I realize the parenting journey cannot be walked alone and some people say it takes a community to raise children, and there is truth there because you need all the good advice you can get from other moms, and grand mothers who have walked ahead of you.
There are always people willing to share information on how you can master some essential elements of parenting, that you may not easily be aware of as a new parent. This is just like learning to drive a manual car, you have to make sure you do not miss any step in between balancing and changing gears down or up. Yet when you have mastered driving it just becomes so natural to you.
As the years have gone by since I became a parent, I notice things that challenged us the most yet when mastered they made life such a beautiful harmonious flow in all your roles. However when the parenting role was affected, it then affected every other area of your life. There are important things that I desire to mention, that i hope will benefit you and your whole community, as you pass them on too to other moms or dads in your circle.
This makes life much more easier for the new parents, especially trying to find their feet in this. In the previous post we mentioned that the parenting journey is a personal one. This is true, you have things to discover for yourself because you are a unique being, and so is your child/ children. Learn as much as you can, however take that advice and fit it into your life when you see the patterns we talk about in your own life, however do it in a way that goes with the way of doing things in your family.
here are a few things you may want to look into when you start having children.
BREAST FEEDING/BOTTLE FEEDING
I mention both breast feeding and bottle-feeding because some are not able to breast feed for many reasons, including the fact that the baby may just refuse to take breast milk, and no woman should ever feel bad if they are not able to breast feed. It is just like giving birth naturally or through a Caesarean section, we all mothers and none better than the other.
Breast feeding can be so complicated, and you just never get used to the roller coaster of not being able to latch your baby well. If you are not familiar with the word latching you can read a previous post on breast feeding and all you need to know. Learn as much as you can about both of these and continue to learn even after giving birth, to avoid being frustrated with not being able to fill your baby.
Also Learn about the different positions of breast feeding, so you keep practicing until you can breast feed and not break your back.
Master this one thing and life becomes so sweet, you can enjoy your baby fully without having any conscious and sub conscious worries lingering on your mind! That is mom self care too.
Related Post!
New Mom’s Guide To Breastfeeding!
I believe for bottle feeding it is looking closely at which type of milk works really well for your baby without causing irritations.
BURPING!
Oh yes, it is a big deal with babies. It can be a bit stressful when you are really tired and sometimes it may take long for a baby to burp. Helping a baby burp is when the baby has been feeding then when the baby is done, you help the baby burp by holding the baby on your chest, with gentle strokes on the baby’s back allowing the baby to burp.
Burping is healthy for the baby because it prevents the baby form having unnecessary gas on the stomach, which cause major discomfort in the baby affecting bowel movements too.
Remember our in our intro we mentioned that having a new baby may be similar to learning to drive a manual car, and you may forget certain steps and be frustrated yet when you have mastered all the steps you just do things without having to think about it.
It can happen that a baby may be very fussy when they have not burped and these are things you watch out for, especially when you return to work and the nanny may forget several times to get the baby to burp.
These are one of the things you master, and you can enjoy a more stress free post partum days.
KEEPING FED AND HYDRATED!
This is very important for new moms and breast feeding moms in general. When you are not well fed, there is this depressing feeling you have that you may not be able to articulate well in words of how exactly you are feeling.
I remember moments I would lose my appetite a few weeks after the birth of my children. My husband noted this pattern and he would buy me the best foods, I really enjoy that are nutritious. I just became a happier mom as I was eating well and always had a bottle of water and once a while i would get those 100% juices.
Get yourself the foods that you like and supplement your snacking with fruits, as they are really excellent for both of you and the baby.
It is worth mentioning that it is so important to be as comfortable as possible, to avoid being stressed. Stressing a lot is not good for you and the baby stresses when you are stressed, and they act out by being fussy too. This is because they are very much attached to you and they feel it when you are not okay causing them to feel anxious.
Watch that you eat well and are full as your body produces milk, and it needs nutrients from food to do that. Eat the foods that make you happy and are nutritious for the baby too.
The people around you should care enough to want to help you as you nurse your baby, explain how you feel from time to time and your needs if they are not aware of such things, so they can support you and help get you the things that will make this journey much more joyful.
PUMPING MILK/PREPARING BOTTLE MILK!
My husband would always encourage me to pump milk, so I can be able to nap more while he takes care of the baby. Now I am able to encourage other moms because I know just how tired you can get as parents, and the need arises that resting may help you to stay sane.
So I have grown to love pumping milk because you can pump a bottle or two allowing you time to nap, while your spouse or whoever is helping you may take care of the baby while you rest. Allow your spouse to take over at times and get some sleep too. If you are bottle feeding you may just prepare the milk prior to your napping time. However if your spouse or your nanny knows how to measure and prepare the milk even better for you mommy.
As challenging as pumping is, it surely has benefits for you and your baby. It can put excess pressure on the nipple but as you get used to pumping more pores open, making it easier for the baby to get more milk and to be full since milk is expressed on three openings or more. Only watch that the milk dose not choke the baby if the pressure becomes too much.
However remember to feed and pump interchangeably, as the milk production is triggered by your baby when she breast feeds.
“prepare for returning to work by pumping one bottle or two a day which you can transfer to freezer bags and sore in the freezer for up to six months”
This can relieve you so much from the pressure when you return to work.
BABY’S SLEEPING PATTERNS!
When your baby is born their sleeping pattern may be different from yours, and they still maintain the sleep patterns they had in the womb.
Did you know even a new born baby can be trained to change their sleep routines to sleep more at night!? Of course it will not happen over night and it may take some time for your baby to adjust, but as long as you sow the seeds of change it will come.
Things to consider!
- Your baby’s bath times, bathing babies soothes them to fall asleep because they are feeling fresh and warm water makes ones body relax. consider bathing your baby before your bedtime but look at the baby’s sleeping patterns already, do not bath her when she already wants to fall asleep, she will be crying all through his/her bath time.
- Dim the Lights or switch them off and use a dimer light so that it can trigger a pattern of sleeping time to your baby to understand that overtime.
- Wake the baby up If they Sleep too long during the day I know this is your time to be resting, but your natural sleeping time is the night and your baby will get used to sleeping at night too but need your help. If the baby sleeps longer than usual, wake the baby gentle by removing a few clothes then putting them back so you can feed the baby and she can enjoy the longer sleep patterns during the night.
Be mindful not to wake the baby too soon because they will be quite irritated. Let them sleep those two to three hours but not more during the day at a go.
STARTING SOLIDS!
This stage is very important too and what your baby eats may shape the relationship that the baby has with food.
Starting solids may be much easier in the beginning but if you are not watchful of the yoghurt that you sometimes give the baby, they may start refusing real food and this can easily turn into a nightmare. The baby has tried something different, and can now differentiate what they like more than other foods.
We have learnt that as your baby grows they learn so much from eating together as a family. This has more positive eating habits that influences the children as they grow up.
Children love to model what you do, as you sit down and eat with them as a family they love that and are more receptive to eating.
Related Post!
Meal Times Are Family Fun Times!
EDUCATIONAL ENTERTAINMENT!
I have observed in this time I have become a parent that children develop their own patterns whether negative or positive towards certain things. As I became a homeschooling parent i really struggled getting my children to concentrate on their work, and it really created negative feelings towards class time at home.
I would push it so hard on them that they have to learn yet already because of my teaching style, they hated class times and it would be the worse times we had together.
Upon realizing the negative patterns I had created, I had to unlearn traditional ways I knew of helping my children learn but I had to learn to be a creative mom. Children do not want to be frustrated but desire to be creative and learn through a less stressful environment.
I know most of you can relate with homework time and these patterns develop, while we are still young that we despise any sort of school work. This is the time to learn to articulate things well to children by making education fun and creative. Children differ as well, one may enjoy expressing numbers in a song while another really loves drawing and making colorful numbers.
Math just became creative and fun, teaching and focusing on the goal is important but how you make them understand what you are teaching, or showing them on their homework is very important.
Related Post!
Entertain Children Off Screen While You Work
RECRUITING A NEW NANNY AND RETAINING ONE!
I addressed this one on a previous post that you may like to go through especially if you will be hiring one for the first time.
you learn interpersonal skills and you most importantly learn how to respond even when you have been disrespected, because of your concern for your children. Finding a good nanny is not always an easy process, learning about different personalities and what works for your family, makes it much easier to know what will work for you and what will not work for you.
This one is quite sensitive and it is always good to be vigilant and watch just how your children are when you leave the house and when you get home. You may have to understand how your child communicates with you, whether they cry hysterically when you leave the house and grab on your clothes or they are calm.
As you get ready to get back to work you may want to look for a nanny earlier, so you learn as much because still you have to go through the journey to know for yourself what you want, and what you do not want to happen when your baby is being taken care of. Working through those matters to see if it will work with one nanny or you need a different one.
When you first hire its easier to get anyone who just emphasizes how ‘good they are with children’ only to realize its not in the words only but body language, attitude and listening skills.
Related Post!
Recruting A New Nanny! Tips To Recruiting A New Nanny And Retaining The Good One
FOUNDATION IN GOD’S WORD!
Never assume children are too young for spiritual matters. Actually quite the contrary, they are more receptive to spiritual matters. Children are open to so much and their minds love things. However, us adults consider impossible because we have been initiated in our beliefs of what is possible and what is not.
“That is why you find children love superhero cartoons because they do not see fiction but they see a whole new world of possibilities”
Assuming children will learn when they are older might not be the best of ideas. What I know is that you reap what you shall sow.
Train up a child in the way he should go,
[a]And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
CARVE OUT YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!
Have you noticed just how much dedication all our roles demand from us!
But he that knew not and committed things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required; and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.
Luke 12:48
In some roles we may excel more than our other roles, an easy example is the role of a mother and a wife.
It may be a challenge to really achieve harmony on all your roles, where the connection is God who connects them all harmoniously. It may be your career, your marriage, children, business and other appointments.
It can be challenging watching all these closely and being on point with all these roles, but when you are guided by God’s word information will flow to you naturally because of your spiritual position. I am not talking about simply attending church and not knowing what you really worship for yourself as an individual, but I am talking about an intimate relationship with God that you work on consistently for yourself.
A deeper understanding of God’s word for your life. God’s wisdom will guide you as you allow His wisdom to pour on you, gaining favor where you may not be the strongest in.
For example as a mother you may cook well, bath your children, be organized while you work full time but just miss that your child is being ill treated by the nanny! You may miss this but when you are so sensitive spiritually you can easily pick that up, yet it may require more effort naturally to discover something like this immediately.
REFLECTION TIME!
Spirit, body and mind
You desire to model to your children the life you want them to have.
How do you do that when you lose your way/direction sometimes? You make mistakes, I mean we all do and that makes us human but if you are unaware of certain imbalances in your life, you will keep walking on the wrong direction.
It is time to ask yourself from time to time.
- what are your values?
- what do i need to heal from within me to be whole?
- what do i need to correct?
Allow God’s word to sift through and bring such things to the surface, as you find your path again from time to time.
LET GO AND TRUST!
Trust that you are okay and what you need to know will come to you. Allow yourself to grow in this journey and not allow criticism weigh you down as you are learn more about yourself as a parent. You are already doing okay, keep going and know you were born for such a time as this to raise your children to become what you desire them to be.
God bless you!
Wrapped In Love,
Futhi Mkhwanazi
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