Major Ways To Handle Social Media Influence On Your Parenting Choices!

Why Parenting Is A Personal Journey! It Is Unique To You

The truth is that parenting has its highs and lows but you learn to celebrate them all because that is what makes you a parent. Life is not as glamorous, as we would all desire it to be.

This is coming from a glam girl who has not been so glamorous, because being a hands on mommy to 3 young children means I have to sometimes choose between choosing my outfits so well, or spending that time preparing supper and getting food on the table on time so we have a family moment with no distractions.

Welcome to the real world of parenting!

I have often questioned myself too when I go through other posts from wonderful parents and realize that is not really how i feel throughout the day or at most throughout the week.

Engaging on social media becomes such a challenge, from day to day as I am a working, blogging and business mom. I hardly make time to take pictures for my blog because I do not want to rob my family of their privacy and their time with me.

Sometimes you can plan until the last detail of the day, when you are about to reach out the door someone screams “mom! you did not kiss me, ” and you only have 5 minutes to make it to work on the clock.

Today I desire that we put aside all the weight we carry around with us, the perfect family photos, perfect family, perfect lifestyle, perfect planning, everyday airbrushed photo ready mom, perfectly articulated posts on social media, or other platforms and just let go of things that keep making your mind racing and setting you up for failure, day in and day out.

The desire is to follow whom exactly we are and what we desire for ourselves and our families. Moving away from duplicating life from our peers, but just finding our own path that makes us at peace and calm. Let us bring back the diverse life god made in us and bring our uniqueness to the table unafraid.

Let us always remember that our lives are carved out differently. The lifestyle of one who stays spends their weekends in town on a farm with her family, is already different form a mom that stays in a suburb with a small yard. Their lives are different and each so beautiful in their unique ways.

Slowly we are losing our own paths and finding only photo shopped pictures yet we are not always feeling like getting a full face make-up, and for moms it is quite exhausting and unrealistic. I trust you will understand me well!? doing things that make you happy is a great part of showing love to yourself, but when we consider not our roles and focus on our pleasures only we miss out on important relationships, miss track our goals, forget about the dreams that we should pursue to sustain and give birth to the lifestyle we have and still continue to desire.

I hope we are still walking together. I have been so guilty of that this past year and it took so much quiet time alone with no distractions, journaling, asking God why I feel so empty, tired and angry. I had to stay and listen to uncomfortable shadows brought to light about myself and cry my eyes out as I recognize where I miss it.

What has created this pattern?

We go through social media and we are constantly bombarded with images we really love, that are attractive and desire it for ourselves. It is a good thing, however everyday life may not be realistic to live like that, because we have quite a number of roles we play in society and they need.

Social media is a great platform for us all but requires self awareness, self discipline and the mental capacity or will to articulate into words and expressions what is for you and what is not for you!

“Can you be able to hear the sound of your own being in a large crowd? scrolling through feed is like walking through a crowd”

ok Great! Now that we are on the same page maybe we can look into, HOW WE CAN DESIGN A HEALTHY REALATIONSHIP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA AS A PARENT!

HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS!

For new moms this may be really hard to comprehend but when the time comes to be a mom you will realize that time is luxury, and you spend the entire day taking care of your baby and taking naps yourself because you are highly likely to be tired.

Your leisure time will not look like that time before you had children and a family. Now you have been given much and much is expected of you especially your time. I do not want you to work so hard you end up despising motherhood. However I do want you to be vigilant and not lose years of time with your your children, because you could not perceive the season you are in right now.

Realistic expectations

Allow yourself to dream however consider your roles and lifestyle at the moment. If you are a working mom, it means your time is already limited.

Of course you can totally work through this by making adjustments but you do not want to exhaust yourself trying to fulfil more roles than you can handle.

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However stay at home moms are just as busy or busier than working moms especially if they do no have a nanny.

Action plan

Look at your life as a whole and define who you are, what your roles are, what you need to be the best in your roles and whom you desire to be in all your roles. What kind of a lifestyle works for you at the moment and if you are the glamorous mom, how can you find harmony in the mom role and the glamorous individual you are. You may not be able to go with the children to town in your high heals all the time so how can you make this work?

Wearing full face makeup daily may be a bit unrealistic for most of us, so you can pick days you can apply full glam makeup. The idea is to allow yourself to relax and understand that you will not leave the house like you have stepped out of the magazine daily. Allow those days and just relax, take a cup of tea and allow yourself to just be!

HAVE AN IN DEPTH UNDERSTANDING OF SOCIAL MEDIA!

Before you can compare yourself, know that every one of us wants to post the best pictures out of the blurry ones we take when our children refuse to be still, and just take some good pictures. We all have challenges and as I said when I started that there are most definitely highs and lows of parenting. Some days you are woken up by your toddler looking for her lip balm in the middle of the night.

You will probably be yelling as you look for this and not a good sight.

You may not be feeling your best everyday, that is okay embrace it and learn to live best with each moment. It means you are a being and have emotions that alert you there is something that is totally right or a bit out of alignment with who you are.

“live for yourself and not for social media but enjoy it when you are there”

Here are some of the things we compare ourselves against

Parenting choices
Baby shower photos
family Photos
family lifestyle
Post Partum body

Parenting choices

We all have reasons why we do all the things we do! Maybe for you its certain beliefs, or you heard stories or there are families you admire and desire a family with the same set up. I would like you to understand that your choices should be your own choosing. If there is a trend, navigate through the crowd and find things that resonate with who you are as an individual and as a parent.

for example: posting children on social media, we all have differing opinions on that but it is essential that you know your reasons, so you are not tossed to and from with every trend that comes and goes leaving you not knowing who you are.

Baby Shower Photos

It is lovely to see beautiful and well planned baby showers but what if that is out of reach for you at the moment. Should it cause added stress? certainly not but there are ways to express and celebrate the life defining moments of our lives. Consider that and allow your creativity and uniqueness to flow through.

Example: I had a very small baby shower with my third baby but My husband and I decided to enjoy an after birth convoy back home from the clinic with our baby girl.

These are just examples do not let them define how far you see yourself.

Family Photos

I am a mom blogger but in between work and home, I am always trying to prioritize putting supper on the table on time, and spending much time with my family. I hardly create the time to take tones of pictures and at one point it weighed me down on just how much i fall behind on content pictures. I look at other moms who are way ahead of me and think I am far from that.

However, I am learning to accept where I am lovingly towards myself and work on ways of nailing this without draining myself into a grumpy mommy.

Family lifestyle!

Our lifestyles differ because of many reasons and the most dominant one is we are really different. Of course there are those common things we want that we have admired from others, but even then copying and pasting is robbing yourself what kind of a family you are.

For example as a homeschooling family we organize trips as a family so we enjoy the outdoors and outing with our children.

What is your family lifestyle like?

Does it make you happy and is it because of intentional choices or by default?

The Post Partum Body!

We have looked at people snatch back into their body size or much skinnier after delivery. However for most of us it is a bit unrealistic, Right! It is very important to learn to love exactly where you are and to find peace with your body.

I am not saying wear frump around the house and allow yourself to feel unattractive, that is not love but be kind to yourself. Enjoy your baby while they are new born and then work towards realistic goals while dressing yourself in what works for your body.

Celebrate people who easily snatch back but never forget to celebrate yourselfand how amazing your body is for carrying a human being 9 months and delivering it, whether natural or Caesar but there is so much to be grateful for.

“Minimize the voices that keep reminding you that you are not at your best when you are doing your best”

Do this by limiting time with such people and making God’s word much louder turning it to your truth.

HOW TO ESTABLISH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES!

It is important to note that raising children is a personal journey more like salvation. You choose how you want your family to be,how you desire to raise your children and most of us are really trying the best we know how.

Take a look at these few points!

Create Time For Social Media And Enjoy Time Off

Learn to give yourself time off from scrolling social media, i noticed just how much this gives you time to think about the images and opinions in your mind. You are able to take time and quiet the crowd finding your own beliefs and values to compare your thoughts to.

For example:my personal journey is like this! When i am at home, i want to be present for my husband and children. I love to come home and cook for them.

Create Your Social media as You Do Your Friend Circles

You know i love the social media settings which have been made in a way we could all feel safe and create the kind of circles we desire to keep there.

Follow people that inspire you to be a better parent and who make you feel good and to whom you relate to with most real parenting stories.

Define family In your terms and The kind of Lifestyle you Desire!

This will save you a lot from being double minded and point you towards the clear path you want for your family.

“Parenting is a personal journey that you have to Figure out yourself, we may give advise but the choice is yours to make”

Wrapped In Love,

Futhi Mkhwanazi