It is the early Monday morning, you thought it would find you prepared but whom are you kidding because you know very well you did not prepare much at all until the vanity of wishful thinking that the weekend is still continuing disappears. It becomes another day where you are rushing through preparing for work and preparing for school (yes even home schooled children need to be prepared).
You leave home for work after rushing through exercising, bathing and preparing breakfast and you give yourself a pep talk and promise yourself that the following day will not be like this. I will do better tomorrow because i will be ready, is an unfulfilled promise that we give ourselves for most of our days. it becomes even worse when you have been shouting at everyone in the house including your spouse because of the pressure you have.
So what can a parent really do because life is so demanding oh well so we have concluded. However a part of you knows there is another life that is calm, peaceful and harmonious with the very being or essence of your soul. I have given this much thought, meditation, prayer where previously i have completely felt like i am drowning in my days, weeks, months. I had to put aside the things i love just to stay sane and stay afloat without feeling like a complete failure.
What can a parent really do to avoid getting into the cycle of guilt and living from Monday to Monday out of alignment with yourself? Can it be possible for the vision that you have for your family and the kind of life you imagine for the entire family to thrive?
Here is how I looked at it as my daily life became more complicated by adding a commute to work which I absolutely despised but I found myself deciding to take a new job that made me commute in order to do something different while building my career. Although I have just realized that I am sacrificing the things I love like time for my air conditioning company and my blogging page. I have found that I am no longer able to promote my company and my pages on social media, however as much as the journey has been rough for me and even causing burn out. I have learnt so much in these few months.
The transition from being a young person to the time you become a parent is very interesting because you need to be aware of the phase you are entering in. This helps you to adjust your lifestyle earlier instead of living with the uncomfortable feeling of knowing that you are out of alignment and not knowing how to correct that. You can live in peace as a parent knowing that you still have 24 hours a day as you did before starting a family as long as you use the time being aware that this time comes with certain changes.
This was a major aha moment for me realizing that I knew I had the same 24hours a day as I did before having children so i can stop living in a fantasy world yet i now share my time with my family. However I had before tried to do so many things finding myself living in panic mode because I knew very well that I could not handle everything in this space of time like I did before starting a family. Let us look at some of the things that consume our time finding ourselves as parents very frustrated and we realize that we cannot fit everything in 24 hours but we ignorantly still try to do so and label ourselves as failures yet we have to awaken and choose our 24 hours wisely to reach a place of peace and contentment.
THE TIME FACTOR
I believe we have to realize that we still have 24 hours like we did before becoming parents. The sooner we acknowledge that, the better our lives will become. This will bring you to the realization and you will ask yourself what can I do to fit into my daily, weekly and monthly schedule so that i am best prepared.
Let us make a quick example, I recently in the past months found it more challenging to be consistent in blogging, making promotions for my company (we own and run with my husband) and it got me so frustrated that I suspected I was failing in my roles. Yet when I sat in silence to really consider what I can do to become consistent again. I realized that I may have to change my idea of consistency in order to live in harmony with my family.
Consistency meant(for me) doing everything everyday, it just was not possible and actually unsustainable . I would found myself shouting at my children, unable to cope with the pressure I put on myself now that I was commuting to work. Commuting to work meant I had to leave the house earlier and that hour I used to do my advertising and write mini posts on Facebook and Instagram was no longer possible forcing me to evaluate my daily goals.
The solutions included taking a break to adjust and get my priorities very clear, then look at what I can be able to realistically achieve in a day, how much free time I have that I can use on weekends without neglecting my family, how much time I have to rest as well because I am learning just how essential this part is and how many posts I can write in a week or even how many a month that can make an impact on serving my audience.
We all have 24 hours a day, but what will you do with yours that you will be happy about 6 months, a year or 10 years from now?
Do remember that your 24 hours will never be the same as the next person or someone who does not have children yet! So stop comparing yourself and create your own 24 hour magic.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF
Spend time with yourself and as cliché this sounds you may discover you do not really know yourself much except for the roles or the identities we give ourselves or are given by others around us. These can limit you and you may discover that you have changed or evolved from the younger version of you.
So spend time with yourself, why do something’s make you happy and other things annoy you? What kind of clothing do you prefer and why? What lipstick shades do you like and why? Why have your interests changed, who are you and what are you about on this earth?
This will also help you in getting clarity on where you can spend your time and even the things that you need to change. As you raise children, your awareness level needs to be very high so you know exactly what you are modelling in the lives of your children too.
Getting clarity on your life will give you clarity and direction where you are in a better position to eliminate the things that keep you busy unnecessarily. You will save more energy for the important things you need to focus on.
GET TO KNOW YOUR SPOUSE
The whole point is to have a common goal as the foundation of the family. It is very strange for everyone if the parents are pulling each other in different directions and there is no unity. It is important to get to know each other even after the children are born to strengthen the foundation of this family.
This will help you continue to build what you have in common, celebrate it and be able to establish your communication of your needs to each other so you are able to figure out together what the family needs and the kind of life you desire together. You will find that even helping each other with all kinds of things including supporting each other’s individual dreams making them your own brings oneness. This becomes a strong team and you accomplish more when there is love and support for one another.
Building intimacy continually creates an environment that is caring and you help each other in more ways than just helping with chores and the children.
What common activity can you share with your spouse starting today?
Where do you see yourself with your spouse in 5 years? Every day you are working towards the relationship and it adds like compound interest. It is time to be kind again and it starts with you today. you will find you are less tired when there is peace and harmony in the home as you assist each other in every way possible.
See Related Post!13 Ways To Grow And Appreciate Your Spouse Daily
GET TO KNOW YOUR CHILDREN
What are the gifts and talents of your children?
What consumes their innermost thoughts?
What scares them and what inspires them?
How do they act around you, your helper and in a large crowd and what influences that?
There are so many things to learn about your children so you stop being so busy with other matters only but include them in your schedule and make it a non-negotiable.
Just yesterday I wanted to catch a movie with my husband but we needed to keep the children occupied then we had to come up with a plan that benefits the entire family. We asked them to color what they wanted and gave them clean sheets of paper and they used their imagination. We were able to focus on our movie and they focused on drawing, coloring and writing messages.
We always get to know each of our children better as they express themselves. Train yourself to make time for your children even if its 30 minutes each day and be fully present. You will see their strengths and weaknesses and understand their source so you are able to offer advice and guidance.
See Related Post!Reconnecting With Your Children
SOCIAL MEDIA
How can you have 5 social media accounts and be able to manage them as a parent and be consistent on them. Is this really sustainable or some other things end up suffering in your life?
This was one of the things that really ate up all my time that my children started complaining. I knew I had to change the way I did things but it just took me so long to listen to those whispers until I was forced by circumstances to stop trying to keep up by promoting on all these social media platforms.
I am not here trying to tell you to quit your social media accounts but how about you manage them in your own way that allows you to be less busy for other things in your life. We always mention as beings that life is demanding and how we are finding it harder to cope. Who told you many social media accounts are needed? Who created that rule for you? Now that you realize you need to manage your time well then you may have to cut down or actually wisely allocate time very well to each activity like time blocking. learn more about time blocking below
See Related Post! The Uncommon Route To Mom Sanity
SOCIAL EVENTS
Sometimes we feel obligated to attend every event we are invited to. However I try to emphasize that it is about what you can handle with a new baby or with a big family. You know exactly what you need and the time you need to focus on your family and how you manage your time for other things. There will come a time when you will be able to attend other events as the children grow and become more independent.
As parents who opted for a nanny who commutes we do not invest much in attending events because we know we have to get someone to stay with our children while we attend events. So this will depend also on the kind of life you are creating together as a family, that alone should guide you and sometimes just be okay with being different from everyone else even if its for a certain period of time.
One thing you can learn to do if you are swamped with many events is to just say no to some and attend ones you are able to. This will suddenly create so much time for you and the time you give yourself to your family.
Maybe it is not events that keep you occupied but you have not learnt to say no even to just have your quiet time or space with your family. It is time you learnt to say no and be okay with yourself.
So I challenge you to just pick a day where you do not log on any social media account but be present and pay attention to your home, your spouse and your children. Even if it’s in silence and just observe what is going on around you and you may even get to know your children more.
CREATE BOUNDARIES
Sometimes people will not know what your boundaries are until you communicate that with them. Boundaries help you create healthy relationships wherever you are. You will not have time to yourself or with your spouse and your family if you are always surrounded by friends all the time. There is time for everything and people really need to understand that.
Invite people to your home because you know you will find time to be with your spouse alone and with your children alone too because they need their time from their parents.
Ever though family members were immune to such boundaries, think again? Let it bring you absolute joy to create an environment that allows you free time to be present to your immediate family members and for your relatives to respect that and then allocate time as you see fit to other relatives without wearing yourself out.
SOCIAL NORMS AND PRACTICES
A polite way of talking about peer pressure that affects us as adults and most of the time we are not aware that we desire to fit in the environment and we stop listening to our own voices but do what everyone is busy with. For example “ in one environment people may be investing in building one bedroom cottages as an extra income” which is excellent because we are thinking ahead but have you considered how saturated this market will be in the next 10 years later?
Where does this fit in? We find ourselves chasing things and being busy with other people’s dreams and to awaken later in life realizing we wasted time. Actually I have questioned myself why I felt the need to create more social media accounts yet I found it so tough to maintain just the few I had. So I created more challenges for myself so it means to be less busy meant I had to let go of unnecessary social media accounts.
EVALUATE YOUR PRIORITIES
Evaluate your priorities from time to time because sometimes we get distracted while we are on our journey. Sometimes you will not realize this because there are so many things on your mind and as you may not write them down, the easier it is to forget them. Write your priorities down, sometimes you may not remember them until you write them down.
Go over them too so that you can see if you are still in alignment. I assure you if you have no discipline or you are not aware of this, distractions take over and actually shift your focus from your daily goals. We spend so much of our energy solving problems in our minds that do not exist but have given the power to and we wake up and realize years have gone by without really paying attention to what is important.
Are you aligned to your values, goals and the kind of life you desire to live? I had to rethink this myself as I silently answer this question.
PERCEIVE DISTRACTIONS AND REFOCUS
You know the moment you are focused on your goals like spending quality time with your family and there comes distractions that may not really be worth your energy and time. This may keep you really busy and no longer fit with the intentions you have for your family.
I mentioned above on our previous point sometimes you may not realize that you have been misdirected on your journey. It is important to evaluate where exactly you are spending your time and if it is really serving you and your family. If what you spend your time on really serves you in your journey then try to find a balance and be able to learn to allocate time to each of your goals to avoid focusing more on others and neglect others.
PRAY TO GOD FOR CLARITY
Pray to God for clarity and direction, let God lead and direct your life because He knows the seasons you are in and He knew you in your mother’s womb and knows clearly about your life.
God will show you the direction as you learn to call on Him in times where you feel you do not know where to go and even in times where you know the direction for clarity. He already knows the answer, this always brings comfort to me knowing that I am always guided and I get answers to that which I seek.
This helps you get clarity on your life holistically and as you guide children it takes the heavy weight off your shoulders.
When you pray you will know when you are out of alignment on your goals and you will get answers on things that do not serve you making you more available or less busy for important things.
I trust this has been helpful for you as much as it has been helpful for me. When you read something and you find it resonates with you but you have no idea on how to change your life accordingly. I have noticed how taking a break from your normal routine and just do things that make your soul happy. You will be able to connect to yourself and find ways that can help you listen to yourself on things that do not serve you and what actually does especially in this season of serving your children.
May you serve them well, May god richly bless you and your family.
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Wrapped In Love
Futhi Mkhwanazi
All Things Godly and Pretty 