathing and cooking for their children. Basically spending the whole day with their children becomes very stressful because they are not used to it.

With the arrival of a new born it is always best to accommodate them and make them a priority. An additional child means more expenses, you adjust your spending habits, it means you have to use your time wisely now so that all the children can enjoy time with you.

Consider narrowing down the events you attend on weekends or during the week if that is something you did. it is a season and they will grow and you will be grateful for the time you spent with them.

This will allow you to allocate more time to your older children and not one will feel left out and that is the goal. Use this time to create activities that will make the children feel loved and given attention. Something will will also discuss.

I have always desired a one on one with each of our 3 children but that has not been that possible so whenever the time avails itself I spend time with one child especially if one or two are taking their nap during the day.

What we learnt is to take an interest in their passions and let them express their gifts and talents. When a child tells you they love something, support them and nurture those gifts.

My journey to adjusting having new born in the house has not been the easiest. Most of my peers recently started having children and I have been married 11 years and have been a mom for 8 years now.

I wished my friendships turned out differently but I could not give my time that much and attend events as much as I did. I believe communicating really helps and let your friends know that most of your time is taken by caring and nurturing but you will return missed calls.

“I often felt lonely and left out but i only knew i had to spend time with my children, ofcourse i was not perfect and made mistakes having learnt from them now i am able to offer advice to other moms after myself”

You may find it challenging to even answer phone calls at times but one on the other end may not understand that. Be gentle and kind to explain such matters to your acquaintances and create a plan on how you can still make time for each other.

EXTRA HELP/ EXTRA HELP

Decide as a family if you will need extra help or you will cope with the changes that come with the arrival of a new born. Most times if your parents live close by they are always there to help with the baby and that allows you more time to rest after you come back from delivery.

Its not always family members that offer but it is whom you decide to choose with your partner.

One conversation to have is with your current nanny, there are additional chores to do you may consider such things a s a raise so that there is no assumptions of anything which can easily cause misunderstandings and a discord between you.

Whenever you hire a nanny you have agreements on what they are expected to do, it might help to go over that too.

One of the reason I committed myself to cooking everyday was to ensure that all the children get attention including my toddler and preschooler when I return to work after my maternity leave.

Understand the demands of a new born and your helper may be under pressure so if one thing is already done like food and snacks for the entire day, she will be able to cater the needs of your older children.

Look into such things so you do not ignorantly have high expectations of your nanny while your older children suffer neglect.

it is all a matter of planning and putting your mind to it!

So the one of the major reasons my husband and i decided on a stay out nanny ( a commuting nanny) is we wanted our toddler and preschooler to feel our bond as much as the new baby. This easily gets out of hand when a nanny is always around because you get tired and create a habit of having the nanny to do most or everything for the older children.

FINANCIAL PLAN

Now that you have decided on meal plans as you might need to spend more on food, you have decided on extra help so you do not neglect your toddlers, adjusting your social life also comes with benefits of cutting on expenditure so you can focus on the young ones.

Whenever we go shopping for clothes it means we spend three times more the bill for our children so keep that in mind. However there are many ways of doing things and if you find one way that is effective for your family, continue with it.

You may not want to cut off completely the little luxuries you afforded your toddler. Continue to spoil them while considering that now you are spending on diapers. Possibly you may be spending twice as much because your toddler may still be potty training.

“As the family grows look into the options of doing grocery shopping at a wholesale shop where you get everything in bulk”

CONSIDER BUYING A TWIN STROLLER!

Or spend on an item that will make your life easier whether you are in the house or going to the store with your children.

When our third baby arrived i knew we handled two children quite gracefully. However i was not sure about handling our third baby. This is because before our third baby’s arrival, when we were out of the house i would watch one and my husband watched the other.

If i was alone out with two children i could easily hold them side by side but now there were 3, how could we manage that?

We invested in two carriers we used at home and when we were out. It made us cope quite well with our three bundles of joy. I loved the back carrier whenever i cooked in the house because it meant my toddlers and husband would always have a warm home meal.

Your toddlers’ transition will be so smooth and you will most definitely enjoy mothering two or more young ones now.

HAVE OFF SCREEN EDUCATIONAL GAMES FOR TODDLERS

One thing we do a lot as parents is distract our children with a lot of television and gadgets. Yet the mind of a child is growing and developing as they watch the TV, they need time to play and use the energy they have as well.

Children need to get out as well and spend time outdoors in nature. Create a way for your toddlers play or get into creative activities like colouring, drawing, building blocks, play dough, puzzles and so much more.

Do not forget to limit screen time for your toddlers. I believe that setting an intention makes the bigger difference because it always brings you to an awareness whenever you need to correct something in your household.

Entertain Children Off Screen 11 Easiest Ways While You Work

Children And Gadgets!

CREATE TIME FOR YOUR TODDLER

It really does not have to be so complicated. It can simply be watching their favourite cartoons with them when its time for them to watch and just staying awake while you spend time with them.

You Might Also Enjoy The Uncommon Route To Mom Sanity

I hope you enjoyed this! Do you have a newborn on the way?

Or has the baby arrived already, how have you been able to cope with the changes in your home?

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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The Most Uncommon Self Care Tips For Moms For A Dramatic Change!

Days are most definitely not the same and sometimes what weighs you down can last longer if you do not decide to deal with the lingering issues within you.

Yet you are still a mom and leader to young ones that are leaning on and learning from you in all seasons and times. This is why we are talking about this today!

We have had conversations, have read and watched blogs on how to deal with mental fog, fatigue and being stuck in a rut as individuals and today let us look at it on a moms view.

So today we are all about mom!

But what if those feelings have been around long enough to give birth to feelings of anger, bitterness and resentment? You still have to lead a home by mothering your children and being a homemaker.

“Unfortunately these are things that happen that we deal with but hardly find the courage to help each other or inspire each other with our own stories.”

WHY DO I WRITE ABOUT THIS?

It is a form of self care and so essential for us parents too who are raising children at home.

It is so normal to deal with a stain on your clothes than on your soul because as long as we appear looking good on the outside and if it is not a physical sickness like a cold we ignore it.

We take our time with our bodies, we exercise them, feed them, clothe them, enhance them with well fitting clothes and makeup but we hardly take time to nourish the spirit.

As we do the body,regularly feed our spirit, nurture where it needs to be nurtured, heal where we need to be healed, correct where we need correction and continually grow and evolve to be wiser than yesterday.

There are many ways i have felt off balance and actually felt my being could not be at a peaceful state for a very long time and what started as fatigue ended up as resentment, anger and bitterness.

Joy Robbed

What this does it it robs you off your joy completely and you find yourself complaining every day. You will easily shift the blame of every thing that goes wrong to everyone around you even the people you care about the most. As a homemaker you also have a major role to play to create a peaceful environment in your household. already this causes a discord in you.

“But how do we give something we actually do not have within us?”

So let me make this post short so stay with me. Let us find ways we could nurture our inner being, heal, connect and stay connected with ourselves and our maker so we do not walk around empty while raising children but constantly overflow with life, The word that builds us, gives us hope, ambition, knowledge and wisdom to continue walking this journey with our joy full.

NOTICE ANY OF THESE IN YOUR LIFE PLEASE CONTINUE TO READ!

Nothing pleases you
You are always angry
You snap at your children a lot
You snap at your spouse
You hardly smile ever
You are a ticking bomb
You are always complaining and blaming others

I want you to decide to take full ownership of your feelings so that we become in charge and be able to change what we can and pray about what we are not able to change at the moment like a job that frustrates you.

SPEND SOME TIME ALONE!

We are always in a rush, in front of the television or scrolling through the internet or social media feed. Oh wait, i am not against social media however your family and your life should not suffer because you are never present.

I understand for moms it may be tough to create time alone especially new moms but its not impossible to create it. You can consider waking up earlier or find time to reflect on your life when the children are asleep. So you are able to focus and see this process through.

Have important conversations with yourself, as you organise your space maybe it is time you organised your mind. It may be helpful to journal as you let your mind wander without distractions, write down what comes to you and it may direct you to how you have been feeling for some time.

Most times what is in our subconscious (back of our mind) is what we think about a lot and we hardly take the time to pause and listen to the thoughts, what it means, if it weighs you down and how to deal with it.

“As you sit alone and ponder on your life you find things that are lingering without being attended to.”

You would be surprised just how much mom guilt you may be holding on to. These are things like missing your child’s appointment because you have to work, not cooking just one night because you were tired or it may be yelling at your children.

So yes do that!

We hold on to a lot of things, moments, experiences that no longer serve us and bring them to the light as they may be hidden right now so you release them and begin to see life on a beautiful perspective full of hope and energy that is depleted slowly by a cluttered mind.

COMPARE THE MOM YOU DESIRED TO BE AND THE MOM YOU HAVE BECOME!

Its so amazing how ill feelings can come from what others would consider non issues but because there is a conflict within you it becomes an issue for you.

But how can i not easily recognise such feelings and deal with them immediately.

Our minds may not be trained to spot the stains in our inner being and we hide these by dressing well, feeding addictions or just whatever it is we use to escape our reality. Sometimes we tell ourselves we will deal with it the next day. We never do because we are constantly busy until we reach the breaking point.

So revisit what you had in mind about the mom you desired to be. It will expose where you had set standards for yourself and you may have felt you could not meet your standards and it caused feelings of guilt to surface.

This can also bring to light areas you are neglecting as you never stop learning in this journey. I mean you learn so much about your children all the time.

PURSUING YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE!

The body cannot function fully without the spirit and vice versa. All these things are connected and when you feel you lose that connection, you experience a discord within yourself that can only be filled by pursuing a relationship with God.

One may wonder how you pursue a relationship with God and its a sincere question!

It is what you mediate upon, as you read the word of God you desire to do what the word says. I often compare it to doing my makeup. I always desire to apply it better and keep getting better at makeup. You never stop pursuing, getting to know the word of God.

I realised how spiritually dry i felt because i pursued everything else and just did not find time for God’s word as i made myself to believe. I kept pursuing other things like the mom blog , the family business and constantly complained about work and how i do not get my leave days.

Having noted that and almost at a breaking point i had to go back to see where i lost my peace. I realised my life with God was no longer a priority.

“I did not pronounce that but my actions did as i did not create the time for God”

Through the spirit there are things you are always made aware of through God’s word and through people God uses to reach you or God uses you to serve others is so fulfilling.

When you rely on God, you walk in authority even in moments of weakness you are made strong.

When you are raising children you need spiritual guidance as we are exposed to many different opinions from society and you need a strong foundation base for your beliefs.

Start with 10 minutes of bible study a day so that you know God and who He is as you communicate with Him. Sometimes you may not meet this daily, remember He is a father and He loves you and he understands.

Joshua 1:8
This book of the law shall not depart from depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night,so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written it it. For then you will make your way prosperous and have good success.

This message is written to a leader Joshua and that tells you a lot about leadership

MENTAL CAPACITY

We are motivated on a day to day basis from many platforms to exercise our bodies. If we can take that discipline to train our minds for mental capacity.

Create a routine that can completely propel you towards exercising your mind and your will power by exposing yourself to people, books, blogs, you tube videos that open up your mind in specific areas of you life.

So i always find it better to create a plan on the times you create to listen to or read something that will challenge you. I usually listen to you tube videos while i cook which i had stopped for a while but have revived that and i am enjoying having to be challenged that way.

Whatever area you feel you are weak in, develop that area and you become a better leader to your children.

PRACTISE BEING IN THE MOMENT AND ENJOY IT!

I never really understood this in depth until recently i started this journey to heal from fatigue which had resulted in constantly complaining, anger and resentments.

I had to teach myself to be content with each moment.

Have you ever felt like you are racing against time even in your living room where you just cannot fully relax because your mind is constantly busy.

Learn to be okay with just being and not rushing through anything and your children can benefit from you being a gentle quiet spirit.

GIVE YOUR BODY WHAT IT NEEDS!

I once addressed this on a previous post concerning how we neglect our bodies, we starve them, deprive them of sleep or do not hydrate them enough.

Related Post!

Sleep Your Way Out Of A Burn Out!

It would be a great idea to start paying attention to the needs of your body. If your body desires to rest, create that time and take responsibility for your body.

Let go of the expectations from yourself once a while and just nurture your body so that your cup is full and you are actively ready to assume your mom role with an abundant mentality.

It will grow on you and your children as they learn from a mother who manifests a life full of love.

HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE OF WHAT YOU DESIRE TO BE!

It is ok to dream, pursue your goals and have the best of both of worlds as mom.

When you have not written down what you desire you may be overwhelmed and sink under the norms of society without pursuing what you love and desire to serve others.

So i would say part of self care is revisiting your dreams, your goals, your passions and aspirations. You may have been disappointed pursuing something or overwhelmed with your roles you could not figure out a balance and you quit.

Write it down again, look at your old diaries and bring it back to your face and allow yourself to remember whom you are.

Do not stop there, pursue the things you love even if you dedicate 10 minutes each day, one day it will add up to something with a strong foundation that you will be grateful for.

TAKE A BREAK OFF SOCIAL MEDIA

Remember the point is to focus on mom(yourself) fully with no distractions so you are available emotionally, spiritually and physically for the ones that you love.

Many people believe they are good at multi tasking but it took me giving birth to our third baby that multi tasking even at work now seems to cause me such a mental fog and fatigue.

Taking some time away from social media may help ground ground you even in special moments and you will minimise distractions for sometime so you pay well attention to your journey as a parent and be intentional about it.

REACH OUT!

Reach out to other moms, to parents, talk to others you trust and encourage others too in the motherhood journey.

There are groups on social media that give daily mail or weekly mail and choose a community that can constantly make you aware of such things we are talking about today.

This will show you that we have more in common than we realise as parents and find comfort in helping each other as we raise our children. If you have a need to contact me privately please feel free to email me.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

Thank you for taking you time to read,

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9 Ways To Start Exercising Today!

I remember when i started exercising, it was so hard and i had always bragged of a body that snatches back to normal after giving birth.

It was not until i had my third baby that i gained so much weight i did not like it especially because i grew up a tiny girl and that is all i knew. It is ironic now that i got a bit too tiny for my liking then i had to add a bit of some weight.

However i still maintain a consistent exercise routine throughout the week.

But anyway this is not about me but about you and how you can start exercising if you have always wanted to start but never started or you started but you were not consistent.

Let us get you fired up to start!

Set an intention
Make a clear plan
Create time
Pick a place suitable & convenient for you
Have fun
Follow people who inspire you
Put up your exercise goals where you can see them daily
Show up no matter what
Reward yourself

Set An Intention!

Setting an intention is knowing that you have chosen a certain path and everything you do each day supports that decision.

What do you want out of this? Then decide every day to show up for this reason.

Setting an intention to exercise means you you are conscious daily to do something that exercises your body.

There are so many reasons that people want to start exercising but what is most important is to know what your reasons are.

Get to know yourself a bit more.

What makes you uncomfortable about not starting a consistent exercise routine?

Did you give birth and someone kept teasing you about your weight gain? However you should note that starting something that will improve your life has to start from a place of self love because it will drive you.

Knowing that you are valuable will drive you to keep improving your life unapologetically.

So decide what it is you desire;

Lose weight
Build muscle
Health reasons

Let your reasons be your motivation to start gym.

Make A Clear Plan!

When it comes to exercising and eating healthy, many end at setting the goals to start and never really start. So do not just set an intention but have a clear plan on your exercise journey.

There is no arrival point but you just keep going and in this process you learn what works for you and what does not.

Creating a plan is coming up with a strategy that will get you to your desired outcome.

For example for if you want to build muscle you may need to do strength resistance exercises more.

This will give you direction on your exercising journey so that when you start you have what you need and it is easier to continue because you are not shuffling through but you are clear of your direction.

Another thing that makes many shy away from starting is not having gym equipment. There are many exercise videos that do not require any equipment.

You may also need to invest in body building equipment and diet.

Mom tip: watch your energy levels, watch if your meals are working for you. Do not starve yourself trying to lose weight. Allow your body to lose weight over a period of time.

Create Time

I use the word create because it is so common for many of us to complain about not having time.

Yes i understand you work 9-5, you have children you need to take care if, you have to study, you have events to attend on weekends and business to run. However if you have made something a priority then you will create the time for it.

Create time that will work for you daily. Do this so that you can maintain consistency and create a habit out of it.

Look at your routines already, where can you fit in 30 minutes of exercise consistently? and slowly build momentum as you get used to exercising.

Can you use your mornings or evenings?

If you feel you are swamped? Can you remove any unfruitful thing you spend your time on.

Other times its not that its unfruitful but you just want to create more time for improving your life in other areas.

If you are used to staying more hours at work after knock off time, reduce it by 30 minutes then you are realistic about starting exercises.

If you do not create time ahead deliberately it will not happen even if you have the most amazing gym gear.

Pick a place suitable & convenient for you!

We all have different responsibilities in life where we need to show up. You know your daily schedule well and which times are best suitable for you and which environment can work for you.

Why do i make this step important?

You may desire to train at the gym in town but if you have young children in the house it may not be realistic.

It may require more will power for you to get to the gym because already you have children who just desire to see you next to them and the mom guilt can weigh you down.

Weigh your options well, maybe for now the living room or empty space in your house and some you tube videos will work for you.

If you decide that going to the gym is what will work for you then go ahead and just make sure you will be consistent.

Exercising 30 minutes daily is more effective than once a week and tiring yourself at it for an hour or two. It can be fun if you already exercise daily.

Have Fun!

This will get you excited and something that excites you, you desire to experience again.

For the mamas who want to start their exercise journey at home there are plenty of you tube videos that are fun and are sure to get you looking forward to the next gym time.

If aerobic exercises will get you started and keep you motivated enough to continue then consider starting with aerobic exercises and maintaining them.

Build momentum as you get used to exercising by adding more challenging exercises. For example doing burpees is so challenging but when your body is getting stronger then it becomes attainable.

Sometimes doing one and the same routines is what gets people to actually quit gym altogether. Do not bore yourself!

Try new exercises and keep improving there more your capacity grows even your exercises should be more challenging so your journey improves too.

Take walks, try yoga , kick boxing and more!

If you love loud music, then pump up the volume like i do sometimes when I’m driving from work after a hectic day.

You can even set new intentions from time to time to improve and have fun really.

Follow People who Inspire You!

You know when you go through your feed on social media, then you come across someone so well dressed just the way you like it. It inspires you to also bring your A game and pay attention to detail.

Follow gym junkies who really inspire you. Wherever you spend your time looking and being inspired just become without being aware at times.

Let the way we influence each other on social media work for you.

Sometimes we mess up by trying to duplicate someone. Its not what i am saying here. Learn from the best, run with it and let it fit into who you are, your own purpose and plan for your own life.

So now scrolling through your feed will be more intentional and the people you follow too will be people that add more value to your life as much as you do to others!

Pin It!

Whether you pin it on your vision board or have pictures of people exercising or bombard your you tube downloads with it it does matter. What matters is you are creating an environment conducive for you to be influenced.

Why do we wear makeup now than we ever did 15 years ago in society?

We see it all around us, its reality shows, instagram, pinterest, more makeup brands, and so many makeup tutorial videos that actually make you think i might just try this its pretty and i want to look like that.

So our environment influences us a lot more than we realise! Take advantage of this!

Create your own environment!

Show Up No Matter What!

You most definitely show up at your work even if you do not want to. So just trust that you will show up in your own personal life just as much.

Even if your child decided to breastfeed while you had just started doing pushups!! Pressure mounts, but you finish a breastfeeding and continue!

Someone may be thinking that at work one is motivated by a pay check month end so its different.

A healthy body and dressing the way you desire and not be limited by your body shape is a great reward.

Starting something is really hard because your thoughts go over what else you could be spending your time on at that moment.

Show up no matter what and be consistent , after some days it will be much easier and you are on your way to creating new habits.

Reward Yourself!

This one is very important.

You can always reward yourself so you are always encouraged to continue.

There are so many ways in which people reward themselves, it depends more on things you love.

You can get yourself more gym gear, new clothes that show off your new figure, swim wear in you favourite colour.

Rewarding yourself is not always about spending but you can just make your best cup of coffee with a creamer or catch up on your TV programmes knowing you have achieved so much.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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Connect With Me!

allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

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Your Relationship foundation With Your Children/ What Shapes it Now & Sets The Tone For A Lifetime

How you relate to your child from conception to breastfeeding to tantrums and misbehaviours sets the tone and foundation for how your relationship will look like in 10 years, 20 years.

This is something i just thought about before my children woke up this morning as i was having my time for prayers and meditation.

The way you respond to their touch, when you see them in the morning, when you see them after work, this sets a tone for them for life concerning your relationship in depth.

We hardly ever sit down as parents and just look at what we are modeling for our relationship with our children because life is so demanding even on our side too.

Normally we come from our demanding jobs before we sit down and relax we deal with so many demands and sometimes tantrums if you already have a clan like me.

Its uncommon for parents to establish how to really deal with tantrums so you can have a better relating relationship in the future.

I understand that there are many platforms for these kinds of topics for parents but unless you become consciously aware.

You will not realise that you are creating a monster relationship by sowing life into it without realising and it will grow for sure.

Your Children’s Personalities Differ!

Children are different as you know if you have more than one child now.

All of them are looking for a safe place in you to love them unconditionally. However one child’s character may stress you as a parent without realising your own internal dialogue you act a certain way towards one child and the children will notice.

What to do

Pay attention

I cannot emphasize this enough, i am no angel either but as i write about this i have so much i still need to correct too and learn.

Not so long ago my son said to me i just prefer the girls more than him because he cannot be stylish like them. Children will often give you hints on how they feel and if you are unaware you may let it slide.

Tracing back to my sons words he may have been so right, i did not do it intentionally but because i am a fashion & makeup mom i find myself bonding with the girls more doing their hair, watching fashion shows and Miss Universe together, tea parties and we talk about girl things.

Before we decided to cut our sons dreadlocks, this was not an issue. I used to style his dreads.

This was a short sight too on my side and now as i do my girls hair i also apply some hair food and brush his hair too.

Tantrums and outburst

These have often driven me up the wall and can really make you feel like a failure as a parent and when it happens in public you can feel judged.

Do not despair! As children grow they too discover their will power and ofcourse they want to exercise it. However this does not mean they boss you around and call the shots in the home.

Most definitely not. If that happens it sets the tone in your child knowing they can get away with anything knowing they will win.

It will also affect other relationships they have or they will have in future knowing they always get their way when they raise their voice, shout, scream and cry.

What to do

There is a way to bring order so that your child learns how to communicate clearly what it is that bothers them. Feelings are not bad at all, they let us know how we feel from time to time.

When children are much younger, they may not articulate well into words how they feel and hence the tantrums.

One of the worst things to do is to have an adult tantrum of your own. This shows that you are not in control and children will use that to get you to do things for them.

It is better to correct it now before it establishes new foundations of how your relationship and other relationships should be.

This is one tricky part of the blissful life of a parent.

Avoiding exchanging words when a child is in a tantrum.

Controlling your temper during an outburst and maintaining your role as a parent by sticking to your decisions when tantrums are thrown at you.

Engage with your child and have a conversations about their behaviour.

Involve them and include them when you do your own things, they feel a part and hardly want to do anything to distract you because they are enjoying you.

There was a time when our children ate a lot of yoghurt and ended up not liking real food. We had to come home without yorghut more days even when they cried over it.

We would just give them food and they started loving their food because we were consistent.

Mirror your relationship with your parents!

Look at the relationship you had with your parents.

Whatever it is that you liked or did not like about your parents and how they related with you was established with years of consistency.

That is why children grow up to often say how close they are to their dad more or mom more and it was established like that for years with the way the parent chose to relate to the child.

Sometimes a parent may choose to be closer to one child because they may feel they need to protect them more, maybe due to the arrival of a newborn while the baby is young.

This also sets the tone for this strong bond to be established between a child and a parent.

When there are other children, they will notice and they will associate this with the other child receiving more love from a parent more than they.

You find in such cases a child may not approach you as easily as the one perceived to be close.

The other children can even send the ‘favourite’ child to you because they assume you will agree to everything they want.

I was so humbled when we had our third baby because it made me appreciate my parents more and realise they did the best they knew how to.

It is easier to balance between one or two children but when you get your third baby it can challenge you and often you miss these important things and you realise when the children are grown up that you missed certain gaps.

I often say what is more challenging than giving birth is parenting forever!

One needs wisdom, insight, knowledge and understanding because you can easily miss such aspects.

What to do

If you are not happy with the way your relationship is, the time to change the way you respond to tantrums, outbursts or whatever it is now make it more intentional.

Have time to reflect and a specific time or else it will not happen. Say maybe sunday evening because you may spend more time together on weekends.

Am i okay in my role as mom?
Did i do what i had intended to do?
Are my children okay?

If you are constantly shouting 80% of the time will also have an impact on your relationship.

No matter how much a child misbehaves, they desire your love and affection more and its a matter of finding common interests or establish those fun things to do together.

Plan more themed nights, movie nights, fun nights, park times and so much more to get them to engage with you.

Establish what you want your children to know

What are the things you desire your children to know?

Do you want your children to have a great relationship with God, read the word of God and exercise your faith as you pray together.

How do you relate with your children right now?

The way children are so smart, they see through you, they actually know you from conception, they look you in the eye.

My baby Shalom loves looking into my eyes and just watch every reaction i have. Sometimes i ask her “what is it honey?” And she says “it is because i love you mommy”.

Your Realationships

Think about your most important relationships
• With God
• Spouse
• Parents
• Colleagues
• Friends
Are these authentic from the heart, are they your priority?
How were their foundations set?
It sets the tone for other relationships.

Proverbs 22:6 
Train a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it.

If you recognise something to be fixed, the time to fix it is now!

Wrapped In love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

Connect with me

allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

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The Post Partum Body!

I wore stockings with my mini skirts and dresses because i just love minis so much. However my body had changed so much after my second pregnancy i no longer enjoyed my skimpy outfits because i had dark stretch marks.

I hid them so much because somehow i felt i had failed myself not taking care of my body with oils during my pregnancy. I had always been the girl with the athletic body, had no sign of stretch marks even after giving birth to our first born Charis.

I enjoyed hiding no blemishes and boy was i humbled. So i developed dark lines of stretch marks on my thighs and buttocks during my second pregnancy. I was so lazy during my second pregnancy i never used to moisturise my body after my baths let alone oil my body, yet i gained so much weight in a short period. This explains the dark lines that i developed.

After giving birth your body changes so much and more often you still feel pregnant even after giving birth. It takes some months for the body to go back to normal and reality is it never goes back but can come closer to the way it was before.

The Post Partum Body can be quite challenging. It is more than just one major issue and they differ from woman to woman. Amongst other things that have hit me hard are hair loss, the big belly, bigger bust size.

A mother’s beauty

However after the birth of your new born, there is this beautiful and priceless feeling you have that makes you feel so womanly and beautiful. You have given birth to a little person that you love unconditionally.

Moms self care kit (it’s a love basket)

As the child grows the mother remembers that she is not just a nurture but a woman and we love to look our best including being in a beautiful body.

So what happens now that you have stretch marks and would like to reduce their appearance?

You must know that there is nothing wrong with you but those are marks of love and sometimes those marks are on your belly and it looks so dark after giving birth but as the months go by those marks fade away.

During pregnancy, our bodies change a lot and it helps to oil the body often so the body can adjust to the changes smoothly.

I shared with my sister when she was expecting her first baby. I encouraged her to oil her body and aim to be consistent because reversing the results of not taking care of your skin can be time and money consuming too.

How To Reduce The Appearance of Stretch Marks

I did a lot of research after my second pregnancy on how i could get rid of stretch marks@and i only found results of reducing their appearance and this is what i found and i hope it helps you too as a new mom or even if its been years there are still ways to correct certain marks.

Exfoliation

Exfoliate your skin more often to increase blood circulation. This will help you even when you moisturise your body as it will absorb into the skin with dead skin cells removed.

This had a major impact in such a short space of time and i was surprised and encouraged by the results after i started exfoliating my skin.

Body brushes and body scrubs are great for exfoliation and some body scrubs reduce dark spots and hydrate your body making them good for stretch marks.

Tissue oils

Oil on the skin has amazing benefits over the long term period. it is easy to stop because you do not see the results immediately!

One can be tempted to stop oiling the skin but i love to tell myself that i am investing in my body and will reap the results many years of my lifetime. It is similar to taking care of your health and being consistent. You may not see the results immediately but you will reap a healthy looking body over the years of your life.

Do not stop oiling your body, tissue oils come in different fragrances and you can use it as part of your daily self care routine.

Oil and moisturise skin while wet

The skin does not absorb much while it is dry. It helps to moisturise your skin while it is wet especially after your bath. I have loved doing this and i have never stopped since i found out about it. It is good to get a moisturiser that hydrates the skin well not leaving it dry.

Stretch marks develop mostly when the skin stretches in a short period of time while the skin is dry. The body then requires something the moisturises the skin so it heals itself over a long period of use.

Use Elastin and collagen promoting products

These products are amazing when massaged onto the skin. They make the body firm and that makes the body look really good and youthful after giving birth. These are gifts you can give to a new mother, such products are amazing for your skin. I used them during my third pregnancy and they protected my skin from more damage.

I would get these products and massage them on my body. I would massage it well on my body for 5 minutes and more on days where i was not in a hurry. Apply these twice daily on your areas that need the most attention. You can apply all over the body especially the bum, belly and breast area to make it more firm.

Excercise

I never used to like exercise but i learnt to exercise to get my firm body back. Exercising does more than that, it is good for your body to move and the results are long term. Consistent excercise too is like investing in your body to reap the rewards of a healthy body in your lifetime. It makes a big difference to exercise your body consistently.

Create your own schedule for exercising, one that works for you. One you can be disciplined to commit to and be consistent. When you exercise you get more than just the short term results of a toned body, your body was created to move so even better when you move.

Drinking water

This does a lot more than we realise. Something i noticed lately whereby i have been eating quite more than usual deliberately to increase my energy levels. I retain more water and my legs become bigger. However when i drink more water my body is more toned and firmer.

There is little emphasis on the intake of water. It heals the inside of your body. Drink more water consistently, any other drink can be quite minimal compared to water.

Eating well

Eating well is not eating less neither is it eating more. Eating well is giving your body the nutrients it needs so it functions well. I recently wrote about Self Care Is More Than Just A Beauty Routine where i confess about not eating well because i wanted to lose weight. My energy was depleted and i was very unhappy.

When you excercise, your body needs to burn fat, there are healthy fats you can consume to optimise your exercises. Research well about food and exercising and how to balance the two.

This has been the bigger challenge for me in my post partum journey and we may share similar challenges or you may still be pregnant or planning to start a family. This will help you make wiser choices and take care of your skin much better.

I trust i have helped you prepare for your journey.

Wrapped in love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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Do not let your dreams die mommy, here is how!

I remember when i started my fitness journey. I maintained consistency and i really saw how capable i was doing something i intentionally focused on. All i knew was taking care of my family yet i had so much more to offer within me . Each one of us has a knowing that there is something bigger than yourself.

For me that was blogging and venturing into the world of business. Normally when you get such a nudge at that moment you do not look like your future self at all.

What helped me start and to be consistent in the blogging and business as a mom that works fulltime is focusing on homeschooling our children.

It is not fancy at all, you put in the hours and work and have no time for the television except on weekends. Starting a side hustle as they normally call it is not easy for a mom like me because the time we have is much limited!

I was able to challenge most barriers i had created for myself and i am still working on other things that i have allowed to hold me back.

To be honest with you i realised 3 years ago that i had hit 30 years of age and if i do not pursue my dreams i will live an empty life with absolutely no purpose and pour nothing much unto my children whom i model life to.

I needed to serve others in my purpose and work on something much bigger than myself and more than what i had seen before in this lifetime.

Let us look at some of the things that have helped me resurrect my dreams that i carry always in my heart. I hope that they will help you too in your journey to self discovery.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

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The Happy Mom Life

**Having a moment with my daughter Shalom**

Knowing that you matter

I remember my days when our children were infants then toddlers i have felt so lonely. My life was between work, home and church. What made things worse was the loneliness i felt in church gatherings. I would be the mom playing outside with her children when they have a moment wanting to be fed or throwing a tantrum. However moms want to be happy too.

I felt judged by other ladies whose children were grown up than my children. The anxiety that i would have knowing that now its church time. Ofcourse i was never alone as my husband and i are always taking care of the children together or in turns during gatherings. Maybe our challenge was our children were all young with little age gaps.

Now i realise it would have been so much better if i had built a community where i can feel safe, loved, capable and strong as a mom. Surrounding yourself with like minded people who speak life towards your role is healing and reminds you that your role matters. You deserve to be a happy mom.

I am here today to remind you that your role actually matters so much more than you realise. You may be a stay at home mom, working fulltime mom or business mom all these matter. You are raising a human being!

Giving birth is not easy most times however what is more challenging than this is actually parenting. Its a lifetime commitment.

Parenting skills critisized

You are a new mom! Know this, people will critisize your parenting skills. This may range from the way you dress your children, feeding, changing, theie school and these weighs heavy on moms because we deeply know we are trying our best and that another person may easily see that. However when critised one questions their ability as a parent.

Its important to know that its not everyone that will critisize all you do. Some people will genuinely be willing to guide and support you on this journey. They will also be happy that you are a happy mom.

We come from different backgrounds too and we express ourselves in ways we too often know so well until we are aware of better ways to communicate.

Sometimes we ignore that we want similar things for our children but our approaches in life are so different.

You and i both know that you are doing the best you know how as a parent and if there is a better way you realise you can adopt in the ways you raise your children, you will learn.

**A lunch meal for our children while at Malolotja Nature reserve in Eswatini**

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A Consistent Fun Family Life for busy moms!

**Hello, im mom! Im a wife and mom, i work fulltime, a blogging mom, run the family company ads and do the admin work and pay roll and recently started social networking business. So welcome busy moms!**

Hi Momma

I have seen people creating lovely moments that were planned for bridal showers and baby showers. People look for gifts and outfits to attend and find a way to attend and afford. It means whatever you put your mind on anything is possible for busy moms. It all starts with a decision to make time daily.

Our childen grow so fast, not so long ago our babies were new born babies but now they can feed themselves, get themselves to the bathroom, bath themselves and time really moves. It is possible to realise after children are in their teens that you missed time with them when they were toddlers and before their teens. I know how challenging toddlers can be, our royal priesthoods have grown with the first born Charis (8), Shalom (4) and Kairos (3) and it is important not to lose our bond with them while they are young.

We do so well in engaging on social media which is totally okay because we are social beings but our responsibility to love, nuture, give time affection and attention are very important. All we are doing daily with our children is planting seeds that will grow and we have to eventually harvest later especially in their teens and maybe shape up whom they will become in life. Psalms 22:6 reads ” Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it”

**A picture of our babies who gave themselves a shopping spree while we were replenishing groceries**.

How often do you put down your cellphone or gadgets just to focus on your children?
As a parent you feel a major disconnection with your children when your attention is divided. Sometimes that feeling could come as a huge feeling of disatisfaction at home, being overly distracted because we sometimes we cover our weaknesses with many disteactions and not face them head on.

I recall quitting social media when our 3rd baby arrived, but i do regret completely shutting myself off from the world because i have three years to catch up on on the media world and it can be tough. What i have learnt is to minimise the use of gadgets around your children as much as possible not necessarily cutting it off. You still need the genuine connections you make on social media. It is an art of balancing it well, i use the Digital Wellbeing and Parental controls settings that have screen time, app timers and wind down time.

**Social media marketing ads can take its toll and most importantly. Now as moms we find ways to work smarter around it and we learn everyday.**

Children will not remember how you went to work to provide for them but they desire oneness, an intimate relationship with their parents or guardians to not just be told they are loved but to have a knowing of Love. Okay wait, they will remember and acknowledge when they are older but now they are young, they know you are their super hero and all they want is not just your gifts but your time too.

I usually have my moments too as a parent where i focus to much on the blog and social media ads yet i work fulltime but there is this void that hits me really hard and i realise i need to disconect just a bit online with social media and connect with our children and my husband. Children grow so well in an environment where the parents are one with each other and its the best gift parents can ever give to your children. A safe and peaceful environment.

**Mom creating new content images for the company run by my husband and i fir social media ads.**

The girls love different things but mostly they have things in common like loving tea parties, picnics, dressing up, girl time and flowers. We can simply find ways to get these or make it possible for them. What i love is children do not really need a price tag on these things but for you to remember and honour what they love too. It encourages them as they develop who they are.
Our son Charis (8) loves worship songs and he just sings and carries a microphone all day. Its his passion, we sometimes sing along with him and now he leads our daily prayers at home with our children.

When you have toddlers and i believe teenagers too the temptation is to frown more times than you actually smile at them. They are mostly messing the house, too energetic, breaking things and its easier to lose focus in giving them love by shouting constantly and i too find myself shouting but when you realise then you stop. How can we make our homes conducive for their growth because they need to play and be free as they learn the environment and feed their curiosity.

Often its easier to focus on deadlines at work and many challenges we face as parents when we are at home because we need to focus on so many things to be done in the home.
Whenever possible save some cash for an outing just to relax and focus on the children i believe this help refocus just on children.
One may say that there is not enough money sometimes but there are many ways to bond without spending much. I love taking walks, hiking, picnics, movie marathon great for children and playing their favourite games.
My husband and i have really energetic children so we choose our hangout spots with them wisely😀.We love these place in Eswatini thst is, Malolotja Nature Reserve, Maguga Dam Restaurant, Sibebe Rock Spur, Malandela’s has a large space for children to explore and just trying new places together. Its really fun!

**Malolotja Nature Reserves is one of our most fave hangout spots in Eswatini, we love nature, big space and great food from their restaurant.**

Another reason we really prioritise their outings is because they school at home. They have always been homeschooled and vacations came top to our list of priorities. We registered them at a real school at Abeka Academy in Pensacola, Florida USA. I helped them for classes earlier as they have their teacher online and now we got a teacher to maximise their time for class who fascilitates their studies with their teacher at Abeka to meet deadlines. If you find yourself interested in homeschooling especially in these times visit http://www.abeka.com a Christian school and you can even chat to them online. For more information feel free to email me allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

**Teacher Veronica who tutors our children during their online classes @abekaacademy since i work fulltime i had to find help to meet school deadlines.**

I remember this one time i was off work and i took time to go with them to a restaurant in Mbabane while daddy was at work. Resist the temptation to take your nanny with you on their outings most times children just want some time alone with you.

One of the reasons we chose a helper that commutes daily is to focus completely on children when we are home and learn to help each other as husband and wife in taking care of them and we have grown in taking care of each other with the children too. They grow knowing that whatever help they need when we are home they get it from us and not our nanny. Our nannies are so important to us and our children but we can learn to balance our quality time too.

My husband adds that sometimes we overwhelm our homes with relatives and children hardly find one on one times with parents, pay attention to such things or find a way to make your children a priority admist it all.

Have conversations with your children and they will hint in their words things they really like and things they really do not like. They will even tell you how a nanny treats them while you are not home but that may not be possible if the nanny is always around. If you choose to have a stay in nanny try to have many off weekends for the nanny to get to know your babies better if it is possible.

Recently i started cooking with the whole family so we bond when time is limited as suggested by a friend on social media, i totally love it.

**It was a cold day but we got all dressed up just to go out for some hot chocolate and we had a good chat in a different environment**

Having a social life is not a bad thing at all, you can actually learn so much from others but it is important to make time for the family too. I noticed over the years that males normally associate such a lifestyle as western and normally belittle men who love their wife and children and makes time for them. The decision lies with the husband and a wife what they want for their family, how they see themselves living their life whether its based on other people’s opinion or on what they believe the Word of God desires for them.

**I love bonding sessions with my husband too because we catch up on so much and ways we could make a fun, happy and Christful life for our children.**

When leading a family it requires spiritual maturity so to know what things you can or cannot allow to your family. A man is the leader in the family and he leads how he desire his family to be. The word of the Lord emphasises on praying for our leaders. It is not as easy because the decisions affects later generations too.
1 Timothy 3:4
Thank you for spending this time with me, remember that i am not just here to tell you what to do but to bring you to a state of awareness concerning happy times with our families. Let us have fun my loves and bond in our unique ways that blend well with who you are and your purposecas a family together.
I love you so much. #Godblessyouandyourfamilies

**Our children playing during a family outing.**

9 WAYS TO BUILDING A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY BUSINESS

This is not the post where I will tell you about a super amazing business plan. If you do dwell on a business plan for too long and perfecting it then it may mean delaying the start of the business.

An idea may come to either of you, yourself or your spouse but the most important thing I have learnt is that you need to be one with your spouse and that not only strengthens your relationship but you get to work and support each other on a common cause and no one will blame another when a challenge comes.

What I love about a family business is that you are each other’s partners, you share the same values, beliefs, dreams and growth stays within the family and you can teach your children practically the world of business while they are young and it becomes foundational within them forever.

So let us see together what I have learnt in doing business with my husband that could help you become a helpful part in the business or that could assist your family to start the family business you already have in mind.

Father I pray that what I speak here today may build families and may it be your spirit that speaks as you accomplish that which you intend for us in each season for your glory. For your name’s sake may this be about you oh God and your people as they live in abundance and experience the fullness of Life that you are.

Amen.

PARTNER TOGETHER

One of our biggest lessons was becoming business partners with each other. Of course there are ways you can protect the family assets from the business but what matters on running the business smoothly is that you are sure your financial, sustainability, profitability goals are similar because of the love you share together.

This is something you can discuss with your spouse as the main leaders or directors and come to a place of agreement. Extended Family can be involved in such a manner that they can be employed I they are really good technically because remember we are not playing games here but building a sustainable business that will feed many families. This also reduces the disagreements in a bigger partnership involving more than the immediate family members.

Remember to be vigilant and wise, even when you do assign overseers you are still the best overseers yourselves because you have the best interest at heart for the business. So no matter how big the business grows still get involved in knowing your clients, your accounts and taking time to check on the daily running of the business.

13 Ways To Grow And Appreciate Your Spouse Daily

REVIVING AND STRENGTHENING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE 8 TIMES BETTER

HAVE A FINANCIAL PLAN

OK guys, this will take some discipline from you. It may mean not lending money anytime you feel you can even when you know you have it in the business account because some people assume that when you run a business you can just give it away anytime and anyhow. This is meant for the business and you can pay yourself salaries as the Directors of the company but pay your employees first, leave some for re-investing and avoid borrowing when you have a big job to do.

One of our lessons is that there more the payments coming into the business account, use that to reinvest in the business by making orders and supplies for more jobs instead of holding on to the account balance which leaves you worse off. If you do that you end up spending on things you have not planned for leaving you needing to borrow all the time from other entities.

Doing business together helps you to have your goals aligned because when you know that the money you have currently is for paying salaries and running the business in general, you cannot spontaneously decide to go on holiday or buy a new pair of shoes or buy new car tires when it is not in the business plan to do personal things.

You will have the shared desire even financially because you want the business to be sustained so discipline will have to become part of your skills as you practice it daily.

There will be times when you will need financial support from one another too. Some families balance this off by having one spouse remain working full time or having a financial plan in place that will leave you better off even when challenging seasons hit. To make this more intimate, I am able to as i work full time to get affordable loans and bonuses which i can deposit into the business to grow it further.

This has taught us though to be very wise with loans, and to not take it unless and only if it is really necessary and we have exhausted our savings or ideas on raising capital for a certain job.

Eventually we will grow and we may both have to focus on the family business full time.

So remember that there are seasons and times that may be challenging but they shall pass and when they do the business needs to thrive.

Being wise in this area may mean not purchasing your dream car even when you can afford the installments but remain with the ones that are fully paid until you have a proper plan that will not weigh heavy on your finances.

YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

Pay your employees or should I say your support staff well and treat them well. This is one of the most important lessons my husband has taught me consistently as I am in charge over our accounts and salaries in general. He taught me to pay people well and consistently before you can decide to improve the business instead of paying them.

This takes a lot of discipline in knowing that you need to let money go and pay your bills as well, paying your suppliers too so that money easily flows back to you.

Proverbs 3:27-28

Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it. Say not unto thy neighbor, Go, and come again, And tomorrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee.

More often this will need you to have faith that your business will be okay and not only that but keep growing. This means you do not have to cheat people to be in business.

Being a leader means also being able to understand that the person you are leading has a family and the impact you have on that person has to build them up and not tear the down. God loves His people, be vigilant in leading people because you are to serve them than the other way around.

Matthew 23:11-12
11 The greatest among you will be your servant. 12 For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

SHORT TERM AND LONG TERM GOALS

Being a family does not exempt you from planning for your company. You still need to plan ahead listing down the challenges you have, asking God for wisdom to assist you in getting a way forward and working on improving the business over the small details that will actually improve the business over time invested in it.

What do you want the business to look like in the short term?

Let us talk about in a week, in a month?

How can we improve the business daily?

It is easy to lose track of your goals and plans if you are not specific on your plans. When, where, how are questions that will lead you to showing up up for your own office and especially whenever distractions come in the form of challenges maybe at home or in the business itself.

So you need to pay attention to things like quotations, invoices, petty cash, orders, preparing tax returns, equipment, servicing the company car, supplies, checking your emails and responding; if you sleep on these small details, it may work against you.

You just need a plan on how to actually do all that. My advice would be have a specific time and an office space at home to work on the orders, quotations and invoices as you improve other areas too.

As the company grows you may consider adding more staff and delegating but remember to know your business fully and be hands on.

What are your long term goals?

Surely you have not arrived at your business destination, if you think you have then create another goal so your business grows. Look at the list of your clients and decide that it may be time to look for more clients to add to your list.

Hopefully soon in another blog post I will be writing a post on this new app for businesses that helps put all those business processes in a customized way in just one system.

FOCUS ON THE INPUT MORE

Business can be so challenging sometimes especially at infancy stage that you may be tempted to quit. I remember confessing on my mini blog post on Facebook which I will link below how running a business is not fancy at all, there are rewards but you get to do the work and at times there is so much pressure that will need you to be stronger and more resilient than you have ever known yourself to be.

So I will quote one of the speakers I love to listen to these days and I am learning a lot from his you tube videos and his name is Vusi Thembekwayo. Find time and listen to some of his videos.

“If you start a business, enjoy each part of the process, if you are in month one enjoy paying attention to detail in month one and year 5 will come”

He also goes on to relate how his mother when he was a young boy wanted him to pay attention to detail even in his dressing up he would make sure he irons his clothes well and kept on improving his performance at work.

So I urge you that business can be tough, and times of disagreement comes like in any business or any marriage but allow God’s wisdom to breathe through you even in those moments, seek clarity and nurture your business with love as you would with your new born baby, one day the baby will be feeding himself, walking by himself and eventually she will be running.

BUILD ON YOUR PATIENCE

This may as well be a skill, learn that there is something called compound interest and success may not come overnight as we perceive it does on social media but you build on moments as you do a relationship, career, home or character. Learn to be patient, business is not about showing off a lifestyle, I do not know what it is to you and why you desire a business.

Most people desire financial freedom and that is what our major desire was at first with my husband and as we grew our desire became providing employment , serving others, and really living well by eating healthy, sharing our proceeds and building this legacy for our family for our children’s children and the generations that follow after that.

Business may require your maturity because you have to stop thinking like the crowds but you think beyond this moment.

The business will have seasons of challenges and at times its financial muscle will be affected but be patient, this is the time to keep going and next time challenges come you take strength on your past resilience and you can only grow from that.

A lot of people will learn a lot from you including your children. Remember life is more than just about you but it’s bigger than where you are and the time you are living in.

CREATE YOUR ENVIRONMENT

Creating your environment is so broad now that I think of it. You can be whomever you desire to be but your environment has to allow growth or be conducive for growth. a scenario may be like this; having friends who do not believe in anything you do yet you have a successful business and see how it affects your mind and then affects your actions making you sabotage yourself and then affects your business negatively.

Genesis 12:1
And the Lord said to Abram: Go forth out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and out of thy father's house, and come into the land which I shall shew thee.

Your mind is so amazing that you can actually achieve something in your mind and actually achieve it . So pay attention to such things as your FEED on social media. I am pretty sure there is a reason they call it a feed. You feed your mind with what people post there and you focus on that which you notice each moment and it may stay within you forming a belief you may not even be aware of.

It is time to customize your feed. What are your values? What are your goals? What are your dreams? let align it even to our feed, downloaded you tube videos and more.

What if your social media feed started to look like your values, beliefs, goals and dreams? And remove anything contrary to that.

I heard many times that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with so it’s time to create your environment and make it to be conducive for your business to breath and grow. Mind who actually surrounds you and if it does not work for your growth then shift from that space.

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN

It is a family business, allow the children to take part and learn so much about business while they are young. This takes us back to our introduction today, this is the time when the lives of our children is being shaped including their beliefs.

I have to be honest that running a business for me challenged me so much causing me so much anxiety because all I heard while growing up is that I have to go to school and then get a job. The idea of being in business was never really established in me and I had to grow beyond that knowing, confront it and challenge it.

One of our mentors Nomsa Moyo who also has a podcast that i will be sharing with you is one where we have learnt so much about business and has built a big business herself yet she does not show it off but remains humble and such an inspiration. I started to believe such in our business just by surrounding ourselves with such a power house.

As our children grow let us be open minded and allow our children to think with us, give us their ideas, and draw what they imagine for the family business.

Last week Saturday my husband and I had a business meeting with a family friend and he reminded us how important it is to allow children to be, for them to challenge you sometimes and just learn to express themselves and not suppress who they are. Unless of course expressing themselves may be harmful or disrespectful then teach them and model being disciplined and respectful.

PRAY FOR YOUR BUSINESS

I always say that the spirit who knows all things will reveal to you things that your natural mind would not have perceived on its own making your path clear.

A business is a living thing and holding onto every part of it and sometimes trying to fix things yourself may be so exhausting and that is what may result in a burnout and you end up not enjoying even having the business in the first place.

Bring it before God and pray for its protection, provision, guidance, life, and every area of the company that you may be overlooking even right now. Then trust God that you will be at the right time, right place, the right mind for opportunities and God will open those opportunities for your company.

Remember to walk in obedience, when God speaks learn to listen and as He guides you follow and that also builds your faith as you listen to God in the small things He trusts you with the bigger and growth is guaranteed and that is your investment that is stored in the heavenly places.

You cannot pray to someone you do not know, build your faith by reading the word, sometimes just read where God leads a family and see how God takes one from one place to another which makes your understanding of God deeper as challenges comes , how one can trust in Him and not be shaken. He will guide you through stories and you will learn that God is not a magician but a Father who teaches you to sow and reap, and also teaching you to have Faith in Him.

I trust and know that this has been so full of knowledge as it has been for me too as I write I am revived within me to keep growing our family business and trusting God to sustain it as we align ourselves too.

Related Posts!

11 Ways To Help Your Children Know God

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Dear Father, I thank you for your speaking today and leading on this post. Even in moments when I have no idea whom you desire to reach out with this knowledge, I know that your ways are higher and timeless. Have your way today bringing healing in marriages today and the businesses you have blessed them with.

I thank you that Families will not be put to shame or embarrassed but we will ponder the path of our feet and allow your Holy Spirit to guide us in all our ways. May we find our delight in you as you give us the desires of our heart.

Amen.

Thank you reader for being here today, I appreciate you and I pray that God may bless you, your family and may you live in peace, harmony and obtain favor with God.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

BUILD A STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN IN 9 WAYS

The same way you desire a good career and spend time ruminating about it even when you are at home with your family, the same way you should work on your relationship with your children.

Why is this important?

The answer lies within yourself too because you know how dear your children are to your heart and the guilt that overwhelms you when you perceive that you have not been a good parent in one area or several areas that concerns and affects your children.

We pursue many things as parents including social media presence and I wonder if we are able to balance it with the presence in our children’s lives.

You know those moments when your child needed your attention while you were busy with a post and you could not give them your full attention or the time you were applying makeup in the morning and you dismissed your child when they needed you.

I am tired of that nagging feeling within myself and now it is time to work on ourselves as individuals now more than ever so that we are aware of our mistakes and not repeat them thus passing on the same behavioral patterns to our children. I desire the same for you, families are in my heart so much and I pray that we thrive with our families as we pray for each other.

Let us quickly get into it.

Isaiah 54:13

“All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children”

Praise Your Children

Let us not get used to praising our children on a daily basis. They will consistently remind you of this by showing you their work, their empty dishes after finishing dinner, their accomplishments and to them they are not small.

Our children do look up to us and absorb information and actions now more than ever. What better way to feed their souls than praising them in a healthy manner.

Be mindful of consistently dismissing your child when they desire you attention, it is information to them and sets the tone for your relationship with your children for a lifetime.

Psalms 127:3-5

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed”

Spend Time with Each One of Them

This is so important and it is often overlooked and if you are not aware you can find yourself pushing them away each time because you make other things more important than they are.

We rush through the mornings and we do not even hear the whispers of children when the need us to fill their cup.

It is no use talking about the same mistake we make as parents without correcting them. Let us correct this mistake by setting an intention that will create new habits for us, because a habit is easier to maintain and consistency is guaranteed.

Smile at your children when they approach you, these times are precious before they start holding back from you.
Give them your attention even if it is one minute while you are rushing to work (work on your morning routine)
Give each of them time where they have intimate conversations with you.

You will discover and learn so much about this whole human that is your child. You will be surprised to learn they already have insecurities and fears that need to be addressed. You will even be surprised they may have challenges with some subjects in class and you can reassure them is such moments.

Listen beyond what you hear them say.

Play With Your Children

Of course depending on how old your children are, you can give yourself time to play with them. If your children are older then consider spending time doing what they enjoy doing.

This seems like a minor thing but this gives so much self-assurance to your children that they are appreciated. Teach yourself to be consistent in your choices, it may help to write it down and be intentional about it.

This builds trust in your children and soon enough the gap you sometimes feel between yourself and your children subsides until it is a healthy relationship that is full of life.

Matthew 18:3

^“And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Listen To Your Children

This is more than just to hear what they are saying but it is understanding them.

I noticed that my children always complained that I never hangout with them. It always made me feel guilty until I gave my daughter who had been asking me to hang out with her undivided attention. She thanked me for actually listening to her.

I do not know what your child desires from you, I trust that if you can stop yelling, and just ask what you can do for them this specific day and follow through.

What hinders us as parents not following through with our promises is that we may even lack discipline.

The other day I wrote on my to- do- list to spend time with my children on that day. As I got home I almost got carried away and wanted to make a video call to my sister ( It was not in my plans). I remembered how long our video calls normally take and I had to choose to follow through on my intention to spend time with my children instead of the video call to my sister.

I simply had a video call with my sister two days later but what matters most is that my intentions to give my children time to look at them, touch them, smile at them, hug them, talk to them, laugh with them and just express myself lovingly to them was accomplished.

Now i just have to build consistency from this, it may not be every day but most days.

Proverbs 24:3-4

“By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established;
through knowledge its rooms are filled
with rare and beautiful treasures.”

Speak kindly

This is a real goal for me! It is easy to get carried away in your day to day activities and not even pay attention to the way you address your children throughout your time together yet this is already setting a foundation of their relationships and how they relate with others.

Sometimes we carry the heavy load of our challenging jobs back home without even noticing but we constantly meditate or replay events that happened at work and not be present at home at all.

It may even be your cellphone that distracts you from being fully present and its so easy to snap at children when you believe they are disturbing you from something important.

I feel so unqualified speaking about this but I know as I speak about it, I am aligning myself as well on this part in which I fall so short.

There are those triggers you can trace for yourself that you may find that affect you, take note. Ask for God to help you speak kindly and practice using your words to build your children up. This is very important. It is the principle of sowing and reaping.

Learn to expect not from your children what you have not sown, sow kindness and watch it grow in patience.

Galatians 6:9

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up”

Support Their Passions

You have noticed what they really like and what they spend their time on but have you paid attention to support their passions?

I once attended a birthday to someone I really admire, who is a role model and a mother figure to me. When one of her children gave a speech her words stuck to me till today.

“My mom supports us and finds a way to provide for us in every area of our lives despite our dad passing while we were young, she supports my siblings and I so much that even if you said you wanted to be a clown but my mom will support you” she said!

I was amazed by those words and as I paid attention to their lives I have witnessed myself what her daughter talked about. This means it is so possible for us to support our children even if it means not fitting in to societal norms.

Meal Times are Fun Times

I love meal times and what makes me feel good is dedicating time to cook and serve my family.

You can even enjoy cooking together or helping the children to help you set the table. Sometimes it may take time for children to really appreciate these times but do not stop because it creates a routine for the entire family.

This helps children to be calm knowing that life is a bit predictable and they can spend time with you. Let us minimize distractions as we have meals with our children. Distractions like television, laptops and cellphones.

Work on your weekly schedules but do not miss time bonding with your family over meals because soon they will grow and getting them to come home when they have started their own lives may more challenging. Enjoy them now and use this time to speak into their lives.

It is possible to make meal times a reality, there are two posts that can assist you to start.

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Meal Times Are Family fun times!

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How Do Working Moms/ Busy Moms Make Meal Times A Reality Weekdays?

Find a Community That Inspires You To Be a Great Leader

Being a parent means you are a leader and you are leading your children.

Joshua 1:6

Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

Find a community that inspires you to be more aware with raising children and improve in areas you may be ignorant of that are critical to shaping your children in their growth.

It may be a group in your community where you share the same values, it may be a you tube channel, a great family blog like this one, a podcast, Facebook or Instagram. Do time yourself online though so you do not get carried away online.

Pray Together

Teach your children the word of God, teach them now while they are young, and spend time telling them about God and His love.

This is the foundation that helps me write this blog or else I would be basing this on my opinions which fall short yet the word of God is timeless, prayer is timeless and goes beyond this time to many years and beyond this lifetime from now protecting, guiding, leading, providing, restoring your family.

There are areas that are taken care of holistically just by praying about your life to God and the struggle of discord disappears and comes clarity.

I pray for clarity in your life, for God’s peace over your family, may be joyful and find your delight in the Lord. May you relate well with your children and enjoy the love you have for each other.

May all the worries leave you and may you have a song of gladness in God knowing you are loved by God. Amen.

Philippians 4:6

^“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Wrapped In Love

Futhi Mkhwanazi

What Modern Parents Want Today!

A reliable Nanny
Financial Freedom
Vacations
Restaurants, lodges, hotels with game areas for children
Enough Time with the Children
Enough Time With Their Spouse
Spiritual fitness
Physical fitness
People to Give Them the space for Leisure
Non Judgmental Space

This past Sunday we drove around with my husband debating on a place where we could entertain our children and it was a bit challenging because as much as we knew some places that have games like swings, monkey bars, sandbox area, large area for running around and a swimming pool there may just be a few places that actually offer that.

One of the things that make you enjoy your outings as parents is when you know your children are comfortable and they are not screaming in discomfort and boredom to much of the discomforts of other guests present in the area of entertainment.

This made me think of so many things that could actually make the life of a parent much easier.

I would sign up for such any day REALLY!

I know so many of you relate because Parenting is not the easiest role but it is so worth it and absolutely beautiful.

There are so many things we desire could be perfect but let us work towards a place where we are okay with ourselves because we are aligned with our purpose and the dreams we have for our children as we raise them ( not necessarily making our dreams theirs but raising them there way we desire).

So I thought about some of the things that are major challenges for parents worldwide.

I am hoping as you look at this list and find yourself in it so that if there is an existing challenge for you then you can recognize it and then correct accordingly for your growth and peace as a family.

A RELIABLE NANNY

I do not know what parent would not pay more just to get one reliable nanny. What I know for sure now is that you have the knowing when you have an unreliable nanny and it’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings that are challenging to address.

Many parents know how it is to expect your nanny to show up but does not and you have to cancel your biggest clients’ appointment because you have to baby sit your children while you look for another nanny.

It is not a pretty picture and the thought of change makes it even more uncomfortable.

Having children who are toddlers and an infant is quite challenging and it actually scares many nannies away. So do not feel bad if you have more than one child and they are below 5, it is a challenge to find one nanny that can actually persevere even with a competitive salary.

However with the proper plan in place even for your nanny you can enjoy a peace of mind knowing that you have a reliable nanny and may require some investing too in a good paycheck, leave plan and other benefits you are able to offer.

So when this is covered you know you have one area you need not worry about at all. I hope these tips from a previous post will really help you as much as they did with my family.

FINANCIAL FREEDOM

One of the things you want to worry less about if not at all is money when you are raising children. It makes it to the top of my list because everywhere when people talk about having more children, there is always the debate about money.

“Children are so expensive, Children’s school fees are so high, I can only afford one child”

So people desire to know they have the capacity to provide for their children and provide really well.

I would love to say we do actually live in a time when information is so “freely” available now more than ever and so much education on financial freedom and growing your wealth.

Some of these habits will go against everything that has been programmed in your mind about money and give you the perception that you are actually capable of growing your wealth.

These are great news for parents and those who have been debating whether to continue to grow the family as yet.

VACATIONS (leisure)

Who does not love family getaways? This is where we get to just take leisure time and enjoy our time visiting places of interest with our families. I have observed a great number of families take an interest in vacations now more than ever.

This is something a few of our parents did while growing up and now more than ever parents in this generation know and appreciate the importance of taking time and going away for a while with your loved ones.

So let us be creative and not allow yourself to be limited.

You see someone you know on Instagram with their family on vacation in the Caribbean Islands. Well for one they have planned for it and you should know that you live fully with what is available to you right now.

If you need a break really, why not book somewhere locally and go enjoy a vacation in your home country or even in around Africa while you work on a trip abroad.

Live Life Fully where you are and your children learn so much from you as you celebrate life where you are and work on another experience in the future.

Be creative, look around you and learn to love your life.

Learn to take a break from work and spend time in your home, that can be leisure for you.

ENOUGH TIME WITH MY CHILDREN

The worst feeling a parent can ever have is to constantly feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children.

When your work full time you battle with yourself sometimes because when you get home you are tired and may be well unaware that you are pushing the children away because at the back of your mind you still carry worries from work back home.

Pushing children away is never intentional but you find you are always occupied even when what occupies your mind is not as important as giving them attention.

So this too if you have noticed often happens will not go away unless you recognize it and then correct it the best way you possibly can.

Our children are all young and at ages where they need our undivided attention and it can be challenging. So we realized that we had to figure out how we can make our children feel we are giving them attention daily.

One of the ways is actually make meal times family fun times where we sit around the table every night and have supper together with the TV off and keep other electronics away from the dinner table because any electronic can take away your attention and theirs too.

One time I felt so overwhelmed with work and with our children and still felt guilty, so one of my colleagues at work just told me to give them just 10- 15 minutes when I get home before I take off my uniform or start cooking.

“give them 10 minutes of your full attention or more if you can and just look at them, touch them, talk to them, notice them, love them and assure them of your love and then afterwards you can focus on cooking and they will be okay”

Helpful, HUH? Yes I loved that even though I forget to do so sometimes when I had a long day at work but you keep reviving it until it becomes a habit.

Please do not push them away to the nanny if you have a stay in nanny but bring them closer to you and get to know them like a best friend.

SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE

There more you have children, there more challenging it becomes to spend time and the more likely and easier it becomes for you to drift apart if you never take notice.

This is the most important relationship you have because it is the foundation of the home and you cannot create a healthy home if this relationship is neglected.

Sometimes you may not even notice that you are growing apart because so many demands are on you even for extended family members.

One of the things I disciplined myself with is actually putting certain things I loved on hold until the children grow and become more independent.

I literally weigh the benefits of attending a women’s seminar on weekends versus actually taking that time to connect with my husband even if its simply walking together around the block.

You choose when and how this will happen for you, however you cannot neglect your spouse throughout the week and try to connect on the weekend or on the vacation, it becomes hard because you have built on something that does not serve you or your marriage.

What has really helped us in our marriage is actually having non negotiable days where we spend time together and make no excuses. Some of the things we do is having breakfast dates on Saturdays, walking around the neighborhood, going for a jog together, watching a movie marathon, watching each of our favorite shows together or sometimes enjoying a cup of our filter coffee together.

You can even get the children to sleep earlier just to have your own time.

Remember to be kind to one another daily and this is a seed to your marriage because we naturally gravitate towards people who treat us well. When you do this daily you are creating a conducive environment for your marriage to flourish.

No one is an expert on this except for God and trusting Him to show you the direction.

We all work on our marriages because we want the best out of them and to live a fulfilled life, so remember to put your time aside, to be kind, put your phone away, give them a call, watch their show with them, pray together and be a team so you do not let a good thing get stale.

Work on your time, catch a movie together, spend a night away from home, enjoy some tea together after putting the children to bed and touch each other.

SPIRITUAL FITNESS

You desire to be spiritually fit for yourself, your children and for your family. One of the things you learn as a parent is how much you need God and you are dependent on him because you need guidance and for him to hold you together as a family.

Raising children is not easy, so when you take the weight off and put your trust in God then you know you really do not have to worry about anything.

However that is where spiritual fitness comes in because you cannot worship what you do not know and cannot trust what you do not know.

Grow yourself spiritually and work on your relationship with God because no one can have that relationship on your behalf, not even your spouse.

It is very personal, how comforting it is to know you can pray for you children with the knowing that your answers will come and the word is life, it spreads through the years and meets your children even years after you have sown in prayer for their lives.

PHYSICAL FITNESS

As parents we want to be physically fit, actually like anyone else desires to be so they can live well. You learn how important it is to take care of your health and to be physically fit so you can be better capable of taking care of your children and being available physically for them to enjoy you.

It becomes more than just for being present at home but at work too so you know you are actually being productive.

When I realized this I recognized how important it is for you to eat well because you know you are investing in your body that carries you. You learn to prioritize physical activity and to sleep well now amongst other things because you desire your body to be at an optimal level to heal itself and to be well holistically.

CREATE BOUNDARIES WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY

Trust me parents may not tell you this but they absolutely desire their space alone. They desire to be alone with their children (which is why it is important for them to have a plan for their nanny to take some time off whenever possible).

You will be surprised that the children also desire a space alone with their parents without the nanny, aunties, cousins and it is just them with the parents so they could get to know you better and you get to notice and know them better.

The husband and wife desire their time without any friends around so they have time to themselves too. The families need to learn to say ‘NO’ to other engagements because their time alone is really important too. It becomes more challenging as the children come to spend more time alone as a couple but you have to be aware together or sensitize each other of your needs.

At times you need to hold each other and just express yourselves freely with no other person in the room.

It requires that you learn to create the boundaries as a family and others will have to respect your word for it.

NON JUDGEMENTAL SPACE

How horrible is it to feel judged as a parent for your choices? And we do it all the time to each other and sometimes it surprisingly comes from people who have not started having children yet. Judging from what kind of schools they attend, what language they speak, if the father is too involved or even changes the baby’s nappy, feeds the baby or even stays home with them when the mother is at work becomes debatable.

Parents would love a safe space where they can actually be judged not and this kind of plague can happen in gatherings or church. For example when children throw a tantrum or that particular day the child is fussy, your parenting may be questionable to many yet we all have moments with our children that we are not able control as well as we always hoped.

Which is why you take it upon yourself not to judge other parents and offer to help whenever you find a parent struggling, instead of highlighting their uncomfortable moment you lend an advice or just a helping hand where you can and that contributes to a better community.

I trust this has been as helpful to you as it is to me.

Wrapped In Love

Futhi Mkhwanazi

10 Ways Busy Parents Can Simplify Their Life Today

It is the early Monday morning, you thought it would find you prepared but whom are you kidding because you know very well you did not prepare much at all until the vanity of wishful thinking that the weekend is still continuing disappears. It becomes another day where you are rushing through preparing for work and preparing for school (yes even home schooled children need to be prepared).

You leave home for work after rushing through exercising, bathing and preparing breakfast and you give yourself a pep talk and promise yourself that the following day will not be like this. I will do better tomorrow because i will be ready, is an unfulfilled promise that we give ourselves for most of our days. it becomes even worse when you have been shouting at everyone in the house including your spouse because of the pressure you have.

So what can a parent really do because life is so demanding oh well so we have concluded. However a part of you knows there is another life that is calm, peaceful and harmonious with the very being or essence of your soul. I have given this much thought, meditation, prayer where previously i have completely felt like i am drowning in my days, weeks, months. I had to put aside the things i love just to stay sane and stay afloat without feeling like a complete failure.

What can a parent really do to avoid getting into the cycle of guilt and living from Monday to Monday out of alignment with yourself? Can it be possible for the vision that you have for your family and the kind of life you imagine for the entire family to thrive?

Here is how I looked at it as my daily life became more complicated by adding a commute to work which I absolutely despised but I found myself deciding to take a new job that made me commute in order to do something different while building my career. Although I have just realized that I am sacrificing the things I love like time for my air conditioning company and my blogging page. I have found that I am no longer able to promote my company and my pages on social media, however as much as the journey has been rough for me and even causing burn out. I have learnt so much in these few months.

The transition from being a young person to the time you become a parent is very interesting because you need to be aware of the phase you are entering in. This helps you to adjust your lifestyle earlier instead of living with the uncomfortable feeling of knowing that you are out of alignment and not knowing how to correct that. You can live in peace as a parent knowing that you still have 24 hours a day as you did before starting a family as long as you use the time being aware that this time comes with certain changes.

This was a major aha moment for me realizing that I knew I had the same 24hours a day as I did before having children so i can stop living in a fantasy world yet i now share my time with my family. However I had before tried to do so many things finding myself living in panic mode because I knew very well that I could not handle everything in this space of time like I did before starting a family. Let us look at some of the things that consume our time finding ourselves as parents very frustrated and we realize that we cannot fit everything in 24 hours but we ignorantly still try to do so and label ourselves as failures yet we have to awaken and choose our 24 hours wisely to reach a place of peace and contentment.

THE TIME FACTOR

I believe we have to realize that we still have 24 hours like we did before becoming parents. The sooner we acknowledge that, the better our lives will become. This will bring you to the realization and you will ask yourself what can I do to fit into my daily, weekly and monthly schedule so that i am best prepared.

Let us make a quick example, I recently in the past months found it more challenging to be consistent in blogging, making promotions for my company (we own and run with my husband) and it got me so frustrated that I suspected I was failing in my roles. Yet when I sat in silence to really consider what I can do to become consistent again. I realized that I may have to change my idea of consistency in order to live in harmony with my family.

Consistency meant(for me) doing everything everyday, it just was not possible and actually unsustainable . I would found myself shouting at my children, unable to cope with the pressure I put on myself now that I was commuting to work. Commuting to work meant I had to leave the house earlier and that hour I used to do my advertising and write mini posts on Facebook and Instagram was no longer possible forcing me to evaluate my daily goals.

The solutions included taking a break to adjust and get my priorities very clear, then look at what I can be able to realistically achieve in a day, how much free time I have that I can use on weekends without neglecting my family, how much time I have to rest as well because I am learning just how essential this part is and how many posts I can write in a week or even how many a month that can make an impact on serving my audience.

We all have 24 hours a day, but what will you do with yours that you will be happy about 6 months, a year or 10 years from now?

Do remember that your 24 hours will never be the same as the next person or someone who does not have children yet! So stop comparing yourself and create your own 24 hour magic.

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF

Spend time with yourself and as cliché this sounds you may discover you do not really know yourself much except for the roles or the identities we give ourselves or are given by others around us. These can limit you and you may discover that you have changed or evolved from the younger version of you.

So spend time with yourself, why do something’s make you happy and other things annoy you? What kind of clothing do you prefer and why? What lipstick shades do you like and why? Why have your interests changed, who are you and what are you about on this earth?

This will also help you in getting clarity on where you can spend your time and even the things that you need to change. As you raise children, your awareness level needs to be very high so you know exactly what you are modelling in the lives of your children too.

Getting clarity on your life will give you clarity and direction where you are in a better position to eliminate the things that keep you busy unnecessarily. You will save more energy for the important things you need to focus on.

GET TO KNOW YOUR SPOUSE

The whole point is to have a common goal as the foundation of the family. It is very strange for everyone if the parents are pulling each other in different directions and there is no unity. It is important to get to know each other even after the children are born to strengthen the foundation of this family.

This will help you continue to build what you have in common, celebrate it and be able to establish your communication of your needs to each other so you are able to figure out together what the family needs and the kind of life you desire together. You will find that even helping each other with all kinds of things including supporting each other’s individual dreams making them your own brings oneness. This becomes a strong team and you accomplish more when there is love and support for one another.

Building intimacy continually creates an environment that is caring and you help each other in more ways than just helping with chores and the children.

What common activity can you share with your spouse starting today?
Where do you see yourself with your spouse in 5 years? Every day you are working towards the relationship and it adds like compound interest. It is time to be kind again and it starts with you today. you will find you are less tired when there is peace and harmony in the home as you assist each other in every way possible.

GET TO KNOW YOUR CHILDREN

What are the gifts and talents of your children?
What consumes their innermost thoughts?
What scares them and what inspires them?
How do they act around you, your helper and in a large crowd and what influences that?

There are so many things to learn about your children so you stop being so busy with other matters only but include them in your schedule and make it a non-negotiable.

Just yesterday I wanted to catch a movie with my husband but we needed to keep the children occupied then we had to come up with a plan that benefits the entire family. We asked them to color what they wanted and gave them clean sheets of paper and they used their imagination. We were able to focus on our movie and they focused on drawing, coloring and writing messages.

We always get to know each of our children better as they express themselves. Train yourself to make time for your children even if its 30 minutes each day and be fully present. You will see their strengths and weaknesses and understand their source so you are able to offer advice and guidance.

See Related Post!Reconnecting With Your Children

SOCIAL MEDIA

How can you have 5 social media accounts and be able to manage them as a parent and be consistent on them. Is this really sustainable or some other things end up suffering in your life?

This was one of the things that really ate up all my time that my children started complaining. I knew I had to change the way I did things but it just took me so long to listen to those whispers until I was forced by circumstances to stop trying to keep up by promoting on all these social media platforms.

I am not here trying to tell you to quit your social media accounts but how about you manage them in your own way that allows you to be less busy for other things in your life. We always mention as beings that life is demanding and how we are finding it harder to cope. Who told you many social media accounts are needed? Who created that rule for you? Now that you realize you need to manage your time well then you may have to cut down or actually wisely allocate time very well to each activity like time blocking. learn more about time blocking below

See Related Post! The Uncommon Route To Mom Sanity

SOCIAL EVENTS

Sometimes we feel obligated to attend every event we are invited to. However I try to emphasize that it is about what you can handle with a new baby or with a big family. You know exactly what you need and the time you need to focus on your family and how you manage your time for other things. There will come a time when you will be able to attend other events as the children grow and become more independent.

As parents who opted for a nanny who commutes we do not invest much in attending events because we know we have to get someone to stay with our children while we attend events. So this will depend also on the kind of life you are creating together as a family, that alone should guide you and sometimes just be okay with being different from everyone else even if its for a certain period of time.

One thing you can learn to do if you are swamped with many events is to just say no to some and attend ones you are able to. This will suddenly create so much time for you and the time you give yourself to your family.

Maybe it is not events that keep you occupied but you have not learnt to say no even to just have your quiet time or space with your family. It is time you learnt to say no and be okay with yourself.

So I challenge you to just pick a day where you do not log on any social media account but be present and pay attention to your home, your spouse and your children. Even if it’s in silence and just observe what is going on around you and you may even get to know your children more.

CREATE BOUNDARIES

Sometimes people will not know what your boundaries are until you communicate that with them. Boundaries help you create healthy relationships wherever you are. You will not have time to yourself or with your spouse and your family if you are always surrounded by friends all the time. There is time for everything and people really need to understand that.

Invite people to your home because you know you will find time to be with your spouse alone and with your children alone too because they need their time from their parents.

Ever though family members were immune to such boundaries, think again? Let it bring you absolute joy to create an environment that allows you free time to be present to your immediate family members and for your relatives to respect that and then allocate time as you see fit to other relatives without wearing yourself out.

SOCIAL NORMS AND PRACTICES

A polite way of talking about peer pressure that affects us as adults and most of the time we are not aware that we desire to fit in the environment and we stop listening to our own voices but do what everyone is busy with. For example “ in one environment people may be investing in building one bedroom cottages as an extra income” which is excellent because we are thinking ahead but have you considered how saturated this market will be in the next 10 years later?

Where does this fit in? We find ourselves chasing things and being busy with other people’s dreams and to awaken later in life realizing we wasted time. Actually I have questioned myself why I felt the need to create more social media accounts yet I found it so tough to maintain just the few I had. So I created more challenges for myself so it means to be less busy meant I had to let go of unnecessary social media accounts.

EVALUATE YOUR PRIORITIES

Evaluate your priorities from time to time because sometimes we get distracted while we are on our journey. Sometimes you will not realize this because there are so many things on your mind and as you may not write them down, the easier it is to forget them. Write your priorities down, sometimes you may not remember them until you write them down.

Go over them too so that you can see if you are still in alignment. I assure you if you have no discipline or you are not aware of this, distractions take over and actually shift your focus from your daily goals. We spend so much of our energy solving problems in our minds that do not exist but have given the power to and we wake up and realize years have gone by without really paying attention to what is important.

Are you aligned to your values, goals and the kind of life you desire to live? I had to rethink this myself as I silently answer this question.

PERCEIVE DISTRACTIONS AND REFOCUS

You know the moment you are focused on your goals like spending quality time with your family and there comes distractions that may not really be worth your energy and time. This may keep you really busy and no longer fit with the intentions you have for your family.

I mentioned above on our previous point sometimes you may not realize that you have been misdirected on your journey. It is important to evaluate where exactly you are spending your time and if it is really serving you and your family. If what you spend your time on really serves you in your journey then try to find a balance and be able to learn to allocate time to each of your goals to avoid focusing more on others and neglect others.

PRAY TO GOD FOR CLARITY

Pray to God for clarity and direction, let God lead and direct your life because He knows the seasons you are in and He knew you in your mother’s womb and knows clearly about your life.

God will show you the direction as you learn to call on Him in times where you feel you do not know where to go and even in times where you know the direction for clarity. He already knows the answer, this always brings comfort to me knowing that I am always guided and I get answers to that which I seek.

This helps you get clarity on your life holistically and as you guide children it takes the heavy weight off your shoulders.

When you pray you will know when you are out of alignment on your goals and you will get answers on things that do not serve you making you more available or less busy for important things.

I trust this has been helpful for you as much as it has been helpful for me. When you read something and you find it resonates with you but you have no idea on how to change your life accordingly. I have noticed how taking a break from your normal routine and just do things that make your soul happy. You will be able to connect to yourself and find ways that can help you listen to yourself on things that do not serve you and what actually does especially in this season of serving your children.

May you serve them well, May god richly bless you and your family.

Has this been Helpful? Please feel free to email me here

Wrapped In Love

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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