It is so easy to get used to each other when life really has its own demands from us. We tend to lose focus on the things that truly matter because we are preoccupied.
Our intution always has a way of communicating this to us but we find that we miss this voice and we get pre occupied in our daily activities.
Hardly do we take note that we are actually drifting apart in our marriage.
It can come once as a huge burden that weighs heavy on you to appreciate your spouse or it can be a lingering feeling or small voice to focus on your marriage.
Either way let us reset and remind ourselves the things that matter the most to us so that we work towards building our relationships to be strong by giving them attention consistently.
We do know happy parents make happy homes and a healthy envirinment.
Take Note Of These Loop Holes
1. Irritability; when you are easily irritated by your spouse is not something to be taken lightly.
2. Complaning a lot; nothing really satisfies you or makes either of you happy. However your toungue is filled with complaints. This is very draining for any relationship.
3. Lack of intimacy ; the closeness that we desire to have with our spouses may no longer be there. There is distance in between because of many things such as unforgiveness, not supportung one another or not spending time together.
4. No time for each other; time is created deliberately for important things so it may be time we re aligned ourselves daily with our values and goals.
5. Focus only on children; yes it is great and well, however it should not come at the expense of neglecting each other as husband and wife. This is the foundation of the home and it should do really well.
If you have been married for sometime and now it seems you are so busy you hardly can find the time. It happens in all relationships, even the best ones. It is how you tackle such matters and not ignoring the big elephant in the room that propels you to grow.
Let us look at some ways that can help us keep the most inportant relationship on track.
[ ] APRECIATE ONE ANOTHER
It sounds so obvious right? However it is not as obvious and appreciating each other in your marriage can really go a long way.
When you appreciate one another, it brings you closer to one another.
How can you appreciate your spouse?
• Acknowledge any good thing they do.
• Be thankful for their efforts even if its within their role.
• Appreciating their role in your family
There are different ways to appreciate each other consistently.
• Help them with their favourite beverag like preparing them tea or coffee.( hey i am not saying work hard but do these kind gestures out of love)
• Prepare their favourite meal once a while
• Watch favourite shows together
• Buy some chocolate for them
These are messages in action that say, i appreciate you!
[ ] KIND WORDS
Practise, practise, practise! Practise saying kind words to your spouse. You cannot desire a good healthy relationship with each other while most of your words are unkind to each other.
Example : ” did you remember milk this time”
“Honey, did you remember to buy milk?”
Which one sounds better?
These are the little things that build up overtime and become so big. Imagine what beauty that will be in the longrun when spoken well.
Its easy to talk and not notice how you say things until it becomes an issue and you become defensive about it making communication even harder.
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.
[ ] DREAM TEAM
You are on the same team even when you disagree always remember you are on the same team.
How does a team excel?
We look at our values and beliefs; our short term and long term goals; our strengths and weaknesses, our expertise and we protect our bounderies and each other so we both win always.
Its time to win together!
[ ] DEAL WITH UNFORGIVENESS
Unforgiveness that lingers tarnishes any relationship because it wants to get even.
It can build up from anything and as long as you are living we all need to learn to forgive. We all fall short and we misunderstand each other, sometimes we feel vulnerable at our extended families like our in laws. We may feel unprotected by our spouse in such matters.
These things happen, however looking at what kind of a marriage you desire you can only choose to forgive.
Ofcourse i am not saying let all things slide, no at all. Do allow wisdom to fill your heart. Some things are not worth making an issue and where there is an issue gain insight and deal with it in a way that makes you all win.
[ ] BE THE RIGHT PERSON
We are always counting on just how much we want our spouse to be the perfect person. What i know is that what you sow, you shall reap.
What if you shifted your focus and concentrated on your own role to give it your best and make a joyful life for your spouse.
Whatever you appreciate in your life appreciates.
The bond between a husband and wife should just be effortless and expessing love and kindness should just come naturally.
What is your role in marriage?
Are you promoting and encouraging your spouse to be the best they can be?
[ ] LISTEN
Be a good listener! We always desire to be heard and that is okay. However what if you taught yourself to listen.
Being a good listener is not just about hearing what another says but its trying to put yourself in someone’s shoes.
When you are always brushing off what your spouse says, they will close up and avoid being vulnerable with you.
[ ] SPEND TIME!
there is no other simpler way but create the time for each other. You can be creative and see which times work for you but time where you can be able to just focus on eac other.
After the children go to bed, utilise that and switch off your cellphone or put it away. It is necessary for you to grow together in love.
Focusing on children is great and necessary but allow yourself to get away and miss them. Recharge and come home to them ready to spend time with them and play because you are well and refreshed.
Maybe a get away is now necessary even if its one night. Hey it need not be expensive but plan around what you can do and get someone you trust to watch your children.
Or simply dress up and have a date night.
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[ ] LET GO OF CONTROL
Being in control makes you feel safe, well atleast it gives you the illusion of safety and predictability.
We all have an image of what we desire our marriages to be and we forget its a journey. As a tree is planted, it grows for several seasons and times.
A journey involves a lot of learning, gowth patience and love because nothing falls into place once but it does so over the journey you take as you grow.
Let the other be and learn to be too and i do believe this is a skill you learn with time and practise.
[ ] COMMUNICATE
You have heard it many times but i am repeating it today.
When tou decide to just shut down, you create walls that develop amd become harder to break through with time.
Let us learn to find effective ways to communicate.
[ ] SEEKING COUNSEL
It can be in the form of marriage seminars, couples retreat or someone you can trust to help breath life into your marriage so you can see the bigger picture than when every thing is narrow due to your focus.
Sometimes these seminars are so eye opening and healing because when we cannot see our way clear, A sound mind is necessary. We all need clarity from time to time and perspective.
I really love to hang out with other families as couples to just unwind and learn from others too.
[ ] LEARN FROM OTHERS
It is true we desire to develop in many areas and we read books, listen to pdcasts, subscribe to newsletter, read blogs, read the Word Of God, watch you tibe videos and attend seminars.
We can grow in loving and submission too. I have learnt so much from people i admire and continue till this day.
Seasons and times are different and some seasons may compel you to just focus on a certain area of your marriage but the point is the know and perceive what season you are currently in.
[ ] GOD’S WORD
It can be so worrying when you look at what marriages have been made to be in society, like they are failing. However it is so comforting to have a hope that is unshakeable and that is God’s word.
This is a foundation for marriage and love’s perfection.
It is indeed a mystery of Christ and The Church, the oneness that God makes marriage to such a splendor.
Genesis 2:24
A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
This verse alone just tells you how important and significant marriage is and setting bounderies. A spoken Word is life and breathes through all lifetimes.
There are other verses concerning our roles in marriage.
1. Ephesians 5:21-33
2. 1 Peter 3:7
3. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
[ ] PRAY FOR EACH OTHER
Pray for one another, pray for your union. There are things you may not be able to perceive with the flesh but the spirit who knows all things helps you live above those things.
Praying for one another strengthens your bond because you are deeply concerned about one another.
Prayer is timeless and it meets you years after your prayers where a seed was sown into your years for your well being and that of your family.
When i look at a woman or man who is really doing well in society. I know for sure there is a spouse that builds them up and i desire to be that spouse for my husband.
I trust this has been helpful for anyone feeling tired or in the rut?
Take a break, go out for a date with your spouse, build up the intimacy, do what they do, find interest in what sets them apart, be kind and celebrate that you are healthy and well.
It is a blessing!
Wrapped In Love,
Futhi Mkhwanazi
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Kindly Share!
All Things Godly and Pretty 
Wise words Wan of God i took so many notes thank you.
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It is my pleasure my dear. Thank you so much for the feedback. May God continually bless you and your beautiful family
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