TOP 7 THINGS WE NEED TO STOP DOING THIS YEAR!

We keep promising ourselves that our lives will change for the better when a new year comes but we end up accepting our normal habits and routines.

How long have we promised ourselves we will change in certain areas but we did not? How long have you promised yourself that you will grow spiritually, emotionally or mentally?

Change does not come by a miracle( it may but it still needs your commitment) but it comes by making a decision and sticking to that decision daily by your actions.

Welcome to 2023, where we will not let ourselves be mediocre, where we will not watch ourselves faint in our pursuits and especially in the ones for our families. You know what you desire for yourself and for your family in 6 months, a year, 5 years, 20 years, and 30 years from now.

So many things have dictated to the way we shape our lives and the way we lead our families without questioning such pressure from society if it really works for us.

If we do not consciously make decisions on how we desire to live our lives we will be driven where we do not know where our journey leads to. Let us be in control of our journey and know where we are leading our families to.

Next time we will look at more things we need to stop sabotaging ourselves on because the list is long.

HARBORING BITTERNESS

We have sabotaged ourselves for too long, we have kept bitterness in certain areas of our lives not knowing that our children notice everything and they accept what we model as truth.

It is time we did better, this may be in any area with a colleague, a relative or your spouse, even your boss at work.

I put this at the top of the list because your peace matters most in really living well and you will not live well carrying a heavy heart. We all go through this but what matters is to check ourselves and take our positions.

Decay makes a way into your thoughts, your actions, and your heart and corrodes every goodness that you are and you carry it even around your children because you are a spirit.

You deserve better, you deserve to choose yourself and sowing the right seeds into your children. Some people prefer approaching an individual whom they are angry against but what if that person is difficult at the moment? I have learnt to pray about something and the weight of it is removed from my shoulders leaving me with a song and gratitude toward my maker.

It is not for the world to applaud you but it is for your well being and that of your entire generation and more to come.

NEGLECTING YOUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH

You know so well just how much you have drifted from God. I do not mean that you have stopped going to church or participating in religious activities.

I mean the personal relationship you have with God knowing that you and Him are one and being conscious of that daily by walking in His presence and your identity in Him.

I mean by agreeing and being aware of who He says you are forsaking every identity you have been given on earth by yourself, your job title, your social life, your cliques, your accolades and much more.

You feel so dry apart from God but there is always an excuse like being tired or not having enough time.

I totally get it, I had the same excuses the past year but it is time to remember who you are and a human being needs God. All other ground you can establish yourself in is sinking sand!

One of my favorite ways to catch up with God is through His Word. You cannot have a relationship with someone you do not know.

Read a few verses or a chapter then allow yourself to meditate (ruminate) on them and do this consistently. Then soon enough even your prayers will flow much easier.

Teach the word to your children and nothing compels you to grow than teaching it and further modelling it to your children by living the life

NEGLECTING YOUR MARRIAGE

What do I know when I am not a senior? I have observed, I am observing and I listen to people whom God has blessed with wisdom in this area. There are patterns that they follow, habits they form that work for them, consistency and getting better at being individuals while they desire the best for their spouse.

We see the adverse reports on media and it seems the world thrives when marriages fail. We will not have that this year and going forward. Commit to your marriage, commit to being different, commit to Oneness and commit to winning together as a husband and wife.

We are not opponents but the same team!

We will remain humble and remind ourselves we are actually on the same team but not opponents. This sets a good foundation for your home, for how can a home be healthy without a firm foundation?

I love to refer to the word of God because it removes making my opinion paramount but places supremacy on God’s Word which is consistent and you can establish your life on this Rock.

Read Ephesians 5:22-33

NEGLECTING INTIMACY

You will notice that this point comes after the point on marriage. It means you can focus on marriage and totally miss some of the areas that make a marriage whole like intimacy. We have to nature it, protect it, feed it and watch it grow.

“In some seasons you may feel like you are working harder at it than your partner is and in some your partner may feel they are working harder at being intimate with you.” as Michelle Obama says recently in an interview urging young people not to give upon their relationships.

At the end you are in the same team and you both win together because this fuels the relationship to thrive too, making caring for one another so easy as breathing.

Let us not postpone on our marriages however let us start today and do what we can to nurture it, go away on holiday alone if you have to. It is that much important.

let no one ever make you to feel guilty to desire time alone with your spouse. sometimes we focus on pleasing friends and extended family members all the time, sometimes forget about them one weekend and focus on building intimacy between the two of you.

NEGLECTING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN

This sounds very strange even as I say it because we all desire to have the best relationships without children, however our desires may not meet our actions and we need to improve on that because our children are growing and will soon be adults too.

Your relationship with your children while they are toddlers, then young children, teenagers sets the tone of your relationship with your children even in their adulthood. So be mindful of what kind of relationship you are establishing with them now.

I really obsess about this, and I know this is at the heart of the majority of parents so we are on the same page. I do not just want to cook good food, feed them the Word of God, give them good education, or take them on holiday but I desire a good relationship with our children.

Let us work at it consistently with the way we relate to our children.

It may help to write down some of the obstacles you encounter where you end up living on autopilot just to survive each day.

Have a way to talk to the children
Choose words that build them up
Know when to discipline a child but not all the time
Be mindful of not speaking unkind words to your strong willed child
Set time aside for interaction with your children and choose what to do (bible reading, story time, drawing and coloring)

The journey may not be perfect, there may be meltdowns, sometimes tantrums, corrections, making mistakes but fix your eyes on the goal and that is establishing a good relationship with your children now while your children are young.

NEGLECTING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NANNY

I am talking about leave days, their pay rate, speaking kindly, delegation and autonomy in their job. What does it take to be a good employer?

Put yourself in their shoes.

It is time to create a healthy plan for them and let someone employed by you improve their life on every level and not feel oppressed.

If you feel your nanny is not good for your family, let her go but pay her! Then look for one that works well with you because you cannot allow strife to build in your home. Let your home be a peaceful haven for the entire family.

This is a topic we shall get into another day!

However now it is time to grow up and create a plan for your nanny to have leave days with full pay. I of the advises i took concerning finding a good nanny and keeping one is paying her above what the market offers each time. I took that and ran with it as my own value.

Taking care of children needs a lot of patience, so a nanny leave benefits not only your nanny but the entire family.

NOT GOING ON HOLIDAY

I am not talking about Valentine’s Day because this is seemingly the time most people desire to go on holiday and on outings but I am encouraging you to bond as a family outside of your home.

Why A Holiday?

This is something that excites the entire family and makes you create more wonderful memories together where you can go away and feel something different spiritually and emotionally, think different thoughts for a moment, get away from the predictable routine, see more the world has and be inspired.

I have noticed that our communities prefer big events and celebrations over holidays just as a sacred time with your immediate family alone. forgive me for being biased but just try something different not necessarily neglecting others events but fit family outings into your schedule.

Take time to practice that and see just how closer you become as a family and learn to maximize your time alone without the children sometimes.

Save up for a holiday or go local, drive to another region, book in a Lodge, B&B or a Hotel and you will realize it is not impossible but it just depends on where you place your priorities at each given moment.

We will continue next time on things we need to stop doing this year that sabotage us in every way. I trust this has been helpful and it will be an honor to have you join me next time.