All Things Godly and Pretty

One On One Time With Each Of Your Children

I often disappear on social media on the weekends and I would feel so guilty for not interacting and engaging on social media to grow my pages. It became a major clash between driving traffic to the blog and quality time spent with my children.

In my mind I know that this is the time I have to use the most as the children are young and we miss too many things when we are often too busy in our own world. There is so much that goes into raising children beyond feeding them, creating routines, planning meals, bathing them, buying them clothes, providing shelter and education.

There are these invisible things we do not see like giving attention, quality time, paying attention to their gifts and talents.

Its time to stop feeling guilty and creating the way you desire to feel. The restaurant visits and vacations will be more exciting because you will not be working so hard to fix anything but you will be focusing on the meals and beautiful scenery more than any discord that may be there.

Quality Time

Focusing on quality time with each of your children is so beneficial for your relationship with each one of them. Little emphasis is placed on spending quality time with our families. We are lured to spend for vacations and staycations as much as that is also very important but if you do not bond or build your relationship consistently then it does not benefit you much.

It is easy To confuse quality time and quantity because we think when we are at home it counts for quality time. Not necessarily, you can be home but be occupied in your thoughts, work, studies and the internet.

We do not encourage that you neglect other important activities but we do recommend that you allocate time and be present with your children. Once you practice this it will become a habit and you will master time for each child. Physical presence does not mean mental presence so be careful not to be physically present with your child and be on your cellphones or other electronics that take your attention.

15 minutes of your undivided attention on each child makes the biggest difference and for me its under an hour for three children.

How to make Quality time a reality

Dedicate 10-15 minutes with each child consistently

I may rush to saying let this be daily and you will often feel like a failure whenever you are not able to make it daily. Choose days that will work for you and you can actually pick a day for each child and ensure to keep the other children occupied.

Icebreaker

Choose an ice breaker and entertain and give your children undivided attention the moment you get home. Yes, before you actually start cooking and washing your face. It will serve you well to give them the attention that they desire then go ahead and start cooking which will prepare for the time you spend with each of them.

Time Block

planning will serve you well and I notice that whatever we write down where you can see it and make an intention to do something about it, it really serves you.So write it down mommy, then plan for it.

When can you create the extra time for each time for your children?

It may be everyday, each day for each child, weekends and know that each of these times are never too small but worth it because it will benefit you and your children.

Create A Routine!

Wishing things were different or fantasizing if you had an hour earlier knock off from work may not get you far. However working with what you have is really a great place to start. I for one knows just how far routines can get you as a mom that works full time, runs a business, blogs twice a week and has daily mail and ads.

A routine is something you can do consistently that will align with your plans and goals. Now you know that you want to spend time with each child, you can plan how it can be made possible even if you have a new born baby.

How can we make this a reality?

It does not get better than planning and using the time you have. Consider the time you can use to spend with each baby at a time that works for you. It may be different if you have a new born baby or if you are still breast feeding means you naturally spend more time with the youngest.

Children may not be able to articulate their feelings into words or understand them as we do as adults. So your older children may feel like you like their younger sibling more. Dedicating as little as 10 minutes of undivided attention to each of your older children can really go a long way and make a big difference.

When children adapts does not mean they do not need their time with you

I am pretty sure you will notice that the older children may have extreme ways of asking for your attention like;

Crying
Tantrums
Shouting
Throwing things

However a child gets to a point where they are used to the way things are and just finds a way to self soothe themselves like watch a lot of TV, spend time on the tablet, isolate themselves and more. This does not mean a child no longer needs attention but it may mean your child got used to not getting attention.

Tips On Creating A Routine

Pick The Days

Pick The times

Be fully present

Be consistent

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Be Spontaneous

A routine is a great way to keep you aware and actually make your plans to engage with each of your children more of a reality. However this does not mean you do not have to be spontaneous as you find yourself having free time or when the younger children are asleep. It does not have to be planned all the time.

Some of the times I spend with each of my children are very much spontaneous. There are times when I will feel that I need more time present with them because I have been busy with editing content and I teach myself to listen to that need.

This allows you to relax and not be rigid all the time. It opens up your mind to be ready to interact anytime. Stick with what works for you and do not stress if other weeks are much busier but aim to be consistent even if its bedtime bonding or three times a week.

Whatever works for you as a family, give it a go.

On being spontaneous

Your child may be showing you their school work or a certain dance, this may be the time to fully engage. Ask them questions on how they did such great work or how they learnt their dance and continue with the conversation.
I love to ask for advice sometimes on simple things from my children and i learn so much and I truly value their advice. I asked my 4 year old how I can stay happy like she does everyday and she told me to practice all the time and I would get better at it. Such great advice!
Involve them In your activities, chores, cooking, ask for their help and offer to help in their own activities. This leads us to the next point.

Involve Them In Your Activities

Sometimes you may not get time all the time but when you are busy in the house with cooking, cleaning, skincare it may be time we stopped chasing them all the time but allow them to help.

This does not mean forcing a child to be involved in activities they do not want to do. You will know the ones they enjoy as you ask them to join you.

Examples

Let them give you their in put

Watering the garden
Setting the table
Cleaning
Reading together
Bible study

These are examples and let it not restrict you on your own activities at home.

Children ask a lot of questions so they will ask about the activities you do together and this is a great time to practise being a good listener and answer their questions. They will know if you are distracted. Learn to pay attention.

Join Their Activities

Children always find something to do and you can learn about what they are passionate another. Join your child as the child colours, when building blocks, riding with their bicycle.

Learning about each child’s interest and taking time to notice and nurture it, ask about it and show an interest too makes up for the best quality time.

Joining their activities made simple

Ask for their in put

Pay attention to their interests

Put Away Electronics

There are just somethings that cannot be multi tasked. Not being able to balance your time with your children and the time you spend watching a movie or playing a game or on your cellphone may hinder your interaction with each of your children

The aim is to find off screen activities that allow you to talk, get to know each other, listen to each other, make eye contact and engage in a meaningful conversations.

Avoid Your Using Your Phone

The point is to have good interaction with your children and you may not achieve that if you are constantly distracted.

Replying to messages

Scrolling through media feed

Taking calls

Somethings may have to wait and you can schedule it another time.

Involve Your Spouse

As it should be! He can keep the other children occupied while you spend time with one child.

When you have just had a baby this will help a lot so your older childre

I trust this opens your mind in this very important part of raising children. Being present and giving quality time to your children. As much as that is the case it should not add more anxiety, stress and pressure to you. If the time for each child does not work for now then stick to family interactions.

If the time for each child does not work for now then stick to family interactions.

Make use of meal times, bedtime prayers and bible study, interactive games.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

A mom’s Perfect Morning Routine In 9 Simple Ways

Would you like to have calmer mornings?

Yes, I believe that is every one’s dream to have calm mornings especially the parent who not only takes care of themselves but takes care of the children and their household. If your typical morning has really been a nightmare for you, it is not going to magically change overnight. However you and I have the responsibility to start by organizing our mornings and evenings so that we are able to enjoy our mornings.

Already you can be able to list down the things you can do the night before so that your mornings are more relaxed and you actually wake up to do something that you love. We will get into why it is important to do things you love in the mornings.

The Night Before!

I have been running away from this point because really all I want to do is prepare supper then sit down with my family and enjoy them before taking the children to sleep. While that is totally ok once a while like Friday night , it may not work during the week. Actually it does not work because it means I am totally unprepared for the next day.

There are a few things that can really make a major difference in your day by taking care of them. What are the things that normally stress you a lot in the mornings. You may think it is when your children delay you yet that may not be the root issue, maybe the issue is you prepared breakfast late or took a bath later than usual.

Let us list a few things below that may be a potential stress to you.

Dirty dishes in the sink
A messy kitchen
Too much clutter in your rooms
Not preparing all you need for your morning coffee( that is placing the filter paper, water and coffee on the coffee machine so you just plug in the morning)
Picking out clothes in the morning
Not organizing your makeup ( looking for brow pencil while doing your makeup)
Not planning your meals
Going over to do lists in the morning with your spouse and children
Having no plan in place for your to do lists
You have great goals but they are not written down, you forget them and things are not planned for but happen by chance.

How long can one go on sane with such a disorganized life? It delays every bit of your progress in life and change is necessary. Nothing will change until you see what you can work on the day before so that you have beautiful mornings and this is a journey I am starting together with you because I wrote that list knowing I have so much to work on improving too.

Wake Up Earlier Than Your children

This is so important and it is always echoed to me whenever I do not follow my morning schedule. It is generally better to wake up in your own terms so you are able to put certain things in order.

This will generally help you to be awake and aware when your children wake up. This will also help you to plan for your day without any pressure.

This may not be ideal if you keep sleeping late so you may want to correct your sleeping routines. Achieving a well balanced life is very essential for moms so we live a guilt free and happy life.

Be Productive

OK you may not want to wake up and just sit on the couch and scroll on social media and repeat the same cycle you have during the day. This is a mindful time where you plan to do the things you normally do not have the time to do like drinking your cup of tea while it is hot with no disturbance.

I believe you really need time to think your own thoughts and time to be alone and plan your life before joining the traffic. This can be beneficial for your clarity and an uncluttered mind before the day starts.

What are the things you would love to do if you had more time?

How do you picture your perfect morning schedule, what would you be doing?

What do you want to improve, can you focus this time on getting better at it every day?

So Plan around answering these questions which will guide you.

Do What You Love

As an extension to the above point is you may want to spend some time doing what you absolutely love. There are benefits of doing what you enjoy even if it is for 10 minutes depending on how much time you have. Doing something you love is another perfect way to start your day. It lifts your mood and your energy levels, leaving you feeling like you are ready to take any good opportunity that comes by.

” Watching our thoughts, attitude and heart will help us keep ourselves in check because it determines how the rest of your day will be. Our thoughts shape our reality, so if you can be mindful of the things that bring you to a peaceful and happy state daily then you will be having more brighter days.”

Develop A Healthy Lifestyle

Whether you excercise, take walks, watch your thoughts, affirm yourself, keep a gratitude journal but it is very important to develop a healthy physical body and a healthy mental state. I love to excercise in the mornings and as I check in with my routines I would love to use some days for yoga, some days for aerobics and strength resistant excercise. This will come with planning, it will not just happen by wishful thinking.

You know your needs better and how you can time block this into your morning schedule.

What does a healthy lifestyle look like for you?

Make this measurable and break it down to

A healthy diet plan( Start with a liter of water and eat fresh fruits daily)
Excercise more/ less and allocate time to developing your mind to change your thoughts and reading books.
Check in with your daily walk with God (are you always busy?)
Have quiet time to articulate your thoughts and feelings into words

Have Water, Tea Or coffee

Stop running before you suffer from burn out! Yes, burn out is real mama. Occasional pressure and adrenaline is ok once a while and your body can handle it. However doing this to your body stresses every part of you and soon you will be overwhelmed and your body is being trained overtime to have panic attacks by itself. It can a lot drain a lot of your energy.

So what can we take from this?

Plan for your days and have your time to relax in the morning, enjoy water, tea or coffee without rushing and that is the life I absolutely dream of after being in a hurry all the time. More days should be calm and totally Zen!

Prepare Breakfast

Good breakfast for the entire family really goes a long way. This will keep everyone full and definitely contribute to calmer mornings. It may really help to plan your meals and prepare a nutritious breakfast more often. planning helps you to prepare ahead for the meals and have the ingredients you will ue to be readily available in your home.

Buying is much easier with a plan on what your breakfast includes for the family. If this is not intentional living, I do not know what is.

This is also the most important meal of the day that you may not want to miss after breaking the fast from the night’s sleep.

It is time to try new things, this is for you and I. Try new meals, make life so much worth it, have fruits in a bowl, have yoghurt, cook some oats and add banana’s or raisins, enjoy shakes and some fresh eggs.

Start Reading A Book

There is always something to learn and with the demands of the day, it may help to schedule it in the morning before the day starts.

I love reading because it opens your mind and you learn something new everyday.

Again it depends on what you would love to develop on. It can range from motherhood to the ability to grow your finances.

It may help to look at the patterns that keep showing up in your life. Maybe you have a deep need to grow your finances and put them in order then you may pursue that. It may be time to invest in such books, one or two for a start.

Your Daily Walk With God

Too often we get caught up in distractions and we forget to take care of our spiritual lives

When was the last time you read the bible and put into practise what it says to you?

Some days may be lonely as a parent as you focus on taking care of your children. You learn to be sustained by God and God becomes your best friend and your strength. Use the mornings to pursue a relationship with God.

Let us recap on the perfect Morning Routines

Prepare the night before
Wake up earlier than your children
Do what you love
Be productive
Create A healthy lifestyle
Have water then tea or coffee
Read a book
Your daily walk with God

Change is definitely possible but it needs sacrifice, believe in your ability and soon this routine will be a reality and you will enjoy the perfect morning schedule.

Do not overwhelm yourself with too many things to do each morning but choose what matters most to you now. If its still a lot for one morning we can break it down to days from Monday To Friday and maybe repeat on some days so we create a consistent routine.

Wrapped In Love!

Futhi Mkhwanazi

11 Ways To Stay On Top Of Your Game As A Mom

Motherhood is one of the most rewarding roles in this lifetime but it can be challenging too. It Is a learning journey for us all yet our expectations are that we will not have any moments of weakness, meltdowns, lack of patience, loss of identity or simply struggle to balance or find a harmonious routine in all the roles you are.

However as there are meltdowns there are moments of inspiration, creativity, joy, fulfilment, new energy, new spring of life within a mom. It is no surprise that there is so much to a being than just existing, there is a call on each one to fulfil something in this life.

Therefore whether you are developing your career, your business, passions, interests or hobbies this post is for you.

I have been so burdened to live above anything that challenges me and live a full life. In so many ways we relate to each other as parents, the things we have put on hold and the things we would really love to pursue can put us in a space where we feel so lonely and find it hard to come out of our shell to pursue what we desire.

Fear holds us back a lot because we still want to be on top of our game as moms and not feel like we have to abandon our role and the time we give to our husband and children.

CONTENT

Do The Things You Enjoy
Believe In Yourself
Get Organized
Be Prepared
Prioritize Your Sleep
Prioritize Mental Health
Excercise
Practice mindfulness
Your Morning Routines
Maximize On Your Inner Circle
Look Presentable

Do The Things You Enjoy

Talk about leveling up your energy, if you are not sure if it does, just ask your children. They are always so full of energy, To your surprise because they are doing things that they enjoy and love doing. Some people have called that self care time, a time where you do what makes your body, soul and mind feel good.

You will most definitely feel the difference after spending the day organizing your clothes, your makeup, going out for coffee, working on your visions and dreams, watching you tube channels that inspire you or make you laugh. I mean those things you enjoy energize you and you find yourself being so inspired and creative because of the state of your being.

We often assume that we are so tired because we take care of our families, work and deal with household organizing and planning yet our energy is depleted doing the same things daily. Of course you love taking care of your family but take care of the things that fulfill you and find yourself doing more and being energized

Believe In Yourself

It sounds so cheesy but seriously we walk around carrying our meltdowns, unorganized baskets of laundry, dishes in the sink, our lack of intimacy with God and we carry that with us through the days yet when we carry such huge loads within us we easily feel less creative and uninspired at all. It is time to love all that we are unapologetically as we learn to align ourselves.

When was the last time you just sat doing nothing and felt really content with where you are knowing where you are going and with no anxiety whether what you desire will come true or not.

It is time you reminded yourself that there is more waiting for you than a basket of clean clothes waiting for you to tidy them. You have dreams and goals that can only be fulfilled by yourself so start believing in yourself.

I love this so much because my daughter who is turning 4 years old today always tells me to believe in my self. “mom, you need to believe in yourself” it is so adorable and true.

Get Organised

We all have dreams, we all have things we desire to pursue but what sets people apart is others gather the courage to pursue what they want no matter how big it looks even when you they make mistakes they learn and continue.

Being organised as a mom is extremely important so you are able to allocate your time well amongst your roles.

If you happen to desire more you will have to plan for your time especially if you work full time. However surprisingly stay at home moms never have it easier either and may need to balance their time more.

This might be a great time to go through your schedule, from the time you wake up, preparing breakfast, preparing children for school, returning home from work, cooking and bed time routines.

Look for idle time that you can actually use to enjoy your passions and hobbies. Capitalise on what you absolutely love doing even if its putting together the best outfits together.

Be Prepared

Depending on the things you would love to pursue be it studying further, starting a travel blog, food blog, you tube channel or write a book you have to prepare and plan for it.

It would be great for you to have an idea on how you intend to level up in what you desire to pursue even if it is a side hustle you need a plan on how to use your time and so much more details that add up to the end product.

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Expose yourself to people with similar interests so you can learn and further start or action on your pursuits so that you learn as you practise what you love doing.

Track your to do lists and time block if you have to so you are always ready for opportunities.

We overthink motherhood sometimes yet if we play smart we can enjoy an abundant life full of fun and many possibilities.

Prioritise Your Sleep

You feel the difference when you slept throughout the night and when you hardly got any sleep. Sleeping is one of the most important things to prioritise.

Work on your sleeping routine, cut off some television programmes that you can watch during the weekend on certain times so you are able to sleep at least 7- 8 hours more days in the week.

When you do not get enough sleep it means even your immune system becomes weaker that is why you easily catch a cold so take care of yourself and see your aura become brighter and more energetic. Your children will enjoy happy mommy too.

Prioritise Your Mental Health

I do not know what that looks like for you but you need to learn and understand the person you are by spending time with yourself.

There are many times as a mother you go through many phases of self discovery and self denial. It is important to take care of yourself as you take care your family too.

There will be times when i feel so exhausted and it makes me desire to reflect how i spend my time, my priorities and what i value.

This can help me look forward to more creative days because i look to clear what weighs me down not just as a mother but as a colleague, business woman and blogger.

Excercise

As long as you can balance sleep, healthy eating and exercise, this will keep you energetic and healthy. What i love about exercising your body is that you push your body beyond the limit you thought you could not pass.

This improves your mental strength and that can teach you so much about endurance when it comes to pursuing your dreams too.

There is so much one can learn from exercising like being consistent. When i started this blogging i had been consistent in exercise for sometime and it gave me the confidence that I can show up and be consistent in blogging too. You generally feel good when you are taking good care of your body.

Practise Mindfulness

Being self aware makes a really big difference. It means you pay attention to your feelings, what they mean and articulating them well so that you can take action.

We miss this a lot because the distractions are there and many things keep us from getting to the root of our needs, of the things we fear, the things that we love but keep suppressing.

So i would like you to spend time by yourself once a while and connect with yourself. You can do this just after you take the children to sleep or wake up 30 minutes earlier than you usually wake up.

You will discover there are things you keep suppressing or you just ignore that could assist you to start your business, study, look for another job, travel or create solutions for companies.

A Good Morning Routine

Our mornings do determine how the rest of our days go. I notice how on some weekends i decide to sleep in, i will notice that i will be lazy all day.

As much as routines can be boring but they can help you stick to your to dos and it means you will be consistent in what you do.

I used to be very busy in the mornings and it made me feel so productive and yet i would be so exhausted by midday. Now all i desire is quiet mornings where i can excercise, read the bible, pray, plan for the day and then take a bath.

Different times call for different routines so you will review them if they still serve you or not.

Maximise On Your Inner Circle

The way your environment has an impact on one is really amazing because we can make it work for us. You can follow people on social media that make you feel really good as you see their posts and better yet if you share similar interests.

Do you know where your energy is increased or where it is depleted?

These are matters we hardly take time to ponder on so we can build our environment that is conducive for our growth. Create your environment by choosing what kind of friends you desire around you, the kind of feed you constantly would love to see and where you know you will be learning and also share the skills you have too.

Look Presentable

Moms are in a hurry most of the time that is why this is a point. Taking 15 minutes to oil and comb your hair, choose your outfit well, put on a bit of makeup and add some vaseline on lipgloss can really go a long way.

This does a lot even on your confidence to tackle anything.

Summary

Today i desire to remind you that you are stronger than your meltdowns, than your disorganised living room place with toys all over the place and you are resilient. Pursuing your dreams does not make you selfish but it shows you are a creative being that your children are learning from too.

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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10 Ways To Choose Your Life & Live above Expectations Of Being A Mom

You Know it too, we get lost in our roles sometimes and can hardly find breathing space. There are too many expectations, others from ourselves and others from our circles of influence we never scrutinize where they are coming from really and if they are serving us.

I am so nervous, I have already taken 15 minutes to get ready and I am rushing through my clothes, my makeup, making breakfast, my heart is pounding so fast and I feel so guilty just for taking those 15 minutes to get ready. I feel like everyone thinks I am selfish for wanting to look good. Why would I want anything else than to take care of my beautiful family.

I mean, what else do I want? I have a beautiful family, a wonderful husband and amazing children. Why would I want to pursue anything else other than taking care of everyone all day and forget about myself?

You eventually get the courage to take a day off, go to the salon and to the nail salon. After sometime the guilt kicks in that you have left the children for far too long and you should be home with them. You know this feeling and today I desire we deal with those shadow emotions we hardly articulate and bring them to the surface on what they are actually for and how to deal with them.

These feelings are not all bad because they come to remind you of the things you value and that will help you discern how to prioritize your time to those things. However it is not always as easy because there are underlying fears, agreements we make with ourselves unaware, opinions and the expectations we set for ourselves and others too.

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We limit ourselves to what a mom can wear, what they can pursue, how fond they can be of their spouse, how many vacations they can take and until you notice that you are limited in some area of your life then we will not live full lives.

Imagine living a less than full life yet raising children to live fully, it just does not add up. There will always be a part of you that is really suppressed and like it or not your children see it and it does shape them to their full selves as they grow.

So, I know you already relate however how can we fix this? Let us work on noticing when it happens and correct it.

Revisit Old Pictures!

Now you know that pictures are actually more than just images from the past. As much as it is good to have a future image of the person you desire to be not just physically but holistically(as a whole person. Now we are talking about taking care of the body, spirit and mind.

Pictures give you a a chance of seeing another version of yourself and the dreams, ideas, goals, interests you had before this time. you are in now. As mothers we go through so many phases and at times we need a little reminder of who we are, where we are going, our purpose and what really makes us happy so we live full lives that our children can enjoy and learn from.

I am pretty sure I mentioned this several times on the blog that I love dressing up and looking good and to me its actually art. I used to fantasize about having baby girls and how I would dress them so stylish together with my boy. Looking at it now it does not happen that way as I got overwhelmed with taking care of them.

Yet these things are the link to the expression of our full selves. The way we dress, do our makeup, dance, write, all these are the way we express ourselves and ignite the happiness within us and overflow more to our children.

do not be afraid to go back a bit so you can see your future self quite clearer and even better remember your strengths, what makes you unique and be unapologetic about it.

Have Self Care Non Negotiable Days

Block it! Remember we talked about time blocking your priorities so you are able to allocate each activity the time.

Look, maybe you no longer even know what looks good on you when you wear it because you never take the time to try what is on your closet and see what you like and what looks good on you. It is not unimportant if you love fashion, its how you express yourself and you cannot run from that.

Maybe you just love really good shoes and just because you are a mother now does not mean you have to stop loving that. Of course you look at ways to not deprive yourself while not depriving your children by overspending and buying shoes every week.

Remember you are a mother now but also remember you are a whole person too with interests and hobbies. Finding a balance means being able to give time and priority to those things that make you happy.

Creating a schedule for that to happen may be a great idea so you do not miss out on the things you enjoy too. Create the time and plan on your budget to afford your what you enjoy.

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Self Care Is More Than Just A Beauty Routine

Learn To Say No!

It is true that we bend over backwards for people especially as moms because we not only take care of our children but everyone else around us. The norm is that we will not be able to address our own needs so that we are okay too.

It is important to learn to say no so that you do not stretch yourself too thin pouring on everyone but yourself. The best way to take of others is through an overflow and discern when to give yourself a break from running errands, taking care of chores, meal preps, homework, work, events, friends.

This will help you set healthy boundaries that will allow you control over your time and the things you absolutely love to do.

Relax! Stop Feeling guilty

I know the feeling too well that i understand the way you feel. I usually feel so overwhelmed knowing i have to prepare everyone but when everyone is ready there is no need to feel guilty for giving yourself 15 minutes to get ready. It is not selfish but another form of self care.

However this feeling may stay longer if its not addressed and dealt with. I do believe that planning ahead will also help you to be more n control of things and close the gap too by pursuing the things you love while also being a present parent to your children.

Let Go Of Perfection!

There is nothing like the perfect mother because even if you sleep with one eye open you still make mistakes because you are human. There is one major thing that adds unnecessary pressure to the point we forget to live life and enjoy the children God has blessed us with.

The moment the baby arrives, you deal with how perfectly you hold a baby and how well you soothe a baby when they cry to the point we even forget to enjoy the little moments with our children. We lose focus on just being a nurturer and we focus on how good we handle motherhood.

I am not saying we should just do whatever we want and neglect our children, far from that but i am saying live to know your baby and to enjoy the moments fully without distractions of working so hard to be perfect.

I can relate at just how much people are judged with motherhood as i related my story on how many emphasized how much i did not discipline my son because he was highly active in church. Embarrassed i shouted at him and at that moment i realized i should discipline when i see it fit not because i am pressured by anyone.

So we tend to lose our focus on our children, ourselves and focus on appearing a certain way.

As mothers we are expected to dress a certain way, go to the grocery shop without our children throwing a tantrum (to get a badge of the good mom), to lose weight 5 minutes after we give birth, we are expected to forget that we absolutely love fashion, art, reading, entrepreneurship, but totally focus on being a mother alone yet that is not our full expressions of who we are and we deprive our children of the diverse personalities.

You Are Worthy Of Cultivating Dreams, Goals and Hobbies

Yes You are worthy of pursuing your dreams and it is not selfish but you are strong enough to handle being a mother and still manage your time well to pursue your dreams.

Motherhood Will change you over and over again but what i know for sure is that you will figure it out at every stage of the motherhood journey. The meltdowns that you have and sometimes lack of patience do not define who you are but it is a journey that you live through daily with many unexpected detours sometimes.

Becoming a mother does not magically write off your personality and aspirations.

Following your dreams does not make you any less of a mom and does not deserve any label either.

It is possible to lose touch with yourself so much that, you may not have an idea of the things you like and want to pursue. It is normal and part of the motherhood journey of on going self discovery. Often we suppress these urges until we do not recognise our need to pursue them.

Revisit Journals and Vision Boards

Even if you are not a mother, we lose sight of who we are because there are many distractions. Revisiting your past journals can give you an idea of what you imagine for your future self and reminds you of dreams and goals.

It may happen that quite a lot of people do not journal or keep vision boards but your social media can be a great reminder of the things that interest you or did before you had children.

To your surprise you may still enjoy those things but are holding your self back so you can be the perfect mom and that brings a lot of things to the surface like being afraid to be exactly who you are.

You will begin to see patterns in your life and you will remember that more than a mom, you are a whole person and an individual with goals.

Do not be afraid to ask from people who knew you since you were young what you enjoyed spending time doing. If you can ask your parents then be glad to do so.

Children Are The Best Teachers!

Children are unafraid and resilient in the things they want. I watch how our children have different personalities and it really fascinated me to the point i had to ask my parents what i was passionate about at a young age.

Children are never embarrassed if they are a misfit with their passions but Express themselves freely and unafraid. It reminds one to never give up on expressing who you are and live a rich full life.

Parenting Is Learning And Growing

Be really kind to yourself and understand that you will need to grow in this journey and learn so pretty much all the time at every stage of parenting as your children grow older each phase will be new, you will be learning together with them.

Allow growth to happen, allow yourself to learn and not be rigid but observe what you need at each stage and season of life.

There is a time to focus on changing nappies, breastfeeding, burping, learning about your new baby. There is a time that your baby grows and you are able to be away from your baby by going back to work, gradually you feel the need to start pursuing your goals but be mindful to balance your time well and sometimes you will get it right others times not but its a journey with no arrival destination.

Find A Community

Moms really do need other moms as a support when the loneliness kicks in. Any parent whether a mother or father goes through changes by supporting each other brings a sense of calm.

Stop rushing through life though, enjoy sipping a cup of tea or coffee while sitting just for 5 or 10 minutes and when you are getting ready be conscious of your time but once a while let everyone wait for you while you het ready.

Let go of the guilt, set boundaries for yourself and your family, avoid burn out by being under pressure all the time and know that you can enjoy each stage of parenting despite the highs and lows that come.

What has been holding you back to living a full life?

How has the expectations from yourself, fanily or society affected your role as a mother?

10 Ways To Deal With Low Income, Fund Projects and Cut Down Expenses

Here is a topic we hardly ever talk about yet sometimes it happens that you may be financially constraint or you are saving up for a project that may take up some time to complete.

It may happen that you are currently living on one salary trying to make ends meet with a family to feed may not be easy.

We found ourselves in a similar situation where we were funding our company after a partnership gone wrong. We had to live on one salary and that was a tough moment.

However we learnt so much on the use of our finances to make our lives as enjoyable as the abundant times by planning well and sticking to our plans and we still do sometimes when when we have a project to do or delayed payments.

This can teach you how to plan well for your money and allocate funds well for your household. It is so easy to get caught up in the lifestyle we see on our social media and Instagram but be realistic with your financial situation and work towards creating the kind of lifestyle that you desire.

No One Is Coming To Save You!

Many of us day dream and fantasize that someone from somewhere will just come and save us from our financial situation and give us the life we actually ‘deserve’.

Chances are just that no one is coming to save you and if you do not start looking at where you are right now and coming up with a plan on how to keep yourself above the water until the tide is over chances are you may become really overwhelmed with the situation.

However if you start coming up with a plan on how to deal with your finances right now, you know that 6 months from now and further on will be a much better place for you and the entire family.

Look at where you are, then stop blaming everyone else and put yourself in a position of power by taking charge of your situation and your life in general. What I learnt is that it is the changes that you make daily that really add up to the the progress you make. Taking a huge step can be overwhelming and damaging to your will power, however if you can formulate strategies that will help you become consistent on a daily basis.

You will be able to take one day at a time and in a month, then two, then three, four months you will see a major difference.

An example would be looking at your spending everyday! It is not every day you will buy doughnuts or peanuts just because someone is selling. Be wise! Support people but do not find yourself struggling until the next pay check.

Review Your Budget

Its time to look at your income and expenditures so that you can be able to put a plan in place to cut back on expenses looking at the current income you have. This will also give you a clear picture of what position you are currently in.

Is it sustainable for a family? Can you live above water in the next months, years to come? You may need a plan that will give you more income in the long term and those are things to consider too.

As you review your budget you may notice whether you need to look for a job or if you run a company cut back on expenses or invest more on marketing campaigns.

Pay Bills

One of the things that are overlooked is paying bills timeously. Of course this will sound really strange that how can I recommend this when I am already up to the neck with bills.

The challenge with letting bills accumulate is that they may overwhelm you as they pile up and reduce the cash you have available for meeting other needs that arise. This will also teach you how to let go of money and so you can easily receive it again by allowing money to flow freely.

Come up with a plan and communicate on how to pay your bills now that you are not able to settle the full amounts.

This will not only give you a peace of mind but it will give you the confidence in knowing you can settle them and work towards your dreams without the pressure to put food on the table from day to day. I mean you can focus on other things other than the most basic needs like food and shelter.

Come up with a plan, looking at your monthly bills, which ones can be cut off by suspending the services temporarily? can you be creative with entertainment by cutting costs and saving money for the most crucial bills to pay.

The water bill
Electricity bill
Your Helper
Rent

Is it possible to cut back on fuel and pay the water bill to avoid disconnection and penalties?

Avoid Bad Debt

I am sure you know now that there is bad debt and good debt! It is natural to want to get a loan when you feel under the water yet it is not always wise to create debt that will not make money back the way it does when invested.

Navigate your situation and if cutting back many unnecessary expenses temporarily can work while you live with what you have then let it be, knowing that after a certain period of time you will get to breath a bit.

The biggest challenge with a loan is paying it off yet you have not invested it anywhere and it means your buying power is still reduced even worse off than before. So if its possible to cut off certain expenditure then do so and avoid getting a loan which may quickly frustrate you.

Pay Cash

If possible, use cash whenever you can to avoid thinking you have money that you do not have. It is possible to take things on credit yet that also reduces your cash in the long run due to the burden of paying high bills of already consumed goods.

Taking things on credit may give you the impression that you afford so much when you actually do not at the moment. If its possible opt to pay things cash and buy what you can and put the other things on hold until you can pay for them in cash.

Get Creative

Allow this to give you an opportunity to be creative with spending money including saving and entertainment. There are many ways to enjoy life besides spending on restaurant bills and vacations. As much as that is necessary to reward yourselves and enjoy life but there is a time for everything.

For example now that you will be saving to liberate yourself in the future or to simply give yourself a peace of mind by cutting back on expenses then being creative will help you enjoy life even in such a season.

Instead of buying popcorn for a movie night you can actually make it yourself, buy a few ingredients for breakfast and make a great English breakfast at home, have fun picnics as a family, thrift collect for clothing, buy at a wholesale for monthly grocery and create more ways to liberate yourself.

Have Home Cooked Meals!

It is also the take away meals from every day spending that becomes so expensive in the long run. You can cook meals from home with larger pots so you can take some as lunch box to your work and avoid spending all the time.

A homemade sandwich will save you so much money overtime and gain the confidence that you are actually good with money too. This will also teach you good spending habits so you handle larger assignments later in life.

I once told myself that no matter what i would not spend on buying meals but i would rather spend it on the weekend with my family by choosing a different restaurant to entertain our home schooled children. The entire family enjoyed it and it showed me that when you plan to adjust and become consistent, you can do whatever you want in life.

Focus On Your Own Journey

We all know that it is easy to get caught up wishing your life was like your neighbor’s who seems to have life figured out well at least that is what we tend to think on the other side. It is important to focus on your own journey and building what you can at the moment and working towards making your life better.

Our journeys are really different, we have different areas of focus and losing focus because you saw something your neighbor is doing and you now desire to have that too, it will delay you leaving you blaming everyone for the financial position you are in.

One day you will save up for the vacations you desire, it may not be now as you are still trying to minimize bad debt and create the lifestyle you want. Of course we learn from others and it keeps us ambitious but there is a thin line because you are an individual too that needs to honor her own path by committing to improving your life and uniquely so.

Find People Who Can Inspire You

It is easier to turn things around when you have a community of people that inspire you with their content and advise. This really makes a big difference than we actually realize. The Internet has made it easier for us because we can get that community through social media and it can actually be physical people.

Running a business is not easy and one of the things to learn is cutting costs but not compromising quality and paying your salaries well without exploiting people. It needs one to learn to be disciplined when it comes to money and having someone to look up to makes one feel that its possible to walk through the journey.

Find a circle that will not rekindle your weaknesses but empower you to be a better person than yesterday.

Patience

You have come up with a plan, you are working on your financial situation and cutting back on costs or maybe you even got financial assistance from trusted acquaintances. Now be patient, be consistent in the changes you have made and find ways to pay back if you got financial assistance from friends and family so you can live a free life . It will not happen over night that what your sowing will be ready for harvest but wait and allow yourself to grow in stages too.

There will come a time when you will be able to afford what you could before and even better things with mastery knowledge and experience on creating the life you desire in adverse situations.

I trust this has been helpful and my desire is that as a parent you enjoy the peace of mind knowing your bills are taken care of, you can handle the financial obligations you have and you can enjoy a Friday night truly relaxed and not having racing thoughts on how you will make ends meet.

Wrapped in Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

10 Ways To The Perfect Weekends With Children

Tips To Being The Hands On Parent

We all desire to feel we are doing enough for our children even though we may not take time to understand the specific void but its always there!

Until we address it then it will keep lingering like an unfulfilled purpose. I know a lot will relate so well because we all want to be our best for our children and to be fully present but sometimes we do allow distractions to get in the way.

I chose weekends because i believe that most parents are working whether you run a business from home or you are employed, you still put in the hours that need your full attention. It may be different for stay at home parents because it is normal for them but they can benefit too by taking this as a reminder on things that just make life much simpler.

Decide What You Desire To Improve!

This will give you direction on what to focus on during weekends. Yes, we need to direct ourselves so that as we are consistent, six months later we can look at what we have improved and continue improving our lives.

Examples:

Cook More meals
Prepare for the following week
Organise your wadrobe
Plan meals for the week
Take the children for walks, hikes to the park, for hot chocolate, physical activities, camping!
Bath them yourself
Plan family nights
Wash their hair( i had been so bad at this one but i was always dissatisfied on ho my girls hair looked)

I have always wanted to take extra care of my girls hair by treating it and washing it during weekends. However i always convinced myself that i am always busy with cooking, bathing them and taking care of Company Invoices and quotations.

It was not until i was intentional about it to the point i decided to write it down. Now i just do their hair while bathing them then finish off when they are dressing up.

Create A Schedule

I know how this sounds to you especially knowing that its the weekend but now that we have children, we need a schedule so things run smooth in our homes.

We still need to prepare meals, keep them clean and hydrated, spend time with them and still run some errands.

The challenge with allowing this to just run wild is that eating times may be affected which will stress the entire family unless you plan on sandwiches for some meals but still they need to be prepared.

So i would say, know which times work for you when doing chores, running errands so that you can well relax knowing the most important tasks have been taken care of.

Involve Them In Your Schedule

It is not every weekend you will be able to be available 24/7 but you can plan around your children and the times you choose to be present and come home.

If you happen to attend an event that does not require you bring children along, including them in your schedule means you know what times you need to get home and be available for them.

This will most certainly pay off because you will not have guilt knowing as much as you spend the week in the office but you share and give time to your children too. Your children will be happy too knowing you give them time. It adds to their wellbeing and assurance.

As children grow you realise that time is something not easily recovered. However we have now to improve and to sow time and love into their lives.

Avoid Distracting Them With TV And Cellphones All The Time

As much as we live in times where technology may baby sit our children but we still have very important roles to play with our children and raising them.

I have learnt that this creates a habit where children self soothe themselves with gadgets whenever they have challenges in life and even avoid sleeping creating unhealthy sleeping patterns.

Children should have screen time ofcourse but sitting in front of the screen without using their creativity and imagination is not ideal i believe. The lovely part is we can still change this pattern as parents and allocate time for their activities.

It is okay for them to understand while they are young that there is time for everything!

Time To Do Chores
Time To Play
Time To Eat
Time To Drink
Time To Sleep
Time To wake Up

They are never too young to know that and the sooner they know this, the better!

Related Posts!

Children And Gadgets

11 Ways To entertain Children Offscreen!

Use Your Free Time To Nurture Their Gifts

As the children grow we notice their passions, strengths, interests and gifts. On this blog we love to encourage ourselves as parents and other parents to not turn a blind eye on the children’s natural gifts and talents. This is what makes children to be so creative and imaginative as beings.

Sometimes we limit children in areas that we fear so much as parents and allow those fears to limit their lives and we do not explore it.

Many of us are really guilty of limiting their experience to what we already know. I am challenging you to research on how you can support your child who is

More athletic
Gymnast
Musician
Fashion and art
Loves drawing
Adventurous one
Soccer player

The adventurous child stresses most parents because they are not afraid of anything until you plant a seed of fear enough for them to be afraid.

Sometimes supporting them may be buying them a soccer ball if they really love kicking a ball around and allowing them to involve themselves in extra activities as you see fit as a parent so they discover themselves more and their capabilities.

House Hold Chores!

You would be amazed i had written a post on this one but the chores were not really consistent until i realised my children woke up to just open up the TV first thing in the morning.

It is not easy to train someone to change over night so if i wanted them to learn to wake up, pick up their toys, tidy their room and help with some child friendly or age appropriate chores together with us as parents on weekends. It will help teach them to be organised earlier and create good habits.

As we mentioned earlier that there is time for everything and there comes a time when we have to work and time to rest.

Being the hands on as a parent means you are aware also that parenting comes with teaching certain values you desire for the children to grow up having and modelling that to the children too.

Plan To Be Productive Yourself

Sleeping in on weekends can be rewarding for the body however if this is the case all the time we may be creating an unpleasant pattern of procrastination in most areas of our lives.

What i know about being productive is how you start your day normally creates or establishes how your day will go.

In what i have seen in myself and others is that if your day starts with a movie first thing when you wake up or maybe for you its a TV game then your day will be lazy.

If you really plan on watching a movie then wake up and bath, plan meals, clean your home, run errands then watch a movie knowing the important things are taken care of.

We condition most behaviour in our children as we model the life to them whether we are aware of it or not. You will not be a hands on parent if all you do is lazy around and send the nanny to do everything for your children even when you are at home. Which leads us to the next point.

“You will not be a hands on parent if all you do is lazy around and send your nanny to do everything for your children even when you are at home”

Deliberately Allow Your Nanny Weekends off!

I know that to some extent some of us cannot cope without our nanny but we learn and face our fears. It will happen that you may grow fond of knowing your nanny is around but to grow as a parent and to notice things that need your attention, create time alone with your children.

Allow your nanny to have weekends off for her benefit too. All of us need that time to rest and use that time to do much and strengthen your relationship with your children.

I remember how tough it was adjusting to having more than one child, i depended on my nanny too much that i could not feed my kids because they would refuse to eat from me but my husband would feed them though. This became an underlying fear until i decided to face it.

I would cook breakfast as normal but i would feed them every morning before dressing up for work in the morning. Children get used to routines and patterns, so at times it may work against you or work for you.

Another thing is that i used to attend a lot of functions i got invited to not realising that now more people at home need my attention. I Got tired, dissatisfied, very unhappy and unfulfilled.

It was not until i wanted to correct the void that i found my happy place as a mother. I know how easy it can be to depend on the nanny so if you feel personally you do not even know how to correct this, allow me to help you through this season so we can work together on options that will work for you to find fulfilment in your role as a parent.

Connect with me here; allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

Have Themed Weekends

Families were meant to thrive and to create wonderful memories together. Create the fun life for yourself and your family making it being hands on so much fun and nourishing to you all. Themed weekends can help you focus on one thing each weekend at least so you can easily decide what to focus on one weekend at a time.

There are four weekends in one month so each weekend can have a theme. For example:

Week 1: visit at the park; Week 2: movie night; Week 3 : Restaurant outing; Week 4: Drive and sight seeing

Taking on the role of parenting is different from the time before the children. However fully embracing the role means learning to balance and find harmony in your roles by keeping your priorities in mind.

A great way to being the hands on parent is to create themed weekends and it can kick start you to focusing on being present with your children.

Practise Self Discipline And Keep Distractions Away

We know how real this is and it happens in most homes. Where our focus is on whatever keeps us distracted and we lose focus on being consistent with our children.

I would say come up with a plan on how to keep your favourite things to do to not interfere with your time at home or wherever you are with your children. If you know all you do is scroll through media feed on the cell phone or laptop, switch it off for an hour until it becomes second nature.

What i have written is a guideline parents can follow but create their own ways that go with their lifestyle.

It is important to note that it is not in the doing but in what treasure you have in your heart and pursue that. Pursuing being a hands on parent may be far off for some because we live with many distractions and sometimes its the demands of our work and businesses that make us put aside or neglect our roles.

I know you got to this post because you know there is something deeper you desire on your parenting role and being involved.

Jay Shetty says you know the things you value (treasure) where you spend your time and money. So look into that and if you see a lacking in your parenting role then its time you evaluated your priorities.

Related Post!

7 Ways To Evaluate And Set Priorities

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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13 Early Symptoms Of Pregnancy that No One talks About!

Each time I would notice that I am with child, I would google and look for posts that will just be on point, to validate what I already know looking at the symptoms I would be having. I must say this is a time where your body goes through major changes, and sometimes it is really tough to get by each day.

My desire is to continually create a community where you will relate with other parents, who have been through the most too as we lovingly learn from each other.

I know we cope better through harsher conditions, as we relate to each others stories. Of course this is an amazing time for parents, we are here to look at the changes the body goes through, not only that but the rush of emotions that we feel, and mostly cannot articulate or deal with them well, because we were not even prepared to feel a certain way.

The First time I fell pregnant was in 2012, a year after getting married. At that time being asthmatic I got so ill it was unbearable, what made things worse is that there was this huge emotional burden I felt. Whatever I felt about someone or something was immediately exaggerated. It was not until my grand mother asked my mom if i was not expecting.

So what are some of the symptoms of pregnancy that no one tells you about?

They are quite bizarre but they happen a lot, lets accept them normal and part of the process. When we know we are in a position to act accordingly.

The Emotional Turmoil

Oh!! but this has kicked my butt several times, I know a lot of moms relate to this one. There comes strong emotions that sometimes feel so unbearable, that they are exaggerate your feelings concerning a certain subject or someone are heightened.

For example if it irritated you that no one replaces the toilet in your toilets at home, this will be worth crying over all of a sudden, and if you know the perpetrator then those feelings may be directed to that person.

Change Of habits

I notice just how much your habits change as well, and ofcourse this will differ from many women in scale but most may experience such changes. More often as you pick up pregnancy’s many habits may begin, that you were not even aware you are capable of. Some changes I found to be common are the following;

Quick to become angry
Ignoring people, calls, messages
Change of sleep patterns
Drawing closer to your partner
Pulling away from your partner
More sensitive to comments concerning weight gains
More anxious leading to clumsiness

So the point is that it is not just the physical changes you may notice, but there are these changes we cannot really touch that occur, and when you are aware of them it becomes easier to process those changes because you are able to articulate them.

Suddenly New Interests

All of a sudden I felt like a serious chef, and wait I am most certainly not complaining about this change, but I loved it. I would cook so much that we would have many salads with our meals, because I felt the urge to cook the best meals. I tried to keep up after delivery, but I was no longer as enthusiastic as I was during my first trimester.

It differs as we are all different but there are several interests you may develop, including certain television programs, that you had no interest in prior to conception.

Some of these interests are so strange, because they are a total opposite to what you would choose on a normal basis. If you loved Watching HGTV for decorating homes, gardens or building homes and vacation homes, you may decide you are now into romantic comedy movies and spend your leisure time watching that.

Your family will be the first to adjust to your newly found interests.

Loss Of Interest In Things You absolutely Love

As much as you develop interests in other things, you may just become an avid reader spontaneously, and lose interest in being an extrovert if you loved going out and attending every function you are invited to.

Sometimes this feeling comes as a loss of value and significance in the things you totally love. I love and always loved looking good, since I was a child and I have often seen myself as a fashion mom. However I have lost interest in it many times during my pregnancies. That is why you find you lose your identity or who you thought you were or the things you defined yourself as.

In many cases you find women go through many phases as a child does, of self discovery and reassurance of their interests while others abandon them for good.

It has taken more effort for me to feel like the stylish mom again than my first two pregnancies, and because I relate so well with dressing up I still explore that a lot, as I have now started exploring that with my children as the daily pressure of focusing on them closely has lessened.

Feelings Of Loneliness

It is possible to isolate yourself a lot, when you are still trying to understand and articulate the emotional and body changes that you are going through. Sometimes we get the idea that when we are by ourselves we can figure out what we are feeling.

You may feel the need to suddenly isolate yourself from your friends, and to their surprise at times and your family only does not feel the extent of your need for space, and this is because you live in the same house.

So next time your pregnant friend grows distant do no be mad at them, support by giving them space lovingly then when they need you around welcome them back.

Depression

Maybe the word itself is an extreme case, but it can happen to some degree that a mom may end up feeling depressed. This can happen when they are not able to address or even understand how they feel.

We mentioned earlier that there is a tendency to exaggerate feelings and emotions. If they feel negative emotions, they may exaggerate these emotions, and if it continues for a couple of days they may feel it unbearable.

Symptoms of Depression

they complain a lot about everything
unsatisfied with life and
their life is a mess
unacceptance of where they are in life and the sudden urge to be better overnight.
everyone is to blame

Change is not easy for anyone, how much more when you find it hard to process the fatigue and weariness you feel.

If you know you are always the bubbly person, but all of a sudden there are mood swings that develop into depression, you might just be pregnant. Of course it is not always the case but a necessary urge to propel you to make certain changes in areas of an unsatisfactory life.

It is always good to have a place to communicate how you are feeling, so that one can help guide as a neutral person

Immune System Fallout

It happens a lot that some actually fall sick and are more prone to colds, flu and fevers during this time. It is quite common for women to have cold like symptoms when they early in pregnancy.

Contact your doctor who will medicate you accordingly. It may help to stay hydrated by drinking a lot of water.

Heat And Hunger

I do not know how this relates together, but the body is one amazing machine that acts up in different ways when you are expecting.

I had this symptom all the time with all pregnancies. So when you are feeling hungry it feels like you have not eaten for days, then this is followed by this major body heat where your temperature literally rises as if you are about to collapse. It often feels like the body heat source is from the belly, and it rises towards the entire body.

I trust I have articulated it well for other moms here, hunger cues no longer feel normal but they are severe.

It will be best to always have a snack around you. The healthier the snack, the better fruits are a very easy option during the early trimester.

Have you tried plain yoghurt, I fell in love with it and it goes so well with fruits. It is a bonus if you are committed to a lifestyle of eating healthy foods for cultivating a lifestyle of healthy eating.

Major Fatigue

I am not just referring to the normal fatigue you feel, but I am talking about a major weariness you go through and you find it hard to lift your head, and get out of bed in the morning. Actually this may feel so strong like something larger than you is pulling your body to remain still.

This feeling can get better in the day, as you gather the strength to get out of bed and bath. Bathing makes a big difference but if you listen to this, and stay in bed it can make you stay in bed the entire day.

Sometimes during weekends you just want to cave in and sleep in on your weekends, despite not expecting but this is heightened a lot when you are pregnant during the first days.

Create a focus and channel your mind, on something that will make you look forward to getting out of bed eventually. It may be taking a walk, leave the car and go on the other side of town may be good practise too until the body adapts to this habit.

Set a bath time routine that you can follow, especially on weekends so that you can bath and rest feeling refreshed afterwards.

The Annoying Metallic Taste In The Mouth

This one you can never really get used to! I have heard some women saying they never had such symptoms, but many actually go through such changes.

It feels like cold and flu like symptoms where you lose your sense of taste, and it may be accompanied by loss of appetite temporarily. This may be because you will desire something that has a very strong taste, like vinegar on french fries for example to calm the metallic taste while you eat.

Vegetables and fruits are really good when there is loss of appetite. Try foods that you can enjoy but watch not to over binge on those ginger biscuits leaving you feeling guilty.

Constipation

Even when I am just 2 weeks pregnant, I already feel like I am 2 months already. My belly starts bulging too soon and I walk around feeling uncomfortable already with constipation.

Some ladies have had the most adorable tiny bellies while pregnant, yet some of us get the biggest ones as if we are expecting twins. I noticed that constipation has an impact aswell as your belly will show even before you want people to notice.

Passing gas my become the new normal for sometime.

Keep yourself hydrated and watch our for foods that make you easily constipated.

Spotting and Cramping

The abdomen feels so tight and it can be felt as minor period pains, but the abdomen feels very tight.

One can easily ignore this as period pains until you realise that you are not getting your period at all, or you are actually spotting. Spotting is getting a pinkish discharge that is much lighter than a period.

Headaches, Dizziness And Back pains

These may go hand in hand with period like symptoms. Its possible to experience severe headaches many times although you do not need to ignore it and assume you are pregnant if you have not done a pregnancy test yet.

You may feel dizzy too but its heightened when you feel hungry and when your body starts overheating.

Back pains may be major and dominant too. They may take the entire first trimester for some ladies but like i said we are really different and each pregnancy is different. too.

Carry a snack with you, sit down when you feel dizzy as though you are about to fall and find a way to support your back too. If you sit down a lot because of the work you do, stand up and walk to the bathroom or drop some files in the building so your body moves a bit.

I trust you enjoyed this post as much as i enjoyed articulating some of the symptoms so you accept them and find ways to focus on better taking care of yourself now that you are expecting.

Connect With Me!

allthingsgodlypretty@gmail.com

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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20 Ways To Find Fulfillment And wholeness In Your Parenting Role

Can You really measure if you are on the right track as a parent and how do you really measure that successfully?

The past weekend we had a long drive as a family and I had done all the things I wished to do for my children which included the following and i must add I constantly work towards improving these things I will list below;

meals preparations
children finishing their meals
bathing and dressing up
having them wear what they really like
doing their hair including my boy
packing extra clothes for the journey
packing all the essentials for the journey including water and paracetamol

I trust this gives you a good picture of what I have been really measuring myself against and I have come to realize that as necessary as this is it might just not be enough!

I know how we relate to each other’s stories because our lives are quite similar as unique as they are. We all have our unique paths and families however we do relate to one another.

As we came home Sunday evening after a busy weekend where I tried and offered the most of me and I realized there was a missing part. I believe the most important part which is my connection and relationship with each of my children. Doing all the above mentioned things is because of the desire to have a really great relationship of communication and my list should have included the following.

making time for meaningful conversations
supporting them in their interests, games and activities
allowing them to express themselves fully and not restrict them too much
minding how I correct, rebuke and teach them anything because it has a lasting effect
expressing love Through love expressions
allowing them to get to know me you

I felt in me that I did all the right things with doing things for them but i neglected doing things with them and working on our relationship which we all know that is what we desire from each other and our loved ones.

I must say that doing things for your children is just as important as nurturing the relationship you have with them. Yes you are biologically related and maybe that is why we often relax and think our bonding just happens naturally and maybe to a certain extent it does but there is always a deeper relationship you can sow towards for fulfillment in life.

Right now I am even thinking of how much as parents we complain about our children always demanding more from us yet we are already doing so much.

Sometimes children cry and you end up being frustrated yet you are doing all you think you can to give them attention. Children cannot articulate their feelings as much as adults. They may desire a much closer relationship with you but find it much tougher to connect with you as a parent. They may not articulate those needs into words too so that is when you find children cry and it may be hard to tell what they may need.

It happens that a toddler will take your cell phone away when you receive a call or are writing a message or simply using your cell phone and throw it away, that should tell you the child needs your attention.

It is not that we do not desire to connect at all with our children but you find that there are so many distractions, we are not aware of such needs, we are not able to articulate our own needs and feelings but as you are made aware of such moments that is when you realize what is actually missing.

What would your goals look like if we focused on nurturing our relationship with our children? I am pretty sure we would balance or harmonize what we do for our children and our interaction because a relationship flourishes as you do your best to serve just as much.

Today we are going to focus on strengthening our relationship with our children more than the activities we do for them because those activities will only come so naturally to us and it will be from a place of being fulfilled and an overflow from your parenting role.

MAKING TIME FOR MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS!

Now I feel like we can look at activities that actually make it easier to have conversations. my favorite is meal times where you sit around the table and eat as a family while the TV is off. As much as this is a great start, you know a relationship grows and you cannot stay at the same level and expect the relationship to keep growing.

As time goes you may need to grow beyond interactions at the dinner table only maybe to random conversations anytime as the need arises. This can only happen when there has been a foundation for it.

Related Post!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times!

Off Screen Times

There are a lot of things that keeps families busy and preoccupied including the TV and gadgets. Intentionally setting off screen times makes you aware that there is a time you need away from those electronics so you can focus on other things including your family.

It is not just adults only that tend to focus a lot on gadgets but children can start habits of using gadgets all the time and until you notice that it is happening you will not try to control it.

Related Post!

Children And Gadgets!

Involving Them In Activities

Whether it is household chores or a family activity that involves everyone. This means when you wake up on a Saturday morning and you start by cleaning the house, watering the garden and making the beds. This may mean your children will have to be involved so you work together as a family. You will not only get to know your children’s strengths but they too gain confidence knowing they are contributing to the family.

This is very important!

My girls love watering the garden and I guess it has to do with the fact that they feel like they are playing with water, but they are involved in helping. when I clean the living room I like to get the children to pick up their toys and go pack them in their bedroom as I feel it is age appropriate.

Doing things together as a family and being involved creates that oneness that we really desire.

SUPPORTING THEM IN THEIR INTERESTS, GAMES AND ACTIVITIES!

We do tend to focus on what we do for our children and miss these small activities that are so important to them like them showing you a certain skill they have or answering 10 questions that spark their interest presently and happily. Yes happily because its so easy to get impatient when you are being asked a lot of questions while you try so much to focus on something we are doing.

Homework

I realized just how much this plays an important role in their lives if we can help them with their homework but really make it so enjoyable. I believe you can notice what your children love to do and make the homework fun for them.

My son loves reading for us and I realized when he told his home school teacher that each time he wants to read for us we are always busy. It was then that I realized I always told him to read later but before we knew it, it was already bed time.

Games!

There is a time for everything! When it is time for play, let them play and take interest in their favorite games. Someone once asked how they can make bonding with their son a reality when he was already always on his phone. I asked the parent to join her son sometimes when he was on his phone and start taking interest on the activities he liked genuinely. This will show him how much you love what he does and as you build momentum on that he will draw close to you by starting to be interested in what you like or what makes you happy.

Interest And Hobbies!

It will happen that children will constantly call out for your attention so they can show you a skill they have or what they have recently learnt. It is possible to ignore that several times yet you are already denting the trust and confidence in the relationship.

I myself I am still working on this because I am always doing something which is not a great thing as I should leave time for them and that is non-negotiable.

ALLOW THEM TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES!

I know that restricting a child is not the best of ideas and neither is allowing them too much. Children do not have to be afraid of us as parents that they start withholding or suppressing themselves. Discipline is good for children in a way that they learn order, good manners, patience but still a hostile environment is not a healthy one.

So if your children constantly tell you how grumpy you are, then it might be time you considered how you relate with them.

Celebrate Uniqueness!

Children are unique and it is time we celebrated their uniqueness without comparing them. You Know your children have different characters and interests.

Teach yourself as a parent to take particular interest in your child’s interests by taking note of the activities that the children likes doing, whether its dressing up in a stylish way, passionate about music, passionate about the beauty industry or they just like heights and challenges. Find a way to celebrate that gift, talent or hobby by making means that it be expressed.

WATCH YOUR TONE HOW YOU CORRECT, REBUKE AND TEACH BECAUSE IT HAS A LASTING EFFECT!

This sets a tone for your relationship foundation and how it will be even when the children are adults. We tend to grow apart from people who are constantly yelling, judging us, restricting, grumpy and who do not shower us with a lot love expressions.

Teach First!

Yelling when you have actually not taught your children how to handle certain things is not a good way to communicate as much as we do it often as parents. You may not have a list on what to teach your children but as situations come up there come opportunities to teach children how to behave, respecting others, how to communicate and what you teach has to go in line with what they are exposed to.

You can reprimand a bad language but if they are allowed to watch certain movies where the language is bad for them then they will absorb it like sponges.

Modeling The Way!

I see just how my girls love to play dress up and take a lot of pictures. This is something they get from me by watching me from my skin care routines to makeup and getting dressed up.

This means they are watching our moods, our mannerism, there way we relate with other adults, the way we relate with them, they way we relate with their grandparents, if we serve and love each other as adults in the house and if we respect each other as their parents.

A strong relationship is formed just by children watching you model life to them and one day you will hear them say how much they learnt from you.

Watch Your Tone!

You cannot yell every day and expect to nurture a good relationship with your children. They will avoid you and trust you less. Now that you know you can start practicing more patience because you are not only raising the children but you are building a relationship that you want to be proud of one day.

EXPRESS LOVE THROUGH LOVE EXPRESSIONS THEY TOO UNDERSTAND

Children love hugs, kisses and as much as they go through different phases where they do not like to be hugged and kissed a lot. They still have a way they want you show love to them. My husband loves to emphasize that as much as the children will enjoy their moms cooking but if mom is constantly grumpy and under a lot of pressure it will not be a joyful memory for them.

Express Love Clearly

Be clear and tell children that you love them and soon they tell you that they love you. As much as buying gifts and doing things for them is another way to express love, remember to tell them that you love them. Even an infant can understand your body language when you say such words.

Include Them In The Plan

What says i love you than including the children in the family plan from vacation ideas to job opportunities. You will laugh on the advise they give you and their advise is so brilliant you will consider it.

ALLOWING THE CHILDREN TO GET TO KNOW YOU!

They ask us a lot if questions as they grow up about what we like, why we like it and how our lives were growing up. This is a great way to make a conversation to continue with your children. We think children are too young to hear about our lives but they really love to listen because they love the parents.

Take Advantage Of long drives!

Are you taking a long drive with the children or are you spending the day in the house? Let that be a time to have plenty of conversations with each other. Switching off your cellphone for a couple of minutes or putting it away will benefit your relationships more than you actually realize.

I have noticed how much we do focus on nurturing adult relationships and tend to have focus less on building our relationships with our children.

Tell Them Short Stories About You!

I noticed that they will not forget the stories you tell them and they will love telling you you their own stories. This is a perfect platform for allowing them to role play and get to see what they actually like.

When you notice as a parent a gap that you have been missing, learn to turn that to guide you on you family goals, how you desire your children to be raised, your priorities and let not mom guilt start growing in you but be grateful for such realisation.

Enjoy Moments!

Allow yourself to enjoy moments with your children without worrying if they will break a leg or are t

What has challenged you the most about this post?

Have you always been conscious of your relationship with your children?

It is never too late to nurture a good relationship with our children, when you make mistakes apologise to your children and keep your head up and continue being the kind of mother you have always desired to be.

Wrapped In love!

Futhi Mkhwanazi

13 Reasons Families Visit The Local Farmers Market!

I must admit I am one who has never deliberately planned on visiting the local farmers market. I never really had a reason but whenever I needed something fresh or unique I would visit the market stands that are always there!

My husband and I learnt about this local farmers market that takes place once a month on month ends near our house as we were walking on a Saturday morning. We not only enjoyed our visit there but we decided to walk home and return with our children so they could also enjoy the little outing we had.

We saw quite a number of beneficial products even as a homemaker really came in handy. Exposing yourself to such an environment increases your sphere of influence and allows you to grow within your daily confines.

Here is what I learnt about visiting the local farmers market which I trust will come in handy for you and your family. So whether you are big on homemaking, beauty & fashion, interior decor, a foodie, coffee or herb lover, baker, blogger, vlogger then this is for you!

Enjoy!

A Farmers Market usually consists of people buying and selling things like home grown fruits, vegetables and other assorted baked goods according to agrotopics.com

SUPPORT LOCAL!

I know this sounds so familiar that it feels so cliché but it really gives you an open mind on the local talent and to support your own community. Sometimes we are unaware of these products we find here and what better way to contribute to supporting your neighbor.

Once a while opt to buy from someone who grows vegetables or designs their own earrings than always visiting a shop. You will find products that you absolutely love that are quite unique too.

One of the things we do know is that covid 19 pandemic left many people jobless and you find that they are trying other means to make a living and not only are they just making a living but they do offer really good products.

So next time you pass by a farmers market, do not hesitate to stop because you never know what gem you will find.

One of the things I am learning to master is to actually share people’s products even on social media pages so that it can reach the people who may need those products and they support other people as they see the products.

GET ORGANIC PRODUCTS!

Do you love herbs, plants, fresh vegetables, pure essential oils, unrefined oils, shea butter, fresh coffee and so much more. You will absolutely love the fresh products you get from there including fresh coffee that has been harvested by those selling at the stalls.

There are other home made products like jam, honey and atchar. These products are freshly made and can be used as sugar replacement, bread spread and sauce. This is also a chance to get herb seedlings/ plants to grow in your own back yard.

As you do that your children learn so much and know that food grows and its not just bought from the shop only. If you have a small space for a garden there are other ways you can start a small herb or lettuce garden with their seedlings and plants.

ECZEMA SOLUTIONS FOR CHILDREN!

Okay now, maybe not only for children but for the entire family. Some of us struggle with dry skin especially in winter and visiting the local farmers market might offer the best solutions for your skin.

What I loved about these products is that they are natural products and some of them are unrefined oils that you can be used on your skin without many ingredients in them.

Being a mother of three I have had major skin struggles with my girls who still struggle with dry skin from time to time.

You Try to manage skin problems with natural products so that they do not use harsh products at a young age.

During my visit I found unrefined avocado oil which is so amazing on my skin but was no good for my children’s skin as it reacted but amazing for my husband and i. However I hit the jackpot on beauty products for skin care which i enjoy trying on my husband. too.

I do believe when mixed with shea butter can be a great option for children and i will try that solution as we begin winter.

A CHANCE TO THINK BEYOND!

Doing new things, participating in activities, traveling and touring other places and your own country never leaves you the same especially when there is something beneficial for your journey in life. It broadens your thinking and you see beyond the usual environment that you see every day.

It exposes you to a different way of life and you get creative just by exposing yourself to such an environment. This makes me realize that I can actually set up a stall myself and participate in selling my products as we are a business minded family. Already This has allowed me to think of more ways to market my business, which you can absolutely market too.

MAKE IT A FAMILY AFFAIR! PERFECT PLACE FOR FAMILY BONDING.

This is my favorite point! make it a family affair by going together as a family to attend or view products together. I am always looking for ways we can spend quality time with our families by creating memories. These farmers markets usually take place during the weekends whereby you desire to catch up with your spouse and children.

Then, go there together and just communicate how much you will spend prior because when children see what they love they just want to buy everything.

We have learnt that talking to children before and letting them know how many items they will each get and involving them in the shopping prepares them ahead and much drama is avoided.

If your children are younger and it may be a struggle just to be there a few minutes I totally understand, I have been there too. If your nanny comes to your house a few hours on Saturday then use those hours to attend the market with your spouse and have your bonding time.

Getting outside as a family together to get fresh air creates really good memories where you can even take great pictures for the best memories. Who knows maybe they can soon introduce coloring, painting and some other games while offering hot dogs that children will enjoy.

HAND CRAFTED ITEMS

Do you love hand craft items? this is a great place to find unique hand stitched bags, pot mats, earrings and more. These are unique products that you will not find anywhere else. I found several handmade bags that I had not seen anywhere else. this much made it more exciting.

There was also an African doll that has its own bag which our children loved so much with a mat and pillow inside. This is one rare item that even the children are proud to own.

CHILDREN WILL LOVE IT

Children love doing new things and seeing different places. How much more a colorful place with different items where they can find really affordable toys they can add to their collection. There are really great finds for children offered and good snacks too like home made cookies.

I noticed there were books sold too which come in really handy when you desire to have off screen moments with your children. Although there were no activities for children they enjoyed the little outing and shopping and that can give an idea to someone who can offer activities for children to enjoy.

Children will get to have to choose vegetables from fresh produce and can even decide to love the fresh vegetables they bought themselves. This is a great chance for them to change their mind if they do not like vegetables.

PERFECT PLACE FOR GIFT IDEAS

Ever had a tough time choosing a gift for someone you desire to spoil? I recently had a tough time choosing gifts that some of my friends would love. I know now that I would have had more to choose from had I attended the farmers market the previous month.

**Social.media handles for the above gorgeous creations**

This is a perfect place to find unique gifts for friends and families. Now that mothers day is coming up and if you love to spoil you mother it might be a great place to spot something unique.

If you know someone close to you that is a coffee lover, maybe a coffee tree would be a prefect gift for them.

You can pick gift ideas and good reading books for the children too.

GREAT AVENUES FOR VENDORS/GROWING BUSINESSES

This is a time when most of us are increasing our streams of income. As much as we do ads on social media there are still a lot of people that we hardly ever reach. The best way to get people to know your business and get your contact details is for people to see your products physically and love them.

I learnt that it is good for people to see your products and actually hear you talking about them and as they see the products physically people are drawn and desire to really try the products for themselves and also recommend them to their friends, colleagues, family and community.

FRESH PRODUCE

You will definitely note the difference when you get fresh produce. You will be lured by the the colorful flowers, vegetables, fruits and plants and you will be surprised just how much this opens your mind to new products you never knew you loved.

This can add variety to your dishes and meal planning for you as a mother and create meal plans that last the family for some weeks.

Related Post!

Meal Times Are Family Fun Times!

GET CONTACT DETAILS FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

It may happen that some of the products at the farmers market are not really something that you need at the moment. So the best thing to do is to get contact details from the companies or growing businesses or vendors so that you are able to contact them when you need them in future.

I noticed beautiful African print material that i know for sure i will be purchasing from the market or the lady selling them in the future to create beautiful outfits for the family.

RESTAURANT AND CAFE

There is a restaurant too at our local farmers market area that operates during week days and also operates during the farmers market day which is the last Saturday of every month.

Enjoy sitting, sipping coffee or tea while you also enjoy a meal as you watch a community exchange products that you have bought yourself or will be buying after your meal. I refer to the Dish Cafe at Computronics In Mbabane along Somhlolo Road In Eswatini Mbabane.

OFF SCREEN TIME FOR THE FAMILY

I really cannot emphasize the importance of off screen time for the family. There have been many distractions causing families to focus on TV, social media and family time has been neglected so much.

What is worse is that we are actually defending our focus on other things like growing our pages and focussing less on the people we are responsible for raising by taking time to be present with them, travel with them, show and teach them the way we desire them to grow up and be. At least there should be a balance where our household get the attention deserved.

When it is month end and you desire an activity to do with your children, take them out of the house and spend time with them while you keep your phone only for pictures and not let the phone take your presence from enjoying the moments.

I must mention there are plenty of stalls at the farmers market that may spark interest in you that i may not have mentioned here. More reason to explore this farmers market for yourself.

Would you consider spending a few hours of your time at the local farmers market?

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

I **have been using avocado unrefined oil for a week now**

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13 Common Mistakes Parents Can Correct Today!

Having more than one baby really challenged us but not as much as having our third baby. If you follow this blog you know that we had a challenge adjusting to having 3 babies in the house. This one really change the parent game for me and it was good as the blog was laid in my heart after i struggled staying sane while working full time and running my household 24 hours a day with 3 children.

Anxiety became the norm as from day one when a new born arrives, you keep improving one parenting method until you get better at it and moving on to the next stage of growth. This is a journey that takes a lifetime so we might as well always handle the different seasons better each time.

In today’s post we look at the common mistakes we make as parents as we juggle our different roles that we hardly find time or are rarely made aware of these loop holes that we can change or correct while our children are still young and as we evolve as parents.It is not easy to correct mistakes you are not made aware of, until something is brought to light then one can notice such gaps and work around learning new and better ways of doing things.

“It is not easy to correct mistakes you are not made aware of, until something is brought to light then one can notice such gaps and work around learning new and better ways of doing things.”

Let us look at some of the mistakes we make as parents and how we can correct them.

Neglecting Your Spouse!

I understand it is only natural to focus more on the children and they do need a lot of attention from the both of you. When i say neglecting your spouse, i do not just mean that as a wife you neglect your husband but i mean both husband and wife can neglect each other all in the name of focusing on the children.

The children do take a lot of your attention however take note not to allow this to drive you apart where you start focusing less on yourselves. This may be the right time to review your priorities, find out what is taking your time and start focusing on what you value the most.

Sometimes your value for your spouse may be affected from time to time by how you feel. Remember this is a commitment and how you feel is affected by your decisions. It may just be time to decide that you want to work on your marriage by committing to a life that focuses on working on your relationship daily.

It means you mind your mannerism, there way you talk to each other, doing something special for each other, taking care of one another and if pressure with house chores and taking care of the children puts you in a bad mood. It may be the time to navigate how to be calm amidst all the chaos and finding balance while harmonizing your priorities, values and routines as a family.

It may help you to set boundaries as a team, know what times you can be available for your family and let no one disturb you.
Limit negative talk from your circles or that which you expose yourself to, be it media that does not speak well about marriage. Yes it matters like compound interest overtime it has major impact on how you view your own marriage. a point we shall look into.
Decide to stop ignoring your spouse today and if you know you want to have a great marriage it means you will work towards that by looking at your daily habits if they match your goals.

Neglecting Your Routines!

This may seem so petty to be an issue but its one of the major ones that bothers us and cause us to really feel like our homes are chaotic most days. I will admit myself that i have allowed myself to get to this bad space from time to time. It is one thing to miss your routines once a while but its another thing to miss your routines you have built overtime almost everyday.

This can happen as you come home tired and you tell yourself you are skipping making a meal that day. This is normal and giving yourself a break and exploring your options may be great for you however if this goes on for long it may develop into a new habit of procrastination. If that is the case it may help to look at your burn out and just how much it affects you, then establish the length of time it will take you to get back to normal. This helps place an awareness in your mind to restart your normal routines.

Related Post!

The Uncommon Route To Mom Sanity

Routines can feel boring from time to time but you realize when you have just had a baby or more than one baby that you need them. I would love you to check the above post if you have felt that routines are not really important and yet you find yourself drowning in the every day struggle of not being able to balance your life and bring harmony and peace in your home.

Lack Of Planning!

Planning your day to day lives helps reduce the stress of falling behind on everything to keep the family organized which helps create harmony and peace in the home environment.

One may be thinking what kind of planning do I really need because this is not a company but a home. Whether you run a business, work from home, work full time or you are a stay at home parent it is important to to plan your morning routine, day time and night time routines because it all contributes to how well your family will function.

From the time you wake up you will need to make such decisions; when you cook breakfast, when the family eats and when you leave the house. There are other things like organizing what comes first in your list so that you flow throughout the days.

Children have fears too and can be overwhelmed with changes. Creating well planned routines for them keeps them calm and less stressed. I trust by now you see just how much peace this can bring to your household. Imagine having to wake up with no planned routines and children throwing tantrums everyday because they are really stressed and overwhelmed with day to day changes. It will drive you insane and you will hardly ever enjoy your family and it may bring unnecessary tension in the whole family.

Planned Daily Routines Include;

Time to wake up and get ready (unless you do more then you may need to wake up an hour earlier)
bath times, meal times, school hours, screen times and nap times
House chores
Family times Including meal times and play times

Look at this short list and expand it the way your family operates. If you have a new born that wakes up as early as 5 Am your schedule may start around that time and it means your sleeping routines need to accommodate the fact that you wake up early, for example you may prepare to go to bed earlier daily.

Please make use of it and make it works for you!

Not Correcting Parenting Errors!

Look honey, we all make mistakes and the best thing is to learn from them. However repeating an error all the time no longer is a mistake and that is where the guilt really sets in for parents because when you have that lingering urge to correct something but you do not eats away at your conscience.

Let me make an example so that we are on the same page, if you have a challenge like me of shouting a lot at your children when you are under pressure. It may be time to look at just what puts you under pressure and to learn to be patient with yourself and with your children. I also have to make sure i do not allow many things that remain undone to pile up so i remain a happier mom.

It may happen that you notice a way of doing things that can make your family life better, do not ignore that call especially if it is strongly laid in your heart.

Lack Of Prioritizing!

We recently looked at evaluating our priorities and how to evaluate them. Setting your priorities straight will really assist to bring that flow in life so that you can work through your values by prioritizing them. I believe there is a reason we have ‘limited’ time so that we can use it well and put our values first by giving the preference according to the value it has in our lives.

When you have children you will realize that you may not be able to do everything and attend every event but you will need to pick the most important things that need your attention according to what you value.

Not allowing Your Spouse To Help!

It is normal to desire to be a super mom but it is not necessary because the children are growing and it means you and your spouse may be possibly growing apart as the children grow. As i mentioned earlier, a relationship is a growing thing and it needs to be fed and nurtured daily.

Allow and involve your spouse to help and it is only beautiful to do things together as a family. Sometimes we are affected by our environment and what we constantly hear. If a lot of people around you do not speak well about their spouse or about marriage it will most definitely affect you in the long run and it will show up in what you prioritize.

Learn to support each other and take care of each other by involving each other to raise a family and creating strong family bonds together. It is important to learn to be united, work together as a team such that even if you get on each others nerves remember you are playing for the same team.

Not Minding What Kind Of Influence You Expose Yourself to!

If you desire to be a mom that takes care of her household consistently then you cannot be consistently around people who do not really care about taking care of their families. This also goes for the people you follow on social media, learn to follow people that inspire you to be improve in your roles.

It may help to find people that speak your language and create an environment that is conducive for your values to thrive.

Not Setting Boundaries!

It may be challenging to set boundaries for yourself and your family especially when you run a business. However you can train yourself to set them and stay consistent, eventually people will know that after certain hours they will not be able to reach you.

I chose to reduce events i attend on weekends because i was tired of being guilty of leaving my children at home while i had been working all week. It did not make me feel good and i decided that until our children grow i would make it a point to dedicate weekends to them fully.

I am used to this and saying no comes easier now especially if i know the event will not serve me much.

Not Addressing Burn Out!

As you go through different seasons and times you may be burnt out from time to time. Sometimes we do not clearly know what is really burning us out and making us weary. However it may help to take time to yourself and figure out what may be draining you.

There are things you can check to see if they are not affecting you like

Lack of adequate sleep
Not eating well
You may be stuck in routines that no longer serve you
You may be emotionally drained
You are always in a rush and never slow down

All these can be addressed as you can work on healthier sleeping routines, track your routines and time yourself and see how you can master how long each activity takes. When it comes to your mental health i love to check with myself how i feel each time where i spend time or what i spend time on be it certain TV programmes or after scrolling on social media. When change comes it is not always easy to embrace it because it is easier to stick to a habit than doing something new and different.

“When change comes it is not always easy to embrace it because it is easier to stick to a habit than doing something new and different.”

It is important to take care of yourself instead of being in a rush all the time, slow down, put the cellphone down, take days off work, and rest.

Leaving Everything To Be Done By The Nanny!

I know many may frown at me for mentioning this but i mean well. This will serve you and your children. Every thing you decide to do can be changed and you can learn new ways of doing things.

Raising children means doing things for children, for as long as its possible doing things for your children like bathing them, feeding them, tucking them to bed, hugging them,checking on their homework and more. This may seem like too much work but it is possible to time block and allocate time and days when you can do these activities.

The nanny is not the parent, children need you to be present and to deliberately make time for them. It makes children so happy and even more so if you learn to get the a cup of water when they ask you to instead of calling the nanny to get them a cup of water they asked from you.

Different things may make you feel like you do not have enough time but looking at the list of your TV programmes each night and you may realize that you have plenty of time.

Put the cellphone down and just have off screen time, children need and appreciate that.
It is not every function that you really need to attend but choose wisely so you can be available for your family.
Learn to delegate only when necessary but most times cook for your children, play with them, teach them the word, skills and educate them, involve them in your life and enjoy them.

Procrastination

You allow housework and office work to pile up and you find yourself overwhelmed all the time because you do not do things at the time they have to be done. Taking time to rest is good however after resting let the routines continue and get things done.

When you procrastinate a lot you work under pressure all the time and that is unnecessary stress for you. I recently learnt that procrastination also has root causes and it may be time you tried to understand why you procrastinate the things that you do. It may be easier to address it that way and live a full life

Diets To lose Weight Fast!

Of course you will look good but will you be happy? I have tried diets and what i realized is that i was always hungry , tired and angry. I was angry because i was hungry and you ignore this because the goal is to quickly get into shape. You will lose weight eventually over time as you reduce your food intake bit by bit but monitor your hunger cues and if you are well nutritioned.

“I am learning that a healthy person needs good sleep, good nutrition, exercise, hydration and a positive outlook on life.“

As you take the time to exercise your body will eventually be toned and building muscle may help but take care of yourself holistically and not ignore your body when it complains of hunger and lack of enough sleep.

Allow your body to lose weight over a realistic period of time not to necessarily make you not take it seriously to get into shape but to be mindful not to harm your body. If you do no like the way you look when dressed up, find clothes that flatter your body and create a look that will make you feel confident and work especially on loving yourself where you are and allow change to come when the time is right.

Stopping Learning

You can never know enough, i am not suggesting that you tire yourself reading every mom blog or every parenting book but also know that information will flow to you when you need it. Make time to the bible, read articles, learn from those ahead of you and sometimes learn from younger people but be open to learning however as you learn remember your individuality and uniqueness.

As people grow in many areas, allow yourself to grow in parenting too, learn how to have self control, be patient and live your best even as you clean through the mess in your house made by your children.

As you learn and unlearn remember to hold fast to your values and beliefs because they are what makes you unique and you can serve others in those areas.

Let us all learn to look at the bigger picture of life as a whole, it is the whole journey of your life that matters and not just one moment, some may run fast others a bit slower for now but things may change and it becomes the other way round. Help others in their journey where God has blessed you with wisdom and knowledge and receive assistance from others too.

Which part of this list has been a meaningful lesson for you?

What looks easier to correct?

Wrapped In love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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